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Family and Friends of Alcoholics and Addicts This forum is for families and friends whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking and/or drug abuse. |
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#1 | |
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#2 | |
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#3 | |
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Acceptance of what is, in the moment, knowing it is subject to change. Nothing is going to change, until I find that acceptance, awareness, and admit so I can take action.
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#4 |
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Friday, April 4, 2014
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go Negotiating Conflicts Recovery is about more than walking away. Sometimes it means learning to stay and deal. It's about building and maintaining relationships that work. —Beyond Codependency Problems and conflicts are part of life and relationships - with friends, family, loved ones, and at work - problem-solving and conflict negotiation are skills we can acquire and improve with time. Not being willing to tackle and solve problems in relationships leads to unresolved feelings of anger and victimization, terminated relationships, unresolved problems, and power plays that intensify the problem and waste time and energy. Not being willing to face and solve problems means we may run into that problem again. Some problems with people cannot be worked out in mutually satisfactory ways. Sometimes the problem is a boundary issue we have, and there is not room to negotiate. In that case, we need to clearly understand what we want and need and what our bottom line is. Some problems with people, though, can be worked out, worked through, and satisfactorily negotiated. Often, there are workable options for solving problems that we will not even see until we become open to the concept of working through problems in relationships, rather than running from the problems. To negotiate problems, we must be willing to identify the problem, let go of blame and shame, and focus on possible creative solutions. To successfully negotiate and solve problems in relationships, we must have a sense of our bottom line and our boundary issues, so we don't waste time trying to negotiate non-negotiable issues. We need to learn to identify what both people really want and need and the different possibilities for working that out. We can learn to be flexible without being too flexible. Committed, intimate relationships mean two people are learning to work together through their problems and conflicts in ways that work in both people's best interest. Today, I will be open to negotiating conflicts I have with people. I will strive for balance without being too submissive or too demanding. I will strive for appropriate flexibility in my problem-solving efforts.
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#5 | |
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Had a friend many years ago, who said that when she tried to let go, she left scratch marks. I could identify.
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Love always, Jo I share because I care. ![]() Last edited by MajestyJo; 04-05-2014 at 03:11 AM. Reason: format |
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#6 | |
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Patience for yourself as well as patience with others.
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#7 |
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Monday, April 7, 2014
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go Those Old Time Feelings I still have bad days. But that's okay. I used to have bad years. —Anonymous Sometimes, the old feelings creep back in. We may feel fearful, ashamed, and hopeless. We may feel not good enough, unlovable, victimized, helpless, and resentful about it all. This is codependency, a condition some describe as soul sickness. Many of us felt this way when we began recovery. Sometimes, we slip back into these feelings after we've begun recovery. Sometimes there's a reason. An event may trigger these reactions, such as ending a relationship, stress, problems on the job, at home, or in friendships. Times of change can trigger these reactions. So can physical illness. Sometimes, these feelings return for no reason. A return to the old feelings doesn't mean were back to square one in our recovery. They do not mean we've failed at recovery. They do not mean were in for a long, painful session of feeling badly. They just are there. The solution is the same: practicing the basics. Some of the basics are loving and trusting our self, detachment, dealing with feelings, giving and receiving support in the recovery community, using our affirmations, and having fun. Another basic is working the Steps. Often, working the Steps is how we become enabled and empowered to practice the other basics, such as detachment and self-love. If the old feelings come back, know for certain there is a way out that will work. Today, if I find myself in the dark pit of codependency, I will work a Step to help myself climb out.
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#8 |
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Tuesday, April 8, 2014
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go Self Care I don't precisely know what you need to do to take care of yourself. But I know you can figure it out. —Beyond Codependency Rest when you're tired. Take a drink of cold water when you're thirsty. Call a friend when you're lonely. Ask God to help when you feel overwhelmed. Many of us have learned how to deprive and neglect ourselves. Many of us have learned to push ourselves hard, when the problem is that were already pushed too hard. Many of us are afraid the work wont get done if we rest when were tired. The work will get done; it will be done better than work that emerges from tiredness of soul and spirit. Nurtured, nourished people, who love themselves and care for themselves, are the delight of the Universe. They are well timed, efficient, and Divinely led. Today, I will practice loving self-care.
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#9 | |
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#10 | |
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#11 |
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Friday, April 11, 2014
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go Financial Goals Taking responsibility for our financial affairs will improve our self-esteem and lessen anxiety. Each of us, today, has a present set of financial circumstances. We have a certain amount of money in hand, and money due to us. We have a pile of bills that we owe. We have taxes to pay. Those are our present financial circumstances. No matter what the details are, acceptance, gratitude, and self-responsibility will lessen the stress. Each of us, today, has a financial future. There are few future aspects of our life we can control, but one part we can play to assist our future is setting goals. We don't have to obsess about our goals. We don't have to constantly watch and mark our progress toward them. But it is beneficial to think about our goals and write them down. What do we want to happen in our financial future? What financial problems would we like to solve? What bills would we like to be rid of? What would we like to be earning at the end of this year? The end of next year? Five years from now? Are we willing to work for our goals and trust our Higher Power to guide us? Pay bills on time. Contact creditors. Make arrangements. Do your best, today, to take responsibility for your finances. Set goals for the future. Then, let go of money and concentrate on loving. Taking responsibility for our financial affairs does not mean making money our focus. Taking responsibility for our finances enables us to take our focus off money. It frees us to do our work and live the life we want. We deserve to have the self-esteem and peace that accompanies financial responsibility. Today, I will take the time necessary to be responsible for myself financially. If it is time to pay bills or talk to creditors, I will do that. If it is time to set goals, I will do that. Once I have done my part, I will let the rest go.
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#12 | |
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#13 | |
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I am so grateful for the program that gave me a second chance at life. Why not enjoy it? Each day is bonus and a blessing if you look for it.
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#14 |
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We do recover from that hopeless state of mind and body - it promises us at the beginning of the Big Book. That doesn't mean my disease disappears, it is always there waiting in the wings waiting for me to forget it is there waiting for it's cue to come back on stage.
Thankfully we have daily reprieve, contingent on our spiritual condition, one day at a time. Just for today, I choose not to pick up, Just for today, I choose to live! When I visited my sister today, I walked away with the thought, "She doesn't know or not willing to admit that she is an addict too, only her drug of choice is different than mine." She never used drugs, and didn't drink much, but she knew if she did, she would drink alcoholically. When I came into recovery, she stopped drinking Coolers. She is very much the Adult Child of an Alcoholic and a Codependent. I have those issues too. It takes one to know one. It is the thinking behind the substance, it all leads to the same soul sickness. I was told in Al-Anon, and I came to believe, that we are sicker than our As.
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#15 | |
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Expectations can lead to disappointment and hurt. I had to learn to lower them, so they were attainable. I had to stop projecting my expectations onto others, most times they were not able to meet them, or they out did me, and then I would get a resentment. As it says in the Big Book, we had to lower our expectations and have higher acceptance of our self and others.
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Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Eating Disorders - OA April 2014 | MajestyJo | Alcohol, Drugs and Other Addictions Recovery | 32 | 04-30-2014 08:42 AM |
The Language of Letting Go - March 2014 | MajestyJo | Family and Friends of Alcoholics and Addicts | 31 | 03-31-2014 01:41 AM |
THE LANGUAGE OF LETTING GO - SEPTEMBER | MajestyJo | Family and Friends of Alcoholics and Addicts | 17 | 09-17-2013 07:33 AM |
The Language of Letting Go for August | MajestyJo | Family and Friends of Alcoholics and Addicts | 31 | 08-31-2013 05:35 PM |
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