New here and helpless

[mandi999]

I have been struggling with alcohol addition for several years. I have been through two treatment centers, but enter back into the real world and fail. I've went long periods of time sober, but always fall short at the end of the day. Have tried AA in my area and the rooms are filled with men with court papers they needs signed for attendance. I now feel that I can do it with the help of God, but am so afraid of losing my husband and children and just feel like I'm living in limbo. Some members of my family support me, others don't. I feel like that if I lose my husband and kids at this point, it will push me back. There have been so many broken promises and I don't know how to prove that I am serious after so much has happened. Any prayers and support are greatly appreciated.

[MajestyJo]

Welcome Mandi, thank you for signing in and sharing. There is a lot of recover material here. Are there some outside issues that you need to address that keep taking you back out? Perhaps you need to go to Al-Anon and/or Adult Children of Alcoholics to deal with childhood issues. I went for 6 years of counselling myself to get outside help over and above AA. I had a big void, and I had to fill it with spiritual things. You can't do it for your family, you need to want to do it for yourself. You are worthy of recovery. You are not your disease.

Please feel free to private message me or another message if you have any questions. We do this one day at a time. Don't look at forever. Just for today, I choose not to use. i had to quit all drugs in order to recover.

I did the do things, it was darn well better for me or die. I chose to live. I went to two meetings a day for two years. I got a home group, a sponsor, a co-sponsor (a Native American woman), an Al-Anon sponsor, and a service sponsor, I went to meetings and when I got tired of meetings, I went to more meetings. I got involved in service at my home group (in the kitchen), set up my group, closed the meeting down, greeted at the door, worked the steps to the best of my ability with my sponsor, as I detoxed and worked the Steps, I healed and grew and became more aware. We didn't get this way overnight, we don't heal overnight. it is not a quick fix program. It is progress not perfection.

All I was capable of doing at first was showing up and getting to the meeting. I was one of the very sick ones. I brought the body and the mind followed. It worked for me, there is hope for you. If you can't find the willingness, pray for it.