[bluidkiti]

July 21

Step by Step

"Could I be an alcoholic without some of the hair-raising experiences I had heard of in meetings? The answer came to me very simply in the first step of the Twelve Steps of AA. 'We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.' This didn't say we had to be in jail, 10, 50 or 100 times. It didn't say I had to lose one, five or 10 jobs. It didn't say I had to lose my family. It didn't say I had to finally live on skid row and drink bay rum, canned heat or lemon extract. It did say, 'admitted I was powerless over alcohol; that my life had become unmanageable.'" - Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, 1976, Part II ("They Stopped in Time"), Ch. 10 ("It Might Have Been Worse"), p 379.

Today, no excuses, no justifications, no rationalizations, no comparisons, no "I didn't get that bad," no fear, no shame, no anguish - only sheer guts and courage: "I am powerless." Enough is enough. No more rejecting the idea of a higher power. I have seen and lived in the darkest of places. If something so powerful like alcohol can take me there, maybe something stronger can lead me on blind faith to a better place. Today, I control that over which I am powerless by saying, "No more!" No more. And our common journey continues. Step by step. - Chris M.

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~ EASY DOES IT ~ (A Book of Daily 12 Step Meditations) ~

LOVE

The 12 Step way of life is loving, not necessarily possessing.

~ Anonymous ~

When a practicing addict or alcoholic loves someone, it is not usually love that is transmitted. It's more like taking hostages. Just as our contact with a Higher Power was blocked by the disease, so also was our contact with loved ones blocked. While we were preoccupied with addiction, we could only hold on for dear life.

The expression of love turned into either a possessive hold or detached emotional unavailability. Either way the practicing addict did not make a good lover. The disease itself was a jealous suitor. It demanded a total, unconditional commitment.

When we began to recover our ability to love returned, or was born within us for the first time. Love has become a key to an ever-growing spiritual life and a new-found ability to commit and bond.

My Step work has helped me become less possessive and self-centered, and capable of loving relationships.

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~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

Prayer is less about changing the world than it is about changing ourselves.

~ David J. Wolpe ~

Regardless of how we understand a Power greater than ourselves, prayer is an important part of our lives. Relating to a Higher Power leads us out of our egotism into a conscious relationship with powers far beyond ourselves.

How do we pray? We can use words to state what’s on our mind. We can say them silently or out loud. We can quiet our mind and simply enter into the peace of God, opening our mind to receive that deeper wisdom. Drawing pictures can be a form of prayer. Playing music or listening to music can be done prayerfully. This is not so much a time to ask for special favors as a time to enter the relationship and to receive the guidance that comes from beyond our own power and conscious will.

Today I will quiet my mind for a few minutes and enter consciously into a prayerful relationship with my Higher Power.

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~ A WOMAN’S SPIRIT ~ (More Meditations For Women) ~

A quiet mind is the best cure for a low mood.

~ Jane Nelson ~

It may seem too simple that we can change a bad mood or a bad attitude by “getting quiet.” But in fact, we can. Clearing our thoughts of anger, resentment, self-pity, and fear gives us the space to feel peaceful. And within these spaces we discover, again, our gratitude.

Each of us has countless things for which to feel grateful, but acknowledging this is hard when we are low. Let’s do it together: We have this program to help us handle whatever comes, one day at a time. We have as many friends as we want; all we have to do is go to meetings. We have a sponsor who cares; her help is never more than a phone call away. A Higher Power intervened in our lives or we wouldn’t be here. We have come to believe a Higher Power will be with us always.

Gratitude is a decision. It comes naturally when we quiet our minds of the negative noise.

If I feel low today, I have some tools to use. Letting go of the thoughts that harm me is the first one to try.

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~ TODAY I WILL DO ONE THING ~ (Daily Readings for Awareness and Hope) ~

I can recover from a relapse

It scares me to think back over the last few weeks. My psychiatric symptoms returned—I felt lost and I lost control. I even had a lapse with my addiction.

The message I take from this, however, is that I have two illnesses that can affect one another sharply. I need to work a recovery program for both of them at the same time. (And even then the biological part of my psychiatric illness could flare up.) Although I can't get back these recent weeks of illness, I can decide to take better care of myself. For starters, I will make today as good as it can be.

I will look at my relapse triggers for both my addiction and my psychiatric illness, and adjust my relapse plan as necessary.

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~ BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT ~ (Inspiration and Support for Recovery) ~

Holdfast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.

~ Langston Hughes ~

The promises of Twelve Step recovery become our dreams come true. In the early stages of our sobriety we may fear economic insecurity or have a poor self-image. It is common during the first days, months, years of restoration to meet decision-making with self-doubt and second-guessing. By nurturing our faith in the promises of our program, we maintain the courage to continue moving forward, keeping our dreams alive and reachable. On our bad days, when our own faith may falter, we can pray for the willingness to accept the faith of others in our fellowship.

We are no longer alone in our dreams. By sharing our dreams, doubts, and pain with others, and by conscious contact with our Higher Power, we are not only growing, we are already enjoying one of the fruits of recovery — the end of isolation. And in this environment of love and acceptance, our spirits soar, and our dreams are reborn.

Today help me share my feelings and focus on my dreams.

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~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

The conversation whipped gaily around the table like rags in a high wind.

~ Margaret Halsey ~

The recovery program is based on communication and dialogue that enables members to become fully engaged in their recovery. It is not a place of silence or withholding, but of freely expressing one’s thoughts and of talking with others. The person who opens the meeting with a Story does so in order to encourage discussion. The more others share in response to the story, the greater will be the exchange of information and knowledge.

Yet communication can be hard when you have spent your life avoiding discussion or suppressing your feelings rather than expressing them. While alcohol or drugs may have made it easier for you to be more open with others, the goal of drinking or drugging was to get drunk or high so meaningful discussion could be avoided and feelings could be numbed.

Freedom from addiction provides you with freedom of expression. Your participation in discussion brings about greater self-awareness as well as a deeper understanding of others. Too, the more you converse with others, the more fully developed your social skills can be—skills that can be valuable in many other areas of your life.

I will engage in conversations and share my feelings with others so I can learn more about myself and develop more confidence.

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~ NIGHT LIGHT ~ (A Book Of Nighttime Meditations) ~

Sometimes I found that in my happy moments I could not believe that I had ever been miserable; I planned for the future as if happiness were all there was. . .

~ Joanna Field ~

Wouldn't it be great if we could forget all the miserable times or, better still, never have them again?

In the past, our lives have been like a roller coaster ride. The thrill of going up was something we never wanted to end; when we went down, we never imagined we could leave such depths.

We may still have moments of unhappiness, sadness, or despair, but now we have the tools to trust those moments won't be with us for long. And we don't need to desperately clutch at happiness, joy, and serenity like we used to.

Whatever kind of day we have, we can trust that the bad day can get better and the good day will be back again.

Did I have a good day or a bad one? Can I trust that today was okay, no matter what kind of day it was?

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~ DAY BY DAY ~ (Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts) ~

Judging other addicts

As addicts, we tend to judge each other in a cruel way; it can help us feel better about ourselves. For example, alcoholics look down on junkies, junkies look down on speed freaks, and everyone looks down on glue- sniffers. But what’s the difference?

We’re all in this together. We’re dealing with life-and-death matters. Making value judgments about the kind or severity of an-other’s addiction is a childish and dangerous game.

Have I stopped judging other addicts?

Higher Power, help me accept myself— and accept others—in all aspects of life.

I will acknowledge someone addicted to another chemical today by

God help me to stay clean and sober today!

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~ IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ~ (Sponsorship Meditations) ~

Mistakes are a fact of life. It is the response to error that counts.

~ NIKKI GIOVANNI ~

Newcomer

I was served something at a party that contained ingredients I wouldn’t intentionally consume; they aren’t a part of my life in recovery. I realized my mistake and stopped right away but I felt betrayed and miserable. I’ve been so careful in social situations in recovery; it just hadn’t occurred to me this time that I was in any danger. Do you consider this a slip?

Sponsor

I suspect that this is an experience you’ll never forget. Happily, you were able to stop once you realized that you were dealing with a substance that, for you, is addictive. This wasn’t a relapse, but it was a wake-up call. Instead of berating yourself for having made an honest mistake, I suggest that you share about the experience at meetings. Sharing helps us to see our experiences more clearly and to let them go. It’s also a reminder that we can’t just assume other people are looking out for our recovery. Avoiding unwanted substances or behaviors sometimes means asking questions or making special efforts. Staying away from our drug of choice is our own responsibility.

Today, I take full responsibility for my own recovery.

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~ THE EYE OPENER ~

To the new persons on our Program who might be confused about the Moral Inventory, it would seem that for a starter, it will suffice if they will sum up each night their actions on the past day. If their honest appraisal of that day meets their approval, if it is definitely better than the days preceding, then actually the Moral Inventory is in operation whether recognized as such or not. If daily you are making a moral study of your thoughts and actions your defects will be noticeable and you will instinctively take steps to correct them.

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~ The 12 STEP PRAYER BOOK ~ (A Collection of Favorite 12 Step Prayers and Inspirational Readings) ~

Lead Me from Addiction

Lead me from addiction, in thought and action, to life,
From falsehood to truth
Lead me from despair to hope,
From fear to trust.
Lead me from resentment to acceptance,
From hate to love.
Let peace fill my heart,
Let serenity be my goal,
This I pray.

~ Adapted from the Upanishads ~

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~ AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX ~ (A Book of Daily Readings) ~

UNREMITTING VIGILANCE

Read Matthew 7:21-23.

We are all willing to do God's will sometimes and in some things, but until there is a complete dedication of one's whole self, there cannot be a complete demonstration. "There is no home for the soul in which there dwells the shadow of an untruth," said George Meredith.

Never is it more true than in the life of the soul that the price of liberty is eternal vigilance. We must not allow any consideration whatever, any institution, any organization, any book, or any man or woman, to come between us and our direct seeking for God. Centers, churches, schools, all fill a useful purpose in providing the physical framework for the distribution of right knowledge, but the actual work must be done by the individual.

Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven (Matthew 7:21).

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~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

Dare to Be Grand

To belittle is to be little.

~ Anonymous ~

My friend Ernst was a regular fellow' We played in a band together, went out for pizza, and I felt his pain as he went through a divorce. When I saw him after an absence, he told me' "I've been spending a lot of time in south America. I went to visit a friend, and one evening a neighbor came for dinner. She told me that she had a headache, and I asked her if she wanted me to pray for her. After I did, she felt better. That night she came back with her daughter, who was suffering from menstrual pain. I offered the girl prayer, and she experienced relief. The next night all of this woman's relatives showed up at the door! She had told them I was a healer. Hoping I could be of service, I prayed for them. The next day half the town was lined up for healing. After l came home, l received a call from a town representative who told me that the people would pay my airfare back if I returned. So I did, and now I go back regularly; they fly me from town to town in a helicopter, and the prayers have had wonderful results.''

Upon hearing this amazing account, my first thought was, "Ernst? Last year a bass player, this year a saint?" I had a hard time reconciling the two pictures, but then I realized I had a choice: I could negate the good that he was doing, or I could rejoice in the blessings. It felt a lot better to be excited about his success than to try and keep him small.

I realized that the cup in which I held Ernst’s good fortune would be the die I cast for my own. You will be as big as you allow him to be in your thoughts," an inner voice told me. "Keep him small, and you will be small. Let him be great, and so will you.” I decided it would be a lot more fun if we were both—and all—great.

Help me accept and celebrate the divinity in every being I meet.

I open to my full potential by blessing the good fortune of others.