[bluidkiti]

July 18

Step by Step

" ...I felt a fear coming into my life, and I couldn't cope with it. I got so that I hid quite a bit of the time, wouldn't answer the phone, and stayed by myself as much as I could. I noticed that I was avoiding all my social friends ...I couldn't keep up with any of my other friends, and I wouldn't go to anyone's house unless I knew they drank as heavily as I did. I never knew it was the first drink that did it. I thought I was losing my mind when I realized that I couldn't stop drinking. That frightened me terribly." - Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, 1976, Part II ("Personal Stories)", Ch 2 ("Fear of Fear"), p 324.

Today, I do not have to fear the first drink that unleashes in its wake all its devastation because, today, AA has freed me from fear and all its siblings and cousins. I can claim with honesty that I have fully bowed to Step One - " ...(A)dmitted (I am) powerless ..." - and take as gospel the program's credos like "One Day at a Time," "First Things First," "Keep It Sweet and Simple" and "There for the grace of God go I." I am in recovery, I am sober and I don't need or want the first drink. Without it, I don't have to avoid friends, family or anyone else, and I don't have to be afraid to answer the phone because of some paranoid fear that it's news that I did something last night that I don't remember. Today, I am humble and loyal to the program. With it, fear is knocked out of the ballpark. And our common journey continues. Step by step. - Chris M.

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~ EASY DOES IT ~ (A Book of Daily 12 Step Meditations) ~

NO REGRETS

Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been.'

~ Whittier ~

Unless we live in the now, we are in danger of suffering the agony of regret. We can’t spend all our time thinking “life's not fair.” We cannot afford to excuse every-thing with "what ifs?" We used those words constantly during the years we wasted on obeying compulsions we knew could destroy us.

We remember the years before recovery and accept them as object lessons of what it could be like again if we become careless or complacent. But we don't regret them. Regret only leads to depression and perhaps a return to active addiction.

We must stop dwelling on the impossibility of undoing the wrongs of yesterday. Instead, we must begin enjoying the "right things" that are now possible in recovery.

It is impossible to relive my past. I can only create a good past now by living this day the best way I can, so that tomorrow I can look back without having to say "It might have been."

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~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace.

~ Amelia Earhart ~

Courage is a traditional masculine virtue. We admire a man who bravely faces danger and does battle for a worthy cause. When courage fails a man, when he steps aside from the battle that needs to be fought, we feel that he missed his calling.

Recovery requires this kind of courage. In fact, the struggles with ourselves and with our inner demons are far more frightening than duking it out with a real live foe. We might get a thrill from the danger of driving fast, or climbing a rock wall, or skiing a challenging slope, yet we freeze when we try to talk about our feelings or make amends for a bad mistake.

The very act of beginning our recovery took courage. We put it off as long as we could. The battle seemed so frightening. When we could see no other escape, we raised the courage to go forward toward a worthwhile goal. And the peace that we have now is the reward for our courage.

Today I pray for the courage to do what I am called to do.

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~ A WOMAN’S SPIRIT ~ (More Meditations For Women) ~

I have to remember to tell the negative committee that meets in my head to sit down and shut up.

~ Kathy Kendall ~

Why does it seem easier to get trapped in negative thinking than it does to have positive expectations? Maybe it’s only a matter of habit. We may be proficient at expecting the worst outcomes, but with the support and the example of friends who share our journey today, we can break that habit. And we’ll discover that it’s not that difficult.

Let’s begin by making small attempts. In the past our mind seemed to fill up with random thoughts, as if it were a newsreel produced by an outsider. Today, as quick as a blink, we can fast- forward the picture to one we prefer. We can be the full-time “producer” of our own newsreel. That’s the good news!

Our thoughts and attitudes are there by our choice. We must acknowledge that. We can neither blame nor give credit to anyone but ourselves. We can make a habit of positive thinking. Let’s begin right now.

I will focus on positive thoughts today. Remembering that my thoughts are of my own making, every time, makes it easier to switch channels.

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~ TODAY I WILL DO ONE THING ~ (Daily Readings for Awareness and Hope) ~

I am looking forward to returning to work

Because of my dual disorder, for now I can't return to work. My addiction fueled my psychiatric symptoms, which scared me into further use of chemicals. I spiraled deeper into illness and needed a medical leave from work to get stable, both physically and emotionally.

To my surprise, not working has been hard. I miss having a place to go during the day and being with people I enjoy. In particular, I miss the feeling of making a contribution. But with the help of my higher power, I plan to return to work soon.

I will pick up an extra recovery meeting and work on today's job: my dual recovery.

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~ BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT ~ (Inspiration and Support for Recovery) ~

You alone can get well, but you can’t get well alone.

~ Donald A. Tubesing ~

Each of us is responsible for our own well-being. We cannot blame anyone else for the progress or lack of it that we may experience in our efforts to change or to work a program of recovery. We alone are responsible.

But being the sole owner of responsibility for our lives does not mean we play solo! We take responsibility for our own program of recovery, but link our spirits with others who also know how to recover. It’s especially important in early recovery to be with those who know the ropes, who have gained the spiritual peace we hope to attain. They can guide us, support us, laugh with us and cry with us, and sometimes be firm with us when we seem to be heading the wrong way. All Twelve Step programs use the word “we” in each of the steps. Recovery is not lonely. It happens in community, with others.

Today give me the courage to join those who are in recovery. Help me see others in recovery as friends who know what I’ve been through and want to help me.

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~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

Progress always involves risks. You can’t steal second base and keep your foot on first.

~ Frederick B. Wilcox ~

The great things in the world happened as a result of risk taking. Explorers and adventurers discovered new lands. Inventors tinkered and created amazing inventions. Businesses sprang from simple visions. Great diseases were conquered by those who risked experimentation.

The accomplishments of these and so many other people all started from the same place: a willingness to take risks. They did not shy away from risking everything, even without the guarantee of a positive or beneficial outcome.

Beginning your recovery is also taking a risk. But what differentiates your risk from those of the greatest risk takers is that your outcome is assured of being positive and beneficial. Think of the great number of people who use and abuse and do nothing to change their circumstances. Then think of all those—yourself included—who are waking up each day ready to take the risk of finding a better way of living. You may begin your day with the fear that you may fail, doubt that you might not succeed, or dread over the difficult things you must do. But remember that the risk you are taking in your life today guarantees a better future.

What great thing will I accomplish today in recovery by taking a risk?

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~ NIGHT LIGHT ~ (A Book Of Nighttime Meditations) ~

When the cards are dealt and you pick up your hand . . . there's nothing you can do except to play it out for whatever it may be worth. And the way you play your hand is free will.

~ Jawaharlal Nehru ~

Playing a card game with a winning hand can be joyful. We gain confidence from the cards and play well, knowing we can be successful. But when we pick up a hand that could be a losing one, we may want to walk away from almost certain defeat.

How we play the hand we're dealt each day will determine the outcome. A hand that requires effort, determination, and skill to play well we may see as too difficult. Rather than play it, we may want to pass it to another and draw a new hand.

But we won't be given another hand tonight. We can pick up the cards and use the tools of the program to work through the difficult ones and try to change the hand into a good one. Win or lose, the best way to stay in the game is to play with what we have.

Tonight I can choose not to fold. I'll continue to face what life has given me today and work through things to the best of my ability.

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~ DAY BY DAY ~ (Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts) ~

Practicing sanity

When we were getting high all the time, we were practicing insanity. It was a lot of fun. We got so good at it, however, that we couldn’t tell see how serious it had become. Whether we’re straight or high, insanity seemed to take over.

Now we can practice sanity daily. Practicing anything will eventually make us pretty good at it. With the grace of God, we can get pretty good at sanity too.

Am I letting go of my insane behavior?

Higher Power, help me face the fears of sane living, fears I tried to hide from with addiction.

Today I will reflect on my unresolved problem behaviors by

God help me to stay clean and sober today!

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~ IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ~ (Sponsorship Meditations) ~

Truth burns up error.

~ SOJOURNER TRUTH ~

Newcomer

Lately, I’ve been preoccupied with thoughts about a member of the group who’s been pursuing me. So much mental energy goes into trying to figure out ways of warding off this person’s attentions that I miss a lot of what’s being said at meetings.

Today, I finally spoke up. I’d planned to say something like “Feeling comfortable at meetings is really important to me, so I want to be clear that I’m not willing to date friends from the group. I have to put my recovery first.” What actually came out of my mouth didn’t sound much like that! I hemmed and hawed, but I must have gotten it across, because the person acknowledged what I’d said and was sorry to have made me uncomfortable.

Sponsor

Congratulations. That’s freedom. When we’re finally able to say something that we’ve been holding back, it’s an immense relief. Relationships—not just romantic ones, but those involving friends, family members, or people at work—sometimes require saying things we find difficult. The kind of appropriate, respectful sharing you did clears the air and makes closeness feel safer.

We can state the truth of our own feelings clearly and gently, without attacking or blaming the other person and putting him or her on the defensive. Instead of “Why did you ...” or “You’re making me feel...,” we can say something like “I feel angry (hurt, happy, confused, etc.) when ...” Instead of hurting others’ feelings or inviting argument, we open the door to mutual honesty and understanding.

Today, I have the courage and humility to be truthful.

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~ THE EYE OPENER ~

It is frequently true that many of us might be better employed. A lot of good farmers and mechanics have been ruined by making doctors, lawyers or engineers out of them.

When we finally sobered up, many of us were unemployable in the profession or trade for which we had some aptitude, and the necessity of getting a job made us take the first thing that presented itself.

While we are on our Inventories, it might be well to check on our adaptability to our present jobs and where we are wrong endeavor to do something about it.

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~ The 12 STEP PRAYER BOOK ~ (A Collection of Favorite 12 Step Prayers and Inspirational Readings) ~

When Our Hearts Are Lonely

God of life,
There are days when the burdens we carry
Hurt our shoulders and wear us down,
When the road seems dreary and endless,
The skies gray and threatening,
When our lives have no music in them
And our hearts are lonely
And our souls have lost their courage.
Flood the path with light, we ask You,
And turn our eyes to where the skies are full of promise.

~ by St. Augustine ~

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~ AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX ~ (A Book of Daily Readings) ~

THE STRAIT GATE

Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:

Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it (Matthew 7:13-14).

There is only one way under the sun by which man can attain salvation, in the true sense of the word, and that is by bringing about a radical and permanent change for the better in his own consciousness. For countless generations humanity has been trying in every other conceivable way to compass its own good. This change in consciousness is the strait gate that Jesus speaks of here, and, as he says, the number of those who find it is comparatively small.

Now why should man be so reluctant, apparently, to try to change his consciousness? The answer is that the changing of one's consciousness is really very hard work, calling for constant unceasing vigilance and a breaking of mental habits. Entering the strait gait is, however, worth much more than whatever trouble or effort it may call for.

If you make a qualitative change in consciousness, which is what happens in prayer, then not only is the effect of that change felt in every department of your life, but it is with you through all eternity, for you never can lose it. Thieves cannot break in and steal.

As soon as you obtain this spiritual consciousness you will findthat all things indeed work together for good to those who love God.

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~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

Velcro Relationships

All minds are joined.

~ A Course in Miracles ~

While Carla was teaching a seminar, a woman told her, "l feel that my marriage is over. My husband and I have been together for a long time, and we have grown in different directions. I want to leave, but I cannot because I know it would crush him."

A month later at another workshop, a man confessed, "My marriage is empty, but I'm staying with my wife because I know she would never survive a divorce." Then Carla discovered that he was the husband of the woman who spoke at the first seminar.

Relationships are based on matching energy. Like strips of Velcro fasteners, partners contain hooking energies that conform by agreement. Often couples have similar or polarized underlying feelings that go unspoken. When you speak your truth, you invite your partner to do the same, and together you bring the relationship into more light and integrity. Invite your partner in a relationship, business, or friendship to greater intimacy by being honest about what you're experiencing. You may be surprised to find that you are more joined than you realized.

Show me my oneness with my brothers and sisters. Let me meet them in the deepest and richest truth of the heart.

I attract the perfect co-creators for my adventure into greater light.