Diary of a Snow Shoveler

[honeydumplin]

December 8 - 6:00 PM
It began to snow.* The first snow of the season. My wife and I took our hot chocolate and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.* It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.* So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.* I just love snow!*

December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.* What a fantastic sight!* Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world?* Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!* Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a kid again.* I did our driveway and the sidewalks.* This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got a chance to shovel again.* What a perfect life!

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow.* Such a disappointment!* My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas.* Not having snow on Christmas would be awful!* Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again.* That's impossible.* Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14
Snow, lovely snow!* 8 inches last night.* The temperature dropped to -20.* The cold makes everything sparkle so.* The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks again.* This is the life!* The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.

December 15
20 inches forecast.* Sold my van and bought a four wheel drive.* Got some snow tires for the wife's car, 2 extra shovels, and stocked the freezer.* Wife wants wood stove in case the power goes out.* How silly.* After all, We aren't in Alaska.

December 16
Ice storm this morning.* Fell down in the driveway spreading salt.* My backside really hurts.* Wife laughed for an hour. She can be so cruel.

December 17
Still way below freezing.* Roads are too icy to go anywhere.* Electricity off for 5 hours.* Had to pile blankets on to stay warm.* Nothing to do. Stared at wife, but tried not to irritate her.* Should've bought wood stove, but won't admit it to her.* I hate it when she's right.* Can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20
Electricity's back on. But snowed another 14 inches last night.* Must have shoveled all day long! The goofy snowplow drove by two times.* Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.* I think they're lying.* Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower. They're out of stock.* Might have another shipment in March.* I think they're lying.* Bob says I have to shovel or the city will do it, and bill me.* I think he's lying.

December 23
Only two inches last night. Warmed up to zero.* Wife wants me to decorate front house with lights this morning.* What is she, nuts?!!* Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?* She says she did. I think she's lying.
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December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.* Could have sworn that I had a heart attack.* If I ever catch that guy who drives that snow plough, I'll drag him through the snow by his ankles, then beat him to death with my broken shovel.* He hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he flies down the street and throws snow all over the place!* Tonight, wife wants me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents. Instead, I'll be watching for the snowplow.
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December 25
So much for not having a white freaking Christmas!* 20 more inches of the crap fell this morning. We're snowed in.* The idea of any more shoveling makes my blood boil.* I hate snow!* That dumb snowplow driver had the nerve to ask me for a donation. I hit him with the shovel.* Wife says I have a bad attitude.* What an idiot.* If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill the television.
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December 26
Still snowed in.* Why the world did I ever move here?* It was all HER idea.* She's really getting on my nerves.
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December 27
Got down to minus 30. My water pipes are frozen solid. A plumber finally came after 14 hours. He's gonna charge me $1,400 to replace all the pipes.
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December 28
Warmed up to above -20.* Still snowed in.* This woman I'm living with is driving me crazy!!!
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December 29
10 more inches.* Bob says I should shovel my roof or it could cave in.* That's the silliest thing that I have ever heard.* How stupid does he think I am?
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December 30
Well, the roof caved in.* I assaulted the snow plough driver again. Now he's suing me for a million dollars.* Wife went to her mother's.* Expecting nine more inches tonight.
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December 31
Bad news. I have been charged with arson for trying to set my house on fire.* But good news. No more shoveling.
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January 8
I feel pretty good now.*The people here are very nice. They've put me in a gown and given me sedatives. Why am I tied to the bed???