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#1 |
Junior Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 4
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I could stop drinking quite well. The physical effects would intensify-- shakiness, lack of appetite,
malaise-- and then typically some embarrassing event in a blackout would be the tipping point. The pain of drinking would exceed the pain of not drinking, and I would resolve to quit. And I would. Yes, stopping was relatively easy. It was the staying stopped that I had trouble with. Just don't take the first drink, right? Seemed easy enough. After all, I'm sober, I'm off the bender. I am in control of my motor functions, which are required to drive to the bar or liquor store. I have absolute knowledge and understanding that the first drink will send me off again. I'm armed with information and support. And yet, I found myself drunk again. Every mother-lovin' time. What I've come to understand-- having had an experience with the 12 steps and some sort of internal rearrangement of ideas that allows me to look back with a different perspective-- is that the resolve that I believed was so critical to my recovery, was in fact, part of my alcoholism. Hell, it wasn't part-- it was the soul of my alcoholism. It would allow me to believe most anything, to find inspiration in the most trite cliches, as long as I didn't do one thing: give up completely. Surrender is alcoholism's kryptonite. The disease knows that complete and utter surrender is a precursor to finding a power that will bring about its demise. I know it sounds a little like "good vs. evil," but screw it-- this is precisely what we're dealing with. "Drinking problem" doesn't even scratch the surface. The disease, it waits. It was when I understood that I was absolutely going to drink again-- when I understood that I was insane, that my promises, determination and plans were nothing more than cover fire for my alcoholism-- it was then that I surrendered. My ability to manufacture hope died. I had no idea at the time that I'd reached the jumping off point. I was never more ready to recover. (JW) ![]() |
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#2 |
Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Hamilton, ON
Posts: 25,078
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Welcome Ron, I can identify. I could stop, but I couldn't stay stopped.
Surrender isn't giving up, it is giving over. For me it was the program, one day at a time. ![]() WELCOME!
__________________
Love always, Jo I share because I care. ![]() |
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