Today's Thought - November

[bluidkiti]

November 16

Love doesn’t mean always doing for other people.

It’s normal for us to desire the love and acceptance of the important people in our lives. We might have begun doing favors for friends as a way of securing their affection. We didn’t realize that we were establishing a habit that served no one. It taught us that we were loved only if we had done something for that love. And it enabled other people to shirk responsibilities that were clearly their own.

The program is teaching us about love. We are coming to believe that we are loved just as we are by our Higher Power. A “performance” is never necessary. We are learning that merely listening to others in need is a lovable act. Sharing with them our own experience, as others have done for us, is an act of love. We are seeing that assuming responsibility for all the details of our own lives is empowering us, and it is instilling self-love too. In the past very little of what we thought was love was really love. And for years our lives stayed much the same. Now the changes are frequent and sometimes profound. We’re discovering more happiness than we ever thought possible.

I will make sure I’m not trying to buy love today through my actions. I know now what real love is.

Today's reading is from the book A Life of My Own, Meditations on Hope and Acceptance

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November 17

Be still and listen to the stillness within.

~Darlene Larson Jenks

No answer eludes us if we turn to the source of all answers—the stillness within. Prayer accompanied by meditation will always provide the answers we need for the situations facing us. The answers we want are not guaranteed, however. We must trust that we will be directed to take the right steps. Our well-being is assured if we let go of being the one in control and turn our wills over to the care of God, our messenger within.

How comforting to know that all answers are as close as our quiet moments. God never chooses to keep the answers from us. We simply fail to quiet our thoughts long enough to heed them. Our minds race, obsessively, all too often. We jump from one scenario to another, one fear to another, one emotion to another. And each time our thoughts capture a new focus, we push the answer we seek further into the background.

The process is simple, if I want to follow it. The answers await me if I truly want them. I need only sit quietly and ask God to offer the guidance I need. And then I will sit quietly some more.

Today's reading is from the book Each Day a New Beginning, Daily meditations for Women

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November 18

Spontaneity

In recovery, we’re learning to let ourselves go! We’re learning to be spontaneous.

Spontaneity may frighten some of us. We may be afraid of the loss of control involved with spontaneity. We may still be operating under the codependent rules that prohibit spontaneity: be good; be right; be perfect; be strong; don’t have fun; and always be in control.

We may associate spontaneity with acting out in an addictive, compulsive, self-destructive, or irresponsible manner.

That’s not what we’re talking about in recovery. Positive spontaneity involves freely expressing who we are—in a way that is fun, healthy, doesn’t hurt us, and doesn’t infringe on the rights of others.

We learn to be spontaneous and free as we grow in self- awareness and self-esteem. Spontaneity emerges as our confidence and trust in ourselves increase, and we become more secure in our ability to maintain healthy boundaries.

Being spontaneous is connected to our ability to play and to achieve intimacy. For all those desirable acts, we need to be able to let go of our need to control ourselves and others, and fully and freely enter into the present moment.

Let go of your tight rein on yourself. So what if you make a mistake? So what if you’re wrong? Relish your imperfections. Let yourself be a little needy, a little vulnerable. Take a risk!

We can be spontaneous without hurting ourselves, or others. In fact, everyone will benefit by our spontaneity.

Today, I will throw out the rule book and enjoy being who I am. I will have some fun with the gift of life, myself, and others.

Today's reading is from the book The Language of Letting Go, Daily Meditations on Codependency

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November 19

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

~Mark Twain

Imagination is wonderful if we don’t use it against ourselves. Like fire, it is a great power capable of either warming and giving life or of burning and destroying everything it touches. Consider how often we create problems that never come to be! Family gatherings we know will drive us crazy turn out to be uneventful or even pleasant. Phone calls we put off for months or years because of the excruciating pain they will cause are not the big deal we thought they would be. Once made, decisions we dreaded and avoided improve our lives so much that we wonder what we were waiting for!

We adult children often grow up wearing “doom glasses.” Everything we see is filtered through those darkened lenses. How much of what we dread, fear, and run from is really more a figment of imagination than fact? How much of our lives and energy do we spend on avoiding what does not yet exist and perhaps never will?

I am learning not to borrow trouble from the future.

Today's reading is from the book Days of Healing, Days of Joy, Daily Meditations for Adult Children

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November 20

Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.

~Benjamin Spock, MD

Our addiction put us in a downward spiral of bad behavior and bad feelings. With all that negativity in our life history, how can we trust ourselves?

That’s where the fellowship of recovery comes in. We learn to trust ourselves by opening up our thoughts and feelings to others and listening to their feedback. With their help, we sort through the beliefs and attitudes we have picked up over the years. We keep some, fix some, and throw some away.

We need to trust ourselves. As we dig deeper into what we really know, believe, and want—what gives us purpose—we will find that we are good people, and we know more than we think we do.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me remember that sometimes bad things happen to good people, and that at times good people make bad decisions—but that is part of life’s journey and not a judgment on who we are. Help me trust that I am a good person, and that I have value.
Today's Action

Today I will write down ten good things I know about myself. Then I will put my hand over my heart and read these ten things to myself, out loud.

Today's reading is from the book God Grant Me, More Daily Meditations from the Authors of Keep It Simple

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November 21

For, although it is true that fear and despair can overwhelm us, hope cannot be purchased with the refusal to feel.

~Susan Griffin

Most of us have slips in our recovery. It’s true that the stronger our abstinence is, the further we get from the possibility of slipping. But being human as well as powerless over our addiction, we must face the real possibility of slips.

We can be honest if we slip, both with ourselves and with others in the program. They, along with our Higher Power, will understand how we feel. We need never bear alone the remorse, alienation, and shame we feel after acting out. We can also resist the impulse to anesthetize ourselves with alcohol or something else to avoid the pain of a slip. Through the program we’ve learned how to make amends, especially to ourselves. We can put this knowledge to work again if we slip.

While a slip is painful, it’s not a reason to fall back to where we started. Instead, we can recommit ourselves to sanity and manageability, letting go of the past and being abstinent today.

My abstinence exists from this moment on. I can handle the present and find sanity here and now.

Today's reading is from the book Answers in the Heart, Daily Meditations for Men and Women Recovering from Sex Addiction

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November 22

Trust one who has gone through it.

~Virgil

Non-members can be experienced and helpful in treating addictions and helping us in recovery, but it is very important for us to learn from others in the program.

There is no way to fool another addict. Trust is born when newcomers find they are being helped by another person who has gone through what they are going through. Hope is born when they see that member living a sane and manageable life.

Through the fellowship, we are not alone when we face the problems of recovery. Those who have been in the program for years and who are enjoying quality sobriety are always close with advice and aid. We trust them because we know that they know. Sometimes we also need to be with our fellow travelers just so we can laugh, play, and be with people.

If they can do it, so can I. I am wise to hang around those who know from experience.

Today's reading is from the book Easy Does It, A Book of Daily Twelve Step Meditations

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November 23

Let us be willing to release old hurts.

~Martha Smock

All of us have experienced at least a few significant hurts, not to mention the many minor slights that are a part of living. And throughout our remaining years, we’ll continue to occasionally experience rejection, meanness from friends and strangers, and perhaps even abandonment. We have not been guaranteed a life free from pain and hurt. Instead, we can trust we’ll be given the life experiences that will carry us through to our destiny.

We’re learning what’s needed, daily, and not all of our teachers are offering joy-filled lessons. They are the right lessons, however. And we know greater joy when we relax and understand that God is there to guide us through every conflict and comfort us in every painful moment.

We don’t need to harbor ill feelings toward those who may be teaching us a difficult lesson today. We can see these people as our teachers, as God’s emissaries. They are merely introducing us to another aspect of our evolving selves.

Today I will forgive my hurts of yesterday and rejoice that God is ever present.

Today's reading is from the book In God's Care, Daily Meditations on Spirituality in Recovery

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November 24

Love has the quality of informing almost everything—even one's work.

~Sylvia Ashton-Warner

We are changed through loving and being loved. Our attitudes are profoundly and positively affected by the presence of love in our lives. Each time we offer a loving response to a friend, co-worker, even a stranger, we powerfully influence the dynamics of the interaction between us.

Every response we make to someone changes us while it informs them. When we treat others with disdain, we invite the same. When we express only criticism of others, our self-assessment is equally negative. The beauty of a loving posture is that it calls forth love in response. The more love we give away, the more we receive.

Any task before us is lessened when we carry love in our hearts. love is more powerful than fear. Love helps to open the channel to God, assuring us of the strength, the understanding, the patience needed to complete any assignment confronting us.

I am loved, unconditionally, by God. And l will experience the reality of that love the more I give it away. Love wants to change me—and it can.

Today's reading is from the book Each Day a New Beginning, Daily meditations for Women

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November 25

Reflection for the Day

No matter what it is that seems to be our need or problem, we can find something to rejoice in, something for which to give thanks. We need to be thankful. Thankfulness opens new doors to good in our life. Thankfulness creates a new heart and a new spirit in us. Do I keep myself aware of the many blessings that come to me each day and remember to be thankful for them?
Today I Pray

May I be filled with the spirit of thankfulness. When I express my thanks, however fumbling, to my Higher Power or to another human being, I am not only being gracious, but I am also giving myself the greatest reward of all—a thankful heart. May I not forget either the transitive “to thank,” directed at someone else, or the intransitive “giving thanks,” which fills my own great need.
Today I Will Remember

Thank and give thanks.

Today's reading is from the book A Day at a Time, Daily Reflections for Recovering People

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November 26

AA Thought for the Day

Continuing the answers to the question of how a person can live without liquor and be happy, we say: “You will be bound to the other AAs with new and wonderful ties, for you and they will escape disaster together and all will commence shoulder to shoulder the common journey to a better and more satisfactory life. You will know what it means to give of yourself that others may survive and rediscover life. You will become happy, respected, and useful once more. Since these things have happened to us, they can happen to you.” Have these things happened to me?
Meditation for the Day

God manifests Himself in human lives as strength to overcome evil and power to resist temptation. The grace of God is the power that enables a human being to change from a disconnected, hopeless individual to a connected, hopeful, and grateful person. God also manifests Himself as love—love for other people, compassion for their problems, and a real willingness to help them. The grace of God also manifests itself as peace of mind and serenity of character. We can have plenty of power, love, and serenity in our lives if we are willing to ask God for these things each day.
Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may see God’s grace in the strength I receive, the love I know, and the peace I have. I pray that I may be grateful for the things I have received through the grace of God.

Today's reading is from the book Twenty-Four Hours a Day, A Spiritual Resource with Practical Applications for Daily Life

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November 27

Kindness and intelligence don't always deliver us from the pitfalls and traps.

~Barbara Grizzuti Harrison

Being human means we'll have hard times along with pleasant ones. Whether with friends, at school, or at home, we'll find reasons for sadness or anger as easily as for laughter. In every part of our lives, we're offered just what we need for growth.

Being the best we know how to be doesn't mean we'll escape confusion or pain. Through the troubling times we learn to trust in a Higher Power; we learn patience; we learn to let go and let God decide outcomes. The troubling times offer us growth and serenity, our keys to happiness.

What hidden gifts will I find in today's troubles?

Today's reading is from the book Today's Gift, Daily Meditations for Families

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November 28

One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears—by listening to them.

~Dean Rusk

We hate being told what to think. We like to make up our own minds. It helps to talk things out with another person who listens to us. Someone who cares what we think.

We can give this respect to others. We can listen to their point of view. We can try to understand them and care about what they think.

When we do this, others start to care what we think too. We share ideas. The ideas get a little clearer. They change a little. We get a little closer to agreement. We both feel good.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me know when to listen and when to talk today. Work for me and through me. Thanks.
Action for the Day

Today I’ll look for chances to listen to others when I really want to talk. I’ll say, “Tell me more about that.” And I’ll listen.

Today's reading is from the book Keep it Simple, Daily Meditations for Twelve Step Beginnings and Renewal

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November 29

~Robert Louis Stevenson

Sitting loosely in the saddle is an image of detachment for us. Detachment doesn’t mean we stop caring. It means we have an inner wisdom telling us what we can control and what we cannot. When we go to meetings and hear fellow members struggling with temptations to return to old behaviors, we need to detach. When family members or friends are engaged in an addiction, we need to sit loosely in the saddle by caring, but not protecting them from the results of their behavior. Sometimes close friends will be “off base” in the way they talk to us. We practice detachment by not being reactive to the person but being responsive to the inner message of what kind of men we wish to be.

We can’t control another person’s behavior toward us. Our inner security will never come from how someone else behaves. The most helpful thing we can do for someone is to listen and care; then we need to be ready to let go of the outcome.

I will accept the limits of my control over others. I will care and let go.

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November 30

Expressing good

Often we find ourselves thinking in terms of completing tasks rather than of expressing good. We view interruptions as frustrating delays, when they can be opportunities to glorify our Higher Power. Instead of saying, “How much can I accomplish today?” we can ask “How much good can I express today?” In expressing good, we accomplish much.

Our primary task each day is to express the nature of Infinite Spirit. A day is fruitful if its spiritual demands have been perceived and fulfilled. That makes it easier to respond to setbacks with peace and love.

How much good have I expressed today?

Higher Power, help me to remember throughout this day that no task or plan is more important than expressing your love.

Today I will express good by…

Today's reading is from the book Day by Day, Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts