Dr. Twerski's Sober Thought - July

[bluidkiti]

July 1

Doing the Right Thing

A minister who had participated in an unsuccessful intervention was upset because the irate subject left the parish for another church. It is a mistake to consider refusal of treatment as a failure. An intervention weakens the person's denial and hastens the point at which he or she will eventually accept help. Parents who refuse children's requests for sweets before a meal will be temporarily disliked. When children mature, they understand parents acted on their behalf. Addicts initially resentful of intervention are later grateful people were sufficiently concerned to try to help stop their self-destruction.

[bluidkiti]

July 2

The Journey of Life

Prayer of the Traveler says: May it be Thy will to lead me in my journey . . . Guide me from enemies and ambush. If we think of life as a journey with a goal, our lives will be more orderly. If we didn't achieve our goal, why not? In travels, enemies lie in ambush. Among these are chemicals that can rob us of everything. If we had to travel through enemy-infested territory, we would arm ourselves. That is what we must do against chemical enemies, which are so cunning, baffling, powerful. One way to protect ourselves is to stay close to other people in recovery.

[bluidkiti]

July 3

Recovering, Not Recovered

We can learn from nature. In 1991, a volcano in the Philippines erupted with violence after having been inactive for 600 years. The U.S. felt secure the volcano was extinct, and had invested billions in military bases nearby. Just as there is no security with a volcano even after many years of silence, neither is there certainty about sobriety, even after many years of abstinence. An eruption can occur with violence, after years of being dormant. This is why people in recovery speak of themselves as recovering rather than recovered. Relapse is always a possibility, and they must do everything to prevent such an eruption.

[bluidkiti]

July 4

Break the Chains of Tyranny

Freedom is our greatest treasure. Nowhere is tyranny as absolute as that of chemical dependency. When we lose our freedom to alcohol or drugs, we actually become something less than fully human. Sobriety, therefore, means not only abstaining from chemicals but also being freely human. It is, of course, possible for people who are not dependent on chemicals to be slaves to their passion or their ego. People who are subordinate to these forces cannot be considered sober even if they abstain from chemicals. Each day of sobriety is cause for gratitude and joy, because each day is an Independence Day."

[bluidkiti]

July 5

Freedom to Choose

Choice is a right we should never relinquish. When psychiatrist Victor Frankl was in the concentration camp facing death, he maintained one choice: how to face the end of life. This ability to choose gave him a dignity no one could take. In addiction we lose all ability to choose because we are under the tyranny of the chemical. When we admit our powerlessness and turn our life over to the will of God, we regain the freedom to choose, because the will of God is for a human being to be free to choose. As proud humans we should cherish our freedom to choose and guard it zealously.

[bluidkiti]

July 6

Insatiable Drives

If what we have is not enough, more will not be enough, either. Indeed, recovering addicts may have an advantage over nonaddicts, in that the latter may never be forced to examine their values. The addict learns from the use of chemicals that there is never enough. The perspective gained in quality sobriety applies to food, money, sex, acclaim, and every other human drive as well. It is said that when multibillionaire J. Paul Getty was asked, How much money is enough? he answered, Just a little bit more. Insatiable drives are destructive, regardless of what the objective is.

[bluidkiti]

July 7

Keep an Open Mind

We do not have to agree with everyone, but it is important to listen to what others have to say. Listening lets other ideas enter our minds, where we can weigh them in the light of our knowledge and experience. Then we can accept all or part, or reject them completely. We must momentarily vacate our own idea in order to make room for a different idea. As long as we know for certain I am not an addict, the possibility that we have a chemical problem cannot even be considered. Recovery begins with an open mind.

[bluidkiti]

July 8

Let GO and Let God

After we have done all we can do about something, we leave the rest up to God. But at times there are other reasons to let go. For example, if we try hard to fall asleep, we will remain awake until we stop trying. Similarly, trying to make someone love us is certain to turn the person away because we cannot control someone else's emotions. However, this is what the active addict tries to do -- and does not realize the attempt to control everything defeats that purpose. When we recover and let go, things begin to happen because now we are no longer being obstructive.

[bluidkiti]

July 9

Be Yourself and Be Happy

A young man told of his inability to develop a romantic relationship. This man had a negative opinion of himself. On dates he would conceal his real self while trying to impress his companion. When his friend asked him to take his girlfriend out occasionally while he was away, he had no intention of attracting her so he did not act artificially. His real self was manifested, and the young woman fell in love with him. Sometimes we try too hard, especially if we have feelings of inadequacy. But if we feel good about ourselves, we can relax and good things can happen.

[bluidkiti]

July 10

Dependence on Other's Praise

If we are aware of our strengths and talents, wanting to be praised is not a character defect. If, however, we need other's compliments to let us know we are okay, we have a problem. In the first instance, we are aware of our reality, and desire others to appreciate us. In the second instance, we expect others to define us because we have no self-image. Total dependence on others for our self-image is psychologically unhealthy. Doing the Fourth and Fifth Steps can help achieve self-awareness, and the remainder of the Twelve Steps can help develop a personality others can easily appreciate.

[bluidkiti]

July 11

Anger at God

We are greater believers than we think. Some have rejected the Twelve Step recovery program on the grounds that it requires a belief in God, and they are atheists. A person who felt he was suffering unjustly said he did not believe in God, and it was therefore unfair for God to punish someone who doesn't believe in Him. Is it possible to be angry at something that does not exist? This contradictory statement is evidence of the confused thinking of an active addict. God can accept our anger. We should not deceive ourselves that our anger puts Him out of existence.

[bluidkiti]

July 12

Attitude and Acceptance

What must we accept, and what is subject to change? A theologian asked an elderly porter how he was faring, and the latter replied, Terrible! At my age I must carry heavy burdens to earn enough to survive. A few days later the man replied, Why complain? If at my age I still have the strength to carry heavy loads, I should be grateful. One day we may complain about our earnings and the next day be grateful we have a job. Even if certain facts do not change, we can always change our attitudes.

[bluidkiti]

July 13

Self-Esteem and Self-Awareness

We must appreciate our self-worth. A young addict whose arms bore scars of heroin injections was wearing a gold locket, which she had refused to sell for drugs because it had been her mother's. I made motions as though I were about to scratch it. Don't, the woman screamed. That's precious to me! I pointed since she had a natural resistance to ruining something beautiful or valuable, the only reason she had defaced herself was because she had not thought of herself as beautiful or valuable. True self-awareness will eliminate the distorted negative self-concept that leads people to be self-destructive.

[bluidkiti]

July 14

The Rewards of Sobriety

can be mature or juvenile. Children have to be bribed to do things that are for their own good, because they lack the capacity to understand. Adults should know better. The reward for living a healthy life is contained within itself: good health. The reward for living a spiritual life is the dignity of knowing we have elevated ourselves. The reward for being sober is sobriety. Avoiding chemicals and coping with reality may not be pleasant, and the child within us may want some reward for tolerating this discomfort. But the adult should be satisfied with the true reward for being sober: sobriety.

[bluidkiti]

July 15

Sponsors Bring a Healthy Perspective

Coping with reality depends on how it is perceived. The reason artists can draw so well is not that they have superior hands, but rather that they have superior perception. We can all draw what we see. Artists just see things more accurately. Likewise, how we adapt to and cope with reality is not a function of our skill but of how we perceive reality. The more accurately we perceive it, the greater our success in dealing with it. It is obvious why frequent contact with sponsors and veterans in recovery enhances our sobriety and functioning. They help us correct our misperceptions of reality.