[bluidkiti]

July 29

Step by Step

"I never knew which came first, the thinking or the drinking. If I could only stop thinking, I wouldn't drink. If I could only stop drinking, maybe I wouldn't think. But they were all mixed up together, and I was all mixed up inside. And yet I had to have that drink. You know the deteriorating effects, the disintegrating effects of chronic wine-drinking. I cared nothing about my personal appearance. I didn't care what I looked like. I didn't care what I did. To me, taking a bath was just being in a place with a bottle where I could drink in privacy. I had to have it with me at night, in case I woke up and needed that drink." - Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, 1976, Part II ("They Stopped in Time"), Ch 4 ("The Housewife Who Drank at Home"), p 337.

Today, I don't care which came first, the delusional and irrational thinking or the drinking, because it doesn't matter. Whether some deluded thinking led me to alcohol or if excess drinking fueled a thinking problem is moot because, now, the two are intertwined. My thinking now cannot be that I can start drinking responsibly if I get my thinking in a logical sync. Nor can I believe that I can drink responsibly. Neither is possible. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Does it matter? The chicken's polluted. Today, I don't care where my drinking thinking or thinking drinking came from. I need both corrected, and I'm where I need to be to get both. And our common journey continues. Step by step. - Chris M.

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~ EASY DOES IT ~ (A Book of Daily 12 Step Meditations) ~

OPPORTUNITIES

A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.

~ Francis Bacon ~

Opportunities are like miracles in our life of recovery. But they won't necessarily fall into our hands without any effort on our part. Spiritual progress is the self-chosen goal we seek in our recovery. Opportunities for spiritual progress are abundant in the Program. We have a positive attitude that comes from working all the Steps.

Opportunities for growth are earned, not given. When we work to make opportunities happen, we can enjoy the success that follows, not only for ourselves, but for others. Admitting our powerlessness gave us the freedom of choice, the freedom for opportunities.

In recovery, I delight in the chance I have to make my own successes through planned progress instead of simply wishing for the best things in life.

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~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

Love is presence.

~ Theresa Gerhardinger ~

When we sit with a loved one who is very ill, we often feel helpless. When a friend is confronted with great pain or tragedy, we wonder, what should I say? To be comfortable in any relationship, we need to understand powerlessness and accept it. Sometimes the only and the most loving thing to do is to be present.

When we see our wife or our partner make the same mistake over and over again, we want to take charge. When we don’t get what we want from our beloved, we try to extract what we think we need. But we learn that true love exists within limits. We cannot fix others, and they cannot fix us. Once we accept the limits, once we accept powerlessness, we can relax into the love and enjoy its pleasures.

Today I will be present in the moment with the people in my life.

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~ A WOMAN’S SPIRIT ~ (More Meditations For Women) ~

Every once in a while I make a list of my obsessions. Some obsessions change and there are always more. Some are thankfully forgotten.

~ Natalie Goldberg ~

It’s not just the disease of alcoholism that causes obsessions; some say that being human is all it takes. Obsessions are generally triggered by wanting something or somebody to change. The problem is that although we don’t have the power to change other people, we dwell incessantly on the possibility.

Through the help of the Twelve Steps, we are gradually becoming aware that we can change no one but ourselves. That doesn’t mean we’ll immediately quit obsessing about what others should do, but we now have the tools to recognize what is in our control and what isn’t. We can get rid of obsessions.

My obsession with anything today means I have for-gotten what is in my control and which tools can help me. I’ll look to a friend for guidance.

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~ TODAY I WILL DO ONE THING ~ (Daily Readings for Awareness and Hope) ~

I want to stop worrying

I'm coming to terms with the fact that I think too much, or more accurately, worry too much. I'd rather stop. I can see now that it doesn't do me much good. In fact, the more I think (more like obsess), the more troubled and stuck I get, and the less I can do about it.

And the less I can do, the less I can change. But to recover, I need to change. It may be gradual, but to recover from my mental and chemical health problems, I need to change both the way I think and my lifestyle. "Obsessing myself" into paralysis will not help.

For five minutes today I will try to simply sit, breathe deeply, and not think (what you might call "meditate").

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~ BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT ~ (Inspiration and Support for Recovery) ~

We crucify ourselves between two thieves; regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow.

~ Fulton Oursler ~

We’ve all said or done things we regretted. If only we could turn back the clock and have a second chance. Sadly, we don’t have that power. We have to live with our words and deeds, even when we spoke or acted out of haste or in a chemical fog.

We can’t do anything about tomorrow, either, and worrying about tomorrow robs us of today. Certainly we can prepare by doing homework, packing for a trip, or writing the speech we are to give. But once we’ve done the preparation, it’s time to let go.

But today is ours. We can make amends, see someone in person and say, “I’m sorry,” or send a card with a note of apology. We can think about what we could do differently in the future. And we can pray for guidance from our Higher Power. We can’t erase what we said or did, but we can speak or act differently today.

Taking life a day at a time means living in today, in the here and now. Living in the past or future is futile. Instead, we can cherish this moment, relax and enjoy it.

Today help me to let go of the troubles of the past and the fears of tomorrow. Help me make the most of today.

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~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy ... we must die to one life before we can enter another.

~ Anatole France ~

In the movie Defending Your Life, those who die are put on trial. Where they go next—to a joyful afterlife or back to earth to do it all over again—is determined by a panel of judges.

As the main character is on trial, he falls in love and realizes he will most likely not be with the woman in the after-life because they made different choices in their earthly lives. When the judges confirm this, he takes an enormous risk. He refuses to lose out on the opportunity to be with the one he loves and goes against the judges’ decision to be with her in the after-life.

The program teaches that in order to gain a new way of life, you must release your former one. By developing El greater understanding of the harm your former life has caused, you are more capable of seeing the mistakes you made, the risks you did not take, and the opportunities you let slip away. And then you have a choice: return to your former life, or enter into a new way of living.

Today I will let go of my former life and develop a new way of living.

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~ NIGHT LIGHT ~ (A Book Of Nighttime Meditations) ~

The sculptor produces the beautiful statue by chipping away such parts of the marble block as are not needed—it is a process of elimination.

~ Elbert Hubbard ~

When people set aside items for a yard sale, they tag things no longer needed. When we look at things we might sell, we might be surprised to remember how badly we felt we needed or wanted a particular item. But over time, or because we grew up, we found we could eliminate the once-treasured item from our lives.

We'll find we can do the same process of elimination with our character defects. Some may be impossible to eliminate now for whatever reason. Yet over time, we may find ourselves outgrowing this defect or gathering courage to eliminate it.

Tonight we're on our way to sculpting beautiful people—ourselves. We may have a long way to go in forming our shapes, but we're in no hurry. Every so often we'll eliminate a piece of marble so more of our beautiful shapes are revealed. Before long, we'll have smooth, striking statues for all to behold.

I'm on my way to sculpting a beautiful me. Every day I will sculpt some more and eliminate things I don't need.

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~ DAY BY DAY ~ (Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts) ~

Looking for answers

We are learning that the geographical cure does not guarantee staying clean and sober. As the saying has it, no matter where you go, there you are. We are learning that it’s better to look for the answers in ourselves and our program than in a different city or country.

No person, place, or thing will keep us clean and sober. Recovery is in our program, in our hearts, and in the “still small voice within.”

Do I know where to look for answers?

Higher Power, help me see that I will find answers only in my soul and not in distant places.

Today I will look within by

God help me to stay clean and sober today!

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~ IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ~ (Sponsorship Meditations) ~

Remember if people talk behind your back, it only means you are two steps ahead!

~ FANNIE FLAGG ~

Newcomer

In the beginning, I wanted to spread the amazing news and tell everyone that I was in recovery. Now I’m not sure it was such a good idea.

Sponsor

We don’t have to give in to regrets about the past—including our recent past in recovery. But we can learn from it and base current decisions on what our experience has been teaching us.

Like you, I wanted to tell the world about my newfound recovery; it was too good to keep secret. I guess I thought that I had the answer for everyone; I imagined that I could save a few hundred souls by spreading the word. Good friends were genuinely delighted for me. One person at work said that I looked a lot more relaxed and happy, and asked me where these meetings were; eventually she did enter recovery. Another friend told me disapprovingly that he thought I should keep quiet about my addiction and recovery.

These days, I have less of a need to share unasked-for information indiscriminately. I make decisions based on my sense of a particular person or situation, rather than acting on impulse. When it feels right, I don’t hesitate to share my recovery.

Today, I have the right to privacy.

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~ THE EYE OPENER ~

Humility has been the hardest of all the virtues to acquire for many of us. Few of us know what it actually is. Many have it and think they don't; many don't have it and think they do. Many admit they don't understand the word and forget it, leaving to the world to judge whether they have it or not.

The best way to acquire Humility is to constantly remind yourself how much lower than a snake's belly you would be but for the Grace of God. You made a horrible mess of running your life and failed completely but that Grace could and did, make you what you are today.

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~ The 12 STEP PRAYER BOOK ~ (A Collection of Favorite 12 Step Prayers and Inspirational Readings) ~

Continue to Watch

I have entered the world of the Spirit;
I will grow in understanding and effectiveness;
I will continue to watch for
selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.
When these crop up,
I will ask You at once to remove them.
I will discuss these defects with someone immediately
and make amends quickly if I have harmed anyone
Then I will resolutely turn my thoughts
to someone I can help.
Love and tolerance of others is my code.

~ Adapted from material in Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth Edition, Page 84 ~

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~ AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX ~ (A Book of Daily Readings) ~

MAINTAINING THE NEW EQUIVALENT

There is an instructive legend of the Middle Ages. It seems that a certain citizen was arrested by one of the barons and shut up in a dungeon by a ferocious looking jailer who carried a great key. The door of his cell shut with a bang. He lay in the dark dungeon for twenty years. Each day the big door would be opened with a great creaking; water and bread would be thrust in and the door closed again.

After twenty years the prisoner decided that he wanted to die but he did not want to commit suicide, so the next day when the jailer came he would attack him, and the jailer would then kill him. In preparation he thought he should examine the door so he turned the handle, and to his amazement the door opened. He found that there was no lock. He groped along the corridor and felt his way upstairs. At the top of the stairs two soldiers were chatting, and they made no attempt to stop him. He crossed the great yard. There was an armed guard on the drawbridge but paid no attention to him, and he walked out a free man. He went home unmolested. He had been a captive, not of stone and iron, but of false belief. He had only thought he was locked in.

Bring my soul out of prison, that I may praise thy name: the righteous shall compass me about; for thou shalt deal bountifully with me (Psalm 142:7).

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~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

Why Wait for Heaven?

Heaven is here. There is no other place. Heaven is now. There is no other time.

~ A Course in Miracles ~

When I landed after a long airplane flight, I was disappointed not to find my friend who was supposed to pick me up. When I called her house, she was still home, which meant that I would need to wait for nearly an hour in a hot and crowded airport. After grumbling to myself for a while, I decided to play a game I called "Heaven." I imagined that everyone and everything I saw was a part of a scene in heaven. People were stepping off airplanes, happy to finally arrive in paradise; families were greeting one another with open arms; and porters were assisting passengers with luggage to get them settled in heaven. Soon I enjoyed the game so much that I hardly noticed an hour go by.

When my friend arrived, I invited her to sit and play the game with me. Just then a man asked us if we would watch his bags while he made a phone call. In heaven, we had nowhere to go, and we gladly said yes, which he very much appreciated. Because we were at peace, we were in a perfect position to serve, and we brought his world closer to heaven.

Right where you are, there is just as much joy, peace, and happiness available as there is anywhere and anytime. The remedy for unhappiness is not geographical; it is attitudinal. If you choose to find peace where you are, you will bring it wherever you go and invite others to join you.

Help me remember that love is everywhere. Wherever I go, there I will find You.

I carry the peace of God with me wherever I am.