Dr. Twerski's Sober Thought - January

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January 16

The First Step Towards Recovery

Before we can have effective treatment, we must make a correct diagnosis. In many self-defeating behaviors, the diagnosis should contain the words inability to implement a decision, which is really what is meant by the recognition that one is powerless. This is the first step in recovery from chemicals. Once the powerlessness is accepted, the other steps in recovery can follow. The Twelve Steps of recovery enable you to build self-esteem and personality strength, so that you can truly master your own life, make proper decisions, and avoid self-defeating behavior.

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January 17

Learning From a Crisis

A recovering person can overcome a negative self-perception, but a trace may linger. Even years later, when confronted with stress, self-doubt may be resurrected, with a risk of relapse. But even if you do not go back to chemicals, the phenomenon known as a dry drunk can occur, with behaviors of the active phase: depression, indecision, isolating, overcompensating, rationalizing, projecting blame onto others. At these times, you should increase attendance at meetings, contact your sponsor, and renew your work on the Twelve Steps. The character growth that is achieved can be most gratifying.

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January 18

Lectures Are Not the Answer

Many people have been threatened with loss of job, family, or driver's license, but threats do not work. No one gets lectured as much as the alcoholic, and lectures are not the answer. People who recover remember the moment of truth -- when they became aware of their powerlessness and their willingness to turn their lives over to a Higher Power. It was then their values changed, and they changed, too. If we expect people to avoid alcohol and other drugs, we have to help them achieve a sense of living and a quality of life that will make chemical use unnecessary and undesirable.

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January 19

Don't Get Tripped Up By Maybe

Addicts are capable of some strange thinking. One man decided since he could go for weeks without using, he would give up cocaine completely. After two weeks, I picked it up again. I became convinced it was absolutely impossible to stop on my own, maybe, he said. Absolutely impossible, maybe. Aren't these diametrically opposed? Of course! This is an example of the contradictory thinking that can occur in addiction, and it is something we need to recheck in sobriety. It may be the prelude to relapse, when all our absolute convictions end up with maybe.

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January 20

The Serenity Prayer

The serenity to accept that which we cannot change, the courage to change that which we can, and the wisdom to know the difference -- is indeed a pillar of recovery. Answers to prayers often come through people, because God uses people to convey answers we seek. When our sponsors or counselors tell us to do something, and assure us we are able to accomplish it, that may be how the wisdom to know the difference is suggested. Maybe we should call it the Serenity Prayer one month, the Courage Prayer the next, and the Wisdom Prayer the next, with all three components given equal emphasis.

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January 21

The Twelve Step Program is Versatile

It began as a program for recovery from alcoholism, but we find the Twelve Steps used for drug addiction (NA), compulsive gambling (GA), eating disorders (OA), and codependency (Al-Anon and Nar-Anon). Twelve Steps is the motor that propels recovery, but it does require the proper attachments. If in addition to a drinking problem you have a gambling problem, you must use the GA attachment. For an eating disorder, you must use the OA attachment. Going to another of the Twelve Step programs should not affect your original program. It can only enrich it.

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January 22

Be Fair to Yourself

When a child brings home a test with an A+, we might display this on the refrigerator. If they bring home a failing grade, we never tell them, 'Look how terrible you are,' or remind them of their failure every time they go to the refrigerator. Why don't we use this logic on ourselves? Why do we wallow in the misery of our mistakes and see ourselves as failures? Yet when we succeed, we dismiss that as a freak accident. The way to deal with our failures is to see why we failed and how to do better next time, all the while keeping our attitude positive. We should learn from our mistakes, but not dwell on them.

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January 23

Culture of Instant Gratification

Why are intelligent people not discouraged from using chemicals by obvious and harmful consequences? When major purchases like automobiles and appliances are bought on credit, we pay dearly in terms of high interest rates. Some have gone bankrupt by spending more than they earn. The buy now, pay later attitude may be contributing to the rise in chemical abuse. How can we convince children to forgo the high of chemicals because of future harmful effects, when our life-style tells them it's okay to get what you want now, though you may pay an exorbitant price later on?

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January 24

Learn to Relax

Relaxation is not always easy. I allow my mind to drift to a pleasant past event because I know how it turned out. We may be unable to enjoy the present because of uncertainty and of a fear that the good things might not last. It is only when the successful present becomes the past that we can enjoy it. But if we are able to turn our lives over to God, and develop the kind of trust that allows us to say, My life is in Your hands, and You know best, much of our anxiety will be gone and we can enjoy the healthy, chemical-free relaxation we all need.

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January 25

Twelve Step Meetings: They Work

Some people seek psychiatric treatment rather than join an addiction recovery program because they think they might be diagnosed as having something other than addiction. But experience shows analyzing the past does not have much effect on addiction. The reason water puts out fire is because it prevents oxygen from reaching flames. If your house were afire, you would not want a firefighter to theorize. You would want to pour on water because it works. This is the message of recovery. Don't theorize; just keep coming back, because it works.

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January 26

Learn to Think in New Ways

Addicts sometimes have an either-or type of thinking. They may be rigid, seeing things in extremes, without flexibility that exists in reality. Whether with a job or relationship, thinking only in extremes is destructive and changing is not easy. You may have been using either-or thinking even before active chemical use began. The family as well as the addicted person needs to understand that changes in thought habits are gradual. Improvements in thinking and behavior do occur, however, and when thinking only in extremes is discarded, solutions to problems can be found.

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January 27

The Meaning of Life

Many addicts have a distorted perception of what there is to life and feel cheated because they think others are getting more. The idea that there are more thrills than you are getting is a fantasy. Sometimes there is an inability to feel. The chemically dependent person has shut down the feeling system in order to avoid unpleasant feelings. If this is your case, you need help in learning to deal with feelings, and to dismantle the blockade that prevents you from feeling joy and excitement. Life can be interesting and enjoyable. If we don't see it that way, we need help to correct our perceptions.

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January 28

Spirituality In Recovery

We may not recognize our discontent is due to a lack of spirituality. We try to overcome it with food, drugs, alcohol, sex, or money. But these give only transitory gratification. Some people give up chemicals, but become gamblers or overeaters: just another futile attempt to satisfy the craving for spirituality. Many recovering people say, During periods of abstinence, I would feel a void inside myself. Now I know that that void was the space where God belonged. Addiction is, among other things, a spiritual disease. True sobriety cannot be achieved unless that need is satisfied.

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January 29

Stay With the Program

Addiction can be arrested, but not cured. People who stop working the Twelve Step program are apt to develop behavioral symptoms: hanging onto resentments, self-righteousness, too much time at work and alienating family, avoiding religion, blaming everyone for whatever goes wrong, and trying to control everything and everyone. Even if this does not lead to chemical relapse, it makes everyone miserable and may result in job loss, marriage breakup, loneliness. Twelve Steps is a treatment for a faulty life-style. As long as the disease is present, you should continue the treatment.

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January 30

Overcoming Morbid Expectations

Many have a feeling of being jinxed. Or perhaps they have failed so often in the past they feel more comfortable with failure. As painful as failure is, at least it is familiar. Success is new and unknown, and the unknown can be frightening. Therapy can help overcome the irrational feeling of being jinxed. A sponsor can help with the fear of the unknown that accompanies success. If we develop a trust in a Higher Power, and believe God looks out for us, we can overcome the anxiety of morbid expectations. While unpleasant occurrences may occur in life, there is no reason to anticipate them.