NA JFT - APRIL 2014

[MajestyJo]

April 16

"Acting As If"

"Today, we seek solutions, not problems. We try what we have learned on an experimental basis."

Basic Text p. 55

The first time we heard that we should "act as if" many of us exclaimed, "But that's not honest! I thought we were always supposed to be honest about our feelings in Narcotics Anonymous."

Perhaps we can reflect on when we first came into the program. We may not have believed in God, but we prayed anyway. Or maybe we weren't sure the program would work for us, but we kept coming to meetings regardless of what we thought. The same applies as we progress in recovery. We may be terrified of crowds, but if we act confidently and extend our hand, we'll not only feel better about ourselves, we'll find that we are no longer so frightened of large gatherings.

Each action we take in this vein brings us closer to becoming the people we were meant to be. Each positive change we make builds our self-esteem. Through acting differently, we will realize that we are beginning to think differently. We are living ourselves into right thinking by "acting as if."

Just for today: I will take the opportunity to act as if I can accept a situation I used to run from.

Thought this meant not being honest. I didn't feel right, and then I thought I don't have to lie, I just have to make actions as though I believed. I knew I was an addict. I was in denial about my alcoholism. I went to AA for my denial. I said I was an alcoholic in order to belong and it took me two years to overcome that denial. I didn't drink, I just continued going to AA and NA. I finally realized that I used alcohol like I used everything else. At two years, I had a dream of me walking into the Legion, wearing 3" red high healed shoes, walking a straight line, ordered a rye, got the coke from the machine, and then I proceeded to be a first class B.I.T.C.H., and saw myself as others saw me. I was a braggart, full of myself, always challenging others for a game of pool, darts, carts, and always made myself available for another drink. It was a big eye opener, and as it say, "Everything became real."

[MajestyJo]

April 17

Priority: Meetings

"I initially felt that it would be impossible to attend more than one or two meetings a week. It just wouldn't fit in with my busy schedule. I later learned that my priorities were [180] degrees reversed. It was the everything else that would have to fit into my meeting schedule."

Basic Text p. 204

Some of us attended meetings infrequently when we first came to Narcotics Anonymous, then wondered why we couldn't stay clean. What we soon learned was that if we wanted to stay clean, we had to make meeting attendance our priority.

So we began again. Following our sponsor's suggestion, we made a commitment to attend ninety meetings in ninety days. We identified ourselves as newcomers for our first thirty days so that others could get to know us. At our sponsor's direction, we stopped talking long enough to learn to listen. We soon began to look forward to meetings. And we began to stay clean.

Today, we attend meetings for a variety of reasons. Sometimes we go to meetings to share our experience, strength, and hope with newer members. Sometimes we go to see our friends. And sometimes we go just because we need a hug. Occasionally we leave a meeting and realize that we haven't really heard a word that's been said—but we still feel better The atmosphere of love and joy that fills our meetings has kept us clean another day. No matter how hectic our schedule, we make meeting attendance our priority.

Just for today: In my heart, I know that meetings benefit me in all kinds of ways. Today, I want what's good for me. I will attend a meeting.

So glad that I had all those meetings in the bank, so that I now have something to draw on, when I can't go in today. I was still doing 7-10 meetings a week at 10 years clean and sober. A lot were a result of doing service, coming here each day is me doing service, it helps me, and hopefully something I say will help you.

[MajestyJo]

April 18

"I Understand"

"We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."

Step Seven

Once we are entirely ready to have our character defects removed, many of us are entirely ready! Ironically, that's when the trouble really starts. The more we struggle to rid ourselves of a particular defect, the stronger that shortcoming seems to become. It is truly humbling to realize that not only are we powerless over our addiction, but even over our own defects of character.

Finally, it clicks. The Seventh Step doesn't suggest that we rid ourselves of our shortcomings, but that we ask our Higher Power to rid us of them. The focus of our daily prayers begins to shift. Admitting our inability to perfect ourselves, we plead with our Higher Power to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. And we wait.

For many days, our program may stay on Step Seven. We may experience no sudden, total relief from defects - but we often do experience a subtle shift in our perceptions of ourselves and others. Through the eyes of the Seventh Step, we begin to see those around us in a less critical way. We know that, just like us, many of them are struggling with shortcomings they would dearly love to be rid of. We know that, just like us, they are powerless over their own defects. We wonder if they, too, humbly pray to have their defects removed.

We begin evaluating others as we have learned to evaluate ourselves, with an empathy born of humility. As we watch others, and as we keep watch on ourselves, we can finally say, "I understand."

Just for today: God, help me see through the eyes of Step Seven. Help me understand.

So many times we forget that the Steps are applicable to all areas of our life. Once I got clean and sober, I was in complete denial about having defects of character. I figured now I am not using, I am just fine. We know what fine means, Frustrated. Insecure. Neurotic. Emotional, the polite way of saying it.

As the reading says, "The more we try..." the worse it gets, I can't, my God can, so can yours.

[MajestyJo]

April 19

Footwork

"So many times, addicts have sought the rewards of hard work without the labor."

Basic Text, p. 33

When we first came to NA, some of us wanted everything, and right away. We wanted the serenity, the cars, the happy relationships, the friends, the closeness with our sponsor—all the things other people had gotten after months and years of working the steps and living life on life's terms.

We learned the hard way that serenity comes only from working the steps. A new car comes from showing up on the job every day and trying to "practice these principles in all our affairs" including our employment. Healthy relationships come as a result of lots of hard work and a new willingness to communicate. Friendship with our sponsor comes as a result of reaching out during the good times as well as the bad.

In Narcotics Anonymous, we have found the path to a better way of life. To reach our destination, however, we must do the footwork.

Just for today: I want a better life. I will make an inventory of what I want, find out how to get it, talk with my sponsor about it, and do the necessary footwork.

We do the footwork and leave the results up to our Higher Power.

[MajestyJo]

April 20

Detachment

"Addiction is a family disease, but we could only change ourselves."

IP No. 13, "Youth and Recovery"

Many of us come from severely damaged families. At times, the insanity that reigns among our relatives feels overwhelming. Sometimes we feel like packing our bags and moving far, far away.

We pray that our family members will join us in recovery but, to our great sadness, this does not always happen. Sometimes, despite our best efforts to carry the message, we find that we cannot help those we hold most dear. Our group experience has taught us that, frequently, we are too close to our relatives to help them. We learn that it is better to leave them in our Higher Power's care.

We have found that when we stop trying to settle the problems of family members, we give them the room they need to work things out in their own lives. By reminding them that we are not able to solve their problems for them, we give ourselves the freedom to live our own lives. We have faith that God will help our relatives. Often, the best thing we can give our loved ones is the example of our own ongoing recovery. For the sake of our family's sanity and our own, we must let our relatives find their own ways to recover

Just for today: I will seek to work my own program and leave my family in the care of a Higher Power.

In Al-Anon and Nar-Anon, they say to detach and set boundaries from the A in your life. When I came into recovery, I had to detach from my family, in order to recover, I was an embarrassment and they had no concept of the fact that we had a disease. Many times it was their own denial, if I had a problem, just maybe they did too.

[MajestyJo]

April 21

Fear

"We have found that we had no choice except to completely change our old ways of thinking or go back to using."

Basic Text, p. 21

Many of us find that our old ways of thinking were dominated by fear. We were afraid that we wouldn't be able to get our drugs or that there wouldn't be enough. We feared discovery, arrest, and incarceration. Further down the list were fears of financial problems, homelessness, overdose, and illness. And our fear controlled our actions.

The early days of recovery weren't a great deal different for many of us; then, too, fear dominated our thinking. "What if staying clean hurts too much?" we asked ourselves. "What if I can't make it? What if the people in NA don't like me? What if NA doesn't work?" The fear behind these thoughts can still control our behavior, keeping us from taking the risks necessary to stay clean and grow. It may seem easier to resign ourselves to certain failure, giving up before we start, than to risk everything on a slim hope. But that kind of thinking leads only to relapse.

To stay clean, we must find the willingness to change our old ways of thinking. What has worked for other addicts can work for us—but we must be willing to try it. We must trade in our old cynical doubts for new affirmations of hope. When we do, we'll find it's worth the risk.

Just for today: I pray for the willingness to change my old ways of thinking, and for the ability to overcome my fears.

Had fear as far back as I could remember. I had to learn what fear was and how it manifested itself in my life. It had gotten to a stage where it paralyzed me, and in today, I know to go to my God in faith.

Fear takes many forms, it makes itself known in many ways, and I have found that it takes a spiritual solution to let it go.

[MajestyJo]

April 22

Traveling The Open Road

"This is our road to spiritual growth."

Basic Text, p. 35


When we arrived at our first NA meeting, it looked like the end of the road to many of us. We weren't going to be able to use anymore. We were spiritually bankrupt. Most of us were totally isolated and didn't think we had much to live for. Little did we realize that, as we began our program of recovery, we were stepping onto a road of unlimited possibilities.

At first, just not using was tough enough. Yet, as we watched other addicts working the steps and applying those principles in their lives, we began to see that recovery was more than just not using. The lives of our NA friends had changed. They had a relationship with the God of their understanding. They were responsible members of the fellowship and of society. They had a reason to live. We began to believe these things were possible for us, too.

As we continue our recovery journey, we can get sidetracked by complacency, intolerance, or dishonesty. When we do, we need to recognize the signs quickly and get back on our path — the open road to freedom and growth.

Just for today: I am continuing to develop my spiritual, social, and general living skills by applying the principles of my program. I can travel as far as I wish on the open road of recovery.

Recovery is a journey, not a destination. Just for today, I choose not to use. Just for today, I choose to keep the road open and travel the recovery road, with self-honesty, an open mind, and a willingness to do what ever it takes to stay clean and sober.

[MajestyJo]

April 23

A God Of Our Own Understanding

"Many of us understand God to be simply whatever force keeps us clean."

Basic Text, p. 25

Some of us enter recovery with a working understanding of a Higher Power. For a lot of us, however, "God" is a troublesome word. We may doubt the existence of any sort of Power greater than ourselves. Or we may remember uncomfortable experiences with religion and shy away from "the God stuff."

Starting over in recovery means we can start over in our spiritual life, too. If we're not comfortable with what we learned when we were growing up, we can try a different approach to our spirituality. We don't have to understand everything all at once or find the answers to all our questions right away. Sometimes it's enough just to know that other NA members believe and that their belief helps keep them clean.

Just for today: All I have to know right now about my Higher Power is that it is the Power that helps keep me clean.

Found that God was an old tape, like so much of my past life. I had to make God personal, and discover what He/She/It meant to me, instead of taking everyone else's opinion as Gospel. For so many years, I doubted myself and as my co-sponsor said, "If you are doubting God, you are doubting yourself."

[MajestyJo]

April 24

Twelve Steps Of Life

"Through abstinence and through working the Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous, our lives have become useful."

Basic Text, p. 8

Before coming to Narcotics Anonymous, our lives were centered around using. For the most part, we had very little energy left over for jobs, relationships, or other activities. We served only our addiction.

The Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous provide a simple way to turn our lives around. We start by staying clean, a day at a time. When our energy is no longer channeled into our addiction, we find that we have the energy to pursue other interests. As we grow in recovery, we become able to sustain healthy relationships. We become trustworthy employees. Hobbies and recreation seem more inviting. Through participation in Narcotics Anonymous, we help others.

Narcotics Anonymous does not promise us that we will find good jobs, loving relationships, or a fulfilling life. But when we work the Twelve Steps to the best of our ability, we find that we can become the type of people who are capable of finding employment, sustaining loving relationships, and helping others. We stop serving our disease, and begin serving God and others. The Twelve Steps are the key to transforming our lives.

Just for today: I will have the wisdom to use the Twelve Steps in my life, and the courage to grow in my recovery I will practice my program to become a responsible, productive member of society.

The 12 Steps are what made the difference for me. I was raised in a religious home and active in church. I could stop using, but couldn't stay stopped until I found the 12 Steps and the spiritual solution to my disease.

[MajestyJo]

April 25

Embracing Reality

"Recovery is a reality for us today"

Basic Text, p. 97

Pain and misery were realities in our using lives. We were unwilling either to accept our living situation or to change what was unacceptable in our lives. We attempted to escape life's pain by taking drugs, but using only compounded our troubles. Our altered sense of reality became a nightmare.

Through living the program of Narcotics Anonymous, we learn that our dreams can replace our nightmares. We grow and change. We acquire the freedom of choice. We are able to give and receive love. We can share honestly about ourselves, no longer magnifying or minimizing the truth. We accept the challenges real life offers us, facing them in a mature, responsible way.

Although recovery does not give us immunity from the realities of life, in the NA Fellowship we can find the support, genuine care, and concern we need to face those realities. We need never hide from reality by using drugs again, for our unity with other recovering addicts gives us strength. Today the support, the care, and the empathy of recovery give us a clean, clear window through which to view, experience, and appreciate reality as it is.

Just for today: A gift of my recovery is living and enjoying life as it truly is. Today, I will embrace reality.

When I was 3 years sober, I was speaking to my french friend who came into recovery the same time as I did, but I had a few months more sober than he had, and I told him, "Reality sucks!" When he had 3 years, he phoned me and said, "You were right Jo, reality does suck."

You get a new awareness, and then you have to live with your conscience. I know what I need to do, but do I want to do it.

[MajestyJo]

April 26

Self-Acceptance

"The most effective means of achieving self-acceptance is through applying the Twelve Steps of recovery."

IP No. 19, "Self-Acceptance"

Most of us came to Narcotics Anonymous without much self-acceptance. We looked at the havoc we had wreaked in our active addiction, and we loathed ourselves. We had difficulty accepting our past and the self-image produced by it.

Self-acceptance comes more quickly when we first accept that we have a disease called addiction, because it's easier to accept ourselves as sick people than as bad people. And the easier it is to accept ourselves, the easier it becomes to accept responsibility for ourselves.

We achieve self-acceptance through the process of ongoing recovery. Working the Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous teaches us to accept ourselves and our lives. Spiritual principles like surrender, honesty, faith, and humility help relieve us of the burden of our past mistakes. Our attitude changes with the application of these principles in our daily lives. Self-acceptance grows as we grow in recovery.

Just for today: Self-acceptance is a process set in motion by the Twelve Steps. Today, I will trust the process, practice the steps, and learn to better accept myself.

First I need to accept my disease. Then I need to accept myself. I am not my disease.

[MajestyJo]

April 27

Recognizing And Releasing Resentments

"We want to look our past in the face, see it for what it really was, and release it so we can live today."

Basic Text p. 28

Many of us had trouble identifying our resentments when we were new in recovery. There we sat with our Fourth Step in front of us, thinking and thinking, finally deciding that we just didn't have any resentments. Perhaps we talked ourselves into believing that we weren't so sick after all.

Such unwitting denial of our resentments stems from the conditioning of our addiction. Most of our feelings were buried, and buried deep. After some time in recovery, a new sense of understanding develops. Our most deeply buried feelings begin to surface, and those resentments we thought we didn't have suddenly emerge.

As we examine these resentments, we may feel tempted to hold onto some of them, especially if we think they are "justified." But what we need to remember is that "justified" resentments are just as burdensome as any other resentment.

As our awareness of our liabilities grows, so does our responsibility to let go. We no longer need to hang on to our resentments. We want to rid ourselves of what's undesirable and set ourselves free to recover.

Just for today: When I discover a resentment, I'll see it for what it is and let it go.

Some days you look and they have raised their ugly head. The more I find, the more I pray.

[MajestyJo]

April 28

Who Really Gets Better?

"We can also use the steps to improve our attitudes. Our best thinking got us into trouble. We recognize the need for change."

Basic Text, p. 53

When new in recovery, most of us had at least one person we just couldn't stand. We thought that person was the rudest, most obnoxious person in the program. We knew there was something we could do, some principle of recovery we could practice to get over the way we felt about this person—but what? We asked our sponsor for guidance. We were probably assured, with an amused smile, that if we just kept coming back, we'd see the person get better. That made sense to us. We believed that the steps of NA worked in the lives of everyone. If they could work for us, they could work for this horrible person, too.

Time passed, and at some point we noticed that the person didn't seem as rude or obnoxious as before. In fact, he or she had become downright tolerable, maybe even likeable. We got a pleasant jolt as we realized who had really gotten better. Because we had kept coming back, because we had kept working the steps, our perception of this person had changed. The person who'd plagued us had become "tolerable" because we'd developed some tolerance; he or she had become "likeable" because we'd developed the ability to love.

So who really gets better? We do! As we practice the program, we gain a whole new outlook on those around us by gaining a new outlook on ourselves.

Just for today: As I get better, so will others. Today, I will practice tolerance and try to love those I meet.

Principles before personalities. Practice these principles in all our affairs. Just for today, I choose not to use.

[MajestyJo]

April 29

"What If...."

"Living just for today relieves the burden of the past and the fear of the future. We learned to take whatever actions are necessary and to leave the results in the hands of our Higher Power."

Basic Text, pp. 90-91

In our active addiction, fear of the future and what might happen was a reality for many of us. What if we got arrested? lost our job? our spouse died? we went bankrupt? and on, and on, and on. It was not unusual for us to spend hours, even whole days thinking about what might happen. We played out entire conversations and scenarios before they ever occurred, then charted our course on the basis of "what if..." By doing this, we set ourselves up for disappointment after disappointment.

From listening in meetings, we learn that living in the present, not the world of "what if," is the only way to short-circuit our self-fulfilling prophecies of doom and gloom. We can only deal with what is real today, not our fearful fantasies of the future.

Coming to believe that our Higher Power has only the best in store for us is one way we can combat that fear. We hear in meetings that our Higher Power won't give us more than we can handle in one day. And we know from experience that, if we ask, the God we've come to understand will surely care for us. We stay clean through adverse situations by placing our faith in the care of a Power greater than ourselves. Each time we do, we become less fearful of "what if" and more comfortable with what is.

Just for today: I will look forward to the future with faith in my Higher Power.

"What ifs..." show a lack of faith. If I am questioning myself, I am questioning my God.

If I act as if, I am not fearful, insecure, then I can work through things. It would help give me courage and strength.

[MajestyJo]

April 30

God Does For Us

"Ongoing recovery is dependent on our relationship with a loving God who cares for us and will do for us what we find impossible to do for ourselves."

Basic Text, p. 96

How often have we heard it said in meetings that "God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves?" At times we may get stuck in our recovery, unable, afraid, or unwilling to make the decisions we know we must make to move forward. Perhaps we are unable to end a relationship that just isn't working. Maybe our job has become a source of too much conflict. Or perhaps we feel we need to find a new sponsor but are afraid to begin the search. Through the grace of our Higher Power, unexpected change may occur in precisely the area we felt unable to alter.

We sometimes allow ourselves to become stuck in the problem instead of moving forward toward the solution. At these times, we often find that our Higher Power does for us what we cannot do for ourselves. Perhaps our partner decides to end our relationship. We may get fired or laid off. Or our sponsor tells us that he or she can no longer work with us, forcing us to look for a new one.

Sometimes what occurs in our lives can be frightening, as change often seems. But we also hear that "God never closes a door without opening another one." As we move forward with faith, the strength of our Higher Power is never far from us. Our recovery is strengthened by these changes.

Just for today: I trust that the God of my understanding will do for me what I cannot do for myself.

So true, the person that came into recovery is no more. But for the Grace of God, I would not be here in today.