Drinking and Thinking

[MajestyJo]

The Power of the Mind

The mind is a powerful tool. It can talk you into or out of anything and everything. When I am not living God-centered, I become a product of that mind. It can tell me I am just 'fine' or it can tell me I am very sick and not worthy of love and care. It is so important to feed my mind with positive affirmations. I have to remember that all I have is today. Whatever label I choose to wear in today, is subject to change be it positive or negative. The choice is mine.

I am a recovering alcoholic/addict, who used alcohol and other mind altering substances, to deal with life. Today, when I hear someone say, "Well I am an addict/alcoholic you know!" I always ask, "So what are you doing about it?

A part of my mind was filled with blame and shame. Blaming other people for the conditions in my life and shame as to where I allowed myself to go as a result of my using. It wasn't just what I did but it was the fact that I lost my principles, put aside my beliefs, went where I said I would never go, and puffed myself into this prideful balloon full of hot air that was false and filled with a lot of things I had no reason to be proud of.

The things that I did as a result of trying to please others, looking for affirmation and acceptance, the letting go my integrity and principles that were such a big part of my life to end up an empty shell with no mind of her own with no will to live and completely void of feelings.

What a gift the program has given back. My sense of self, a new set of principles, and a sense of pride in who I am in today.

The picture is gross but it reminds me how easily I can get my nose all bent out of shape over the littlest things and forget where I come from, and forget how far I have come back.

[MajestyJo]

I Drank'

I drank for happiness and became unhappy.

I drank for joy and became miserable.

I drank for sociability and became argumentative.

I drank for sophistication and became obnoxious.

I drank for friendship and made enemies.

I drank for sleep and woke up tired.

I drank for strength and felt weak.

I drank for relaxation and got the shakes.

I drank for courage and became afraid.

I drank for confidence and became doubtful.

I drank to make conversation easier and slurred my speech.

I drank to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like hell.


-Author Unknown-

[MajestyJo]

Sobriety

What has been going through my mind, partly because I have been going through my recovery site Soundness of Mind, but I always think the phrase when I see the word sobriety.

Many people say that it is an AA word. For me, it is a word for anyone who does not use in today. There are very few pure alcoholics. As much as many of them like to think so, there are those who get addicted to work, gambling, food, pills, etc. or refuse to give up their joint or a rigid exercise routine that becomes obsessive, or they become obsessed with religion or the internet.

I often ask, "Am I an alcoholic because I am an addict. Or am I n addict because I am an alcoholic. It doesn't really matter. What matters for me is sobriety. For me, sobriety means soundness of mind.

As I heard many years ago from a dear long-timer, "He got his physical, mental and spiritual healing many years ago. He still went to meetings for his emotional sobriety. He was 25 years sober at the time. I had about 2 years in recovery and here I am, as of yesterday, 2 months away from my 22nd anniversary. I too need to work on my emotional sobriety, one day at a time. It is a living program.

It isn't about the drinking and drugging (my pills were like dried-up alcohol to me and I had the same symptoms using them as I did drinking), it is the stinking thinking that can creep in and the daily dealing of feelings in a healthy way.

It is about making healthy choices. I no longer want to drink to someone else's health. I want a new sober life for me. It isn't about putting the plug in the jug. It is working the Steps and getting those extra gifts that allow me to be a new me; instead of the old me, acting out in my disease even though I am not drinking.



Peace on your journey.

[MajestyJo]

The spiritual enlightenment for me was the phrase, "If you have to control it, it is already out of control!"

I had heard this phrase around the rooms for several years and it meant nothing to me. I kept coming, I didn't think I was an alcoholic, but I wanted what the people in the rooms had. I knew I didn't want to go back to where I came from, so I just kept coming.

I thought maybe if just kept coming, some of what you had would rub off onto me. So I came, and said, "Hi, my name is JoAnne, and I am an alcoholic" and was in total rebellion, with the attitude, "I'll say it if I have to, and went through the alcoholic/addict stage. Ironically, I knew I was an addict, and I think it was because I knew the meaning of the word. Or I could relate it to chips, or cookies, and the feeling of more, but couldn't identify the alcoholism. I knew I misused and abused my medication, but it wasn't until many years later that I came to know it as dried-up alcohol.

I came, but I did all the wrong things, I compared instead of identifying. I don't like beer, I didn't have black outs, I didn't pass out after so many drinks, I could drive the car after drinking all day and night and not get pulled over, I could walk a straight line (my son use to say he looked out the window and saw Mom bringing B**** home). I didn't go to jail, I didn't get tickets, I didn't get cut off at the bar, and the list went on, and on, and on.

After I heard the phrase above, I came to realize "Don't look at what you didn't do, but look at what you did do!" That was a different story. I decided I would rather be an alcoholic.

It wasn't until God saw fit to give me a dream to let me see how others saw me when I was drinking. I was a first class, manipulating b**ch, who told everyone how to do it, what to do, when to do it, and was aggressive and a loud mouthed person that I wouldn't have wanted for a friend. I had assumed that the reason that people had back away from us because of my ex-husband's drinking, when it truth, it was probably my controlling, manipulating and nagging ways. Now that was a spiritual awakening, and I was two years in the program. I was sober but I can honestly say I didn't have true sobriety until then. Sobriety for me means soundness of mind. You can't have sobriety and be in denial and a life of secrets and control. I was continually at war with myself, and often with those around me because I didn't have my own knowing. I only knew what was told to me, and I had to find my own path and my own truth.

My spiritual adviser said, "You will learn two thing. 1) How to work your program. 2) How not to work your program.

Keep coming, so you won't have to come back.

[MajestyJo]

WHAT'S YOUR SCORE?
KEEP THIS AND CHECK YOUR GRADE EACH MONTH
GIVE YOURSELF FROM ONE TO FIVE POINTS ON EACH QUESTION

1. Has my past been a mess and am I EARNESTLY DETERMINED TO
ESTABLISH A BETTER WAY OF LIFE, and am I willing to make the effort?
______
2. Do I admit BEYOND ANY DOUBT that I am powerless over alcohol - that if I use
it, it will destroy me? ______
3. Do I sincerely believe that there is a power greater than myself in which I WILL
PUT MY TRUST regardless of what happens? ______
4. Do I realize the importance of talking A.A. and attending all A.A. MEETINGS
POSSIBLE, or do I hedge and make excuses? ______
5. Am I really willing to MAKE RETRIBUTION where possible to those I have
harmed, or am I just kidding? ______
6. Do I SINCERELY OBSERVE daily moments of constructive meditation, thinking
of my humility and desire to understand? ______
7. Am I TRULY HONEST with others, or will I chisel if I get a chance? ______
8. Am I PATIENT in waiting for the rewards of my efforts? ______
9. Am I FRIENDLY and do I TRY TO OVERLOOK the shortcomings of others,
regardless of who they are? ______
10. Am I tolerant - do I show consideration for those whose beliefs, practices or
habits differ from my own? ______
11. Am I a gossip - do I repeat rumors or chatter about people's affairs? ______
12. Am I GRATEFUL for ALL HELPFUL THINGS and DO I SAY SO? ______
13. Do I have REAL COURAGE and am I FREE FROM FEAR OF ALL KINDS?
______
14. Do I really have CONFIDENCE IN MYSELF and others, or am I filled with
doubt and suspicion? ______
15. Do I cooperate with others and HELP PROMOTE constructive ideas? ______
16. Do I practice SELF-CONTROL, and really forget and forgive differences? _____
17. Am I neat in my appearance, and do I keep as clean as I can under the
circumstances, both in body and mind? ______
18. Am I extending any effort to help others with their problems? ______
19. Do I realize that my problem is NOT MONEY, but mental and physical? _______
20. Am I making any reasonable effort to OVERCOME any other undesirable habits
or CHARACTERISTICS I may possess? ______
Total ______

A total score of less than 50 is regarded as poor; 50 to 60 fair; 60 to 65 low average; 65 to 70 high average; 70 to 80 excellent; over 80 "impossible in this world."
January 1947 AA Grapevine

[MajestyJo]

If carrots would do what alcohol did for me, I'd be a carrotolic.

- Al A.

From Alkiespeaks

Love this, It is one of my saying revised a little, "I am a bridgeaholic." Love playing bridge. Maybe I should say I am a gameaholic, but then I only play about 3 on the computer, and although bridge is a priority, I do like cribbage, scrabble, and Yahtzee.

I was sharing with my friend last night and said, "If I could drink safely, I would drink." Everyone once in a while, the old tape, "If you can't beat them join them" comes to mind and I tell myself I really didn't have a problem. I would tell myself that I could have one drink, many times only one or two. What I put to the back of my mind was the fact that I had some heavy duty drugs in my body and didn't really need the booze.

I was told that anything that I put between my and my God, became my new God, because I lost connection to mine.

My drug of choice, can be anything I have in front of me. It isn't the substance that I use(d) that is the problem, it is the thinking.

When my thinking says more, I need to turn it over to my Higher Power, no matter what substance is available in the moment, be it my computer, books, games, and I am reminded that it is people, places and things, something or someone who will take me out of myself.

I need to go within, instead of looking outside of myself for that quick fix, that seemingly saving grace, which in fact is a control thing, an illusion, and I have daily reprieve, only through the Grace of my God.

[MajestyJo]

Alcoholism is the only disease they lock you up for. Anon.

From Alkiespeaks

So often the term is taken for something that belongs in NA (that other fellowship that people don't seem to want to talk about). Hey people, times are changing. I would say that most addicts start out their journey by using alcohol and when it quits working, they move on to other things.

That isn't always so, often their parents or friend used alcohol so they stayed away from it because they didn't want to be like them.

Yet alcohol is just as deadly, if not more so than other drugs, mainly because for the most part it is legal if you are of age, while most other substances are not.

Even if you look at what people call the 'safe drugs' like food, work, exercise, gambling, etc. it all leads to the same soul sickness and can take you to the same places.

Alcoholism kills. Substitution kills. Addiction kills. Some is good, more is better is a FALSE statement.

November 2011

A remember when for me found on another site. This from a person who didn't think she was an alcoholic. A person who stayed sick because she compared instead of identifying. A person who said, "I am not as bad as they are." Just because I wasn't a falling down drunk, could walk a straight line, didn't like beer, and any other excuse I could think up, I wouldn't let myself wear a label that I put on others. I didn't know it was a disease. I thought it was an excuse for unacceptable behaviour.

[MajestyJo]

From "A Small White Card":

"Yet I had a spiritual experience the night I called A.A.,
though I didn’t realize it until later. Two angels came,
carrying a real message of hope, and told me about A.A.
My sponsor laughed when I denied that I had prayed for
help. I told him that the only time I had mentioned God was
when, in my despair at being unable to get either drunk or
sober, I had cried out, 'God! What am I going to do?'

"He replied, 'I believe that prayer was a pretty good one for a
first one from an atheist. It got an answer, too.'
– Brighton, Colorado, USA"

Came to Believe, 30th printing 2004, pg. 25

I really like this. How many times I took or spoke God's name in vane. How many times, I ignored His presence and chose to do things my way.

Looking back over the years, He was there. There were many times, that I should have been dead or hurt much more than I was. i.e. I was raped by one guy, there were three in the room.

I was in that situation because I listened to a person I thought was my friend instead of listening to myself.

I could really identify. I just took more and more, and it wasn't enough. It wasn't until I stopped to think about where I was at and reached out for help, that my life changed.

I had faith and lost it. I had to regain in. I had to find out who God was to me. I had to make God personal. I found God to be an old tape. The difference was not the God people told me He was, but God as He revealed Himself to me.

[MajestyJo]

DAILY OM 2009

Releasing Negativity
Pity Party

We all have days when the bad things seem to outweigh the good ones and we begin to think that life isn’t fair. You get stuck in traffic, which makes you late for an important meeting, and then your car gets towed. You might ask yourself, “Why me?” Events like this one can test anyone’s ability to be grateful and feel optimistic. If you have a tendency to feel sorry for yourself, and many of us do, things usually progress to the next stage: the pity party. You begin to feel like the innocent victim of a dismal fate because you are seeing your life through inaccurate lenses. Most of the thoughts that run through your mind at times like these are not helpful, and they mainly serve to increase your indignation and feelings of powerlessness. What these feelings and thoughts don’t do is change your circumstances or make you feel better.

When you have a terrible day, there should definitely be a time and place to have your feelings so you can process them. It’s important not to pretend that you are fine with things when you aren’t. It’s also important, however, to notice when you’re having a pity party. It’s a good idea to set a time limit in which to fully express your emotions and not feel guilty, ashamed, or judge yourself. Having a friend witness you during this process can be helpful. You may also want to write about your feelings. When your time is up, let go of the negativity you just expressed. You can declare your intention to your friend. If you’ve written down your feelings, you can burn the piece of paper or throw it in the recycling bin.

Try not to dwell on unpleasant experiences and do everything you can to avoid holding on to negative emotions. When you indulge in self-pity, you only make a bad day worse. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, release the notion that you are a victim, and notice the good that exists in your life.

What do you think?

Remember talking to a guy on the elevator one day and he said, "Why me?" He use to live in another senior complex that I lived in. I responded to him with what my sponsor said to me, he is not program and from all accounts, qualifies for it. She said, "Why not you?" He looked at me shocked, at bit stunned, and then he started to laugh, and said, "You are right, "Why not me."

What makes us think we have right of passage through this life without trials and tribulations, and thing everything should be a free ride and handed to us on a silver platter and just there because we feel it is our due and our right, just because.

I seem to recall the alcoholic mind, and thinking "well I am so hard done by" or it was no thought at all, just rough shod over everything or everyone and just taking with no thought of giving and/or sharing.

The only pity would be "Too bad I drank it all last night and didn't save some for today, but then who does that?"

[MajestyJo]

Fact

from: "A Vision for You"

"Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us."


© 2001, Alcoholics Anonymous, page 164

Love this, my God is as He reveals Himself to me in today.

We so often limit how our God can work in our lives by our narrow outlook as to who He is and to what He can do and we do not surrender our 'whole' life into His Care.