Dr. Twerski's Sober Thought - May

[bluidkiti]

May 1

Life without Fear

Fear is an element of all chemical dependencies. The fear is not panic or agoraphobia, but a terror that has been described as minefields at home or at work, alone or with friends. The only respite is a chemical, for the brief period of its action. But this is the insanity to which the program refers. The Twelve Step program helps a person realize the minefields do not exist. The promise of recovery is serenity instead of fear. Gradually the mines disappear, and we can direct our efforts to dealing with the challenges of the real world that do exist. With recovery we gain the wisdom to know the difference.

[bluidkiti]

May 2

Acceptance

Sobriety involves coping with challenges of reality. Many resorted to chemicals to escape. But reality does not necessarily improve with abstinence. Many of stresses that were there before the chemicals are still there with abstinence. A key word in recovery is acceptance: to accept that we have the disease of addiction and to accept things we cannot change. But it is important not to confuse acceptance with approval. There is nothing wrong with telling God about our displeasure. We may be angry at God when we are in distress, but we turn to Him for security and pray for the serenity to accept the stresses in life.

[bluidkiti]

May 3

Nobody's Perfect

The Twelve Step program states that recovery is progress rather than perfection. Some insist on achieving perfection. Because they consider themselves inadequate, they fear failure and try to be perfect. Life consists of successes and failures, and all one can hope for is that our successes outnumber our failures. Insisting on perfection always backfires. In trying to cover every detail that might possibly go wrong, we exhaust ourselves, and the job doesn't get done. If we get to know our real selves, we will not have feelings of inadequacy. We will be able to adjust to reality by enjoying our successes and surviving our failures.

[bluidkiti]

May 4

The Worst Failure Is the Failure to Try

Doing nothing is the greatest failure of all. We discussed the futility of trying to avoid failure by being perfect. Another way of avoiding failure is to do nothing. T o some, passive failure is more acceptable than active failure. If we cannot control the outcome of events, we are not at fault if we fail. But since we do control whether or not we try to do something, we are at fault when we do not try. Recovery from addiction is a major step at trying. As we gain confidence, we are progressively encouraged to advance further. Coping, trying, and recovery go hand-in-hand.

[bluidkiti]

May 5

Be Open to Spiritual Awakening

A young man described a life of drugs that resulted in close brushes with death. He still has a bullet at the base of his skull. He remembers thinking as he was hit, Oh God, please save me, and felt touched by the spirit of God. Yet he continued to use drugs. When the alarm buzzes we must choose whether to get up or to go back to sleep. Likewise, a spiritual awakening is an arousal, which we can take as a starting point for a new way of living. The good judgment is to take advantage of the awakening.

[bluidkiti]

May 6

Don't Isolate Yourself

Some of our body's defense mechanisms can cause more harm than good. If we are sensitive and afraid of being hurt by others, we will defensively isolate and withdraw. But this avoidance results in a loneliness that is even more painful. We have to undo the defense mechanisms that backfire. When we feel ourselves withdrawing, we must make a deliberate and conscious effort to relate to other people. Belonging to a recovery fellowship can be advantageous, because the empathic and loving support of the group allows us to emerge from our isolation in a protective environment.

[bluidkiti]

May 7

Self-Pity is Often a Waste of Time

Even though it hurts each time we think of them, we relive painful episodes. But ruminating about painful incidents uses up time and energy that could be directed toward constructive activities. Dwelling on painful experiences is particularly dangerous for people in recovery, and if we do not discontinue it, we are prone to relapse. What can we do about this tendency to focus on pain? We can try as hard as we can to overcome it, which makes us ready to have God remove it, if only we ask Him sincerely to do so.

[bluidkiti]

May 8

Everyone Can Learn from the Twelve Steps

The struggles and emotional problems addicts face are no different from those experienced by anyone else. Psychologists say life becomes problematic when there is a lack of harmony between ideas and feelings. A person with a phobia of crowds logically knows there is nothing really dangerous there, but has anxiety or panic as though something terrible were about to happen. These symptoms are a result of emotions, not logic. The Twelve Steps of AA are excellent guidelines for nonaddicts as well.

[bluidkiti]

May 9

Not All Conflict is Bad

Friction is necessary for growth and development. In fact, much of growth depends on overcoming challenges. Not all conflict should be avoided. If you do the homework for your children and remove the challenge, they learn nothing. Addiction is often the result of trying to make things run friction-free via chemicals. Indeed, some people talk of lubricating themselves with alcohol. When we eliminate mind-altering drugs, we restore the healthy friction necessary for our growth. The recovery program shows us how to make friction constructive.

[bluidkiti]

May 10

Don't Be So Hard on Yourself

Some adjust to life fairly well. Others are not only unable to adjust to distress but also cannot tolerate life when nothing is wrong. When we are displeased with ourselves, nothing is ever satisfactory. A person who is chronically displeased has a poor self-image and is vulnerable to alcoholism or drug addiction. But working the Twelve Steps can help us avoid the bottomless pit. Let's assume that you are sober. Do you still feel displeased much of the time? If so, begin doing things that will enable you to be pleased with yourself.

[bluidkiti]

May 11

Workaholism

Workaholics have a problem with self-esteem. Some professional people may think themselves competent as doctors, lawyers, or nurses but otherwise uninteresting or undesirable. The hospital or office becomes a comfortable place; whereas the home or social gatherings are places they feel ill at ease. They may become workaholics because the workplace is where they feel the best. Some say, I never take a drop at the office. I only drink at home. This is invariably a sign of the need for anesthesia at home, where they must be social rather than professional. Self-awareness can eliminate this negative view of one-self as only half a person.

[bluidkiti]

May 12

Life is an Adventure

Life can be exciting. A great actress was excited on the last day of an extended run on Broadway: she had thought of a new way to act the part. She was excited about the one remaining performance as though there were to be a thousand more. This is the attitude that develops from living one day at a time. True, we cannot change the past, nor is there much that can be done about the future. But today is what really counts. There are so many things to discover in life. Living one day at a time can help us make those discoveries.

[bluidkiti]

May 13

You Can Survive Relapse

While relapse is unfortunate, it is not a calamity. One winter day, I slipped and sustained some bruises. But I arose and continued toward my destination, walking much more carefully. Had I not fallen earlier, perhaps I would not have been as cautious, and a later slip might have been more dangerous. Relapse should be looked at this way. Growth achieved prior to the relapse is not undone, and extra caution after the relapse can prevent a greater disaster. I would certainly have preferred to avoid the fall, but once it happened, I could consider how it benefited me. The same is true of relapse.

[bluidkiti]

May 14

Don't Allow Fear of Religion to Keep You From Recovery

The Twelve Step program advocates reliance on a Higher Power. Most addicts are discouraged by the AA and NA concept of absolute abstinence rather than by its philosophy. If a program advocated social drinking or recreational use, they would flock to it even if it were steeped in religious ritual. Some religiously devout people shun the Twelve Step program, while some avowed atheists follow it. No one in the program asks for evidence of attendance at church or synagogue. We choose anything or anyone we wish to serve as our Higher Power.

[bluidkiti]

May 15

Share Your Feelings With Others

Feelings that are shared can be tolerated. One night Marilyn felt chest pain. After tests, her doctor told her nothing was wrong. Her daughter was thrilled, but surprised at Marilyn's crying. Her daughter was relocating to a distant city. Marilyn felt she was being deserted, but could not allow herself to be angry. Anger she refused to admit had caused chest pain and shortness of breath. While Marilyn did not have a heart attack, she did have heartache, and no one to share it with. The recovery program enables us to share our feelings, which eliminates the need for chemicals as well as chest pain.