October 14

Quote of the Week

"The answer is not in the problem; the answer is in the solution."

Before recovery, I lived in the problem. If things weren't going right, or if something went wrong, that's all I thought about. I'd dwell on it, talk to my friends about it, and think about all the ways it could get worse. It was as if I was addicted to the dark outcomes of my problems, and soon I couldn't see - and didn't even want - a way out.

Once I began working my steps, though, I became aware of my negative thinking and I learned the way out. My therapist taught me that I couldn't solve my problems using the same mind that created them. She told me that I had to source deeper and turn to my Higher Power. And sure enough, as soon as I stopped thinking about the problem and started thinking about God, the solutions began to appear.

Today I live in the solution much more than in the problem. Even though I can occasionally still go to the dark side, my program, my sponsor, and my friends in the fellowship are all focused on finding solutions and are quick to help me find the answers I need. I'm also quick to rely on my Higher Power, asking many times each day for inspiration and a new perspectives.

Today I know the answer is not in the problem, the answer is in the solution.

October 21

Quote of the Week

"Worry is a terrible waste of the imagination"

Before recovery, I was addicted to so many things - alcohol, drugs, food, sex - anything that I could use to escape I abused as I sought a way out of the impending doom I always felt. When I entered the program and began putting these vices and distractions down, I found I had been addicted to something else as well - worry.

It took a long time for my emotions to become stable and for my thoughts to become clear, but once they did, I was amazed by how much time and energy I spent worrying. I worried about my health, my job, my relationships, my future and even my past. When I shared this with my sponsor, he explained that worry was caused by excessive self-will and that I hadn't fully surrendered to my Higher Power.

After years of working the steps, turning my will and life over to God, and spending more and more time looking for and trying to follow His will, I find that I worry less and less. Today my mind is focused on what God would have me do and be, and from that place I've learned to take the next indicated action and to turn the results over to Him.

Today I use my imagination to envision my life and world as God would have it be, rather than worry that it might not turn out the way I would have it.

October 28

Quote of the Week

"God doesn't care what you think about Him, only that you think about Him."

I've spend a lot of my life struggling with the concept of God. For many years my God was on a throne judging my thoughts and actions, and I did my best to keep on His good side. When I sinned, I'd try doubly hard to be good again and all the while I was trying to keep track of my good/bad ledger. "If I die tonight, where will I end up?" I thought regularly before going to sleep. By the time I got sober, I was pretty sure where I was going...

In early recovery I was terrified of the thought of turning my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood Him. I was sure God didn't care much for me, and I was afraid that if I abandoned myself to Him then he would exact His just reward. I secretly resented God, and when I finally admitted this to my sponsor, he gave me the solution.

"Talk to God and tell Him exactly how you feel," he suggested. "But I'm really pissed off about a lot of things, and He's not going to like it," I warned him. "Believe me, He's big enough to take whatever you've got," he said. When I finally began an open and honest dialogue with God - telling Him of my anger, resentments, fears and disappointments in Him - that's when my connection and faith in a Higher Power began. And that's when my real recovery began as well.

Today I've learned that God doesn't care what you think about Him, only that you think about Him.

November 5

Quote of the Week

"Act as though until it becomes so"

What a wonderful lesson this was for me to learn early on in recovery. At first I didn't think I could make it through the day or week sober and my sponsor would tell me to "act as if" I were going to make it. He told me to go to meetings, take commitments and to share honestly about what was going on. He also told me not to drink between meetings, and to suit up and show up.

And I did. And soon my actions became reality and I got 60 days, 90 days, then 6 months and a year. It had become so. As my life got better, I began to want other things and other areas of my life to change as well. "Act as if," my sponsor told me again. If I wanted a job in an office, he instructed me to wake up and put on a suit as I looked for work. Soon, I was wearing that suit in the new office I worked in.

As I continue to grow in awareness in recovery, I realize that "acting as though until it becomes so" is one of the great universal spiritual truths of humanity. Books like "The Secret" and others on positive attraction explain why this is, and I know through experience that it is true. Today if I want my reality to change, I simply begin acting as if. It always works.

November 11

Quote of the Week

"God cannot do for you what he cannot do through you."

Before recovery, I had the God thing all mixed up. My conception of God was that if I was good and behaved myself, and then good things would happen for me. When I prayed, I prayed for the things I wanted, and then I waited for God to deliver. Towards the end of my using, I was usually praying to get out of one mess or another, and then promising to be better the next time. It rarely worked.

When I first heard this saying, I was several years in the program and I already understood the power of action. I knew from years of sober experience that I couldn't just pray to have my life get better, but rather I had to add action and right thought to my prayers. The old saying, "When you pray, move your feet" took on a whole new meaning for me, and I became much more efficient and my life starting getting better.

As the years go by and I live even more in the 11th step, I have discovered the deeper wisdom in this quote. Today I now understand and embrace God's will for me which is to be of maximum service to others. In this way, God can do for me what I could never do alone - and that is to heal and enrich both my life and yours.

Today I truly know that God cannot do for you what he cannot do through you.

November 18

Quote of the Week

"Friends are God's apology for your relatives."

When I was new I had very few healthy boundaries, and I especially had little defense against the observations, suggestions, judgments and criticisms of my family members. Someone once said that your relatives know how to push your buttons because they were the ones that put them there. I quickly found out how true that was.

At first my reaction was to try to explain what recovery was, how the meetings worked and why I needed them. After that didn't work, I severely limited my contact and involvement with them and instead focused on the new friends I was meeting in the rooms. What a blessing not to have to travel the road alone, and the bonds I formed literally saved my life.

As the years passed and I discovered a sense of who I really was, I began to reengage with my relatives and found that while I had changed, they basically had remained the same. Accepting the limits of those relationships was hard at first, but over time the unconditional love and understanding of my new family of friends helped provide me with the close connections I had always craved.

Today I am learning to improve my relationships with my relatives, and my friends are showing me how.

November 25

Quote of the Week

"We didn't get here because we sang too loud in church."

It's amazing how self-righteous we alcoholics can sometimes be. Before recovery many of us acted in destructive, demoralizing and often illegal ways, many times hurting ourselves and others in the process. Rather than being remorseful when confronted with our behaviors, we usually became resentful and acted even more inappropriately. In the end many of us were alone, and the only people who were glad to see us were the people who welcomed us into recovery.

At first it's hard to confront the damage we've done, but after a while many of us do recover the positions and self-respect we had lost. What also returns though is our ego, and sometimes a new sense of entitlement can make us hard to be around again. I have sat and seethed in meetings while people shared how they thought things should be run, all the while harboring my own self-righteous views.

My favorite saying of Bill W's is, "Honesty got me sober and tolerance keeps me that way". When I catch myself feeling mightier than thou, I ask God to remind me of this and to remind me of where I came from. When I do, I'm humbled by the miracle that has taken place in my life, and once again I become right-sized.

I am instantly reminded that we didn't get here because we sang too loud in church.

December 2

Quote of the Week

"No is a complete sentence."

Having been raised in an alcoholic home, boundaries were something I didn't learn much about. My mother, an untreated Al Anon, scurried about trying to make everything OK, and I learned that the best way to avoid trouble and get my limited needs met, was by stuffing my feelings, letting everyone else have their way, and by never saying no.

As I grew older, these very adaptive living and defense strategies became character defects that caused me to be insincere in relationships, continually unhappy, and ultimately unable to form meaningful bonds with other people. Without healthy boundaries, I couldn't stand up for myself and make my true needs known. I had a lot of resentments!

When I entered Al Anon, boundaries, self-care, and responsibility for my own happiness were new concepts to me. One of the most helpful was learning that my needs and well being were not only my responsibility and right, but that I didn't have to justify or defend them to anybody. I learned that if something wasn't right for me, I could simply say no - I didn't need to argue, convince or explain why. Today, no is a complete sentence.

December 9

Quote of the Week

"Life is tough because you get the test first and then the lesson."

When I was in school we would spend weeks and sometimes even whole semesters preparing to take tests. We'd study lesson plans, read books, watch videos, all in preparation for midterms and finals. And how I did on the tests all depended on how well I studied the lessons.

In life it's quite a different story. In life, we get the test first and then it's up to us to learn the lesson. And while this may be tough, what's worse is that if we don't learn the lesson, we get another test - then another and another until we learn the lesson.

One of the things I love about recovery is that I've been taught to look for and learn the lesson. When I get a test, I immediately look for my part, examine my motives and look for how I can either make amends, and or act better the next time. This is called a daily 10th Step inventory, and it insures that I learn the lesson quickly.

Life may be tough, and the test may still come first, but now I know how to learn the lesson and avoid taking the test again!

December 16

Quote of the Week

"God never gives me more than I can handle - I just wish He didn't trust me so much!"

When I was new, I was told I'd have to learn to live life on life's terms without drinking. How was that going to happen I thought? I was convinced I could never stay sober through life's tougher times like what would happen if my son was killed? Or if I was diagnosed with cancer? Or if my house burned down? There was no way I could stay sober through any of that.

As the months and then years went by, I began experiencing life without drinking. First I lost my job. Then my dad had a major stroke and was confined to a nursing home. Then my first major relationship in sobriety broke up. By not drinking through these things, I learned how to turn to and trust in my Higher Power, and I learned I could make it through.

Today I know how to handle life on life's terms. While I may not always like what life has in store for me or others, I know that God will always give me the strength, the wisdom or the acceptance to get through it. Today I've come to rely on God to help me make it through life, and I know that he relies on me to make it through sober.

While I know God never gives me more than I can handle, sometimes I just wish He didn't trust me so much!

December 23

Quote of the Week

"It's progress not perfection, we are not saints."

I had some friends over the other night for dinner and we started talking about road rage. We each had a story to tell about how we had participated in an escalating episode of honking, cutting off, or giving the finger to another angry driver. Being generally centered in other areas of my life, I was a little disappointed in myself when I realized that I, too, can become a complete asshole in about 15 seconds.

When I entered the program, I was used to acting this way. In general, I had a low regard for other people's feeling, and one of the problems I had with the steps is I thought if I didn't become a saint I wouldn't get sober. I remember telling my sponsor this and him saying four words that I still repeat to this day: "It's progress, not perfection."

I've made A LOT of progress over the years, and I've come a long way from where I've been. For the most part I'm comfortable in my own skin, I'm truly grateful for what I have, and I sincerely try to add to people's lives. And yet every now and then, sometimes without me even being aware of it, something will provoke me into a state of fear and I'll resort - temporarily - to an old behavior. Thankfully I'm able to recover my serenity pretty quickly, and when I do I remind myself:

"It's progress not perfection, we are not saints."

December 30

Quote of the Week

"When I did my 4th step it felt as if my life was being turned upside down - but it was really being turned right side up."

I first heard this saying right when I needed it most - when I was in the middle of my 4th step and I thought I was losing my mind. I remember sitting in my Wednesday night meeting after just having done some writing on it and I literally thought my life was coming apart. That's when someone shared this and at once I was filled with hope and thought maybe, just maybe, I'll actually survive this.

The 4th step not only shakes our very foundation, it shakes loose the crap, the shame and the secrets that weaken it. It is this sober examination of our core defects of character that cause us such an overwhelming amount of pain, and once we begin looking at our part in things, it's no wonder we feel our very lives are being turned upside down.

The good news is that a thorough 4th step is actually the very thing needed to turn our lives right side up. Before my 4th step, it was all your fault, and because I couldn't control you, I was the victim. But by seeing and taking responsibility for my part, which I do have control over, I can now make changes thereby giving me control and hope over my future. The 4th step indeed made me crazy at first, but then it set me free.