make it happen - NOT!

[MajestyJo]

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.

Making It Happen

Stop trying so hard to make it happen.

Stop doing so much, if doing so much is wearing you out or not achieving the desired results. Stop thinking so much and so hard about it. Stop worrying so about it. Stop trying to force, to manipulate, to coerce, or to make it happen.

Making things happen is controlling. We can take positive action to help things happen. We can do our part. But many of us do much more than our part. We overstep the boundaries from caring and doing our part into controlling, caretaking, and coercing.

Controlling is self-defeating. It doesn't work. By overextending ourselves to make something happen, we may actually be stopping it from happening.

Do your part in relaxed, peaceful harmony. Then let it go. Just let it go. Force yourself to let it go, if necessary. "Act as if." Put as much energy into letting go as you have into trying to control. You'll get much better results.

It may not happen. It may not happen the way we wanted it to and hoped it would. But our controlling wouldn't have made it happen either.

Learn to let things happen because that's what they'll do anyway. And while we're waiting to see what happens, we'll be happier and so will those around us.

Today, I will stop forcing things to happen. Instead, I will allow things to happen naturally. If I catch myself trying to force events or control people, I will stop and figure out a way to detach.

Today I will put aside all negative and destructive thoughts so that I can come from the place of love. Today I will let go of all blame and anger and resentments so that my heart and my mind will be open and free to feel love and give love. --Ruth Fishel

Don't like the title, we are to stop making it happen and go with the flow and trust our God's Guidance.

[MajestyJo]

A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

Long experience has proven that The Program and Twelve Steps will work for any person who approaches it with an open mind. We have to remember that we can’t expect miracles overnight; after all, it took years to create the situation in which we find ourselves today. I’ll try to be receptive and to listen. I’ll try to e less hasty in drawing judgmental conclusions. I’ll hand on to the expectation that The Program can change my entire life as long as I give it a chance. Have I begun to realize that my ultimate contentment doesn’t depend on having things work out my way?

Today I Pray

I pray for a more receptive attitude; for a little more patience; a little less haste and more humility in my judgments. May I always understand that change will come — it will all happen — if I will listen for God’s will, God grant me perseverance, for sometimes I must wait a while for The Program’s Steps to take effect.

Today I Will Remember

Patience.

I thought the program was the 12 Steps.

[MajestyJo]

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.

Getting It All Out

Let yourself have a good gripe session. From: " Woman, Sex, and Addiction" -- Charlotte Davis Kasl, Ph.D.

Get it out. Go ahead. Get it all out. Once we begin recovery, we may feel like it's not okay to gripe and complain. We may tell ourselves that if we were really working a good program, we wouldn't need to complain.

What does that mean? We won't have feelings? We won't feel overwhelmed? We won't need to blow off steam or work through some not so pleasant, not so perfect, and not so pretty parts of life?

We can let ourselves get our feelings out, take risks, and be vulnerable with others. We don't have to be all put together, all the time. That sounds more like codependency than recovery.

Getting it all out doesn't mean we need to be victims. It doesn't mean we need to revel in our misery, finding status in our martyrdom. It doesn't mean we won't go on to set boundaries. It doesn't mean we won't take care of ourselves.

Sometimes, getting it all out is an essential part of taking care of ourselves. We reach a point of surrender so we can move forward.

Self-disclosure does not mean only quietly reporting our feelings. It means we occasionally take the risk to share our human side-the side with fears, sadness, hurt, rage, unreasonable anger, weariness, or lack of faith.

We can let our humanity show. In the process, we give others permission to be human too. "Together" people have their not so together moments. Sometimes, falling apart - getting it all out - is how we get put back together.

Today, I will let it all out if I need a release.

Today I let go totally and give God the space to do His work.
--Ruth Fishel

My friend who is celebrating 23 years clean in NA tonight, has a fairy that sits on a chair in the middle of the sharing circle. She is called the sh*T Fairy, and she will clean up after you and get all that you spilled. When you come back the following week, all your sh*T will be gone, and you can dump more stuff. It is one of the reasons I go to the group.

[MajestyJo]

More Language Of Letting Go

Maybe it’s not supposed to feel good

Every night for months, Laurie went home from work, turned on her computer, and wrote and rewrote the same thing: I hate my job. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

For six weeks in a row, Jonathan complained daily to his friends about his roommate: I can’t stand him. He’s driving me nuts. I don’t like him.

For years, right before falling asleep at night, Mindy calculated the number of years she thought it would be until her husband died and she was free from her wedding vows: Just fifteen more years, then he’ll be gone and I can have a life.

None of these three people were going through what we call a “love-hate” relationship with their spouse, roommate, or job. All three were involved in hate-hate relationships. They all had one thing in common: they felt guilty for how they felt. Laurie kept trying to make herself like her job; Jonathan turned himself inside out trying to get along with his roommate; Mindy continued trying to be a better wife.

Be patient with yourself if you have moments and times of not liking someone or something, whether it’s your job, your roommate, your home, or your spouse. But if you’re consistently and blatantly not liking someone or someplace, maybe it’s time to move on.

Watch for patterns in your emotional responses to your life. If you’re consistently responding to something or someone in a particular way, entertain the possibility that that person, place, or thing might have outworn its usefulness in your life.

God, grant me the wisdom to discern when my feelings are urging me to move on. Help me let go of my guilt about how I’m feeling and find a path with heart.

As the old cliche used to say, 'no pain, no gain.' Then it is time to take action. That is when you pray and ask for Good Orderly Direction.

how many of us are willing to change. not until it hurts and we have no option but to change or use and pick up our drug of choice or a substitute..

[MajestyJo]

More Language Of Letting Go

Watch your “never’s”

Be careful what you say you’ll never do again. You might be building a wall between you and the good in your life.

He hurt me, so I’m never going to speak to him again. She hurt me, so I’m never going to get involved with women again.

Sometimes, our hurt feelings can be accurate and reliable warnings that we need to back off and stay away. But usually when we say never, it’s because we don’t want to be vulnerable and feel the hurt that came our way.

Saying never may be an indication that we’ve closed our hearts.

Have you built a wall with your “never’s”? Look. Peek underneath. Is there a feeling of hurt you need to feel, instead?

You got burned when you touched the hot stove, so you’re never going to go near a stove again? You’ll miss out on some tasty meals.

God, help me be vulnerable enough to feel my pein and learn my lesson, instead of saying never and building a big wall.
What a remember when. i am never going to talk to them again. i am never going to go there again. i am never going to eat that again.

Grateful for the gift of recovery. If I have to say never, I generally add God Willing.

[MajestyJo]

More Language Of Letting Go

It’s our lesson

When you learn your lessons, the pain goes away.

–Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, The Wheel of Life

Sometimes, we wait and wait for a painful situation to end. When will he stop drinking? When will she call? When will this financial stuff get better? When will I know what to do next?

Life has its own timeline. As soon as we get the lesson, the pain neutralizes, then disappears.

And the lesson is always ours.

Examine your life. Are you waiting for someone or something outside of you to happen to make you feel better? Are you waiting for someone to learn his or her lesson for your pain to stop? If you are, try turning inward. See what the lesson really is.

God, please show me what I’m supposed to be learning right now.

i have to remember "Let it begin with me." if I see it in others, it is a reflection from something within me. A friend and I would get talking and one of us would say, "Is this stuff yours or mine? The answer was it probably belongs to both of us, but more often than not, "It can"t be my stuff, it has to be yours."

[MajestyJo]

You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.

For this is wisdom; to live, To take what fate, or the Gods, may give. --Laurence Hope

We can't control the events of our lives, but we do have mastery over our attitudes. The chances will be many, today, to react negatively or positively to circumstances we find ourselves in. We can consider that each circumstance has something special in it for us.

Positive expectations regarding the planned as well as spontaneous activities of the day will influence the activity's flow, our involvement with it, and our interactions with the other people involved. A positive attitude seems to breed positive experiences. In other words, we attract into our lives that which we expect. How often do we get up angry, feeling behind when the day has only begun, short-tempered with our children, "ready" for a tough one at work? And we generally find it.

The Serenity Prayer offers us all the knowledge, all the wisdom we'll ever need. We can accept what has to be, change what we can, and not get confused between the two. We can inventory our attitude. Are we taking charge of it? Our attitude is something we can change.

I won't get trapped today by a negative attitude. I will accept the challenge of turning my day around.

When I looked at a little cross-eyed and saw, "Take what fits." how many times we heard, take what you need and put the rest on the shelf. i had a new concept of the idea. They sometimes say leave the rest, but that isn't an option for me. A good friend who is celebrating 23 years clean tonight said one time, "Take it even if you don't need it, perhaps you can pass it on to someone who does need it, even if you don't." I came to realize later on when you do need it, the thought is there.

[MajestyJo]

You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.

At fifteen life had taught me undeniably that surrender, in its place, was as honorable as resistance, especially if one had no choice. --Maya Angelou

We had to surrender to a power greater than ourselves to get to where we are today. And each day, we have to turn to that power for strength and guidance. For us, resistance means struggle--struggle with others as well as an internal struggle.

Serenity isn't compatible with struggle. We cannot control forces outside of ourselves. We cannot control the actions of our family or our co-workers. We can control our responses to them. And when we choose to surrender our attempts to control, we will find peace and serenity.

That which we abhor, that which we fear, that which we wish to conquer seems suddenly to be gone when we decide to resist no more - to tackle it no more.

The realities of life come to us in mysterious ways. We fight so hard, only to learn that what we need will never be ours until the struggle is forsaken. Surrender brings enlightenment.

Life's lessons are simple once I give up the struggle.

Found that many I had known or had been taught and had lost them along the way. When I came into recovery, I resented the lady when she came out.

[MajestyJo]

You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.

I have come to believe in the "Sacrament of the Moment," which presupposes trust in the ultimate goodness of my creator.

--Ruth Casey

The moment, realized, is like a bud blossoming. The day unfolds and with each minute we are moved along to the experiences right for us at this place and this time. Our resistance to certain experiences and particular people creates the barrier that blocks the good in store for us.

We can rest assured; our higher power is caring for us. Each breath we take is Spirit-filled, and the plan for our lives is an accumulation of necessary experiences that is helping us to grow and develop our special talents. What we often forget is that the difficult periods of our lives stretch us, enlighten us, ready us to be the women we desire within to be.

This moment is sacred. All moments are sacred. They will not come again. What is offered this moment for us to grow on will not be offered in exactly this way again. Our higher power knows our needs and is caring for them. We can trust the goodness of today.

This is how I live for the most part, in the moment. Life goes by quickly and it is hard to believe. Before recovery, I used to make the time go away. in recovery, there are not enough hours in a day. i used alcohol, pills, food, men, work, and just plain busy so I didn't have to be alone with me.

[MajestyJo]

You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.

I wake each morning with the thrill of expectation and the joy of being truly alive. And I'm thankful for this day. --Angela L. Wozniak

Being open to the day's offering, all of it, and looking for the positive experiences therein, becomes habit only after a firm commitment and dedicated practice. Today is special for each of us.

These next twenty-four hours will be unlike all others. And we are not the persons we were, even as recently as yesterday. Looking forward to all of the day's events, with the knowledge that we are in the care of our higher power, in every detail, frees us to make the most of everything that happens.

We have been given the gift of life. We are survivors. The odds against survival in our past make clear we have yet a job to do and are being given the help to do it. Confidence wavers in all of us, but the strength we need will be given to each of us.

In this day that stands before me, I can be certain that I'll have many chances for growth, for kindness to others, for developing confidence in myself. I will be thoughtful in my actions today. They are special and will be repeated no more.

My sponsor said, A grateful alcoholic will never drink; it stands to reason it is passed on to a generation or two.

I heard people say, "I am a grateful alcoholic/addict." You and what boat you road in on. I wasn't very nice back then. Later as I grew in the program, I found it to be true. Where would I be without this new living program. I chose to live. For that I am grateful.