Today's Thought - August

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August 16

Intolerance

I'm slipping when I accept certain faults in myself, but I don't accept them in other people.

~Anonymous

Our fellowship can pull good deeds out of people who have normally acted badly. Our Steps suggest ways to greatly change our behavior.

We are careful to separate what we say we are going to do and what we actually do. When we go to meetings and start talking about what wonderful things we are going to do rather than sharing what we have already done, we roll up our sleeves and get to work, because we have a lot to learn. Our friends and sponsor can suggest ways of getting started.

The fellowship doesn't want to hear sermons or judgments on past behavior. That's what happens when we judge ourselves and others, and talk about how we're going to change everybody and everything. We can't just "Talk the talk." We need to "Walk the walk."

I don't want to judge anybody, including myself. Let me learn to be forgiving and tolerant.

Today's reading is from the book Easy Does It: A Book of Daily Twelve Step Meditations*

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August 17

"Came to believe": The three most beautiful words in our language.

~Anonymous

"Came to believe" has become a magical phrase for many of us. It is indeed beautiful. What did we come to believe? That a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. And it has happened in so many lives that it is a tenet of our program. The lost have come home; we've been restored.

As we enjoy the fruits of recovery, though, we sometimes fail to realize that insanity isn't far away; it's just around the corner. And when we experience that insanity, it isn't that God has moved, but that our faith has wandered and shaken hands with the craziness of self-sufficiency.

Coming to believe isn't usually a sudden happening, but a gradual change. And with daily renewal, it makes our life work.

"Came to believe": those three beautiful words remind me today that I didn't get here alone.

Today's reading is from the book In God's Care: Daily Meditations on Spirituality in Recovery*

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August 18

Establishing goals and following through on them help women build self-confidence.

~Sharon Walters

Alcohol and other drugs created the illusion of confidence for many of us before our recovery. Some of us held prominent positions in corporations. Others of us raised children and held jobs too. All of us took on responsibilities that might have overwhelmed us had we lacked the false security that drugs could offer. But their time ran out. Luckily for us, their time ran out.

Since giving up our drugs, we have had to develop new ways to build confidence. Fortunately, having this program and the Steps as guides, we have been able to make progress.

The confidence we are building now through reliance on our Higher Power is substantive and real, not illusionary and temporary. We are learning who we are through our inventories, and that has made it possible to determine what we want to do with our lives. Our goals and our ability to follow through on plans are manifestations of our hard work. Self-confidence is the lasting reward.

My confidence will not waver today if I remember to let God help me handle each responsibility.

Today's reading is from the book A Woman's Spirit: More meditations for Women*

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August 19

Until you make peace with who you are, you’ll never be content with what you have.

~Doris Mortman

Marketers call us consumers. Ads suggest that a new car will make us happy or that when we buy our special loved one a beautiful diamond, we will really be somebody. But our awakening into a healthy, new life has nothing to do with what we own. Sure, it's fun to buy something new, but it doesn't make us happy for long. We don't define ourselves as mere consumers; rather, we are men with meaning in our lives.

When we haven't got ourselves on track, when we don't have a focus for our lives, we are easily seduced by distractions and dead-end promises. Peace of mind hasn't come easily for most of us. We had to accept some things about ourselves that we didn't want to accept. We had to learn some lessons that we couldn't easily learn at first. Now we feel like real men. We have something much better than anything we could buy with money, and no one else can take it away.

Today and every day, I restore my peace of mind by making peace with myself.

Today's reading is from the book Stepping Stones: More Daily Meditations for Men*

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August 20

AA Thought for the Day

We who have learned to put our drinking problem in God's hands can help others to do so. We can be used as a connection between an alcoholic's need and God's supply of strength. We in Alcoholics Anonymous can be uniquely useful, just because we have the misfortune or fortune to be alcoholics ourselves. Do I want to be a uniquely useful person? Will I use my own disease, defeats, and failures to help others?
Meditation for the Day

I will try to help others. I will try not to let a day pass without reaching out an arm of love to someone. Each day I will try to do something to lift another human being out of the sea of discouragements into which he or she has fallen. My helping hand is needed to raise the helpless to courage, to strength, to faith, to health. In my own gratitude, I will turn and help other alcoholics with the burden that is pressing too heavily upon them.
Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be used by God to lighten many burdens. I pray that many souls may be helped through my efforts.

Today's reading is from the book Twenty-Four Hours a Day: A Spiritual Resource with Practical Applications for Daily Life*

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August 21

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles...by the ears, by the heels or any other way you can manage it. It's the healthiest thing a body can do.

~Mark Twain

It requires very little effort - and no imagination - to start feeling sorry for ourselves. Often, it is easy to feel sorry for ourselves in our families. Instead of being inspired by the sports talents of an older brother, the popularity of a lovely sister, or the fame of a parent or relative, we often take the easier attitude: "I'm denied all that he or she has."

If we work hard at developing our own abilities so that we can excel, we will find ourselves proud of, and applauding, what others do. If a personal problem brings us self-pity, we must remind ourselves that all people have problems. We can cope as well as the best of people if we learn from them and think positively.

Who among those close to me can I be proud of today?

Today's reading is from the book Today's Gift: Daily Meditations for Families*

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August 22

Skill to do comes of doing.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Often, we just want to sit and do nothing. And why not? We go to meetings, work the Twelve Steps, read, make new friends. All this takes energy and means taking risks. Haven't we earned the right to just sit and take a break from it all?

No! In the past, we avoided life. Now we're becoming people of action. We take risks. We're becoming people who get involved in life. We practice caring about people and caring about ourselves. At times, we may complain, but we do what is needed to stay sober. We gain skills by doing.

Why? We do it to save our lives. How? By trusting. We now trust that our Higher Power and friends will be there for us. They will help us push past our fears. As we practice daily how to stay sober, our skills grow.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, Yours is a spirit of action. Allow me to become skilled at being active.
Action for the Day

Today I'll work at being active and alive. Maybe I'll start a new friendship or try a new meeting.

Today's reading is from the book Keep it Simple: Daily Meditations for Twelve Step Beginnings and Renewal*

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August 23

I have never for one instant seen clearly within myself. How then would you have me judge the deeds of others?

~Maurice Maeterlinck

We have been given the job of getting to know ourselves and reclaiming our own sanity. We aren't so good at it that we have spare time and energy left to make judgments about those around us. We are tempted to become absorbed in their behavior and choices, and it does feel like a welcome distraction from anxieties about ourselves. So we must learn to detach from the family members and friends that we are tempted to fix, or monitor, or judge.

Although we are very close, we are on separate paths in life. We were not born together, and we will not die together. We will make our family or our friendships and the world a little bit better by staying centered on our own sanity.

I pray for a clear separation between what is on my path in this program and what is on someone else's path. Then we can make good bridges between us.

Today's reading is from the book Touchstones: A Book of Daily Meditations for Men*

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August 24

Recovery Is a Process,
Not an Event

I write and talk about how recovery is an ongoing process because it really is worth repeating. Take away the fact that our lives are complicated and that our healing unfolds layer by layer, and let go of the idea that we can change incredibly complex things about ourselves overnight, and you are left with several holy truths.

The first holy truth is that recovery doesn't have an end point - for anyone. If recovery were a symbol, the infinity symbol would be appropriate. The second holy truth is that our recovery - our individual, unique experiences of healing and growth - expands and progresses on our own timelines. We can "be recovered" in some ways in our lives, but we're always recovering in others.

Recovery is not a race, and we get to address the pieces that need attention when we determine the time is right for each piece. There will be important events taking place along our recovery journey, and many will be celebratory, but they are just markers of the journey, not the journey itself.

I am not sure where I am headed in the process, but I'm excited to keep going.

Today's reading is from the book She Recovers Every Day: Meditations for Women*

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August 25

Living today

Sometimes we expect so much so fast that we become nervous wrecks. Expecting answers for tomorrow's or next week's problem is not living today.

If we have a problem today, let us retake the Third Step, offer the problem to our Higher Power for an answer, and practice patience with the future.

Can I work on just today's problem?

Higher Power, help me live one day at a time and to accept your answers when you send them.

My plan for working on today's problem is...

Today's reading is from the book Day by Day: Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts*

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August 26

Building a Framework for Recovery

As I've changed, so has my support system. It's about what and who is helping me grow. I didn't use around my family members, so they didn't see the destruction of my addiction. I'd get high and leave. Just disappear. So I'm rebuilding a lot of those relationships.

I'm a veteran, and I work at the VA now. I tell the vets I work with that recovery is like laying bricks. We create a foundation on which we build straight walls of recovery. We build that foundation with people and support. But, just as with bricks, sometimes relationships crack and break, and you have to either get rid of them or mend them.

If people aren't helping you build your network of recovery, it might be time to move on or reconstruct a healthier relationship.

Today I will strengthen those relationships that build upon my solid foundation of recovery and growth.

~Berlynn F., U.S. Marine Corps, 2009–2011

Today's reading is from the book Leave No One Behind: Daily meditations for Military Service Members and Veterans in Recovery*

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August 27

Reflection for the Day

If we don't want to slip, we'll avoid slippery places. For the addict, that means avoiding people who used to provide substances; for the alcoholic, that means avoiding old drinking haunts; for the overeater, that means bypassing a once-favorite pastry shop; for the gambler, that means shunning poker parties and racetracks. For me, certain emotional situations can also be slippery places; so can indulgence of old ideas such as a well-nourished resentment that is allowed to build to explosive proportions. Do I carry the principles of the program with me wherever I go?
Today I Pray

May I learn not to test myself too harshly by "asking for it," by stopping in at the bar or the bakery or the track. Such "testing" can be dangerous, especially if I am egged on, not only by a thirst or an appetite or a craving for the old object of my addictions, but by others still caught in addiction whose moral responsibility has been reduced to zero.
Today I Will Remember

Avoid slippery places.

Today's reading is from the book A Day at a Time: Daily Reflections for Recovering People*

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August 28

Let's place principles above personalities.

We don't like everyone. Even the people we place on pedestals don't like everyone. But whom we like or dislike matters less than our reaction to those feelings. A Twelve Step meeting is a gathering place for men and women who are similar to the individuals we know from work or other activities. Some of them we identify with immediately. A few are cynical or perhaps bossy; some are self-effacing. Some try to manipulate the group as they used to manipulate the alcoholic or addict. The program is a "classroom" that offers an opportunity to practice principles we are learning.

Can we get beyond a person's actions and give love unconditionally, as we hope to be loved? Can we accept that we can't change a group member? Can we learn to acknowledge that everyone has a perspective that has value and deserves respect? If we make progress in any of these assignments, we will enhance our relationships outside the group too. And that’s what it's all about.

I don’t have to like someone to show him or her the respect that every child of God deserves. The more quickly I realize this and put it into practice, the better my life will unfold.

Today's reading is from the book A Life of My Own: Meditations on Hope and Acceptance*

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August 29

For many people the most difficult thing in the world is to learn to mind their own business.

~J. Krishnamurti

Perhaps we think we know the perfect medical alternative or nutritional plan for a sick friend, have the name of a counselor who could help the couple whose relationship is in trouble, or know someone in desperate need of Twelve Step recovery. We have difficulties of our own, but working to resolve them seems somehow less pressing than the problems of our friends and loved ones.

It’s human to want to help others, but we may be evading our own problems when we insist on having the answers for others. When people near us are in crisis, it is best to offer advice only when asked. Often, all that’s needed is a listening ear.

When we're tempted to rescue others, we should ask ourselves whether we are helping or simply interfering. We ourselves don't want others to try to fix us. We appreciate simply being heard and validated. Instead of urging our solutions on others, we can listen with respect and understanding. It is a gift.

Today, I listen and support. I don't give unwanted advice.

Today's reading is from the book Glad Day

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August 30

Moving Forward

Much as we would like, we cannot bring everyone with us on this journey called recovery. We are not being disloyal by allowing ourselves to move forward. We don't have to wait for those we love to decide to change as well.

Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to grow, even though the people we love are not ready to change. We may even need to leave people behind in their dysfunction or suffering because we cannot recover for them. We don't need to suffer with them. It doesn't help.

It doesn't help for us to stay stuck just because someone we love is stuck. The potential for helping others is far greater when we detach, work on ourselves, and stop trying to force others to change with us.

Changing ourselves, allowing ourselves to grow while others seek their own path, is how we have the most beneficial impact on people we love. We're accountable for ourselves. They're accountable for themselves. We let them go, and let ourselves grow.

Today, I will affirm that it is my right to grow and change, even though someone I love may not be growing and changing alongside me.

Today's reading is from the book The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency*