Dr. Twerski's Sober Thought - April

[bluidkiti]

April 1

Avoiding Setbacks

The recovery program always serves a purpose. There is growth in sobriety, and working the Steps in the program provides such growth. There is also a fairly constant force that threatens to pull us down. Sometimes we reach a point where we remain stationary. At such times, danger of slipping increases, because we temporarily do not sense upward momentum. People become lax in working the recovery program when they feel they are not getting much out of it. But they are making a serious mistake. When we think we are not adding much to our development, the program serves the vital function of preventing a rollback.

[bluidkiti]

April 2

Guidance is Essential

A woman being discharged from treatment was frightened about going home. That was a positive sign, because it is when we are overconfident that we get into trouble. I have a daughter who is 17, and it's frightening that I have to function as her mother, although I am about at her emotional age. With proper help, such as working the Steps and competent counseling, the gap can be closed more quickly. Early in sobriety we operate at a level of maturity behind our chronological age. This is why it is vitally important we take guidance from people who are emotionally more mature.

[bluidkiti]

April 3

All Drugs Can Be Destructive

Bob was brought to our psychiatric unit in a catatonic state, mute and immobile. The following day two people from NA came to my office and said, Don't give him the medication for schizophrenics. Keep him here where he'll be safe. He'll get better, and we'll take him to a meeting every day. I don't know why I let myself be talked into this, but I did not give Bob medications. Bob not only improved, but has been normal for ten years. Sometimes it is wise to allow the brain to regain normal function after the devastating effect of the chemicals to which it had been subjected.

[bluidkiti]

April 4

The Importance of Your Sponsor

Our minds can play tricks. We need someone who can help us see things the way they really are. A sponsor is an ideal person to do this. Sponsors usually do not have the biases or personal involvement that distort our thinking, and can be more objective. Sometimes people have difficulties because their sponsors say things they do not want to hear. That is the best indication you have the right person as sponsor. Hearing nice things about yourself does nothing to make you get better. If you feel upset and angry because your sponsor has chastised you, call him or her and say thank you.

[bluidkiti]

April 5

We Are Responsible for Our Recovery

For the addict, something happens within the body that results in the specific symptoms of each disease. While we don't know all the causes, we do know there are genetic and biochemical factors over which people have no control. Just as we do not think of the diabetic as responsible for her disease, neither should we hold the addict responsible for the abnormality that results in reaction to these chemicals. However, just as diabetics must be responsible for taking their insulin or any other treatment, so addicts must be responsible for their treatment, including abstinence.

[bluidkiti]

April 6

There Are Things We Cannot Understand

Suffering should not be interpreted as having been abandoned by God. A child who had undergone open-heart surgery was given a painful procedure and screamed. The father knew the procedure was necessary for his child's health, and he suffered along with the child. Like a child, we may not be able to understand how the adversities we experience could be to our ultimate benefit. While we cannot change many things, and must turn to a Higher Power, we should have the security that comes with knowing that the Higher Power does not abandon us. When we suffer, He suffers with us.

[bluidkiti]

April 7

Learning From Adversity

John had been sober for 32 years, and had outlived all his sponsors. He admitted he felt himself close to relapse. John was surprised to hear that what was happening to him was beneficial. He dealt with his crisis by increasing the frequency of meetings and doing things a newcomer is advised to do. He later confided that his sobriety had taken on a new quality after this episode. When difficult days occur to people who have had years of abstinence, there is no reason to panic. These may be episodes of rejuvenation, which stimulate growth in sobriety and increase one's effectiveness in helping others.

[bluidkiti]

April 8

A Eulogy

A person recovering from cocaine wrote: You deceived me. You promised to make the world pleasant for me and I believed you. You did not tell me your help would be brief, and afterward I would feel worse than ever. You told me you would give me more than my family ever could. You took everything: the love of my family, my home, my job, my friends, my dignity. Yet, at this moment when I bury you, you threaten to come out from the grave and haunt me. You are a liar. I hate you, cocaine. I once loved you more than anything in the world, but now I hate you.

[bluidkiti]

April 9

Answered Prayers

Sometimes we wonder if our prayers are being heard. We regularly pray, God grant me the serenity to accept that which I cannot change, the courage to change that which I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.'' Perhaps God is giving it to us, but we fail to take it. After all, He is only going to grant these to us. He does not force us to use them. As we pray the Serenity Prayer, let us also think, think, think. Do we use the serenity, courage and wisdom that God makes available to us?

[bluidkiti]

April 10

Powerlessness

My car once slid on an icy hill. Only by the grace of God did I slip through a busy intersection unharmed. Though my life was in danger, I stayed in the car trying to control the uncontrollable. Addicts are not the only people who cling to the illusion of control. But when addicts recover, they have an advantage because they now recognize their powerlessness. Though other people may have the same problem, they have not been in recovery, and do not realize that they are trying to control the uncontrollable. This is what is meant by practicing the principles of the Twelve Steps in all our affairs.

[bluidkiti]

April 11

How Codependency Develops

Suppose, as a child, I received positive strokes only when I did something for someone else. Later, when I met you, I discovered you are afraid to drive. I can drive you and this satisfies my need to feel needed. I then get enough positive strokes at work so I no longer have a need to feel needed at home. I fail to realize for years I have been encouraging your dependence on me. The relationship deteriorates when one member undergoes a change and there is no commensurate change in the other. Your self-esteem should not be totally dependent on another's opinion.

[bluidkiti]

April 12

There Are No Substitutes for the Program

We have learned so much about the addictive personality, and the emotional repairs that need to be made, that we may lose sight of the two basics: don't pick up the chemical and do go to meetings. People who resist going to the anonymous fellowship for whatever reason may circumvent the program via individual therapy. Even if the therapy is with a competent addiction counselor, it is not likely to succeed. Counseling and therapy are indeed valuable adjuncts to a recovery program, but therapy without the program is like a necktie on a nude body.

[bluidkiti]

April 13

The Wisdom to Know the Difference

The Serenity Prayer should not be modified. Some say, God, grant me the serenity to accept that which I cannot change, the courage to change that which I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. But they think, Please make some more things changeable. There are some things we must learn to accept as finalities. The spouse may wish the addict to change, but while recovery is certainly possible, the addict must initiate change. We cannot change anyone else. We are happier if we can direct our limited energies to those things that can be changed.

[bluidkiti]

April 14

The Big Picture

Being overly sensitive can cause unnecessary distress. I had delivered a lecture, after which attendees were required to evaluate the speakers. Of 110 who attended, all evaluations were complimentary except one. This was shattering to me. Never mind that 109 had given me rave reviews. I should have concluded that 109 to 1 is overwhelming. But my sensitivities were such that I was offended. We should focus on how okay we really are. In the event of a negative comment, give it due attention. If it has validity, we can improve ourselves and become even better. If it has no validity, we should not let it affect us.

[bluidkiti]

April 15

Abstinence Is an Affirmative Act

We can make a positive commitment to care for our body. We can vow not to allow harmful things to happen to it, much the same as a mother is committed to protecting her infant. Our statement is not I am against chemicals. It is I am for my body. Like an infant, our body is entrusted into our care and is quite helpless. We can put nutritious substances into it and keep it strong; or give it dangerous chemicals, which will ruin it. Just as mothers take great pride in keeping their infants healthy, we can take pride in keeping our body healthy.