Today's Thought - July

[bluidkiti]

July 16

Real men don't vacuum.

~Anna Genich

Once, not so long ago, there was a family who tried to divide up housework equally. The father signed up for vacuuming, but he never got around to doing it.

One morning he told everyone about his dream the night before. He was lined up in the dining room with an entire football team, and they all ran in a line through the house, pushing the clutter and dirt up against the walls and out of the way. They came to a finish at the picture window, where the father turned and raised his arms in victory. Then he saw his wife watching him, so he explained, "Heroes don't vacuum."

Perhaps each of us is a hero at one time or another. In that case, we might take turns at different chores, rewarding the day's hero with a day off from vacuuming or dishwashing. When we work together to get the chores done, we become a family of heroes, and can feel a healthy pride in our warm, loving, and clean home.

How can we share housework more equally?

Today's reading is from the book Today's Gift: Daily Meditations for Families*

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July 17

Go often to the house of your friend: for weeds soon choke up the unused path.

~Scandinavian proverb

Our program has two parts: the Steps and the fellowship. Both keep us sober. We can't stay sober if we go it alone. We need to work the Steps. We also need people - the help of our friends daily.

Recovery is about relationships. We get new friends. We get involved. We give. We get. In times of need, we may not want to ask our new friends for help. Maybe we don't want to "burden them." Maybe we're afraid to ask for help. Well, go ahead. Make that call. Ask your new friend to spend time with you. You deserve and need it. They deserve it; they need it.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me to get help from my friends as if my life depends on it.
Action for the Day

Today I'll see or call two program friends and let them know how I’m doing.

Today's reading is from the book Keep it Simple: Daily Meditations for Twelve Step Beginnings and Renewal*

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July 18

When nobody around you seems to measure up, it's time to check your yardstick.

~Bill Lemley

Being overcritical and irritable has been common to most of us. Some of us go around with controlled smiles while underneath we are grumbling. Others blast everyone around them. Some of us save our most critical reactions for those we love while staying sweet and friendly with the outside world. In any case, we are caught in a blinding trap. We may know we feel trapped but do not see that our problem is mainly with ourselves.

We need to look at our relationships. Have we been falling into a pattern where no one seems to measure up? Are we also being too critical or demanding of ourselves? Perhaps we don't need to lower our standards so much as to hold them less tightly. If we can be friends to ourselves and give ourselves a little more leeway, we can be more easygoing with others.

I cannot force myself to be less critical, but I can let go of my willfulness so my more easygoing side comes forward. I can be less judgmental of myself and others.

Today's reading is from the book Touchstones: A Book of Daily Meditations for Men*

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July 19

Disappointing Others

Learning the art of saying no to other people wasn't easy. I used to always come up with extravagant stories, excuses, or narratives for why I couldn't do something. Nobody ever taught me that I could just simply say no. I grew up believing that somehow saying no to others would do them harm. I didn't understand that saying yes sometimes causes myself harm. Like my friend Holly Whitaker says, "Disappoint other people with your no; don't disappoint yourself with a yes you'll later resent." Isn't that the truth?

There's such freedom in saying no. Perhaps you know this. I'm a recovering people pleaser, so it took me a little longer than most to figure this out. I'm really good at it now. When we say no to other people, we don't need to overexplain, lie, manipulate, justify, or make excuses. We can decline graciously, confidently, firmly. We don't need to justify our decisions. We can respond with a simple "Thanks for thinking of me, but I'm going to pass" or "Sorry, I'm unavailable for that" or even better, "No, thank you." If you don't already do this, try it out.

I'd rather disappoint others than disappoint myself.

Today's reading is from the book She Recovers Every Day: Meditations for Women*

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July 20

Practicing what we know

Our Higher Power does not expect us to live what we do not know or do not yet understand. But we can gain understanding by applying what we know day by day. (When we turn our backs on what we already know, then we stumble.)

We already know that drinking and using only block our way. When should we begin applying what we already know? Today. For today is the only day we have.

Do I practice what I know?

Higher Power, help me apply what I know and not turn my back on my program of recovery.

I will practice what I know today by...

Today's reading is from the book Day by Day: Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts*

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July 21

Slowly Ease the Pain

Each and every day I ask, What do I have? What have I been left with? What can I do with what I have? Who was I then? Who am I now? What can I do with who I am now? Where did I end up? What can I do with where I ended up? How can I accomplish success in small increments? How can I do more in life? What more can I do in life?

I can keep asking questions. Look for answers. Make plans with the answers. Pray a lot. Try to keep calm and clear. Learn meditation. Learn how to react to the people around me with smoother responses. Remind myself that I am eternally sanding down the rough edges. Be thankful I got to see and live through another day.

My disability limits me. My disability creates a new life that I can explore. I can have full life. Life, liberty, and the pursuits of happiness are possible. My job is to understand my past and keep on the path of life. My life is like an ongoing patrol. My never-ending mission. I accept this.

Today I will learn to love and appreciate those around me and what we can do together.

~Moe A., U.S. Marine Corps, 1962–1966

Today's reading is from the book Leave No One Behind: Daily meditations for Military Service Members and Veterans in Recovery*

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July 22

Reflection for the Day

I admitted that I couldn't win the battle against substance abuse and compulsions on my own. So I finally began to accept the critically important fact that dependence on a Higher Power could help me achieve what had always seemed impossible. I stopped running. I stopped fighting. For the first time, I began accepting. And for the first time, I began to be really free. Do I realize that it doesn't matter what kind of shoes I'm wearing when I'm running away?
Today I Pray

May I know the freedom that comes with surrender to a Higher Power - that most important kind of surrender that means neither "giving in" nor "giving up" but rather "giving over." Like a weary fugitive from spiritual order, may I stop hiding, dodging, running. May I find peace in surrender, in the knowledge that my Higher Power wants me to be whole and healthy. My Higher Power will show me the way.
Today I Will Remember

First surrender, then serenity.

Today's reading is from the book A Day at a Time: Daily Reflections for Recovering People*

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July 23

We are coming to believe in unconditional love.

Being loved unconditionally may be a new experience. Most of us were trained to get good grades or be extremely well mannered if we wanted to be loved. There were conditions, always.

We may have been raised to believe in a judgmental God too. If so, the God of this fellowship seems hard to trust. ("You mean, no matter what I do, I'll be loved and forgiven by my Higher Power?")

And because of our upbringing, we may be good at setting conditions for family members and friends who want our love. For instance, we may think that they can't let us down in any way or we won't love them.

We're fortunate indeed that we have the example of so many other women and men who have walked this path before us. It has to be possible for us to change too. We must be patient with ourselves. We lived with a very solid mindset for many years. We won't change overnight. But we can change, if we really want to.

I will affirm that I am loved unconditionally many times throughout the day. Time will heal me and change my understanding.

Today's reading is from the book A Life of My Own: Meditations on Hope and Acceptance*

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July 24

Recovery depends on continuing revelation.

~David Crawford

Perhaps we sense that something is still standing in the way of our usefulness to our Higher Power, ourselves, and other human beings. We may be aware of a habit that feels addictive or of fears or resentments that are holding us back, preventing us from fully using our gifts.

Step Six suggests that we become entirely ready for change. This means letting go of our illusions about the ways we limit our freedom and happiness - letting go of any denials or excuses. It means trusting that our attitudes and behaviors are capable of transformation. It does not mean attempting to force situations in which our fantasies of control haven't worked before. Being entirely ready means that we're honest about what hasn't succeeded in the past and that we're willing to accept our Higher Power's help. Genuine honesty and openness to change are the essence of the humility we need in order to grow.

Today, I look honestly at what stands in the way of my life's usefulness.

Today's reading is from the book Glad Day

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July 25

Guilt keeps us stuck.

Who doesn’t have some guilt? Surely no one we know has been "good" all the time. It's human to make mistakes and hurt others in the process. On occasion, we have even intentionally harmed someone. We can't undo the past. What's done is done. However, we can get free of the inhibiting shadow it casts over our lives today if we use the tools of this program of recovery.

The first step in shedding our guilt is to admit to ourselves that some of the things we have done are wrong. The next step is harder. We need to admit our wrongdoing to the one we have harmed and ask for his or her forgiveness. This can be made easier if we remember to bring along our Higher Power.

Why is all this necessary? As long as we have wounds in our relationships, we won't be able to see all the possibilities for growth and change that beckon us today. Our guilt keeps us stuck in the past, and it’s the present that promises us the happiness we desire.

How are my relationships today? Do any feel tense because of my past behavior? If I really want to get the most from what today offers, I need to mend the past. With God's help I can.

Today's reading is from the book The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency*

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July 26

We may be the only Easter lily some people ever see.

~Rev. R. Oelerich

Regardless of how strange it may sound, we are powerful people! We make a difference in others' lives, for good or ill. We enhance people's lives when we encourage, support, and congratulate. It is easy to downplay the importance of our lifting up our fellow pilgrims even though it is no small thing when we are the beneficiaries of such life-giving gifts.

The newspaper ran a story of a teenaged girl who had been a prostitute. The account was mostly an interview in which she repeatedly told of how she had been put down at home, was made to feel she didn't count, was denied affection, and came to believe that what she did mattered little because no one cared.

The story of her lifestyle change came as a result of a hard-won battle by a social worker who unfailingly mirrored back to the girl that she did count, and that she was a person filled with love and beauty. Perhaps neither the parents nor the social worker would think of themselves as powerful, but in this case they made all the difference.

Today, I will be aware that I make a difference. I will make the world a little better for my being in it.

Today's reading is from the book Days of Healing, Days of Joy: Daily Meditations for Adult Children*

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July 27

What, then, is your duty? What the day demands.

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

We live our new lives in recovery "One day at a time." What a relief. Sometimes the changes we are making seem so big we get a little afraid that we can’t do it all. We forget that we don’t have to do it all at once. "Easy does it."

Recovery is not just about what we do every day (or how much we do). It is much more about how we do every day. Am I living today as a person in recovery? Am I being honest, kind, sober, and living by my values? Am I willing to help someone else if they need help?

Of course we need to think about the future, too. We need to have dreams about what our life can be. But these will come. They are not supposed to take our energy today. Today's energy is for living today well.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me live today in your grace. Help me live a strong, healthy recovery as I learn that life happens "One day at a time."
Today's Action

I will list three things that I handled today like a person in recovery would handle them. I will think about how I would have handled these things when I was using alcohol or drugs. I will call my sponsor and talk about the way I lived today.

Today's reading is from the book God Grant Me: More Daily Meditations from the Authors of Keep It Simple*

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July 28

And if by chance that special place that you've been dreaming of leads you to a lonely place, find your strength in love.

~Michael Masser and Linda Creed

Between disconnection and connection there is a time of transition. That time is called loneliness. During those moments, we choose what to do with that loneliness. We can stay in the lonely place as long as we need to; it's not necessary to force ourselves to move out of it before we're ready. But eventually we must move or the loneliness will deepen, becoming a desert of isolation where we cannot find our way out.

We are meant to be connected to many things: to God, to ourselves, to other people, to life. Maybe the purpose of loneliness is to provide the transition to connection. Rather than experiencing loneliness as something we deserve, or something we brought on ourselves, we can become aware of the deep longing within ourselves to be part of a wider world. We can then do our best to meet our needs and feel pleasure when they are met.

I will let my loneliness provide the impetus for moving me to a different place. I will be patient and gentle with my need for connection.

Today's reading is from the book Answers in the Heart

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July 29

Easy Does It

It isn't the load that weighs us down, it's the way we carry it.

~Anonymous

There is a saying in the entertainment world that it takes most performers at least twenty years to become overnight successes. Many a person who is impatient to set the world on fire could be served best by a discussion on "Easy does it" and "One Step at a time." Like Rome, character wasn't built in a day.

When we try to climb ladders several steps at a time, we invite accidents. But the advice "slow but sure" doesn't mean not making the effort. Progress is always more lasting when made with caution. We solve problems as they arise, rather than trying to move around them.

I risk losing serenity if I let impatience force me into trying to do too much in too short a time.

Today's reading is from the book Easy Does It: A Book of Daily Twelve Step Meditations*

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July 30

Scream at God if that's the only thing that will get results.

~Brendan Francis

People who say they know the way to talk to God are speaking only for themselves. How can anyone say with certainty that this is the way, or that is the way? Or what attitude we are to take, or what words to use, or what to ask for, or whether to ask for anything at all? Our relationship with God is a personal, highly individual thing. We have our own assignment on this journey, and each of us comes to God from a different perspective. There is no right way or wrong way to pray.

A simple act of prayer is enough for some of us; just approaching God is restorative. Others are propelled by intense emotion; our need is so great we must shout. How we do it, though, is not as important as that we do it. The ultimate purpose of prayer is reunion with our Maker. We have gone a long way alone; now we are coming home.

Whether I approach God with a scream or a whisper, I am welcomed.

Today's reading is from the book In God's Care: Daily Meditations on Spirituality in Recovery*