If You Want What We Have

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From the Book

If You Want What We Have:
Sponsorship Meditations
By Joan Larkin


----56----
Things are in the saddle, and ride mankind.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON

Newcomer
I have a life, not just this program. Work deadlines, family obligations, bills, things I have to get done. I have a lot of responsibility, and it isn’t going to go away just because I’m in recovery. And now I have all these new things I’m supposed to do: meetings, phone calls, literature, Steps. I desperately need some time off to catch up with my real life.

Sponsor
When I was active in my disease, time was my enemy. Sometimes I let obligations slide until a situation felt desperate. Sometimes I threw myself into my duties, worked without stopping, then burned out. Recovery offers me a simple way to deal with responsibilities: on day at a time.

Maintaining recovery by attending a meeting, making a call, and reading literature-things we do to stay sober today—takes less time than the hours we spent pursuing our addictions, indulging in them, being slowed down or stopped by them. Working on things consistently, even just a little each day, produces results in all areas of life. I no longer resent time for recovery, any more that I resent the need for food and sleep. When we take time to recharge our batteries, we renew energy for the chores of our lives, become more focused and productive. In this way, surprisingly, our recovery actually gives us time.

Nothing’s so urgent that I can’t sit through a meeting, talk to my sponsor, or take a moment to pray. As I nourish my recovering self, I have more to offer work and relationship. Today, time is on my side.

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From the Book

If You Want What We Have:
Sponsorship Meditations
By Joan Larkin


----57----
Freedom is nothing else but a chance to be better.
ALBERT CAMUS

Newcomer
This thing of having to go to meetings all the time—I feel as if I’m substituting a whole new addiction for the old one.

Sponsor
Like you, I depend on the tools of the program. I have habits (attending meetings, reading program literature, offering service, praying and meditating) that have replaced many habits of my actively addicted years. I wouldn’t want to have to live without my new habits. By maintaining our healthy sobriety, we are treating a disease, not acquiring another one.

When we were using, we were far from free. Substances and behaviors that threatened our lives and serenity were in charge. Today, once we choose to take the simple steps that support recovery and healing we have lives in which we can make independent and worthy choices.

Today, I know the difference between healthful habits and addictions.

[bluidkiti]

From the Book

If You Want What We Have:
Sponsorship Meditations
By Joan Larkin

----58----
Who may regret what was, since it has made himself, himself?
JOHN FREEMAN

Newcomer
I’m tormented when I think of all the time I wasted, the wrong decisions I made. I’ll never get back the missed opportunities. I feel as if I’ve procrastinated my life away.

Sponsor
It took years to get her; why should everything clear up overnight? The willingness that you are bringing to your recovery right now is a precious asset. Give yourself some pats on the back for the new life you are living today. Recovery challenges every former idea, habit, and value. Each time you say no to an addictive substance or behavior—each time you ask for help—you’re building a new self.

In time, through taking the actions suggested by the Twelve Steps, you’ll arrive at a place in which it will be less discouraging to look at the past. You’ll begin to appreciate the strengths your past life has given you and see ways to clear the clogged channels. Meanwhile, here’s a suggestion: make at least one of the meetings you go to regularly a Step meeting. It will familiarize you with the program and help you prepare to take the Steps when you’re ready. In time, what seems impossible today will become possible.

I am grateful for this day, and for all the days that led me to it. I trust the process of recovery.

[bluidkiti]

From the Book

If You Want What We Have:
Sponsorship Meditations
By Joan Larkin

----59----
Delay is preferable to error.
THOMAS JEFFERSON

Newcomer
I don’t trust my ability to stay with anything for long time. I’ve been so inconsistent in the past. I have the feeling that eventually I’ll get sick of all of my good new hapbits an go back to where I was before.

Sponsor
What happened to “One day at a time”? We’re not required to deal with tomorrow’s recovery right now. For the next twenty-four hours, any one of us can avoid picking up our drug of choice. That’s all we have to do, and just by doing it, we’re doing it perfectly.

Self-trust is a new habit that may not have put down deep roots in us yet. We’re still close to the days when the only way we knew of taking care of ourselves was to use our addictions. It’s important to remember that we are not the same people we used to be. We’re in the process of forming new habits—meetings, literature, sharing, service—that are as powerful as the old ones. If we begin drifting a little from our new habits, we notice the difference in how we’re feeling and can return to doing what worked. Every day in recovery adds to the store of sober experiences on which we can draw.

Today, I am the person I’ve wanted to be.

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If You Want What We Have:
Sponsorship Meditations
By Joan Larkin


----60----
God is a circle whose circumference is nowhere and whose center is everywhere.
NICOLAUS CUSANUS

Newcomer
How can I believe that a Power greater than myself can restore me to sanity? I used to pray a lot, but it didn’t work. Look what happened to me!

Sponsor
Yes, it’s an excellent idea to look at what did happen to us. There was a progression of events, inner or outer, that led to greater and greater discomfort. At last, living in active addiction became intolerable. Something within us wanted to surrender—and now, however long it took us, we are in recovery. Something in us must have wanted to choose life, not death.

In recovery, we can embrace and nurture the part of ourselves that is aligned with Spirit. The sanity we’re rediscovering in ourselves includes acceptance of our human limitations, letting go of results we can’t control. We can let go of praying for things to happen exactly as we want, on our timetable. We can begin to be open to the miracles all around us.

My life was given to me as a gift, and now I’ve been given the gift all over again. I have a choice of what to do with it. Should I blame my Higher Power for the fact that it took me so long to get here? Or should I greet the Spirit within me and say, “Welcome! I’ve been waiting. I’m glad you finally came home.”

Whatever happened today offers me opportunities to deepen my relationship with my soul.

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If You Want What We Have:
Sponsorship Meditations
By Joan Larkin


----61----
Anyone can get sober…
The trick is to stay and to live sober.


LIVING SOBER

Newcomer
At one meeting someone mentioned having had a slip. He had been back in recovery for three days. No one criticized him; in fact, everyone applauded. To be honest, it makes me think about seeing what it would be like to have a few drinks or a drug again, just for a day or a weekend.

Sponsor
Over the years, I’ve watched people come and go in recovery. I’ve been grateful to the people who relapse and were lucky enough to come back and share their experiences. They taught me a lot by talking about how their disease had continued progressing even when they weren’t active in it, and about how much more quickly their misery had returned this time. I’m grateful to them for having had the slip for me; now I don’t have to risk it. There’s a danger in going back out to experiment with controlled using; few who leave ever make it back. This is a life-threatening disease. People like us, who depend on using an addictive substance, can die from it. We understand the seriousness of our addictions and have no need to test recovery by trying to use “safely.”

Today, I want life—all of it. I embrace my recovery; I stick close to those who know how to stay stopped.

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---- 62 ----
My way is to begin with the beginning.
GEORGE GORDON, LORD BYRON

Newcomer

Things have been going badly for me ever since I got up. This has been one of my worst days in recovery.

Sponsor

Recovery shows us that we’re free to start the day over anytime we like, morning, noon, or night. Sometimes I say to myself, “I’ve gotten through the past twenty-four hours without acting on my addiction. This moment I’m beginning a new twenty-four-hour period. I’m starting my day right now.”

Then, no matter where I happen to be, I take a few minutes to do some of the things that usually help me. I pray for the willingness to do whatever is necessary to stay in recovery. If possible, I read a page of program literature or make a phone call, and plan to attend a meeting as soon as there’s one I can get to. I take several slow, deep breaths. I treat myself with gentleness.

Whatever we’re able to do today is enough. If we haven’t picked up our addictions, we participated in a miracle.

With the help of my Higher Power, I’m getting through whatever this day brings.

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-----63 ----
I’ve been inside institutions, my family…
SUSAN GRIFFIN

Newcomer

There are some people at meetings who start their sharing by saying, “Hello, Family.” It sounds phony to me—do they really mean it? I don’t think I’ll ever really be a part of this community. It certainly doesn’t feel like a family to me.

Sponsor

I can understand your shying away from the word “family.” Our first addictive responses may have occurred when we were lining with our family of origin. Some of us are angry at the kind of nurturing we received. Some of us wish we could help family members who need recovery; we feel disturbed at our inability to make that happen. Resentment, fear, shame, powerlessness, and a host of other feelings may surface in connection with our families.

We may not yet be willing to call others in recovery our “family.” We’re not required to. But we do need each other’s stories, service, and recovery. In time, our mistrust lessens, if we keep showing up and working the program. We may even begin to sense that we are members of a community.

Today, I depend on a group of people in recovery to keep coming back and sharing. I depend on myself, too, to participate in this process with others.

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Someone else’s legs do you no good in traveling.
NIGERIAN PROVERB

Newcomer

I went over to offer help to someone at a meeting; she’d been sharing about a problem I thought I knew something about. She was chilly and asked me not to intrude. I felt pretty hurt.

Sponsor

Many of us drank or drugged in a controlled, calculated fashion. The desire to maintain the illusion of control over the uncontrollable may have come with us into recovery. We may be “people-pleasers,” overly helpful or compliant, trying to take care of others, attempting to manipulate them to like and care of us. Eager to come to the rescue, we may have trouble minding our own business. We may wan to have the answer to other people’s problems—it’s a great distraction from our own. We may be quickly to offer unasked-for advice, rather than sit with the feelings that another person’s pain has awakened in us.

Today, I listen to my own and other people’s feelings. I don’t try to fix anyone, even myself.

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The place I really have to reach is where I must already be.
LUDWIG WITTGENSTEIN

Newcomer

I heard someone share that she’d always thought of smoking marijuana as her big, secret problem. Once she stopped smoking pot, it didn’t take long for her to recognize that alcohol was another problem, in fact the major one. Now, in addition to A.A., she goes meeting for overeaters, and she says she also has problems with codependency. What should I make of all this? I think I may have more than one addiction; should I be going to another program, too? Am I going to spend the rest of my life just going from meeting to meeting?

Sponsor

I don’t blame you for feeling upset at the thought of a lifetime of nothing but program hopping. Who wouldn’t? Many of us do have multiple addictions. Everyone’s story is different. Some cross-addicted people find the tools and principles of one primary program sufficient for dealing with whatever addiction is sure come up for them. Others gratefully avail themselves of the abundance of specialized programs of recovery.

Whichever we decide, most of us need a solid foundation in sobriety before considering a second program. Today, you’re right where you should be, establishing a sober routine. That’s a big change in itself, and it’s bringing about still more changes. For now, why not keep your focus on staying with what you’ve begun so well. In time, more will be revealed.

Today, I take the time I need to strengthen the roots of my recovery. I choose to branch out in new directions when it is clearly appropriate.

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The difficulty in life is the choice.
GEORGE MOORE

Newcomer

I’m confused. Should I spend the evening with my old friends? I haven’t told them I’m in this program yet; I’m afraid that they won’t understand. They may tell me that I don’t really have a problem. I don’t want to have to cut off my ties to all my friends just because they’re not in this program.

Sponsor

Decisions, decisions—what freedom! What adventure! When I was active in my addiction, I didn’t have the luxury of making up my mind; my addiction was in charge. Today, how do I reconcile the suggestion to avoid people, places, and things that once led to using with the fact that I have some old friends who genuinely care for me and with whom I want to stay in touch? In trying to make a hard decision, I first ask myself honestly whether my choice will take me closer to my addiction or further from it. If I elect to spend time with nonprogram people, I feel free to excuse myself to use the phone, to check in with my sponsor or a recovering friend. I make sure that I have my own transportation, and I leave when I’m ready. When you’ve had more experience and are more sure of your recovery, you may decide to share some of your recovery story with old friends—or you may not! The choice is always yours.

Whatever else I do, I stay close to meetings and recovering people. I choose nonaddictive way to celebrate being alive.

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-----67 ----
Chance everywhere has power.
OVID

Newcomer

I heard someone say the other day that “coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.” Am I really supposed to believe that God is involved in every insignificant piece of luck I have? It’s a bit much for me to believe that my Higher Power is interested in whether or not I get a good parking space. And what about the days when everything isn’t going my way?

Sponsor

Some people experience coincidences evidence that our live are in the hands of a loving God, and some se good or back luck simple as part of the randomness of events. Maintaining good recovery doesn’t require that we take a stand on this subject!

There’s another way of thinking about seemingly chance happenings: Wherever they come from, whatever else they are, coincidences are sober opportunities. When I bump into someone I’ve been thinking about making amends to, I have an opportunity to do it on the spot, and I don’t pass it up. When I’ve been avoiding taking one particular Step and find myself at a meeting where that very Step is being discussed, I have a chance to let go of my resistance then and there.

What we call coincidence involves a meeting of events with our own awakened spirit. In recovery, we often see opening for taking action and for feeling gratitude—opportunities that we would have missed if we were still active in our addictions.

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---- 68 ----
Anything done with focus, awareness, or mindfulness is a mediation.
DAVID HARP

Newcomer

I hear people talk about meditating, but I don’t seem to know how. When I try sitting still, my mind wanders, or I fall asleep. I just don’t get it.

Sponsor

Even in recovery, we have an endless capacity for being confused. There are literally dozens of different approaches to meditation and many books and classes that teach them. Some forms of meditation come out of ancient traditions, some are religious, and some are just methods of realization. You can practice meditation alone or with others, in silence or chanting, sitting or walking. Even cleaning house can be a form of meditation!

Over time, I’ve found a simple approach to meditation that fees natural and right for me. If you’d like to try it, here’s how. Take three to five minutes for time out to sit quietly, without distractions. Scan your body and mind, and let go of any tensions you notice. Breathe naturally, and pay attention to what that feels like. Whatever thoughts or sensations arise, don’t make yourself wrong for having them. Afterward, you may notice that you feel calm and refreshed.

Whatever I choose to do today, I practice doing it with ease and pleasure. I keep it simple. I don’t judge my progress.

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-----69 ----
The door must either be shut or be open.
OLIVER GOLDSMITH

Newcomer
Step Three beings with the words “Made a decision…” Sometimes I wonder whether I did make a decision to come here. I felt desperate; there really wasn’t any choice.

Sponsor
Many of us have felt the desperation you speak of and saw this program as our last chance. Some of us came here to placate another person, to help a friend we thought needed recovery, or because a court of law required us to. Some of us came here with willingness and eager curiosity; we sensed that we were “home” right from the beginning. Others were reluctant and skeptical. Though each of us had to make a conscious decision to come to a meeting, it may feel as if something more than our own intentions got us here.

Now that we’re here, we still have to make the decision to stay sober. We can elect to embrace recovery, or we can reject it and turn ourselves back over to addiction. We pray each day for the courage to remain in recovery. No one can force us to choose life and love, but it’s here, if we have the willingness to choose it.

Today, it’s easy and natural to make decisions that support my recovery.

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What loneliness is more lonely than distrust?
GEORGE ELIOT

Newcomer
When I hear, in Step Three, “turn our will and our lives over to the care of God,” my hackles go up. I want to lead a free, independent life. I don’t want to give up my ability to think and to make my own decision.

Sponsor
Step Three doesn’t ask us to give up our ability to think or to make choices, but rather to trust in the existence of love and caring. When we were active in our addiction, we tried to care for ourselves with a substance or behavior that may have helped us at first, but eventually failed us. In recovery, we become open to choosing more dependable ways of living and caring for ourselves. To prepare for Step Three, it’s useful to make a list of some of the many things that support and nurture us each day.

We find love an nourishment in helping and accepting help from other recovering addicts, in the dependability of meetings and program principles, in the people we meet on our path who put more light in our day. Music, exercise, creativity, laughter, meditation, prayer, tuning in to nature’s rhythms, noticing the miracle of our own breathing and our bodies’ capacity to heal—there is food for our spirits everywhere, if we are willing to be fed. In recovery, we come to know ourselves as whole human beings, better able to think for ourselves and make our own decisions, while sensing the loving support of something greater than our separate selves.

Today, I am willing to open myself to the abundance of love and care that recovery offers me.