QUESTION???

[MajestyJo]

Today at my meeting the topic was about things that started with the letter 'Q'.

When I first came to Al-Anon, I questioned my right to be there because I was one of the 'others'. I questioned being an alcoholic. I knew I was an addict, but had a hard time accepting my own alcoholism. I justified every way possible trying to talk myself out of it. I didn't like beer. Never drank more than one beer in my life, so I just couldn't be an alcoholic. I drank because I couldn't stand to be around my husband, it was his drinking that was the problem.

What I was doing was leaving a door open to take a drink if I wanted one. If I wasn't an alcoholic and I drank because of OPs, then I could go to Al-Anon and if I chose to have ONE glass of wine with my meal it was okay! Talk about stinking thinking and self-justificatIon.

I am not sure if the disease is in our genes or not. What I do know is that I am a product of my environment and if I was continually around people who drank, I would drink too. It is just the nature of this beast and my disease. I could look at them and again play the blame game and give myself an out.

I knew that I was one when I finally realized I used alcohol like I used people, places and things to get my own way and to control my life so that I could be a part of the insanity instead of being on the outside looking in. I questioned my husband's insanity not recognizing my own.

In today, I need to question "what is good for my sobriety (soundness of mind)" Just because something has stood me in good stead for several years. Is it still working in today? Am I complacent? Am I sitll on that spiritual quest or have I stopped looking for God.

God is Good. Good is God. If I look for the goodness within myself and those around me, I am connected to my Higher Power.

What is in my best interest and for my Higher good in today?

What knowingness do I need in today to do what I need for my own health and well being on this recovery road?

Something I posted on another group in April 2009

One day on the elevator a guy who was about half snapped who I knew from the building I lived in before was complain about his life and he said, "Why me?" I looked at him and said, "Why not you?" He looked at me shocked and then started to laugh. It was something my sponsor had told me many times.

I can identify with the angry with God. I just wish He would give me a little hint so We both know what He is doing!

In order to accept the disease, I looked at it as a dis-ease. I was at dis-ease within myself, and was always looking for something outside of myself to make me feel better. An allergy of the body, I don't metabolize alcohol the way others do. According to a tape I heard, normal people metabolize one in 10-15 minutes. An alcoholic often takes 20=30 minutes. By the time he has his second drink, the first one is still in his system. It is also an obsession of the mind. It took over my life and all my values, principles and integrity were put aside and I became a different person. One I had trouble recognizing and as I have said so many times, every time I picked up, I gave away a piece of me. When I came into recovery, there was very little 'me' left.

It is a disease that tells me that I don't have one. It tells me this time will be different. It tells me this time I can control it. If I take charge of my life, I can control what is happening. The Spirit of Alcohol becomes the God of my life and became my life. When I came into recovery, the Spirit of God takes control of my life when I give it over to Him.

June 2009

[MajestyJo]

I asked myself, "If I am not an alcoholic, what am I?" I didn't like that answer either. I found that as a daughter of an alcoholic and a person who had an eating disorder, gave me a very dysfunctional outlook on life. Being married to a man who ran around with other women and was with another woman when our son was born was hard on my self-esteem and self-worth. I later learned that when you said "No!" it was rape, even though it was your husband. My second husband was an alcoholic, my judgment and me taking his inventory. In today, I know he was a drunk and when I decided, "If you can't beat them, join them, I became an alcoholic." In recovery, I came to realize that I had the thinking for many years, right back to that first drink I stole at the age of 10 years of age.

I used people, places and things for years. When I saw my brother killed when I was three, I used anything that was available to escape reality. Over the years, it took more and more of what ever substance I chose in the moment to cope with life until such a time as I could no longer cope; and it got to a place where I was thinking, "Stop the world, I want to get off."

So I questioned life, I questioned myself, and I questioned others. I came into recovery, and found a solution. I saw it working for others, so I followed the suggestions, and it worked for me too.

The people in the rooms loved me back to good health until I could learn to love myself.

[MajestyJo]

My folks know how to push my buttons, they installed them.

- Anon. (Alkiespeak - Book - Quote)

Many many times, I thought of my son pushing mine, not realizing that what goes around comes around. I am sure I did the same thing to my parents.

My father said to me when I came home to look after him, "You use to be such a quiet young thing, whatever happened? Now you are making up for lost time."

I was told at 14 that I talked with my eyes. My son just had to ask and look at me, and if possible, I would get it. He didn't know the meaning of "No" until I came into recovery.

As one of my unofficially adopted daughters said to me, "I could relate to you more before than I do now. She, like my son, didn't like to be told No!"

I fell for the sob stories, the whines, and the pleading hook, line, and sinker, especially when guilt was laid on top of it, either from myself or projected onto me. I didn't know I didn't have to carry it and I didn't have to say, "I'm sorry" for the rest of my life.

I didn't have to replace the buttons, but recognize that I was the one playing them. I had to change the tapes, so they were in tune with today.

Life is about me being clean and sober, and detaching and setting boundaries with my son.

If I feel the bucking of uncertainty, despair, or fear, I can take it as a sign that I have gotten out of step.

... In All Our Affairs

It is also a sure sign that I am out of balance within myself or I have pushed a play button and living in the past.

Sometimes I don't realize that it is an old tape because it is familiar and comfortable and just feels right. That doesn't make it right. It just means I need to take a look at it, then turn it over to my God and ask for new direction and understanding.

=========

Just gave my son the money to go see the movie Star Wars, plus money for popcorn and pop. It is an early Christmas present, something I wasn't going to buy for him because it seems like I have already given him several presents already.

I went up to him and said, "Are you bored?" He looked despondent, and the "Oh Woe is me on his face and his body language." He said, "I am always bored." He doesn't go back to work until the new year, and not too sure exactly when that will be.

It seemed easier to give out the money than to be around him when he is so depressed. I am not feeling good and don't need the extra doom and gloom. So not sure I was listening to the subliminal message he was sending me, "Oh I would really like to see Star Wars, or whether I was completely doing it from my heart."

Am I enabling him or myself?

[MajestyJo]

Like the topic, how do you deal with unacceptable behaviour. I don't have to accept it, I can set a boundary. Sometimes I have to reinforce it. I choose not to let others disrespect me as a person. I didn't think I was worthy for many years and allowed others to dictate, control, and project THEIR stuff onto me. In today, that isn't acceptable. My words and thoughts are mine. I try to share them with the hope that it will help others. I have issues with people who want me to take them back, not speak and share them, and as my ex-husband use to say, "Who asked for your opinion? What makes you think we want to hear what you have to say?" "What makes you think your opinion and ideas count?" That is why I take exception to people who delete them, discount them (they are my truth, even if they are not those of others), and as they say, "May we agree to disagree."

[MajestyJo]

Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check. The insane idea won out. Next day we would ask ourselves, in all earnestness and sincerity, how it could have happened?

Big Book P. 37

A quote from the Big Book. A good indicator how we justified and rationalized our behaviour. In the moment it seemed sane and we figured our intent was good, and just couldn't figure out what we did wrong.

How could a simple idea end up so grown out of proportion and develop into just a catastrophic event?

Never once did I think it was the alcohol doing my thinking. The thought that I was not in control would have been horrifying if someone had suggested such a thing. It was an illusion and for all intensive purposes, false evidence appearing real.

What is my motive and intent? Is it my will or my God's Will for my life?

[MajestyJo]

Don't Complicate Things

The simple, clear answer for life's situations can be easily found in the heart. Don't limit its wisdom to just one or two areas, let it guide you through all of your life.

Are you struggling with finances? Feeling overwhelmed by taxes? Not certain what to do to help someone you love? Do you have a problem with a friend? Has a business relationship gotten sticky, maybe hopelessly adversarial? Are you at war with the person you love? Problems with children? Problems with parents? A landlord who just won't get the job done? All of these areas, and more, can be brought to your heart.

Do you need to find a new hobby? Are you stuck on a project? Do you need an idea, some creative inspiration? Do you need a new place to live, or a way to fix your current home? Take it all back to your heart.

Calm your mind. Let go. Get quiet. You don't have to know the plan. Just put out the question, then listen to your inner voice. It will guide you through any maze you've been lost in.

Don't complicate things or try to figure it all out. The answer is simple: look in your heart.

From Journey to the Heart

Originally posted on my site Soundness of Mind in December 2011, and yet the questions are still good in today. I had to do this over the holidays, I had to go within and find peace.

[MajestyJo]

When I went to Al-Anon, I was told that I was doubly blessed. I found friends in both fellowships. I could identify from both sides of the street.
I learned to identify not compare.
I learned not to judge, no one had walked in my shoes and I hadn't walked in theirs, yet we could walk this recovery road together.
I had my own disease and had to learn to focus on me, not on the "A"s in my life and recognize all facets of my addiction. My addiction to the alcoholic/addict, food, work, etc.

[MajestyJo]

AA 'Big Book' - Quote

Everybody knows that those in bad health, and those who seldom play, do not laugh much. So let each family play together or seperately, as much as their circumstances warrent. We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. -

Pgs. 132-133 - The Family Afterward

Well totally disagree with the first line, when it comes to me. If you add my family, that is another matter. My family are not alcoolics although my sister's were brought up in the same dysfunctional family I was.

All their kids have a really weird sense of humour. Some of it would qualify for "Fire Side" and would make a good comic strip of their own. Sometimes I feel apart and not apart of the joke, quite often because I find it hurtful, putting others down and feeling very self-righteous.

For several years in recovery, I had to detach from my family. My AA family were my support. It took a really big change in attitude to be able to go out there, and just accept them for who they are. I loved them, but didn't always like their actions, even though they were good church going people, all gainfully employed and they didn't drink to my knowledge.

They do play together, they are close and that is how it should be. They have a family get together through the week and often on Sunday after church. I just have to remember that they don't have program.

I am going to my sister's next week, not sure which day it will be. My sister from Tweed is coming down and the three of us will have a visit. My two brother-in-laws will be there and possibly my sister's best friend who helps in her day care. Another person who has another very derogatory look at life and comes across as Ms. Doom and Gloom and expects the worst out of life.

There is a good chance I won't be here for next week's meeting. I don't know how long I will be there. A lot will depend on how many kids my sister baby sits. I found at the meeting tonight that with the fibro flare up, I have a real problem with noise levels.

So my goal is to be happy, joyous and free. All three of us have diabetes and arthritis and have learned to laugh at ourselves.

It is when people start to laugh at others that there is a problem.

Are you happy, joyous and free?

What makes you happy? When I was asked this question in early recovery, I didn't know. I had lived my life through others, and I used to be one of those who use to say, "If you are happy, so am I."

Coyote:
Wisdom, jokester, having fun, stimulates cooperation and tasks, adaptations, balances knowledge and laughter into teaching, shows us how to learn from our mistakes with wisdom and a sense of humor, sense of family and children, demonstrating and communicating along with balancing risk and safety, trust and connection to the Spirit to find answers. Are you taking yourself too seriously? Too uptight and stressed? Are you trusting enough right now? Coyote will teach resourcefulness and adapting to new situations and how humor can be a useful tool in any situation.

Animal Totem Dictionary of Animals

[MajestyJo]

You are reading from the book Food for Thought

Anger

When angry, many of us overate. Now that we are abstaining, what do we do with our anger?

First of all, we need to be in touch with our feelings so that we can recognize anger when it occurs. In our overeating days, we often may not have realized that we were angry instead of hungry. Not until we were stuffed with food did the anger surface, and then we frequently directed it at ourselves for overeating.

Getting the carbohydrates out of our system allows us to be more aware of our true feelings and reactions. If we can catch our anger when it begins, it is easier to handle. Expressing it in the early stages is less devastating to ourselves and others than waiting until it builds up into a rage.

The best thing we can do with anger is to turn it over to our Higher Power. If we hang on to it, we can be destroyed. Practicing the Steps every day helps us get rid of anger. If we let Him, our Higher Power will take it away.

Take away my anger, Lord.

DID YOU KNOW?

Like this, it was life changing for me, when I learned that I had to feel the feeling before I could let it go. I had numbed my feelings, not know that when you ignore and stuff the negative, you block the positive as well.

[MajestyJo]

When I opened my Courage to Change book today, I wasn't on today's reading, but read what I opened to and it not only spoke to me but roared!

If you have read my chip of the day, you will know why. Here are the quotes that stuck out for me:

Chose this one without looking at the list. I know it is what I need in today to get things done. It is something that I don't do well.

I seldom organize and 'stick to it' focus on something and am easily distracted. If something comes along that I like better or I get a new thought, I quite often follow that and leave what I am doing undone! This is especially true if I have housework to do and something comes along and it allows me to run away from home.

Today I do need to go pick up books at the library and I need to pick up a few things at the market. I am just waiting for 9 a.m. to come. My main task today is to get some laundry done. I really don't mind doing it, not sure if it is the having to go downstairs to do it which takes me from my computer and TV or whether I just get a mental block, which stops me from doing what I need to do for myself.

Perhaps it is because I think of discipline and being corrected for what you do. One of those things you were told that you never do right and someone is always on your case about HAVING to do. If that is the case, it is certainly something that I need turned over and changed.

Discipline is just something I don't do well. It is one of those things that God and I are continuing to work on.

Heaven forbid I should surrender, accept my discomfort, and pray for guidance.

Willpower cnnot eliminate in a day troubles that have taken root and flourished in my life for decades. Things take time.

This is something I forget. I tend to forget that this is a one day at a time program. It doesn't all have to happen in today. Quick fixes don't work. Recovery is a process. I didn't get this way overnight, so why should I figure it is pray, ask for help, get it and it is all over and done with.

When I get caught up in the moment, I can get stuck in the fear and it takes a few to realize that I don't have to stay there, I can change it, by surrendering, and turning it over instead of hanging on, and criticize myself and beating myself up for my shortcomings.

A shortcoming to me is being less than my God would have me be in today. The trouble is, He doesn't expect me to 'fix' it, all He asks me to do is try. It is in the not trying, just giving up that I fail to do his will and become willful and say "Won't" and until the pain is so bad, I have no other choice, then I get a resentment, when it fact it is my fault, all I had to do was let go!

So many things are old tapes and are hard to recognize. I think that sometimes I think on something as a belief system when in fact it is something that was projected onto me a long time ago and that I am sitll carrying around even though it is old news.

So many times, I have had to pray, "I ask for the willingness to be willing, Thy will, not mine."

[MajestyJo]

Saw this title on a reading on another site. Thought it was a very powerful statement.

My God gives me what I need when I need it. Some days I need more than one step.

When I think of Light, I think of how each being on this earth - large and small gets the energy they need from the tiniest snail to the largest animal, the smalled seedling to the tallest tree.

My God gives me what I need, even some of my wants and desires.

Love this, when ever I get in this space, I have to remember that my God answers knee-mail.

[MajestyJo]

Al- Anon offers us many good ideas and suggestions as how to change our lives. Today's reading is of this nature.

When we are faced with events or situations or someone's behavior bothers us, Al-Anon tells us that we do not have to take it personally. I am not a victim unless I choose to be. Things may not always go as I planned but .................

I can accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can.

A change of attitude can help me to see what is really going on and I can deal with the problem in a more construtive way. I may even find that these things are not problems, just things that haven't gone my way.

Putting blame for my pain on outside events is not facing reality, the pain caused by my own attitudes. All we can do is ask our Higher Power for guidance as how to act in these situations.

"God asks no man whether he will accept life. That is not the choice. You must take it. The only choice is how."

Henry Ward Beecher


Have you had a problem in your life where a change of attitude resolved your problem ?

Courage to Change

[MajestyJo]

The facts of any situation include the hopelessness of the difficulty you face, but they also include the reality of God's power to work in your impossible situation.

Some one said,

Look around - and be distressed
Look within - and be depressed
Look to God - and be at rest.

In fact that's the only way you can be at rest when you face an impossible situation. Focus on God instead of the circumstances.

(from Encouraging Words for Women By Darlene Sara)

Posted on another site in 2004

The best way for me to change my attitude is to go to a meeting. My son has even been known to suggest that I get myself there.

For me, it is important that he is in his disease and not take things personal. I could be hurt and sad, but why go around in doom and gloom. I can't change him, but I can change me and my attitude. Sometimes it means reinforcing my boundaries and detaching from a situation, I have the tools of the program to help me through each day.

[MajestyJo]

One comes, finally, to believe whatever one repeats to one's self, whether the statement is true or false.

--Napoleon Hill

Our inner dialogue can have awesome power. It often determines the behavior that defines who we are. We do, of course, have some choice as to the direction this inner dialogue will take. It's as easy to affirm our self-worth with positive messages as it is to tear ourselves down with negative ones. And yet, many of us fall so easily into negative patterns of thought.

As with so many aspects of our life, we become proficient at what we regularly practice. The regular, preferably daily, use of positive affirmations can make such a profound contribution to our well-being and willingness to grow and learn, that it can change the course of our life. All we have to do is develop the discipline to make these positive messages habitual. In so doing, we bring our vision of ourselves in line with God's, Who accepts us completely as we are.

The messages I give myself today will remind me that I am a capable and lovable child of God.


You are reading from the book:

In God's Care by Karen Casey

We are what we feed ourselves mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. What do you feed your body? Is it on a balanced diet?

[MajestyJo]

Food for Thought
May 18

Safety

I am safe as long as I do not take the first compulsive bite. Abstinence is my security. If I break my abstinence, I lose my protection against the confusion, remorse, and pain of overeating.

To keep my abstinence strong, I need to use the OA tools of recovery each day. I need to build my program and to give it my best efforts. Remembering that my Higher Power has given me a new life, I will not endanger it by forgetting how much I need His care.

Temptation is always appearing in one form or another. Sometimes it may seem impossible not to give in. My strength lies not in myself but in God, and only by maintaining close contact with Him can I remain safe.

My Higher Power has led me to OA and has given me a safe place to be. When I am tempted or upset, I will use the telephone, go to a meeting, practice Step Eleven, and do whatever else it takes to maintain my abstinence.

Thank You for bringing me to a safe place.

-----

It doesn't matter what fellowship I went to, I could identify, because food is a drug. Alcohol is a drug. When we eat and drink it seems normal. What isn't normal is our body's reaction to it. Normal is a cycle on a washing machine.

Do you feel safe? I walked into my first meeting and found that I wanted what they had and was willing to go to any length to get it.