[bluidkiti]

April 15

Quote of the Week

"I may not be much, but I’m all I think about."

If I add up all the time I spend thinking about myself, at least 70 percent of the time I’m thinking (usually worrying) about my future, 20 percent of the time I’m thinking about my past (usually wishing I had made different choices), and about 10 percent of the time thinking about what I should do next. It’s easy to see why I don’t have time for others. I’m busy! And oddly, the more I think about myself, the more miserable I become.

The paradox is that all this self-centeredness isn’t driven by a big ego or high sense of self, although they are certainly contributing factors. Rather, it’s the low self-esteem of alcoholism that fuels my thoughts. This is why most of my thinking is negative and self-defeating. Self-loathing is a core characteristic of this disease, and when combined with self-obsession, it becomes a depressing and deadly combination.

Thank God the program offers me a way out. I was taught early on that self-centeredness is the root of my trouble, and that true recovery comes from thinking about and being of service to others. I’ve found that when I’m focused on others, I’m not thinking about me, and that’s always when I begin feeling better about myself and life in general. And when I feel better about myself, it’s easier to think more about helping and working with others.