Today's Thought - November

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November 16

Detachment

Detachment doesn't come naturally for many of us. But once we realize the value of this recovery principle, we understand how vital detachment is. The following story illustrates how a woman came to understand detachment.

"The first time I practiced detachment was when I let go of my alcoholic husband. He had been drinking for seven years - since I had married him. For that long, I had been denying his alcoholism and trying to make him stop drinking.

"I did outrageous things to make him stop drinking, to make him see the light, to make him realize how much he was hurting me. I really thought I was doing things right by trying to control him.

"One night, I saw things clearly. I realized that my attempts to control him would never solve the problem. I also saw that my life was unmanageable. I couldn't make him do anything he didn't want to do. His alcoholism was controlling me, even though I wasn't drinking.

"I set him free, to do as he chose. The truth is, he did as he pleased anyway. Things changed the night I detached. He could feel it, and so could I. When I set him free, I set myself free to live my own life."

Today, wherever possible, I will detach in love.

Today's reading is from the book The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency*

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November 17

My spirituality has become more important to me than anything.

~Les G.

We like everybody to know they can count on us to take care of things. Something needs doing on time? Someone is needed to go the extra mile? Ask us. For both better and worse, most of us have learned to be the epitome of responsibility when it comes to our jobs, children, appearance, or social commitments.

But when it comes to taking care of ourselves spiritually, we usually don't rate so high. Yet nothing else should be so high on our list. It is from our spirituality that friendship and love spring up like flowers. It is from the depth of our spirituality that we become more able to forgive. And it is the quality of our spirituality that determines how well we can accept reality and let go of what needs to be released.

Spirituality is not a luxury to be pursued only if we have time left after we strike everything else off the list. Quiet time, time with friends, time to read, pray, and walk in the woods - these are all important in the proper care of our spiritual lives. We must beware of being too busy!

Today, I will begin to develop quiet time as a daily habit.

Today's reading is from the book Days of Healing, Days of Joy: Daily Meditations for Adult Children*

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November 18

Character is simply habit long continued.

~Plutarch

Addiction changed us. It ate away at our character - the inner backbone of morals and ethics that make us strong. We still wanted to be good people, even in the depths of our illness. We just could not seem to behave that way. Our disease was stronger than our moral backbone. We were powerless over alcohol and drugs, and they controlled our behavior.

Now that we are sober we are practicing new behaviors - behaviors guided by our morals and ethics, not by our addiction. As we continue to practice these new behaviors, they will become habits. And after a while, we will find that these good habits have made our moral backbone strong again. As we become healthy and strong in our recovery, we build our character.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me become a person of good character. Help me act in ways that match my new values, morals, and ethics. I need your help to stay sober and practice recovery behaviors that become a habit and build my character.
Today's Action

Today I will think of some people I have met in the program whom I admire because they are solid in their goodness. I will call at least one of them and ask how he or she got that way.

Today's reading is from the book God Grant Me: More Daily Meditations from the Authors of Keep It Simple*

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November 19

We find rest in those we love, and we provide a resting place in ourselves for those who love us.

~St. Bernard of Clairvaux

How wonderful it is to feel that we belong! This is the security that comes as we gradually look outside ourselves and connect with other people. As we break free of the isolation of addiction and give up such self-defeating attitudes as being fearful and resentful, we find a new ability to be out in the world.

We can go to work and feel that we're part of a group. We can walk into a restaurant and know we belong there, not feeling that everyone is looking at us. We can go to a meeting and experience the wonderful sense of community that only comes from being with other recovering addicts. We can do volunteer work, join a church, or go out with a group of friends. And in all of these activities, we discover that we not only get to know others, but we let them get to know us as well. Believing that we belong is a gift that comes from our ability to be ourselves, no matter what the circumstances.

I believe that I belong. No matter where I am or what I'm doing, I have something to contribute.

Today's reading is from the book Answers in the Heart:

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November 20

Don't Project

What we anticipate seldom occurs. What we least expected generally happens.

~Benjamin Disraeli

We are not in the business of getting results. It's easy and simple to plan results. It’s not so easy to just plan and not expect results.

When we think a plan of ours will bring us and humanity all sorts of payoffs, we are playing God again. When our plan doesn't turn out the way we expected, we put ourselves in danger of feeling hopeless. This can lead to relapse.

We remember the past only for what its lessons have taught us about living today. If yesterday was spent in planning how today was supposed to turn out, we will usually be disappointed in today. Today hardly ever turns out the way we had planned or expected it to turn out.

My plans for the future must stay hopes and possibilities. No matter how far I fall short of my plans I must accept the results with serenity. I will work at making plans, but I won't plan the results.

Today's reading is from the book Easy Does It: A Book of Daily Twelve Step Meditations*

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November 21

We cannot always oblige, but we can always speak obligingly.

~Voltaire

Sometimes we forget that we’re all special people who are in each other's lives for a purpose. Our Higher Power has guaranteed each of us love, growth, and support. In return, we're expected to treat our fellow travelers respectfully and courteously. Abrupt or harsh comments put people on the defensive and strain communication. Then none of us feels the support and love we need from one another.

We can ease a friend or co-worker's troubles today by quietly, calmly relying on our Higher Power to help us in our conversations. And when we are troubled, we don't need to project our tenseness or anxiety to everyone around us. We will gain esteem for ourselves and show love to the other person if we share our words in a loving tone. It's really so easy to decide to honor one another in this way. In the process, we are honoring God, too.

I will speak kindly and lovingly to others today.

Today's reading is from the book In God's Care: Daily Meditations on Spirituality in Recovery*

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November 22

It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to.

~Marilyn Ferguson

The big change for us is moving beyond our addiction and codependency. Many of us didn't feel very attached to our addiction, but we didn't know what to do without it. We didn't feel "normal" when we weren't using, and it didn't seem right to stop taking charge of others' problems. It was hard to imagine what else to do with our time, and hard to build another way of living.

In many other smaller ways, we are called on to let go of what is familiar and move into what is not yet known. This is an uncomfortable but very creative space. We know our growth was stopped by our old ways. Now, with the courage to tolerate the discomfort, we can leave our less mature selves behind and grow to become better men.

Today, I will tolerate feeling awkward and uncomfortable while I keep growing.

Today's reading is from the book Stepping Stones: More Daily Meditations for Men*

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November 23

All my days are not wonderful, but I know what "wonderful" is.

~Ruthie Albert

What is "wonderful"? Is it being full of wonder? Are our grateful moments among the wonderful ones? Perhaps. When we're awed by the mystery of our personal salvation, we experience pure wonderment. How did we get free of our addiction and why?

Living in the aura of gratitude can make most experiences wonderful. We can't imagine why we have been graced, but we no longer doubt that our recovery is by design. That keeps us filled with wonder. We can choose to focus on this feeling.

Why don't we choose to feel wonderful every day? Maybe that's part of the disease we share. We may think we don't deserve much happiness. It's surely possible, however, to feel it with more regularity. There is no better time than now to make the decision.

My life is truly a miracle. I have been chosen for this journey, and this fact fills me with wonder.

Today's reading is from the book A Woman's Spirit: More meditations for Women*

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November 24

AA Thought for the Day

There are two important things we have to do if we want to get sober and stay sober. First, having admitted that we're helpless before alcohol, we have to turn our alcoholic problem over to God and trust Him to take care of it for us. This means asking Him every morning for the strength to stay sober that day and thanking Him every night. It means really leaving the problem in God's hands and not reaching out and taking the problem back to ourselves. Second, having given our drinking problem to God, we must cooperate with Him by doing something about it ourselves. Am I doing these two things?
Meditation for the Day

I must prepare myself by doing each day what I can to develop spiritually and to help others to do so. God tests me and trains me and bends me to His will. If I am not properly trained, I cannot meet the test when it comes. I must want God's will for me above all else. I must not expect to have what I am not prepared for. This preparation consists of quiet communion with God every day and gradually gaining the strength I need.
Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may really try to do God's will in all my affairs. I pray that I may do all I can to help others find God's will for them.

Today's reading is from the book Twenty-Four Hours a Day: A Spiritual Resource with Practical Applications for Daily Life*

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November 25

The things we hate about ourselves aren't more real than things we like about ourselves.

~Ellen Goodman

It is so easy, and tempting, to get down on ourselves, to focus on an imperfect face, a dismal batting average, our fear of math, or our big feet. The trouble is, the more we feel sorry for ourselves, the more we have to feel sorry about. And though it probably doesn't hurt to indulge in a little self-pity once in a while, how unfortunate - and limiting - it can be to let those attitudes define us.

The things we hate about ourselves are no more real than the things we like about ourselves. The trick is to dwell on the things we like instead of those we don't. Even on days when we are sure we are the least lovable creatures in the world, we can "act as if" we like ourselves. What a surprise at the end of the day, to find out that we actually do!

What can I like about myself today?

Today's reading is from the book Today's Gift: Daily Meditations for Families*

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November 26

I'm as pure as the driven slush.

~Tallulah Bankhead

The Steps are filled with words and phrases that help us be real with ourselves: shortcomings, exact nature of our wrongs, persons we had harmed, and when we were wrong. The Steps help us accept all parts of who we are.

Our program asks us to share these parts of ourselves with others. We heal by doing this. It's hard to talk about how wrong we can be, but we must. It's part of how we recover. Remember, all of us have bad points. At times, we all act like jerks. When we can talk about our mistakes, we end up having less shame inside of us.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me to love and accept myself as You love and accept me. Give me the courage to share all my secret wrongs.
Action for the Day

Today I'll review my Fourth Step. If I haven't done this Step, I'll start today.

Today's reading is from the book Keep it Simple: Daily Meditations for Twelve Step Beginnings and Renewal*

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November 27

He that to what he sees, adds observation, and to what he reads, reflection, is in the right road to knowledge.

~Charles Caleb Colton

We are not just feathers blown on the winds of a powerless life. We bring ourselves to our experiences. The dynamics of learning include, first, what happens - what we see or read or hear - and, second, what we make of it. So in our observations and reflections we consider what an event means to us.

As men in a spiritual program, we need some time to think and reflect. That is, we need time away from the phone, away from interruptions and work, where we can let ourselves learn and grow from our experiences. Some men get that by leaving the radio off while driving alone, others get it on the bus, others light a candle in a quiet room at home and meditate. In this way, we are conscious and aware of what is happening in our lives, and we bring our wisdom to it. Through time we deepen and grow stronger as we grow older rather than only accumulating more experiences.

Today, I will reflect on the meaning of my experiences and bring my wisdom to them.

Today's reading is from the book Touchstones: A Book of Daily Meditations for Men*

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November 28

Finding Hope

Since devoting myself to recovery, I've never been without hope. I've experienced some really dark times in recovery, and there have been times when hope was all that I had. There's an Italian proverb that says "Hope is the last thing ever lost." How beautiful. How inspiring. I now understand that sharing hope is the most important thing I can do. Hope can be planted like a seed. I confess I was once a dope dealer; now I'm a hope dealer. I can share my experience and my knowledge to inspire hope in others. I can show them how to share their hope. And hope will spread. Hope will grow.

Hope is really about believing that things just might be okay. We can hope for healed relationships. We can hope for fresh starts. We can hope to make it through the next hour, next day, next week, next month, and next year in our recovery. We can hope to feel joy again. Hope means glimmers of light in the darkness, in the darkest of despair.

We all have hope. Somewhere. We might have to dig deep, but it's there.

Today's reading is from the book She Recovers Every Day: Meditations for Women*

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November 29

Taking the Steps

We used drugs for many reasons. Often it was to take the edge off life. In the beginning drugs made the world more beautiful, more satisfying. Toward the end we used drugs to turn off our guilt, fear, and loneliness. The drugs began to cause more problems than they cured. Finally, using met none of our needs at all.

By working the Steps, however, we can learn to meet our needs in constructive, rather than destructive, ways.

Am I working all the Steps necessary to meet my needs without chemicals?

Higher Power, help me find those things in life - sober and clean - that I was trying to find by using drugs.

Today I will work on Step…

Today's reading is from the book Day by Day: Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts*

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November 30

Waiting Season

Today my husband and I are both veterans, and we're recovering together. It wasn't always this way. It took me doing some work on me and taking a hiatus from dating. My picker was broken. I was picking the wrong ones, and that was the problem - I would do the picking. I had to take a break. I let go and was like, You know what, God? I'm taking a break. You pick the next one. I'm leaving this in your hands. Your will be done. You know what's best for me.

I stepped away from dating, from talking to anyone, from doing anything for a year and a half. A year and a half - nothing. My family was like, "You're not dating?" I would say, "Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I'm waiting. I'm in a waiting season. I'll know when it's time when God's ready for me to have someone. It'll come."

And then one day I was sitting in a meeting and my future husband tapped me on the shoulder and asked me for a reading. And we started laughing with each other. We've been together since then. And that's all she wrote.

In his perfect timing, God supplies my needs rather than my wants.

~Karen A., U.S. Air National Guard, 1980?1991

Today's reading is from the book Leave No One Behind: Daily meditations for Military Service Members and Veterans in Recovery*