Today's Thought - March

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March 1

Unselfishness

Dear Lord,

I must continually work toward unselfishness.

To be unselfish is to be useful.

When I am selfish, I am useless to myself, You, and others.

Help me to stop thinking on only me and to stop hoarding not only material things but also my thoughts and feelings from others.

Dear Lord, grant that I may practice what the Program teaches me.

My life has been saved by what others have given me.

I must, in turn, give it away to keep it.

You are reading from the book:

The 12 Step Prayer Book Volume 2 by Bill P. and Lisa D.

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March 2

A.A. Thought for the Day

We used to run people down all the time. We realize now that it was because we wanted unconsciously to build ourselves up. We were envious of people who lived normal lives. We couldn't understand why we couldn't be like them. And so we ran them down. We were always looking for faults in the other person. We have found that we can never make a person any better by criticism. Am I less critical of people?

Meditation for the Day

I must admit my helplessness before my prayer for help will be heard by God. My own need must be recognized before I can ask God for the strength to meet that need. But once that need is recognized, my prayer is heard above all the music of heaven.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may send my voiceless cry for help out into the void. I pray that I may feel certain that it will be heard somewhere, somehow.

You are reading from the book:

Twenty-four Hours a Day for Teens by Anonymous

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March 3

The mind is a baby giant who, more provident in the cradle than he knows, has hurled his paths in life all round ahead of him, like playthings....
--Robert Frost

Sometimes we are bewildered by the options open to us. We feel we have no way of knowing which course would be best. But when we reflect calmly on our choices, we usually find very few that are realistic, that are in tune with our personalities and consonant with the rest of our lives.

It sometimes seems that a choice made, or an option dropped, when we are very young, can determine our whole lives. This is probably an illusion. Perhaps we believe that our fate was forever altered by missing a train ten years ago. Late at night, we might talk wistfully of what might have been, "If only I'd caught that train..."

Most likely, though, our lives would have turned out pretty much the same. What happens to us, and what we choose, seem to follow the same pattern - a pattern that is true for each one of us. We've marked out our paths, whether we're fully aware of them or not.

Sometimes I am indecisive because I desire to remain open to life's choices. Today I will act freely and strengthen that freedom by making responsible decisions.

You are reading from the book:

The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg

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March 4

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
--Karl Wallenda

In walking a tightrope, a person has to learn to relax while going forward in a situation filled with risk. If he is tense and keeps his body rigid, he will lose his balance and fall. But if he stays relaxed and keeps his muscles loose while remaining very focused, he can continuously respond and readjust his balance while walking. Then he will experience the exhilaration of success. This is a perfect metaphor for life itself, for growing in an intimate relationship and for growing in recovery.

Life itself is a risk. When we hold on too tight, remain too guarded, and anxiously try to control every factor, we become stiff and reactive rather than calm, focused, and responsive. The guidance of this path teaches us to let go of our anxieties and leads us to peace of mind. When we learn to do that, we can deftly walk our path and more effectively maintain our balance in dealing with whatever comes up.

Today I will calm myself while walking on my path.

You are reading from the book:

Wisdom to Know by Anonymous

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March 5

We merely need to follow our conscience.

Where are we going? What's the plan for our life? Most of us didn't intend to end up as we have, but here we are! And a significant number of us might not be alive if it weren't for this program. We may have thought we knew where we were headed in our youth, but few of us got there. What we are learning now is that we have an assigned journey and that a Higher Power is in charge. This means we can relax. We don't have to figure anything out. We need only follow our conscience.

Following our conscience means never intentionally hurting another person. It means following through on the responsibilities that are clearly ours. It means honoring God by being grateful for our many blessings. It means feeling joy for the gift of life we've been given. It means trusting that our journey is special and necessary to the other travelers on our path.

I will remember to appreciate the nudging from my conscience today.

You are reading from the book:

A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

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March 6

How are you doing?
How am I doing?

Just as the ivy that grows on a windowsill requires water and light, our friendships need care and nourishment. We might wish that a good friend would be there whenever we wanted. But we get so busy scrambling to cover all the bases in our lives that we lose touch with friends, even with our partner. We neglect even to ask, "How are you doing?" "How am I doing?"

In spite of our busyness, the time we take for a brief telephone call can make us feel more relaxed and less busy. These seemingly small attentions are important to friendships and instill the spirit of human warmth and care into our lives. It reminds us again of what gives us meaning and opens us up to the affectionate feelings in our partnership.

Call a friend you have not seen for a while just to renew your connection.

You are reading from the book:

The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum

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March 7

Colors

Imagine a world in black and white, maybe gray. Boring, isn't it? But some of us want our emotional lives to be like that.

A friend told me about a song he played in the car while driving with co-workers. It was a song about the richness of life, the high points (marriage, the birth of children) and the low points (death and loss) and how good it all was.

"One of the guys in the car wondered how you could possibly consider loss good," my friend said. "I tried to explain, but I'm not sure he got it."

I understood. All our experiences are rich colors that make a full life.

Have you ever cried so hard that you thought you would never stop? Have you ever laughed so hard you cried? Have you ever known someone you didn't want to live without a friend, lover, or relative? Have you ever been so forlorn you thought you'd never be happy again? And just when you were about to lose hope, or right after you did, your Higher Power came through? Have you ever felt so angry while driving that when a streetlight went out, you thought your anger did it? Have you ever felt so angry you wanted to break something, stomp, or spit? Have you ever wanted something so badly - like sobriety - and been so afraid you couldn't have it, you were willing to go to any lengths to achieve success?

It's important to feel all our emotions - jealousy, desire, anger, love, despair, and the taboo feelings. I know, feelings can be a pain in the neck. Feelings can make us feel ill. If we don't feel them, they don't go away. And it can take awhile to figure out what to do with them after we notice they're there.

Red with anger. Green with envy. Blue with sadness. The pink cloud of recovery. Go ahead. Pick a color.

Please don't settle for only black and white. Value vibrant, colorful emotional health.

You are reading from the book:

52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melody Beattie

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March 8

Hope smiles on the threshold of the year to come, whispering that it will be happier.
--Alfred, Lord Tennyson

At the start of this new year, we look back at what has been and we look forward to the future. Our path has been filled with healing and hope. Rewards have come to us each day. Now, looking toward the year ahead, we can't know much of what will happen, but we can recommit ourselves to our healing and sober path. We can have renewed comfort and optimism that we will not be alone and that we will be able to handle whatever comes our way.

The start of a new year is a good time to make lists of the things we fear, the things we hope for, and the things we are grateful for. These lists serve as a kind of snapshot inventory of our attitude toward the world and our relationship with our Higher Power. They point a direction for us today and for the year ahead. We can put these lists in a safe place until next year when we will bring them out as a reminder of where we were and a measure of how far we've come.

Today I once again turn my life and will over to the care of God.

You are reading from the book:

Wisdom to Know by Anonymous

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March 9

. . . we first took to ourselves.

We may do something that we do not want our partner to know; perhaps something that puts us in a bad light. If we lie about it, what do we gain? Our secret may be safe, but we have put another brick in the wall that prevents us from having an open intimate relationship. Our white lie does not protect our relationship, it damages it. By chipping away at our self-respect, we also damage our relationship to ourselves. Before long we become suspicious of others, believing that they also are not as they say, or that they are manipulating us.

By this process we project the infection in our soul onto our partner. If we believe he or she is manipulating us, perhaps we need to face our own manipulation. Our partner may have defects, but to help our relationship grow, we first look to the only one we can change, and that is ourselves.

Think about your honesty with your partner. Can you improve your relationship by clearing up a misleading message you have given?

You are reading from the book:

The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum

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March 10

Asking how

Many days we are tempted to ask Why? Why did this happen to me? Why was I singled out? Why am I not a different person? But the whys lead only to clever explanations and rationalizations of what we do or what we are. The question for us is not Why? but How?

We ask how to learn and work our program of recovery; the "how" can give us a deeper understanding of the program. We ask God How? and God provides the strength and guidance needed. "How" will lead to everything needed for recovery and personal growth. "Why" is irrelevant.

Am I learning how to live?

Higher Power, teach me how to live, love, and learn.

You are reading from the book:

Day by Day - Second Edition by Anonymous

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March 11

All of my life I've been like a doubled up fist... poundin', smashin', drivin' - now I'm going to loosen these doubled up hands and touch things easy with them.
--Tennessee Williams

Everyone has many sides. Some sides are highly developed and other sides aren't at all. We need not fear turning to a new side and exploring it. This recovery program has enabled us to pursue sides of ourselves that were closed before. When we were lost in our narrow world of codependency and addiction, we had fewer options. Now we have far greater access to our strength and our self-esteem, and we find new parts of ourselves.

Many of us have found relationships, which were never possible before, job choices we would never have had, and the pleasure of greater involvement in life. It is reassuring to see that we don't always have to give up one side of ourselves to add new ones.

Thanks to God for the many options opening up to me in this renewed life.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

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March 12

Many of us, in trying to run away from our essential aloneness, have abused alcohol, work, drugs, food, money, and entertainment. In spite of our frantic activity, we have continued to feel "alone in a crowd," "alone in our dreams," and "lonely in our marriages."

These experiences should prove we cannot successfully avoid coming to terms with our aloneness. The sooner we accept responsibility for our lives, the sooner we will stop inflicting unnecessary pain on ourselves.

In accepting our aloneness, we accept that no one can protect us from ourselves - and that no one can live our lives for us. "Aloneness" simply means that we cannot depend on others for our joy or sorrow. We are the authors of our actions, attitudes, and experiences and not the "victims" of fate or circumstance.

Today I will not be afraid of my aloneness. I will accept total responsibility for my attitudes, actions, or neglects. I will not seek unnecessary pain by relying on what others say or do to make me happy.

You are reading from the book:

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes

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March 13

The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exist; ours only is the present's tiny point.
--Shabistari

We are tempted to look back and to look ahead. But what we most need to do is be present in this moment, with ourselves, with our loved ones and friends, and with our experience right here and right now. When we were lost and asleep in our using days and codependency, we could not be emotionally present. Our thoughts were taken up with how we would get our next drink, our next big gambling win, or with how to handle the latest crisis. To be emotionally present and live in the moment; this takes time, and it's a frame of mind that develops as we grow in recovery.

One way we become more present in the moment is to practice gratitude. We can always name a few things we feel grateful for - small and big things, funny and serious things. Looking through the lens of gratitude brings us into the immediate moment.

Today I will look at my day through the lens of gratitude.

You are reading from the book:

Wisdom to Know by Anonymous

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March 14

Communicating

…when I finally gave up on my partner.

He believed that the love of his life, if he ever found the Right One, would fill all the gaps of his own personality. She dreamed that her perfect match would always respond gently, never willfully. After the honeymoon phase they naturally began to find imperfections and disappointments. Both wondered if they had chosen the Wrong One. But in a sense, there is no Right One for anyone. In another sense, there may be millions of Right Ones.

The closeness of a partnership will always reveal weaknesses and disappointments that were not obvious at first. No partner will match all the inventions of our own mind or so completely fit our needs that we have no remaining emptiness inside. One person said, “It felt like a terrible day when I finally gave up on my partner. But it became the first day of reality for me. Only after that did I discard the images I had invented for her and begin to get acquainted with who she really was.”

For today, put all your ideas and desires for who your mate should become on the shelf and go only with who your mate is.

You are reading from the book:

The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum

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March 15

I was 35 years old the first time I spoke up to my mother and refused to buy into her games and manipulation. . .I didn't have to start an argument. But I could say what I wanted and needed to say to take care of myself. I learned I could love and honor myself, and still care about my mother - the way I wanted to - the way she wanted me to.
--Anonymous

Who knows better how to push our buttons than family members? Who, besides family members, do we give such power? No matter how long we or our family members have been recovering, relationships with family members can be provocative. One telephone conversation can put us in an emotional and psychological tailspin that lasts for hours or days.

The process of detaching in love from family members can take years. So can the process of learning how to react in a more effective way. We cannot control what they do or try to do, but we can gain some sense of control over how we choose to react.

Stop trying to make them act or treat us any differently. Unhook from their system by refusing to try to change or influence them. Their patterns, particularly their patterns with us, are their issues. How we react, or allow these patterns to influence us, is our issue. How we take care of ourselves is our issue.

We can take care of ourselves with family members without feeling guilty. We can learn to be assertive with family members without being aggressive. We can set the boundaries we need and want to set with family members without being disloyal to the family.

We can learn to love our family without forfeiting love and respect for ourselves.

Today, help me start practicing self-care with family members. Help me know that I do not have to allow their issues to control my life, my day, or my feelings. Help me know its okay to have all my feelings about family members, without guilt or shame.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie