Halloween Jokes

[bluidkiti]

HALLOWEEN SKELETON JOKES

When does a skeleton laugh?
When something tickles his funny bone.

Why don't skeletons like parties?
They have no body to dance with.

Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day?
It's good for the bones

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.

What is a young skeleton?
A skeleteen

What do you call a stupid skeleton?
A numbskull

What is a skeleton's favorite insult?
The word 'Bonehead'

How does a skeleton get into his house?
With a skeleton key

What do skeletons have nightmares of?
Dogs

[bluidkiti]

Rules for Halloween for Seniors

You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:

10. You keep knocking on your own front door.
9. You remove your false teeth to change your appearance.
8. You ask for soft high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, and you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say: 'Great Boris Karloff Mask,' and you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, 'Trick or...' And you can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that doesn't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
And the number one reason Seniors should not go Trick Or Treating...
*
*
*
1. You keep having to go home to pee.

No matter, have a HAPPY HALLOWEEN anyway.

[bluidkiti]

What do you say to a skeleton going on vacation?
Bone voyage!

What do you call two witches in the same room???
Broommates

What's the ratio of a jack-o'-lantern's circumference to its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi

How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch!

What's black, white, orange, and waddles?
A penguin with a jack-o-lantern.

Why do ghouls hang around with demons?
(sing this one): 'Cause demons are a ghoul's best friend!

What time would it be if five demons were chasing you?
Five after one.

[bluidkiti]

Knock Knock Who's there?
Wanda. Wanda who?
Wanda go for a ride on my broomstick?


Knock knock! Who's there?
Boo! Boo Who?
Ah, don't cry, Halloween is just around the corner!

[bluidkiti]

Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road?
It had no guts...

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray...

What did Dracula say when he kissed his vampire girlfriend?
Ouch...

How do monsters tell their future?
They read their horrorscope...

What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck...

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately...

Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don't have any body to go out with...

What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Booberries...

What do zombies like to eat at a cook out?
Halloweenies...

What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Casketball...

What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving...

Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite...

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite...

What does a ghost get when he falls and scrapes his knee?
A boo boo...

Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...

What is Dracula's favorite kind of coffee?
Decoffinated...

What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
Shrinkenstein...

What is a baby ghost's favorite game?
Peekaboo...

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?"

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're too wrapped up in themselves...

What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends...

What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts...

What do ghouls eat for breakfast?
Ghost toasties with evaporated milk. (Thanks to Bobbi)

What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel...

What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?
A scareplane...

What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
Bloodhounds...

What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime...

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich...

What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
A trombone...

What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets...

Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath...

What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure...

Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation...

Why did the dyslexic vampire starve to death?
He couldn't find any dloob...

Did you hear about the cannibal boy that was 8 before he was 7?
hehehehe...

Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher...

What does a cannibal get when he comes home late for dinner?
The cold shoulder...

Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his mother-in-law in the jungle?
hee hee...

What do you get when you goose a ghost?
A handful of sheet...

What kind of car does a ghost drive?
A Boo-ick...

What did the mother ghost say to her son?
Don't spook unless you are spooken to...

What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Sham-boo...

Why did the ghost pick his nose?
Because he had boogers...

What kind of pants do ghosts wear?
Boojeans...

Why wasn't the vampire working?
He was on a coffinbreak...

What do skeletons say before eating?
Bone Appétit...

What does a child monster call his parents?
Mummy and Deady...

Where do fasionable ghosts shop for sheets?
At bootiques...

What ride do spirits like best at the amusement park?
The roller ghoster...

What do you get when you cross a ghost with an owl?
Something that scares people and doesn't give a hoot...

What fairy tale do ghosts like best?
Sleeping booty...

What kind of spirits serve food on a plane?
Airline ghostesses...

What kinds of ghosts haunt skyscrapers?
High spirits...

Why did the skeleton climb a tree?
Because a dog was after its bones...

How do you make a witch scratch?
Just take away the W...

Where do ghosts go swimming?
The dead sea...

Why was the witch's cat giggling?
Because it was a giggle puss...

What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
Hope it's Halloween...

What do you call a skeleton stone age family?
The Flintbones...

What did the witch say to the midget vampire skeleton?
Bony little bloodsucker, aren't you?...

What's the difference between a fisherman and a sick ghost?
One catches his dinner, the other one loses it...

Did you hear about the new Dracula doll?
Wind it up and it bites Barbie on the neck...

What did the t.v. news reporter say to the ghost?
Everyone dead! Boos at 11...

What is a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor?
Veinilla...

Why is a haunted handkerchief so scary?
Because it has boogers...

What did the three vampires order at the bar?
Two bloods and a blood light...


What do you give a vampire with a cold?
Coffindrops...

What do you use to mend a jack-o-lantern?
A pumpkin patch...

What kind of shoes do ghosts from Texas wear?
Boots...

Why did the Cyclops have to close his school?
He only had one pupil...

Why isn't Dracula invited to many Halloween parties?
Because he's a pain in the neck...

Who is a skeleton's favorite emperor?
Napoleon Boneaparte...

Why did the vampires cancel their baseball game?
They couldn't find their bats...

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi...

Which monster likes to fly kites in the rain?
Benjamin Franklinstein...

What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
I'll have two beers and a mop...

What did the mummy say to the detective?
Let's wrap this case up...

Why was the witch kicked out of witching school?
Because she flunked spelling...

When a witch lands after flying, where does she park?
The broom closet...

Where was satan's son born ?
Deathlehem...

Why can't skeletons play music in church?
Because they have no organs...

How do you tell twin witches apart?
You can't tell which which is which...

What do you call a dead chicken that likes to scare people?
A Poultrygeist...

[bluidkiti]

Q. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween? A. Ghoul-aid!!!

Q. What is a Mummie's favorite type of music? A. Wrap!!!!!

Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Q. What's a monster's favorite bean? A. A human bean.

Q. Why can't the boy ghost have babies? A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.

Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A. A sand-witch.

Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night? A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

Q. What did the skeleton say to the vampire? A. You suck.

Q. What do ghosts say when something is really neat? A.Ghoul

Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar? A. For the Boos.

Q. Why was the girl afraid of the vampire? A. He was all bite and no bark.

Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? A. He didn't have a haunting license.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party? A. He had no body to dance with.

Q. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch? A. At the casketeria.

Q. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? A. He is mist.

Q. Where did the goblin throw the football? A. Over the ghoul line.

Q. Why doesn't Dracula mind the doctor looking at his throat. A. Because of the coffin.

Q. Why is a ghost such a messy eater? A. Because he is always a goblin.

Q. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire? A. A toasty ghosty.

Q. Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal? Q. He heard it had great circulation.

Q. What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae? A. Whipped scream.

Q. What do you give a skeleton for valentine's day? A. Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.

Q. What are ghosts' favorite kind of streets? A. Dead ends

Q. What is a vampires favorite holiday? A. Fangsgiving

Q. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? A. Mas-scare-a.

Q. Why did the skeleton cross the road? A. To go to the body shop.

Q. What happens when two vampires meet? A. It was love at first bite!

Q. Who was the most famous ghost detective? A. Sherlock Moans.

Q. What do you call two spiders that just got married? A. Newlywebbed

Q. What is a ghosts favorite place on the web? A. www.halloween.com!

Q. Who was the most famous witch detective? A. Warlock Holmes

Q. What did the ghost say to the man at the coffee shop? A. Scream or sugar!

Q. Who was the most famous skeleton detective? A. Sherlock Bones.

Q. Who was the most famous French skeleton? A. Napoleon bone-apart

Q. Which building does Dracula visit in New York? A. The Vampire State Building.

Q. Where do most werewolves live? A. In howllywood, California

Q. Where do most goblins live? A. in North and South Scarolina.

Q. Where does a ghost refuel his porche? A. At a ghastly station.

Q. What do Italian's eat on Halloween? A. Fettucinni Afraid-o (Ha ha ha)

Q. Why did the skeleton go disco dancing? A. to see the boogy man.

Q. What do witches use in their hair? A. scare-spray

Q. What do you call a little monsters parents A. mummy and deady

Q. What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon. A. sour-puss

Q. How do you scare a mummy A. with a yummy dummy in a crash test crummy.

Q. What do you get when you cross a vampire with the internet? A. blood-thirsty hacker baby

Q. What do you get when you cross a pumpkin with a skwaush? A. a squashed pumpkin pie.

Q. Why do ghosts shiver and moan? A. It's drafty under that sheet.

Q. What instrument do skeleton play? A: Trom-BONE.

Q. What do ghosts eat for breakfast? A. Boo-Berries.

Q. What is a vampires favorite place on the web? A. www.halloween.com!

Q: Why did't the skeleton cross the road? A: He had no guts.

Q. Why do vampires scare people? A. They are bored to death!

Q. How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? A. Every night he turns into a bat.

Q. What's it like to be kissed by a vampire? A. It's a pain in the neck.

Q. How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? A. All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

Q. What songs does Dracula hate? A. "You Are My Sunshine" and "Sunshine on my Shoulders.

Q. What did the Mummy movie director say when the final scene was done? A. Ok, that's a wrap.

Q. How does a girl vampire flirt? A. She bats her eyes.

Q. What is a vampires least favorite food? A.Steak

Q. What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his house? A. A grave problem.

Q. Why doesn't anybody like Dracula? A. He has a bat temper.

Q. Why did Dracula go to the dentist? A. He had a fang-ache.

Q. Why are vampires like false teeth? A. They all come out at night.

Q. Who does Dracula get letters from? A. His fang club.

Q. What kind of key does a skeleton use? A. A skeleton key.

Q. What kind of gum do ghosts chew? A. Boo Boo Gum.

Q. Why did Dracula take cold medicine? A. To stop his coffin.

Q. Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes? A. Sandals don't look good with his tuxedo.

Q. How do you keep a monster from biting his nails? A. Give him screws.

Q. What can't you give the headless horseman? A. A headache.

Q. Why did the headless horseman go into business? A. He wanted to get ahead in life.

Q. What is a ghosts favorite sale? A. A white sale.

Q. What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party? A. A boo-tie.

Q. What's a ghosts favorite desert? A. Boo-berry pie.

Q. What type of dog does every vampire have? A. Bloodhound!

Q. What's a monsters favorite desert? A. I-Scream!!

Q. 1ST PERSON: KOCK,KOCK 2ND PERSON: WHO'S THERE 1ST PERSON: PHILLIP 2ND PERSON: PHILLIP WHO ? 1ST PERSON: ÊFILL UP MY BAG WITH CANDY !!! 2ND PERSON: HA,HA,HA (LOL) Q. Why do girl ghosts go on diets? A. So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

Q. When does a ghost have breakfast? A. In the moaning.

Q. What do ghosts drink at breakfast? A. Coffee with scream and sugar.

Q. Where does a ghost go on vacation? A. Mali-boo.

Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night? A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

Q. Where did the ghost get it's hair done? A: At the boo-ty shop.

Q. Riddle: the maker does not want, it the buyer does not use it, and the user does not see it, what is it? A. a coffin.

Q. What do they teach in witching school? A. Spelling.

Q. Why does a witch ride a broom? A. Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord.

Q. What do you call a witch's garage? A. A broom closet.

Q. What do you call two witches living together? A. Broommates.

Q. Why don't mummies take vacations? A. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Q. What is a witch's favorite subject in school? A. Spelling

Q: Why can't Boy Ghosts make babies?? A: Because they have Hollow-Weenies!

Q. Why did the man with a knife in his head cross the street? A. He was dying to get to the other side!!

Q. Where do ghosts go out? A. Where they can get boooooo-ze.

Q. Where do ghosts go out? A. Where they can get sheet-faced.

Q. What did the mother ghost say to her kids in the car? A. Fasten your sheet belts.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton go to see a scary movie? A. He didn't have the guts.

Q. What did the corpse' mom do when her son was bad? A. Ground him

Q. Why was the mummy so tense? A. Because he was all wound up.

Q. Why did the vampire need mouthwash? A. Because he had bat breath.

Q. Why don't ghost have bands? A. They get booooooooooed.

Q. What do you call a monster who poisons corn flakes? A. A cereal killer.

Q. Who are some of the werewolves cousins? A. The whatwolves, the whowolves and the when wolves.

Q. What did the bird say on Halloween? A. Trick or tweet!

Q. Why do skeletons drink milk? A. To help their bones!

Q. What's a Vampire's least favourate song? A. Another one bites the dust!

Q. What is a Skeleton's favorite song. A. Bad to the Bone

Q. Whats a ghost's favorate type of car? A. A boo-ick

Q. Where do ghost go for fun? A. To the boo-vies

Q. What's a skeletons favorite part of the house? A. the living room

Q. What did the teenage witch ask her mother on Haloween? A. Can i have the keys to the broom tonight.

Q. What do u get when theres a witch in the desert? A. You get a sandwich.

W. Why do ghosts like to ride elevators? A.it raises their spirits.

Q. Why can't a Skeleton Lift Weights? A. He's all bone & no muscle.

Q. What is a vamire's favorite fruit? A: A necktarine

Q. What do the skeletons say be for eating? A. Bone appetite

Q. What do gosts call there girl friends? A. There goul friends.

Q. How did the ghost say goodbye to the vampire? A. So long sucker!

Q. What did the goblin say to the witch? A. I don't know you tell me!

Q. Why dident the skeleten go to the halloween party? A. Becuse he had no body to go with.

Q. What is a ghost's favorite band? A. The Boos Brothers

Q. What did Dracula have for dessert? A. Whine & Ice scream

Q. What is Dracula's favorite restaraunt? A. Murder King

Q. What is a Ghost's favorite food? A. HamBoogers

Q. What is in a ghost's nose? A. Boogers

Q. What was the mummies' vacation like? A. Nobody knows. They were too wrapped up to tell us.

Q: What did tha boy ghost say to the girl ghost? A: You are the most booooooooo-tiful thing I have ever seen!

Q. Why does a cemetery have to keep a fence around it? A. Because people are dying to get in.

Q. What do you give to a pumpkin who is trying to quit smoking? A. A pumpkin patch!!!

Q. Where do vampires keep their money? A: The blood bank!!!

Q. Who are some of the were-wolves cousins? A. The what-wolves and when-wolves.

Q. What did Dracula say after reading all these jokes? A. They suck! (or they bite!)