Alcoholic or an Addict?

[MajestyJo]

I once was speaking at a meeting and a oldtimer told me I had no right to be at that closed meeting let alone speaking because I was also a addict.
I drank I shot dope
Drugs got me to the program faster than just drinking.
Later in a smaller meeting which was a speaker disscussion the same man was there.
I told of Doc Bob story and how he was a addict and a alkie.
This man was in rage at my comment about our co founder.
He came to me later after carefully reading the part about how Doc Bob had to time it right when he gave himself a shot not of whiskey but drugs and told me he was sorry and wrong.
Why does it matter if someone is court ordered or comes in with family intervention.
Or if someone used drugs
The 12 steps in each program are almost the same just a few word's changed.
I relly get pissed when someone past judgement on how I found my way here to this program.
I was never appointed judge in thia program.
If you have a problem with a addict going to a AA meeting READ DOC Bob story again.

Why is there a problem this is a program with no governing body.
A meeting may choose not to sign paper's
but a meeting has no right to refuse fellowship to anyone who has a desire to stop drinking or using.

I was not lifted above all others when I decided to quit drinking
I actually had to climb back out of the hole i dug .
Which kinda puts me below most.
What does it matter which addiction I choose
What really matters is I found my way here

Posted by mender, in 2004 used with permission.

When I got here, I knew I was an addict, but in denial about my alcoholism. I went to AA for my denial. I got a sense that NA looked at me as an AA reject. I was told that AA doesn't reject anyone, but that isn't true. I have been at a meeting where people were turned away because they had never drank and had only done drugs. The thing was, their father's were alcoholics and they made a vow that they wouldn't be like him. They never drank. They were affected by alcoholism. Alcohol was a part of their choice to pick up drugs for themselves.

It was the story Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict that kept me going to AA. It is my understanding that this story isn't about Dr. Bob. I figured if the co-founders used drugs, I qualified too. It is my understanding that Bill was on drugs too. I heard someone say once that they were experimenting with speed, and used LSD to help chronic alcoholism. I am not sure of the whole story and yet how often do we substitute one for the other. For me it was pills, food, work, relationships and alcohol. Even in sobriety, I can slip back into those old patterns. I had to address my problem with food, burnout from too many volunteer hours, and my computer and web site obsession. The program worked for them just as they did when I quit smoking.

Many people have crossed my path and they carried a message to me, "It isn't any better out there" and did my research for me. You can only help those who want to help themselves. I remember the first time I smelled someone on the bus who got on and sat behind me and a newcomer. We looked at each other and said, "Did we smell like that?" The girl was dressed to the nines, all set to go out on the town and her night was just beginning. All she was going to attract was someone who smelled like her, because no one else would have wanted to get close to her. You can't help those who don't want it.

Just this week I was able to share with a long time friend who is a long-timer member of AA who lost everything she owned duhe e to her son's addiction. I told her I go to Al-Anon, she said, "I need my AA friends right now." It is her choice. I know both programs helped me.

Posted by me in 2009

I use to question if I was and alcoholic or an addict. I found it did not matter, the 12 Steps were applicable no matter what I applied them to. The Steps are a common denominator and the substance is but a symptom of my dis-ease, the problem was me. I used alcohol like I used drugs and for the same purpose. It was the thinking behind the using that I had to change.

When I went to NA, I learned that alcohol is a drug. I have been put on Lyrica for my pain, and the more I take it, I find it to be mind altering. It does NOT take away the pain, and my head feels wonky, not sure if it is that or the affects of poor circulation, or it is a side affect of the swelling and loss of balance. I do not like feeling stoned. Did not use to get high, I used to take away the pain. The drugs and the alcohol were coping tools and then they stopped working and I kept thinking more and that did not work either.

[MajestyJo]

The Fellowship of the program is a big part of recovery. One alcoholic sharing with another. Learning to laugh and communicate and allows us to get out of the isolation of our disease.

I remember going to our Autumn Leaf Roundup and being a greeter at the door with a fellow member and he said, "Standing here greeting and meeting others in the fellowhip gives me a natural high and I get just as much out of it as listening to speakers."

It is a big part of the program yet the real stuff is in the Steps. It is my belief that you can't stay sober on the Fellowship alone. I need the to feed the body, mind and spirit and meetings and sharing with others help but it is the Steps that help me to change, to grow, and let go of the past to make room for a better tomorrow.

Was introduced to NA literature in treatment and fell in love with it. I could so identify and I went to meetings once or twice a week. I went to Al-Anon one or two days during the day time. I went to AA because of my denial. NA says, "Alcohol is a drug." I finally came to an understanding, the light went off and it sunk in, "I used alcohol like I used everything else."

I was active in service at both fellowships, I quit AA and went to NA to do service. Went back to AA, and then went to Al-Anon, it was what I needed because I have a son in active addiction.

It doesn't matter what label I wear, I can't drink or drug today. Whether my choice is food, other people, computer, scratch tickets, etc. Some may feel like fun and okay because they aren't my drug of choice, but it all leads to the same soul sickness.

One member who was a monitor of an AA group was 6'6 and 200 plus bounds, and he said, "He hated it when people would come up and ask him to do things." I said, "You mean like this, I took his arm and said, 'Can I borrow your muscles?" You should have seen the look I got, even though he knew I was doing it in fun.

This was the same man who heard me call myself stupid. He said, "You may be a lot of things Jo, but stupid isn't one of them."

Just for today, I can't use. Doesn't matter what form it takes, if it is an obsessive/compulsive disorder, it bleeds my soul, and I again become empty and looking for something outside of myself to make me feel better.

[honeydumplin]

It has been written on this site, and also heard in the rooms of Alcholics Anonymous,
something along the lines of, “If you spot it, you got it.” And oh, how those words have rung true often, both in and out of those rooms.

Early on, there was a group here that met at a nearby library. It was open to people who wanted to go through the steps, and with the basic exception of the more private parts of four and five, it was the soul-baring no holes barred sharing that I get a rush from, just talking about. In going around the room from person to person, most everyone would introduce themselves as alcoholics.

When my turn came, I said, “My name is Kevin, and I am an addict, and an alcoholic.”

Shortly afterwards, this guy who'd been sober for quite some time, introduced himself as an alcoholic. He then went into the routine that I've also grown to love of talking about someone in third person, as if they are not there, all the while with an occasion sideways glance, in hopes of checking to make sure that said person is paying attention.

There were only two things I can honestly say that I remember. One was that he thought that people who introduced themselves as addicts, thought they were special, and the other was that I thought I was special. Nevertheless, that guy lived rent-free in my head practically every waking hour, for the next three days. I actually had to do a little min-fourth step about the whole ordeal, and watched first-hand as I took responsibility for the situation, discovered my powerlessness over his words, and gradually felt this feeling of peace as my resentment toward him slowly vanished.

I can be around him now, and while the thought is still there to a certain extent, its power over me is all but gone, which truly is a testament to how the program works for drunks like me on so many levels. But among the lessons which were learned from all of it, what struck a chord with me more than anything was the concept of unity. A renewed respect for Alcholics Anonymous had taken place, and all I did was suit up, show up, and work the program. Another reason why people frequently told me that I didn't have to exactly like what was going on throughout the course of working the steps in order for them to have a positive impact on my sobriety. I still believe that, because it is in the things that often disturb me the most that I find solutions, instead of this endless search for more problems that I can continually complain about.

This also was the beginning of a period in my sobriety, in which I sank into a personal turmoil into the whole, am I an addict, or an alcoholic fiasco that probably grabs more of us than I can imagine. I found that it wasn't so much the direction of the words coming out of the man's mouth at that meeting in the library, or even the person saying them, but had everything to do with self-identifying as one or the other, and not both, even though at times I was absolutely addicted to what I was refusing to identify myself as. As confusing as it all may sound, and is, it came down to praying for answers, talking to a sponsor about it, and not trying to over-analyze it so much.

What kept me grounded more than anything during that process though, was the third tradition, which states that the only thing that I really need to do to consider myself a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, is to have a desire to stop drinking. With that tradition, I automatically qualified. The rest was either someone's opinion, or a deeply-rooted fear of not being accepted, combined with a constant urge to seek approval from someone who had twenty-four more hours than I did; all of which is just one of the many ways that not only allow me to recognize that I need help in those matters, but to also give me something to do with my time besides sitting around thinking about getting drunk, and high. In either case, it is an opportunity to move in a different direction.

There are just as many paths to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, as there are people who take them. But what unites us from taking that next drink is not how much we drank, how many spouses we no longer have, how many times we were hand-cuffed drunk and disorderly, or how many D.U.I.'s we lived through. Its not wanting to be like that anymore. And in my honest opinion, if I'm telling you that my history in any way qualifies me more than it does you, than that's exactly what I am doing. Whether it involves directly or indirectly shunning a person wanting to stay sober, or an attempt to self-destruct my own abstinence, it accomplishes nil when it comes to me staying sober.

And still, my early days away from both drink and drug were thwarted by my not knowing if I belonged in this thing called Alcoholics Anonymous. Incredible isn't it? How the mind and ego, hand in hand, can somehow seek to crack open what little sobriety I had, and how I'd spent all of these years as a drunk, and yet couldn't honestly admit that I was an alcoholic. Ironically, that is where things started to turn. I mean what right did I have, and better still, what kind of sense did I have one way or another, to determine such a thing. My emotional sobriety was an ebb and flow. One day it would be there, and one day it was fleeting. In effect, after years, the ground was just getting dry, and here I was, making all of these profound conclusions about something that was nothing more than a hill of beans. But something kept telling me that if I hung around long enough, things would change and sure enough they did.

One night in a packed house of over three hundred of us, a guy told something close to my story, and I cried tears of joy. The main difference was that he was a herion addict.
What struck me about his story though, was what he said about the whole thing in a nutshell. He said, “I didn't do drugs because I am drug addict; I did drugs because I'm an alcoholic.”

Slowly it began to make sense. Even though at one time I was 100 per cent totally addicted to crack cocaine like nobody's business, I wasn't doing it for the sake of running up and down the road all hours of the night, hearing voices come out the walls, and peeking through the **** blinds every five minutes. I was doing it because the coke was taking the alcoholic buzz into an entirely different dimension. With all of its poisonous toxicity, the voices from the wall fell on deaf ears, and I didn't care any more about the blinds. This conclusion, I dare say had been lived through prior to that night, when in an unsuccessful attempt at getting high on coke, I had discovered that it was no longer the same without the booze. One part of the puzzle had fallen into place.

Then I actually began to read the book, and like I've mentioned previously, that first page in the chapter titled “More About Alcoholism” was like an epiphany. There's no way I could have been anything but one, all along. And still without working with God, and another alcoholic through it all, it was merely words in a book I was carrying around, waiting to be read. There again, in due time, along with other things that were revealed.

Like the first time I saw the word “sedative” in the big book, not once but twice, while reading Dr. Bob's Nightmare. This guy was telling this story a long time ago.

“During the next few years, I developed two distinct phobias. One was the fear of not sleeping, and the other was the fear of running out of liquor. Not being a man of means, I knew that if I did not stay sober enough to earn money, I would run out of liquor. Most of the time, therefore, I did not take the morning drink which I craved so badly, but instead would fill up on large doses of sedatives to quiet the jitters, which distressd me terribly. Occasionally, I would yield to the morning craving, but if I did, it would be only a few hours before I would be quite unfit for work.”

Alcoholics Anonymous
Dr. Bob's Nightmare
p.176
Fourth Edition

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He also had a good message on tolerance.


“Tolerance expresses itself in a variety of ways: in kindness and consideration toward the man or woman whos is just beginning the march along the spiritual path; in the understantanding of those who perhaps have been less fortunate in eductational advantages; and in sympathy toward those whose religious ideas may seem to be at great variance with our own.

I am reminded in this connection of the picture of a hub with its radiating spokes. We all start at the outer circumference and approach our destination by one of many routes. To say that one spoke is much better than all the other spokes is true only in the sense of its being best suited to you as an individual. Human nature is such that without some degree of tolerance, each one of us might be inclined to believe that we have found the best or perhaps the shortest spoke. Without some tolerance, we might tend to become a bit smug or superior—which, of course, is not helpful to the person we are trying to help and might be quite painful or obnoxious to others. No one of us wishes to do anything which might act as a deterrent to the advancement of another—and a patronizing attitude can readily slow up this process.

Tolerance furnishes, as a by-product, a greater freedom from the tendency to cling to preconceived ideas and stubornly adhered-to opinions. In other words, it often promotes an open-mindedness which is vastly important—is, in face, a prerequisite to the successful termination of any line of search, whether it be scientific or spiritual.

These, then, are a few of the reasons why an attempt to acquire tolerance should be made by each one of us.”

Dr. Bob Smith
Grapevine
July 1944

One more thing, and I'll close off. Wilson's experiments with LSD between 1954-1959 are documented in his book called Pass It On. It consumes chapter 23, and I'll try putting it in the article section soon.

Thanks for your posts too, Jo.

[MajestyJo]

Thanks for sharing. Having problems with my eyes because of diabetes and still having head aches. When my head get together and in order, I will try to read it again.

[MajestyJo]

The best thing for you is to give up drinking.' 'Yeah.. What's the next best thing?' - Anon.

Had to chuckle when I read this. My sponsor told me to change 'EVERYTHING' and it wasn't all about the drinking.

What I did learn was that I needed to quit, just for today, not for ever, not for a month, 90 days, a year, but one day at a time.

Found that drink took me to other things, places, and to people that were not healthy for me. So if I gave up drink, a lot of those other things were no longer in my life. Certainly the people didn't want me to be there if I didn't drink. They didn't want me to admit to a problem, because if I had one, then they might need to look at their own drinking, so best I leave and they can stay in their denial.

Just for today, I choose not to drink. It is an inanimate object until such a time as I choose to injest it in some form or another.

When my disease starts saying 'more' I start looking for something else to give it a new flavour. It always means more, and it keeps taking more to get to where we want to be, and then we can't stop, because we still want more, because alcohol stops working for us.

[MajestyJo]

“If you spot it, you got it.” And oh, how those words have rung true often, both in and out of those rooms.

So true, I was told it takes one to know one.

My sponsor told me that I was only half of a hand shake. I found a hug is much better when two arms are used. I generally say to some one I don't know, "Do you do hugs?