Today's Thought - June

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June 1

I Wish I Were

I wish I were big enough to honestly admit all my shortcomings.

Brilliant enough to accept praise without it making me arrogant.

Tall enough to tower over dishonesty.

Strong enough to welcome criticism.

Compassionate enough to understand human frailties.

Wise enough to recognize mistakes.

Humble enough to appreciate greatness.

Brave enough to stand by my friends.

Human enough to be thoughtful of my neighbor.

And spiritual enough to be devoted to the love of God.

-- Author unknown --

You are reading from the book:

The 12 Step Prayer Book Volume 2 by Bill P. and Lisa D.

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June 2

Teach me, my God and King,
In all things thee to see,
And what I do in anything,
To do it as for thee.
--George Herbert

Some of us have gone through life unconsciously expecting others to bring us happiness, to make our dreams come true, and to make us feel good about ourselves. When nothing seems to be going well for us, we blame it on the lack of external support - we're not in a serious relationship, we don't like our job, we don't have the money to venture into our own business.

When we change our perspective - when we know and trust that we are responsible for our happiness, our dreams, and our feelings - we become empowered. No longer is the burden on someone or something that is either unreliable or nonexistent. We'd been giving this power to others; now it's time to take it back, to make and be responsible for our own choices, to value our opinions, and to respect our intellect.

Today I will give myself credit for all I am capable of, financially and otherwise.

You are reading from the book:

Letting Go of Debt by Karen Casanova

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June 3

For all the sadness of closure, there is a new and joyful unfolding in the process of becoming.
--Mary Casey

We must let go of people, places, memories, and move on to new experiences. The doors of the past must be closed before we can enter those that are opening to us today. However, no experience is gone forever. All of our experiences are threaded together, each one contributing to the events that claim our attention now.

Recovery has offered us a chance to be aware of our process of becoming. With each day, each experience, each new understanding, we are advancing along the path of personal growth. Let us remember that each of us has a particular path, like no other. Thus, our experiences are ours alone. We need not envy what comes to someone else.

Life is unfolding for us. The pain of the present may be necessary for the pleasure of tomorrow. We can accept the unfolding. Our inner selves have a goal; experiences of the past must be left in the past; experiences at hand will lead us to our destination today.

I am moving and changing and growing, at the right pace. The process can be trusted. What is right for me will come to me. I will let the joy of becoming warm me.

You are reading from the book:

Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey

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June 4

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
--Step Nine

When we make amends we need to be clear about what we're apologizing for and the best way to say we're sorry. What we are really doing with our amends is taking responsibility for our behavior. We need to be sure that the process itself will not be self-defeating or hurtful.

Sometimes, we need to directly apologize for a particular thing we have done or our part in a problem. Other times, instead of saying I'm sorry, what we need to do is work on changing our behavior with a person.

There are times when bringing up what we have done and apologizing for it will make matters worse.

We need to trust timing, intuition, and guidance in this process of making amends. Once we become willing, we can let go and tackle our amends in a peaceful, consistent, harmonious way. If nothing feels right or appropriate, if it feels as if what we are about to do will cause a crisis or havoc, we need to trust that feeling.

We deserve to be at peace with ourselves and others.

Today, I will be open to making any amends I need to make with people. I will wait for Divine Guidance in the process of making any amends that are not clear to me. God, help me let go of my fear about facing people and taking responsibility for my behaviors. Help me know I am not diminishing my self-esteem by doing this; I am improving it.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

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June 5

Reflection for the Day

Change is the characteristic of all growth. From drinking to sobriety, from dishonesty to honesty, from conflict to serenity, from childish dependence to adult responsibility - all this and infinitely more represent change for the better. Only God is unchanging; only God has all the truth there is. Do I accept the belief that lack of power was my dilemma? Have I found a power by which I can live - a Power greater than myself?

Today I Pray

I pray that The Program will be, for me, an outline for change - for changing me. These days of transition from active addiction to sobriety, from powerlessness to power through God, may be rocky, as change can be. May my restlessness be stilled by the unchanging nature of God, in whom I place my trust.

Today I Will Remember

I can count on my Higher Power.

You are reading from the book:

A Day at a Time (Softcover) by Anonymous

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June 6

I wish you a slow recovery.
--Saying heard in meetings

Newcomer

I feel as if I should be doing better than this by now.

Sponsor

I can identify with your belief that you should be doing better faster. I sometimes feel that about the pace of my own recovery, as if we recovering people are in some sort of race with time.

As active addicts, we had little experience with any long process. We believed in instant results, like the ones we were used to getting from our addictive substance or behavior. So we may not be qualified to judge what our rate of progress should be.

One antidote to my impatience is hearing about myself from people who saw me at meetings in the early days of my recovery. Paradoxically, I feel reassured when they laugh and make statements like, "I remember what you were like; you were bouncing off the walls!" Their perspective reminds me that I've come a distance on my journey.

What can best further your journey is leaving the timetable for recovery in your Higher Power's hands as you focus your whole being - all of your attention - on this present moment.

Today, I don't measure myself. I trust that I'm everything I should be in this moment.

You are reading from the book:

If You Want What We Have by Joan Larkin

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June 7

Healing the Past

We hear much about the long term effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family. Many alcoholics, in fact, have bitter memories of their own parents’ drinking and may feel this caused needless deprivation and misery.

Whether our families were dysfunctional or not, we must agree that most of our parents did the best they could. We cannot bring back the past – nor can they – and it is best released, forgiven, and forgotten. Our wisest course is to use the tools of the program to reach the maturity and well-being that will bring happiness into our own lives. This will not happen, however, if we believe that growing up in a dysfunctional home has left us permanently impaired.

In our fellowship, we can find endless examples of people who used the Twelve Steps to overcome all kinds of emotional and physical disabilities. Just when we start thinking something in our past is a permanent handicap, we meet other people who survived the same bitter experiences and are living life to the fullest. They’ve cleared away the wreckage of their past in order to build wisely for the future.

I’ll remember today that I am not bound or limited by anything that was ever done or said to me. I face the day with self-confidence and a sense of expectancy, knowing that I am really a fortunate person with many reasons to be grateful.

You are reading from the book:

Walk in Dry Places by Mel B.

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June 8

...setting aside our carefulness with each other...

If we cannot tolerate our mistakes, we will never be able to move on from this place. If we do not step up to the plate with bat in hand, we will grow old without knowing what first base is like.

Life is a risk. A committed relationship is a risk. Letting ourselves go, voicing opinions, telling our deepest feelings, playing frivolously at the park, setting aside our carefulness with each other and sometimes falling flat on our faces -- all these things give us the pleasure of being alive. If we insist on playing it safe, then we never feel the thrill of the game. Our lives with each other become flat and empty if we do not take some risks. We have a right to be weak as well as strong; a right to be respected when we feel silly as much as when we appear dignified; a right to say what we believe even if it is half-baked. The greatest mistake is never to engage life.

Think of one thing you would like to do with your partner if you could set aside all judgments and evaluations.

You are reading from the book:

The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum

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June 9

Attitudes and Limitations

What we consider our greatest strengths can also be our greatest weaknesses.

Excessive pride in "being able to handle everything," for example, may result in our taking on other people's responsibilities. In "taking over," we often lessen another's desire to meet his or her own obligations.

A boastful "I'll do it myself!" attitude can also mask a desperate feeling of inadequacy. Having a constant drive to prove our worth to others, we may trample on, or ignore, the needs of those around us who are just as eager to exhibit their competency and worth.

What are some other examples of virtues becoming vices?

Determination, to excess, becomes obstinacy and stubbornness. Honesty, when misdirected, is synonymous with gossip and slander. Sympathy and concern, overdone, can cripple and smother.

TODAY I will make a list of ten of my strengths and weaknesses. How has acting on each of these virtues and vices created joy or sorrow in my life? I will be aware that my strengths can be my worst enemies if I abuse them.

You are reading from the book:

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes

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June 10

"It was the hardest two years of my life," a woman said. "So many painful, unexpected events happened. I felt so abandoned, so lost. I didn't understand what was happening, and I felt tortured by God and life. I didn't think it would ever end. But it did. Now I can look back on that time and say, Wow. Look at all I learned. There's nothing that life can bring my way that I can't handle and get through."

She learned self-confidence. But whether she's conscious of it or not, this woman is beginning to learn the value of trusting the process.

Sometimes we don't know what we're learning, or whether we're learning anything at all. It's easy to look back on a situation once it has worked itself out and be in awe of the process and all that we learned.

The time we most need to trust the journey is when it looks like we can't.

You are reading from the book:

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melody Beattie

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June 11

F.E.A.R. = Frustration, Ego, Anxiety and Resentment
--Anonymous

We don't want to return to the life we led before recovery, but fear should never be the reason why we don't. Fear keeps us from being open to the Program. If we're only in the Program because we're afraid of the old way of life, we'll never pay attention and open our souls to learn about the new way. We'll be too busy looking back over our shoulders to make sure the old life isn't creeping up on us.

We have to want the Program out of a desire for a new life, not out of a fear of the old. Positive thinking and behavior will be in charge if we are to make any character growth. Every fear encourages negative thinking that can destroy us. Guilt and shame come from the past, just like fear. If those feelings are what drive us, we will never grow.

I will make it a practice to take note of my fears. I will take an inventory of each fear until I understand what caused it. Then I will be able to find a way to work through them.

You are reading from the book:

Easy Does It by Anonymous

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June 12

One Day at a Time

My best friend was going through some tough situations in her life. I was in the midst of a hard stretch too. We didn't particularly like the things we had to do in our lives. We talked about our feelings and decided that what we were going through was necessary and important, even though we didn't like it. We expressed gratitude for our lives.

"It's still a dreadful time," I said.

"Brutal," she said. "I guess we're back to the old one-day-at-a-time approach. We're so lucky. What do people do that haven't learned that gem?"

There are times when we can look at the stretch ahead and like what we see. Taking life one day at a time is still a good idea, even when things are going well.

Taking life one day at a time can be particularly useful when the road ahead looks dreadful. We may not even know where to start with some challenges. That's when taking life one day at a time is essential.

"I've been using alcohol and other drugs every day since I've been twelve years old," I said to my counselor years ago in treatment. "Now you're telling me I need to stay sober the rest of my life. Plus get a job. And a life. How am I going to do that?"

"One day at a time," she said. She was right. Sometimes I had to take life one minute at a time or one hour at a time. And all these years later, it still works.

You are reading from the book:

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melody Beattie

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June 13

Many of us achieve only the semblance of communication with others; what we say is often not contingent on what the other has just said, and neither of us is aware that we are not communicating.
--Desy Safan-Gerard

When we don't listen fully to each other, when we don't revere the Spirit within others that's trying to talk to us, we destroy the connection that wants to be made between our Spirits. Our inner selves have messages to give and messages to receive for the good of all. Our ego selves often keep us from hearing the very words that would unravel a problem in our lives.

How hard it is, how often, to be still and to fully listen to the words, rather than the person. How much more familiar it is to filter the message with our own ongoing inner dialogue - our own ongoing continual assessment of another's personhood at the very time our higher power is trying to reach us through them.

There really are no wasted words. Messages are everywhere. We can learn to listen.

I will hear just what I need to hear today. I will open myself fully to the words.

You are reading from the book:

Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey

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June 14

Duty is what one expects from others - it is not what one does oneself.
--Oscar Wilde

Newcomer

I do intend to make amends to everyone I've harmed, but I still feel scared to think about it.

Sponsor

The prospect of facing someone to whom we owe amends may bring up unnecessary fear if we cling to our old notion that we do everything alone.

We can plan to telephone a sponsor or program friend both before and after making the amend. We can ask for help from our Higher Power, praying for the willingness to make the amend, for the ability to speak our truth simply and clearly, and for the serenity that comes from understanding that another person's response is not in the realm of things we can control. Tools work, when we're willing to use them. As always, faith is the antidote to fear. If we feel that our faith is insufficient, we can listen to others in recovery sharing about their experience of the loving presence of a Higher Power - we can borrow from others' reserves of faith, when our own are low.

Today, I'm not alone, I allow myself to ask for and accept the support I need and deserve.

You are reading from the book:

If You Want What We Have by Joan Larkin

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June 15

I was so mixed up I tried to be perfect at avoiding perfectionism!
-- Kathryn G.

Oh, the struggle with perfectionism! Of all the clubs we can use to beat ourselves with, that one may be the worst. With all the "musts," "must nots," "shoulds," and "should nots" we demand of ourselves it's a wonder we can get through some days at all.

One woman said she called one of her cats by the other cat's name and as a result spent the next two hours depressed. Most of us don't go that far with perfectionism, but we still make unreasonable demands of ourselves.

The "one year" test is a good one for perfectionism: "If I (fill in the blank), what difference will it make in a year?" Some things will be important in a year. Making meetings, contacting our sponsor, communing with our Higher Power, and being honest with ourselves and others are all important. And we should be concerned when we fail. But more often we punish ourselves for the little failures - forgetting someone's name or saying the "wrong thing." These are the "crimes" we remember the most. But now we can learn to forgive ourselves and concentrate on what's really important: our new lives in recovery.

Today, help me remember what's important. Help me forgive myself for minor mistakes.

You are reading from the book:

Body, Mind, and Spirit by Anonymous