We Do Recover

[MajestyJo]

"When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isn't."

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, We Agnostics, pg. 53

This reminds me of the phrase, "Are you an alcoholic?" "I think I might be just a little bit." The both statements are the same as saying I think I am a little bit pregnant. Either you are or you are not. I had to find my own truth, and although I was in denial, there was something within me that kept me coming to the rooms of recovery for two years until I had reach total acceptance, and I know it wasn't me.

When I looked back over my life, some force was working in my life keeping me alive and to the doors of recovery, because I qualified twenty years before I got here. Some are sicker than others. When I took an honest look at my life I realized God didn't go away, I did!

God works in my life today. He utilizes people, places and things to show me a better way of living and to help me in my journey.

Posted on my site Soundness of Mind in 2005.

We do recover from that hopeless state of mind and body, and we grow and change, but it is a process. It is a one day at a time thing and some days, it can be a step back, or standing still.

I can put a cork in the jug, put down the drug (alcohol is a drug), and be a dry drunk, but if I want a better way of life, I can work the program and find sobriety (soundness of mind).

[MajestyJo]

Survival

from: "First Things First"

"Here's an old saying that has special, strong meaning for us. Simply stated, it is this: Above all other concerns, we must remember that we cannot drink. Not drinking is the first order of business for us, anywhere, any time, under any circumstances.

"This is strictly a matter of survival for us. We have learned that alcohol is a killer disease, leading to death in a large number of ways. We prefer not to activate that disease by risking a drink."



© 1975, Living Sober, page 32

THOUGHT FOR TODAY (2005):

Triggers are something I had to be aware of. Going back to where I came from was not an option, so I had to be watchful of what brought the thought of using to mind and when it appeared, how to handle it.

Flavored drinks, the smell and taste of vanilla, money, crowds (especially noisy ones), fear, and anger were all triggers for me. I remember once not wanting to swollow the saliva in my mouth and spitting it out because it tasted like pure alcohol. I was walking down the street with a sponsee who was projecting her angr at me because she was looking for a quick fix and it wasn't happening and she wanted me to do the work for her. There was no alcohol around, I smelled it and tasted it and when I shared this with my counselor at the YWCA she said it was anger. How did you deal with anger in the past? By taking a drink of course or any other substance to stuff the feeling. I don't want to feel this and would pick up food, turn on the TV, call people on the phone, anything that would take me out of where I was at and not deal with the issue at hand.

The blanket of denial can hide a lot of things, the masks I put on to hide the true me, and the old tapes I listened to because it is always me that pushes the "play" button. All things that I needed to be aware of to learn how to live in today, clean and sober.

Originally posted at ***

When we were using, we were in survival mode, didn't look at what we saw as petty things and things we thought were not worth our time or attention, including ourselves health wise, but so selfish and self-centered, it was all about me and what I could get and what I needed. We need to get our needs met, but then we need to give and share with others what happened to us, what it was like, and what it is in today.

No matter how many times I crashed and burned, it was always about the other guy.

[MajestyJo]

From: "Acceptance Was the Answer"

I can do the same thing with an AA meeting. The more I focus my mind on its defects - late start, long drunk-a-logs, cigarette smoke - the worse the meeting becomes. But when I try to see what I can add to the meeting, rather than what I can get out of it, and when I focus my mind on what's good about it, rather than what's wrong with it, the meeting keeps getting better and better. When I focus on what's good today, I have a good day, and when I focus on what's bad, I have a bad day. If I focus on a problem, the problem increases; if I focus on the answer, the answer increases.

Alcoholics Anonymous, page 419

Just For Today - The Hoffields

My sponsor/spiritual adviser always told me to call my problems "challenges". Challenges you can overcome. Problems you can stay stuck in.

He told me this when I was two years sober and it still works in today.

Acceptance is the key. The challenge is there, talk to your sponsor, someone in your support group, your home group, and have a wee talk with the God of your understanding.

[MajestyJo]

Help Me to Stay Sober

~Dear God,

Thank you for this day.
~~Help me to stay clean and sober, just for this day.
~~Help me to recognize your hand in all things. ~~Thank you for the blessings I understand and the ones I don't.
~~Thank you for the miracles I see and the ones I don't.
~~Thank you for your spirit who always abides in me. I ask that I may be with your spirit today.
~~Cleanse my mind of all darkness and fill it with love and light.
~~Let me be o.k. with this day no matter what it brings.
~~Thank you for everything that's in my life and everything that's not."

Peace and Blessings

[MajestyJo]

There is no need to always be looking in the past and worrying about it. I have a mental note of what is there. There are times that I have to turn to the past and take a closer look at what I should do different or what not to do at the moment, so I don't repeat the past. Have I made some mistakes by not looking at the past closer?

Sure but might of anyway. - R

I was told to glance at the past, but not keep my gaze centered there too long or I will miss out on today. Unless something in today triggers something there I don't often look anymore except when it is necessary to look and recognize old behaviors and patterns that need to be change in today. When I am still acting out in what was, then I am still living back there instead of making the most of the gifts of sobriety.

Often when I share my story I say, I am not here to do a Step Four and Five, but I do need to qualify so you can identify with me. Mind you I have had people say that if they had drank like I did they would still be out there. That is okay. My bottom was more an emotional, spiritual and mental bottom than a physical one, and yet when I stayed sober, a lot of physical issues came up, because I had ignored them when I was using.. I need to remember that this disease is four-fold. Because I compared, and looked at my past and my journey to get here with others, I stayed sick yet it was fear of going back to where I came from that kept me here because I didn't want to go back to where I came from, even though I couldn't find acceptance of being an alcoholic.

[MajestyJo]

If you are in the center of AA, you won't fall off the edge.

Directions to AA: Just go straight to hell and make a U-turn.

AA: Being a part of something is more important than being the center of attention.

AA is the only place whre you can walk into a room full of strangers and reminisce.
A.A. Romance......The odds are good......but the goods are odd.

AA: Look for a way in; not for a way out.

AA: We are not reformed drunks, but informed alcoholics.

AA has no fixed address--you can take it with you.

AA: We're here for a reason, not for the season.

AA Groups: An AA group will be judged by the worst behavior of its members.

AA Groups: When you clean up after your group, you leave the signature of AA behind you.

AA is a check-up from the neck up.

Before I came into AA I was dead, but I did not know enough to lie down.

AA is not a sentence, it is a reprieve.

A.A. is a self-help program but you can't do it by yourself.

AA won't keep you from going to hell nor is it a ticket to heaven but it will keep you sober long enough for you to make up your mind which way you want to go!

AA won't open the gates of heaven to let you in, but it will open the gates of hell to let you out.

In AA, there are no losers--just slow winners.

Alcoholic (as defined by self): A piece of crap the universe revolves around.

Alcoholic: Someone who refuses to give up a life of failure without a fight.

Alcoholic: A person who, when s/he goes to a wedding, wants to be the bride; when s/he goes to a funeral, wants to be the corpse.

Alcoholic: An alcoholic is someone who wants to be held while isolating.

Alcoholic: I may not be much, but I'm all I think about.

Alcoholic: If I could drink like a normal drinker, I'd drink all the time!

Alcoholic: If you drank enough to get to AA, you drank enough.

Alcohol: It provokes the desire but takes away the performance.

Only an alcoholic would believe that the solution to loneliness was isolation.

Alcoholics burn their bridges in front of them.

Alcohol: An alcoholic is someone who finds something that works and then stops doing it.

Alcohol: It's not what or how much you drank, it's what it did to you.

Alcohol: What you thought was the solution became the problem.

Alcoholic: Terminal uniqueness!

Alcoholic: They didn't make a glass big enough for me to have one drink.

Alcohol: You will be rich when you know you have enough.

Alcoholic drinking's three stages: impulsive ... compulsive ... repulsive.

Each and every alcoholic ---sober or not--- teaches us some valuable lessons about ourselves and recovery.

An alcoholic alone is slumming.

An alcoholic is not a guy who thinks he's had one too many.

He's usually the guy who thinks he's had one too few.

Every alcoholic's favorite brand: More!

If you think you are an alcoholic, chances are, you are.

Alcoholics heal from the outside in...but feel from the inside out.

The destiny of every alcoholic is to be locked up ... covered up ... or ... sobered up.

An alcoholic is a man with two feet firmly planted in mid-air.

You can carry the message, but not the alcoholic.

You're probably an alcoholic if: You think spilling beer is alcohol abuse.

Alcoholics are in a class by themselves. Everyone else has graduated.

Alcoholics are life-long loners who cannot stand to be alone.

Non-alcoholics change their behavior to meet their goals and alcoholics change their goals to meet their behavior.

Alcoholics aren't afraid to die. They're afraid to live.

Alcoholism: Alcohol went from being my best friend to my worst enemy.

Alcoholism: An alcoholic can be in the gutter, yet still look down on people.

Alcoholism: Guilt of yesterday, fear of tomorrow, shame of today.

Alcoholism: High bottoms have trap doors.

Alcoholism: If the cure works, chances are, you have the disease.

Alcoholism: If you drank long enough to get to an A.A. meeting, you drank long enough.

Alcoholism: Name it, Claim it, Tame it!!!

Alcoholism: Once you are a pickle, you can't be a cucumber. But once you are a pickle, you can be a newcomer.

Alcoholism is an equal opportunity destroyer.

Remember that alcoholism is .. incurable, progressive, and fatal.

Alcoholism: The three most dangerous words for an alcoholic -"I've been thinking"

Alcoholism: We are not bad people becoming good, but sick people becoming well.

Alcoholism: Your bottom just may be six feet under.

Alcoholism: Your disease progresses even when you are not drinking.

Alcoholism doesn't come in bottles; it comes in people.

Alcoholism is a self-diagnosed disease.

Some people think alcoholism is a two-fold disease -- more and right now.

Original source unknown

Have posted so many, don't know what's where!

[MajestyJo]

Have always loved the way the first 164 pages came to an end.


Still you may say: "But I will not have the benefit of contact with you who wrote this book."

We cannot be sure. God will determine that, so you must remember that your real reliance is always upon Him. He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave.

Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little.

God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got.

See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.

Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows.

Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us.

We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.

May God bless you and keep you-until then.

A friend of mine use to say to me, "...this is a program of suggestion! I use to say to him there are also some darn well betters, or you will go back out drinking; which he repeatedly did. The program works if I work the program. He was one of many I have heard say the program doesn't work for him. I always ask, "Did you work for the program?"

When I "clear the wreckage of my past that can still come up in today and work the Steps into my daily life and do service," I can find happiness in today.

[MajestyJo]

Recovery is a process, I can remember being told to suit up and show up for the day and the rest will follow.

Everyone mentioned "God" and this is a spiritual program and I thought I knew, after all hadn't I been raised in religion for twenty-two years, who are they to tell me, I am a leading authority don't you know?

It didn't stop me from being an addict who became addicted to alcohol and prescription drugs, and to try out any other substance that came my way.

What I came to believe in was the program. I saw that it was doing for other than I had been trying to do for eight years before I got here. I tried quitting my way, and it didn't work. I couldn't STAY QUIT, they had laughter in their eyes, their eyes shone with a radiance I hadn't seen for a long time.

I thought they were laughing at me, when in fact they were laughing with me, because they had been were I was, and had been able to move on and find a new life for themselves.

Step One - I came to recovery and I kept coming so I didn't have to come back. Meetings, meetings and more meetings, and when I got tired of meetings, I went to more meetings. I ended up going because I wanted to not because I had to. I had a big fear that if I missed a meeting, I would relapse. That was changed into a faith that if I go to a meeting, I don't have to pick up today.

Step Two - I came to believe it would work for me and help me to remove the insanity in my life and bring my life into balance. It says I could not would return me to sanity, it is only through work and an honest desire to keep coming and a willingness to change.

Step Three - I came to believe the program would work for me. It is a spiritual program open to everyone who is willing to believe it will work for them. For me, I didn't find God, the God of my own understanding, until I worked the steps and found myself. When I got here, I wasn't capable of knowing, I only remembered what I was told to believe and had no understanding of what I believed in me, most of all myself.

When I made the decision, I made the decision to work the rest of the steps into my life, and they in turn would prevent me from going back to where I came from, and that I would grow in Love and in the Fellowship of the Spirit.

In today, I have maintained my religious beliefs. What I found was that God was so much bigger than I had ever been able to comprehend. Everywhere I went, He was there. I no longer had to keep Him in Church, He was as He revealed Himself to me on a daily basis.

When I surrendered in Step One and said, "My way doesn't work, I was empowered to do what I needed to do, one day at a time, to stay clean, to grow, and as I grew in consciousness, I became aware of the Good Orderly Direction in my life.

I am powerless over people, place and things, but I am empowered to change myself.


Wrote this in 2004. Ten years later it is still true. I not only have to work for my sobriety, I have to live it.

[MajestyJo]

Wisdom for Today





The ship is sinking and we want to get out of this situation alive. Our only hope is to make it to the lifeboats. We hurry to get in and breathe a sigh of relief when we realize we are safe. But then reality sets in…

Twelve step groups are like our lifeboat. When we first get there we are still scared, but soon we breathe a sigh of relief. At least we are safe. At least we are alive. But then reality sets in. When it does we have some choices to make. We can grumble and complain that we don’t have enough room in the boat. We can insist on steering the boat. We can cry and feel like it is still hopeless. Or we can do our part to help out.

Helping others is a way to help ourselves and asking for help is a way of helping ourselves. Can I rejoice in the fact that I have made it into the boat? Do I do my part to help others or do service work in the group? Do I trust that as long as I stay with the boat that eventually I will make it to “dry” land?
Meditations for the Heart
Having a seat in the lifeboat of the Program is something we should try to be grateful for. Many addicts and alcoholics go down to the murky depths of despair or die in the raging sea of addiction as the ship sinks.

Often times we are tempted to ask, “Why Me?” Why did I even get on this ship? Why am I stuck out here? The “why me” question is a good question to ask. We need to ask, “Why me, why am I one of the few that got a seat in this lifeboat?” Am I truly grateful to be one of the “chosen ones” to get a seat?


Petitions to my Higher Power God

Today I pray that I may walk in God’s grace. It is given freely each day. God, help me to know that it is enough for today. Help me to trust that if I stay in the boat, you will see me safely to dry land.

Amen

JoAnne's Sacred Space

[MajestyJo]

Some of these may be posted elsewhere on the site, I just lose track of what is where.

I stopped drinking almost 26 years ago (July 21, 1987). I drank so much I had no problem falling asleep.

Alcohol Side Effects: 4 Ways Drinking Messes With Your Sleep

Received with thanks from my friend Carey in Texas.


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/0...6pLid%3D315180

[MajestyJo]

Overcoming Fear and Healing Wounds

From Soul's Journey

We cannot escape childhood without being wounded. Every time we made demands of others and they refused us, we were diminished in our self-worth. Each time we asked for love and it was withheld, our self-value decreased. Whenever we attempted to prove ourselves and we failed, we lost some of our power.

As we repeated these experiences, patterns of inadequacy developed, and fears of various kinds took root in our subconscious. Then as we grew up and became more self-sufficient we worked hard at overcoming our diminished self-worth, our decreased self-value, and our loss of power. But we have not been totally successful. The reason is that underlying all our efforts are the fears buried in our subconscious. What is unknown within us usually controls us.

Typically, we do not want to face our fears. Why? Because we are afraid of them. We are afraid that they will pull us back into the experiences of failure we associate with them. So we try other strategies to succeed. We use a variety of defenses to suppress the unwanted feelings associated with previous failures and fear. And we try to consciously control our environment, people and relationships. We all have control issues!

None of this really works, but we live with it anyway. It gives us a false sense of security. But what a tremendous amount of energy we waste on avoiding, repressing, denying and ignoring what we need to face.

On the Soul Journey we learn about our fears, and how to face them. We connect with our old wounds and learn to heal them. We gain the courage we need to become more integrated and whole.

Throughout our entire life, from the moment we were born – and perhaps before – there is one fundamental desire we all have. We all want connection. We all want love – to be loved and to express love. To be loved makes us feel that we are okay as we are, that we have value and worth. And to share our love gives us the connection to our power, which is the ability to love and support others according to their needs.

Ignoring the healing of our wounds makes us unconsciously demand attention and caring from others. It makes us dependent on others in so many ways for our own sense of self.

Not facing our fears keeps us from making meaningful and loving connections with others. Fear says we are separate and we need to be defensive. It says that we cannot trust others and let them in. Fear blocks us from loving. Fear and love cannot occupy the same space. Fear is rooted in the personality, love within the soul.

The power to heal our wounds and face our fears is not found in the personality. It comes from our very essence, the soul within.


Exercises:

1. Make a list of your fears. Which ones are active in your life right now?

2. Review the last few weeks in your mind. What situations come to mind where you felt afraid or uneasy? What did you react to or resist? Behind each of these, what were you afraid of?

3. How will you deal with these fears when they surface in the future? Look for positive examples from other people on how they deal with their challenges.

(C) Reproductions Permitted: http://www.thesouljourney.com

[MajestyJo]

From "Into Action:"

"Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty,
resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we
ask God at once to remove them. We discuss
them with someone immediately and make amends
quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we
resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can
help. Love and tolerance of others is our code.
"And we have ceased fighting anything or
anyone -- even alcohol."

c. 2001, Alcoholics Anonymous, page 84

The program works when we work it. It is up to me to take the action. When I am given awareness and inner knowing, it is good but can only result in goodness if I take what I know and apply it to my life.

Know these things but when I get caught up in my pain, I often forget. Thank God for prayer and meditation.

[MajestyJo]

Elder's Meditation of the Day

Wednesday 19 May 2010

"If the Great Spirit wanted men to stay in one place He would make the world stand still; but He made it to always change..." — Chief Flying Hawk, OGLALA SIOUX

The Elders tell us change occurs in two directions. They say, "That which is built is constantly being destroyed; that which is loose is being used to build the new." In other words, change is constantly going on. Many times we hear people say, "I hate change." Does it make sense that the Great Spirit would design people to hate it? The Great Spirit designed people with change abilities such as visioning, imagery and imagination. Maybe we need to learn to use these tools and then we'll look forward to change.

Great Spirit, today, let me see the harmony of Yours, truly changing world.

Loved this when I read it. Today I do embrace change but often slow these days to follow the thought with action.

It gave me pause for thought when I read about how the world is ever moving and when I am standing still, life is passing me by.

We can see the change in the Seasons and marvel at God's handy work and forget that He also made us and we are under His care and no matter what we go through, He is there.

Change, is inevitable. I have to remember that I am not young any more and not put so many expectations on myself.

I have to do the do things and can't just sit back and wait for things to happen. I have to do my part. I know that when I stop, it is hard to get going again.

[MajestyJo]

"The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem."

-- Theodore Rubin

My sponsor always said, "Don't call them problems, call them challenges. Challlenges we can over come. Problems we can stay stuck in.

There have been many over the years. There have been others that I have just had to accept that they are there and deal with them in the moment.

Quite of the problem is me. As the Al-Anon slogan says, "Let it begin with me." AA says get over it, get out of self and help someone else.

No matter what is happening in my life, in order to recovery, I had to stop pointing the finger at people, places and things, and point it at myself and look at what I did to get me to where I am in today. I heard, "I am where I am at in today as a result of decisions made."

[MajestyJo]

Ya know...I've struggled with depression for nearly 6 years now. Psychaitrist is now giving me some meds for bipolar people who are in the depressive state of their disease along with two other anti-depressants.

I go to A.A. meetings and want to talk about what I'm dealing with and hear, "Outside issue!" "Go to more meetings!" "Work the Steps!" "Pray harder!" "Everyone goes through that!" "It's normal to be depressed!" "You're hearing what you need to hear not what you want to hear!"

Blah blah blah blah blah...

The Big Book says that it is okay for us to have issues that need outside help. It also implies by saying so that there are issues that the 12 Steps will not resolve.

I attend a support group for people with depression. I also see a psychaitrist and a therapist and it really seems to help tremendously.

A very caring Canuck friend in recovery from another website recommended two books for me that have been very helpful and very eye opening for me. "Healing The Shame That Binds Us," and "Healing the Child Within." Both books have been tremendously helpful.

Now, I think I'm ready to tackle some of those ACA issues and books that have been collecting dust on my shelf for a few years. I began reading them at two years sober and it just wasn't time yet. Now, I think it is time. At least I feel like my mind, my heart, my soul and God are telling me it's time.

Do you ever just get angry or fed up or bored with the cliches in the meeting rooms?

DH

Thank you for sharing this. I was just talking to a fellow AA member yesterday on the bus. He is bi-polar and on meds too. It is not good when people in the rooms play doctor. I do know that many alcoholics and addicts are not always honest and have got put on medication for depression which is a big part of the grief process of early recovery. They are two separate things. I have known girls to be put on anti-depressants, gained weight then went back out on a crack diet to lose the weight.

People will be people, gossips and all. I always try to know my own truth and know what is good for me. I am open and honest with my doctor, my God and me. People have their opinions and they have a right to them but that doesn't mean they are right for me.

I have found that the 12 Steps and Traditions are applicable to all areas of my life.