Wisdom Of The Rooms - 2024

[bluidkiti]

May 27

Quote of the Week

"Formula for failure: try to please everyone."

I used to drive myself crazy trying to please everyone. In my insane alcoholic home, I learned that if I didn’t make waves, and just agreed with everyone, then maybe for a little while there would be some peace. But it didn’t last long. Soon I would have to change, adapt, and give in again to placate the prevailing mood or attitudes of others. It was exhausting, and in the middle of it all, I lost my sense of self.

In working the Twelve Steps, I discovered something else: I had a lot of resentments. I used to consider myself an easygoing guy, but what I learned by doing a Fourth Step inventory was that by acquiescing to others by trying to please them, I was untrue not only to myself but to others as well. By looking at my part in the fourth column, I realized that if I was to be happy and free, it was up to me to change.

Changing the way I interacted with others, especially with my family, was very uncomfortable for a long time. Suddenly, I was no longer the pushover, and when I disagreed or refused to go along with their ideas, I suffered their wrath. But at least I didn’t hate myself or hold the familiar resentments anymore. After years of being true to myself, I’ve healed my relationship to myself and to others. Today, I have successful relationships because I am no longer trying to please everyone.