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Feelings Part 08 - Feeling Grief

by Gail Rodgers
Grieving is a unique experience. It’s a process that is as individual as the people it affects. Oh yes, there are predictable stages… but the experience of losing someone dear to you is truly a very personal journey.

Recently I said goodbye to my dear Dad. It’s hard to believe it was only a couple of months ago. I’ve processed a lot in those few weeks. I’ve felt many different emotions.
In the process I have discovered a tool that has helped me. It might be a good tool for anyone facing the loss of someone dear.
I specifically and intentionally set out to uncover the treasures that have been deposited into my life through my Dad. I wanted to discover just what I was going to specifically take with me, from my Dad, as I walk on now without him.
I see more clearly that the passing of years and the living of life come as a gift to us all. The important thing is not so much that we begin well, nor even the tales of how well we navigate the twists and turns of life. The important thing is that we end well… that those who come behind us find some light on their path because we have lived. We bring nothing into this world and we take nothing with us when we go. But we each leave something behind in a legacy to follow.
I’ve mined out 4 nuggets of wisdom from the legacy my Dad left. I want to make them part of my daily life, as my treasures from him.
1. HUMOR
Dad loved a good joke, ( and often a corny one!), he was quick witted and could make anyone laugh, putting people immediately at ease.
Humor was important to Dad and many moments were lightened by his sense of humor. Even the Home Care workers would remark how his sense of humor was intact even though he lay paralyzed from the waist down for months.
I remember one worker coming in and asking, “So what do you know tonight, Sir?” Dad quickly replied, “Well, I know more and more about less and less and pretty soon I’ll know everything about nothing.”
As we walk on we take the wisdom with us of looking on the lighter side of life… of seeking to bring a smile to the face of another and to laugh more often… even when life is hard.
2. COURAGE
Dad always took his illnesses in stride; he rarely talked about his health, never complained about it and he just did what he had to do and carried on. His courage, as he faced his treatments amazed us over and over. We hope to take that same courage into the challenges of our own lives as we journey on. Courage includes finding joy in simple things even in the face of adversity.
3. FAMILY MAN
Dad worked hard. He provided well. They say the greatest thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother. And Dad modeled that well. He and Mom enjoyed 63 years of marriage. We are grateful to God for enabling Mom to keep Dad home until his last breath. We grew up seeing Dad love and honor his wife. Even in these last weeks, often when Mom would walk into his room he’d say, “Isn’t she beautiful!” He truly treasured her. So we take with us that wisdom of treasuring those you love and letting them know it.
As children and grandchildren we are deeply grateful for the heritage of love that Mom and Dad have given us. We want to keep that long line of love growing even longer in a world that is quickly loosing sight of that kind of faithfulness.
4. FAITH
Dad leaves us a heritage of faith. Dad believed in God and accepted Jesus Christ as his personal saviour. He was never very verbal about his faith. He didn’t lead Bible studies or pray eloquent prayers, yet his faith was there and he showed it through his generous heart toward missionaries and his many willing acts of service to others. He quietly served for 50 years as the offering counter at church; he was always there to plaster a hole in the church wall or put on a fresh coat of paint. Faith made a difference in our home as we were growing up and it makes a difference in our lives today because of Dad and Mom’s example.
In these last months we would often draw a Bible verse from their verse box at bedtime and read it together and say a night-time prayer. One night when I was there Dad’s simple but profound prayer was this… “Lord, thank you for all the good things You allow in our lives.” His gratitude to God, even as he lay there motionless in his bed, spoke volumes to us.
Keeping these treasures from Dad close at heart will help me as I journey on.
Always remember to keep your sense of humor.
Live courageously even in the face of challenge.
Treasure those you love and let them know it.
Have faith in God.
If you have lost someone you love… take the time to mine out a nugget or two that you can identify and embrace and carry close to your heart along with their memories.
I found it a helpful way to face the loss, find the treasure and walk on more whole because my Dad lived. I pray it may help you too as you face your loss. God bless you.