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#1 | |
Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Hamilton, ON
Posts: 25,078
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The Inner Voice is there, I discounted it for years. I didn't know it was Good Orderly Direction. I was sure it was the devil, or the fearful God who was going to strike me dead for all the things I did that were called sin. I knew that Jesus loved me, was told that as soon as I could hear and speak. I just didn't think that God believed in me, and according to the old tapes from the church and family, I was doomed to a living hell. Life became hell, I reached out and found a loving and forgiving God.
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#2 | |
Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Hamilton, ON
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I bought fruit and vegetables and good things to eat. Just had to have that treat that I feel I deserve. Thankfully, the thoughts didn't go into 'more' and I was able to stop eating after I ate it. That is the problem, one is too many, a thousand is never enough, if you let your disease take you, instead of you taking your disease and turning it over to your Higher Power. So glad this is a one day at a time program and I get to practice, practice, practice.
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#3 | |
Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Hamilton, ON
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#4 | |
Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Hamilton, ON
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Like the last line. To me, when I live one day at a time, the whole day is His. Even when I fall asleep on the job, make a decision that leads me away, He brings me back. I have been given a second chance at life, why should I pick up things that will kill me. Sometimes I slip and sometimes I don't always realize where something will take me, but the biggest error is going away from God. No matter what the substance, it all leads to the same soul sickness.
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#5 | |
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Hamilton, ON
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My faith doesn't blot out fear, it replaces it. My faith heals it and allows me to have a change and allows me to not continue acting out in my dis-ease. Phobias and paranoia are big issues with addicts. I can't, God can.
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#6 | |
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Hamilton, ON
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#7 | |
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Location: Hamilton, ON
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#8 | |
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Hamilton, ON
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It is bad enough that they are chocolate brownies, but I added chocolate icing. I didn't stop to think of them as stuffing, fear, and comfort. I don't like Friday and ever week it is a confrontation between my son and myself. I did meditation earlier in the day, again when I posted, but in between I had already bought the brownies. ![]() I knew it was wrong but I turned a blind eye and blocked the light.
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#9 | |
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#10 | |
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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Not the healthiest of choices, but my feet wouldn't take me to the mall Even if I can't eat big meals, I try to graze, a muffin, some fruit, a sandwich, etc. It seems like it is only with brownies that I just can't seem to have just one. God and I are still working on it.
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#11 | |
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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Not too big on organizing and discipline, as I believe in prayer and praying and asking my God for the words I need to say and the clarity and the knowing I need each day. My life is very much going with the flow. I am aware though that the second half of Step One, says my life is unmanageable. My life is unmanageable when managed by me. Control is an illusion. They say we can plan, but don't plan the outcome. That is good when not taken to the extreme because we want to control, people, places and things. When I try to control my eating, I still think more. I believe that comes under God's Good Orderly Direction.
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#12 | |
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When I first saw this reading, I thought 'bacon' and then it grew into "bring home the bacon." It is ironic because I have trouble smelling bacon cooking. As the reading says, "The beacon of light is there." It is up to me to acknowledge it instead of putting on the mask and shutting it out. Some people seem to find the darkness comforting because that is what they are use to and are afraid of what the light will reveal. It isn't about playing Blind Man's Bluff, it is about bring things to the light so they can heal.
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#13 | |
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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We go through a grieving process when we lose the foods that we can no longer eat. Self-justification and rationalize are a danger. For example, me saying I can have it is made of chocolate. It is the amount of chocolate and the type of chocolate that I tend to stretch the truth on. I also needed to be prepared for my disease slipping in, I don't have to physically pick something up, but I can be obsessive and compulsive about certain foods and think my way into eating. I can allow my emotions to build without dealing with them and applying my program. Just because I have a feeling, doesn't mean I have to act on it. Old behaviours, I don't like this feeling, I don't want to go there, and we reach out for something, anything to stuff it and make it all go away.
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#14 | |
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We don't have to give a reason for being, and I thought I did. I thought I had to justify my existence, those old tapes were hard to erase. How can you make a new tape when you don't have a clue, you can't know what you have never been taught. Saying what we think someone else wants us to say, leaves us with no identiy and we live our life through others and lose ourselves.
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#15 | |
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Sometimes that is good, because it can motivate us to get our rears in gear and get on with life. Over the years, we forget he is there, and that our insides are often in an uproar, and all the chaos, fears, and bug-a-boos, we think are there, creates a lot of issues we need to deal with. We fear to look, maybe because we know there is a tiger in there and we are fearful, forgetting that he is a friendly tiger. With our God, we should not fear. Fear is lack of faith and not putting our trust in our God to see us through it. I believe it says in the Big Book of AA, if you have fear, go back to Step 3. It doesn't matter what substance got us into this situation, God is willing and able to help us with ALL things. We are asked to put our life into His Care. Not just a portion of it, not just the things we can't control, because control is an illusion. As I have posted many times, because I was told many times, "Control is an Illusion, I don't have the power." When I surrender to God's Will, we are empowered to do what we need to do in today, to stay clean and sober.
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