Step Seven

[bluidkiti]

AA Step Seven

"Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."

Since this Step so specifically concerns itself with humility, we should pause here to consider what humility is and what the practice of it can mean to us. Indeed, the attainment of greater humility is the foundation principle of each of A.A.'s Twelve Steps. For without some degree of humility, no alcoholic can stay sober at all. Nearly all A.A.'s have found, too, that unless they develop much more of this precious quality than may be required just for sobriety, they still haven't much chance of becoming truly happy. Without it, they cannot live to much useful purpose, or, in adversity, be able to summon the faith that can meet any emergency. Humility, as a word and as an ideal, has a very bad time of it in our world. Not only is the idea misunderstood; the word itself is often intensely disliked. Many people haven't even a nodding acquaintance with humility as a way of life. Much of the everyday talk we hear, and a great deal of what we read, highlights man's pride in his own achievements. With great intelligence, men of science have been forcing nature to disclose her secrets. The immense resources now being harnessed promise such a quantity of material blessings that many have come to believe that a man-made millennium lies just ahead. Poverty will disappear, and there will be such abundance that everybody can have all the security and personal satisfactions he desires. The theory seems to be that once everybody's primary instincts are satisfied, there won't be much left to quarrel about. The world will then turn happy and be free to concentrate on culture and character. Solely by their own intelligence and labor, men will have shaped their own destiny. Certainly no alcoholic, and surely no member of A.A., wants to deprecate material achievement. Nor do we enter into debate with the many who still so passionately cling to the belief that to satisfy our basic natural desires is the main object of life. But we are sure that no class of people in the world ever made a worse mess of trying to live by this formula than alcoholics. For thousands of years we have been demanding more than our share of security, prestige, and romance. When we seemed to be succeeding, we drank to dream still greater dreams. When we were frustrated, even in part, we drank for oblivion. Never was there enough of what we thought we wanted. In all these strivings, so many of them well-intentioned, our crippling handicap had been our lack of humility. We had lacked the perspective to see that character-building and spiritual values had to come first, and that material satisfactions were not the purpose of living. Quite characteristically, we had gone all out in confusing the ends with the means. Instead of regarding the satisfaction of our material desires as the means by which we could live and function as human beings, we had taken these satisfactions to be the final end and aim of life. True, most of us thought good character was desirable, but obviously good character was something one needed to get on with the business of being self-satisfied. With a proper display of honesty and morality, we'd stand a better chance of getting what we really wanted. But whenever we had to choose between character and comfort, the character-building was lost in the dust of our chase after what we thought was happiness. Seldom did we look at character-building as something desirable in itself, something we would like to strive for whether our instinctual needs were met or not. We never thought of making honesty, tolerance, and true love of man and God the daily basis of living. This lack of anchorage to any permanent values, this blindness to the true purpose of our lives, produced another bad result. For just so long as we were convinced that we could live exclusively by our own individual strength and intelligence, for just that long was a working faith in a Higher Power impossible. This was true even when we believed that God existed. We could actually have earnest religious beliefs which remained barren because we were still trying to play God ourselves. As long as we placed self reliance first, a genuine reliance upon a Higher Power was out of the question. That basic ingredient of all humility, a desire to seek and do God's will, was missing. For us, the process of gaining a new perspective was unbelievably painful. It was only by repeated humiliations that we were forced to learn something about humility. It was only at the end of a long road, marked by successive defeats and humiliations, and the final crushing of our self sufficiency, that we began to feel humility as something more than a condition of groveling despair. Every newcomer in Alcoholics Anonymous is told, and soon realizes for himself, that his humble admission of powerlessness over alcohol is his first step toward liberation from its paralyzing grip. So it is that we first see humility as a necessity. But this is the barest beginning. To get completely away from our aversion to the idea of being humble, to gain a vision of humility as the avenue to true freedom of the human spirit, to be willing to work for humility as something to be desired for itself, takes most of us a long, long time. A whole lifetime geared to self-centeredness cannot be set in reverse all at once. Rebellion dogs our every step at first. When we have finally admitted without reservation that we are powerless over alcohol, we are apt to breathe a great sigh of relief, saying, "Well, thank God that's over! I'll never have to go through that again!" Then we learn, often to our consternation, that this is only the first milestone on the new road we are walking. Still goaded by sheer necessity, we reluctantly come to grips with those serious character flaws that made problem drinkers of us in the first place, flaws which must be dealt with to prevent a retreat into alcoholism once again. We will want to be rid of some of these defects, but in some instances this will appear to be an impossible job from which we recoil. And we cling with a passionate persistence to others which are just as disturbing to our equilibrium, because we still enjoy them too much. How can we possibly summon the resolution and the willingness to get rid of such overwhelming compulsions and desires? But again we are driven on by the inescapable conclusion which we draw from A.A. experience, that we surely must try with a will, or else fall by the wayside. At this stage of our progress we are under heavy pressure and coercion to do the right thing. We are obliged to choose between the pains of trying and the certain penalties of failing to do so. These initial steps along the road are taken grudgingly, yet we do take them. We may still have no very high opinion of humility as a desirable personal virtue, but we do recognize it as a necessary aid to our survival. But when we have taken a square look at some of these defects, have discussed them with another, and have become willing to have them removed, our thinking about humility commences to have a wider meaning. By this time in all probability we have gained some measure of release from our more devastating handicaps. We enjoy moments in which there is something like real peace of mind. To those of us who have hitherto known only excitement, depression, or anxiety--in other words, to all of us--this newfound peace is a priceless gift. Something new indeed has been added. Where humility had formerly stood for a forced feeding on humble pie, it now begins to mean the nourishing ingredient which can give us serenity. This improved perception of humility starts another revolutionary change in our outlook. Our eyes begin to open to the immense values which have come straight out of painful ego-puncturing. Until now, our lives have been largely devoted to running from pain and problems. We fled from them as from a plague. We never wanted to deal with the fact of suffering. Escape via the bottle was always our solution. Character-building through suffering might be all right for saints, but it certainly didn't appeal to us. Then, in A.A., we looked and listened. Everywhere we saw failure and misery transformed by humility into priceless assets. We heard story after story of how humility had brought strength out of weakness. In every case, pain had been the price of admission into a new life. But this admission price had purchased more than we expected. It brought a measure of humility, which we soon discovered to be a healer of pain. We began to fear pain less, and desire humility more than ever. During this process of learning more about humility, the most profound result of all was the change in our attitude toward God. And this was true whether we had been believers or unbelievers. We began to get over the idea that the Higher Power was a sort of bush-league pinch hitter, to be called upon only in an emergency. The notion that we would still live our own lives, God helping a little now and then, began to evaporate. Many of us who had thought ourselves religious awoke to the limitations of this attitude. Refusing to place God first, we had deprived ourselves of His help. But now the words "Of myself I am nothing, the Father doeth the works" began to carry bright promise and meaning. We saw we needn't always be bludgeoned and beaten into humility. It could come quite as much from our voluntary reaching for it as it could from unremitting suffering. A great turning point in our lives came when we sought for humility as something we really wanted, rather than as something we must have. It marked the time when we could commence to see the full implication of Step Seven: "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." As we approach the actual taking of Step Seven, it might be well if we A.A.'s inquire once more just what our deeper objectives are. Each of us would like to live at peace with himself and with his fellows. We would like to be assured that the grace of God can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. We have seen that character defects based upon shortsighted or unworthy desires are the obstacles that block our path toward these objectives. We now clearly see that we have been making unreasonable demands upon ourselves, upon others, and upon God. The chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear--primarily fear that we would lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded. Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, we were in a state of continual disturbance and frustration. Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find a means of reducing these demands. The difference between a demand and a simple request is plain to anyone. The Seventh Step is where we make the change in our attitude which permits us, with humility as our guide, to move out from ourselves toward others and toward God. The whole emphasis of Step Seven is on humility. It is really saying to us that we now ought to be willing to try humility in seeking the removal of our other shortcomings just as we did when we admitted that we were powerless over alcohol, and came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. If that degree of humility could enable us to find the grace by which such a deadly obsession could be banished, then there must be hope of the same result respecting any other problem we could possibly have.

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NA STEP SEVEN

"We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."

Some of us found the Sixth Step to be very difficult because our addiction used our tendency to project trouble ahead. It is at this point in our recovery where we often come face-to-face with our self-centeredness. We have found that our defects of character no longer work and that they have no place in our new lives in recovery. We may realize and accept that these defects are no longer effective yet we struggle with gaining the willingness to have God remove our shortcomings. Some may write a daily journal; focusing on our defects and the pain they cause us. Others may seek the willingness they need through prayer and meditation. One thing is certain. In order to grow and change we must take this Step. We may discover that some of our defects are nothing more than our reactions to fear. This can be the fear of rejection, the fear of abandonment, or the fear that you won't like us. Fears are a manifestation of our self-centeredness. We learn that we can no longer use our defects to avoid facing our fears. Now what do we do?

Some of us begin by listing our defects and their opposites. Lust versus satisfaction, dishonesty versus honesty, etc. We discover the personality traits that we could replace our defects with. We may meditate and imagine what our lives would be like uncontrolled by fear. We begin to see the difference between being God-centered and self-centered. Ultimately, we become willing to have God remove our shortcomings. The Seventh Step can feel like jumping off a cliff where we hope God will catch us. Few of us will ever jump from an airplane but all of us know we could if we had to in some emergency. If our desire for a new life is as strong when we work Step Seven, as it was when we first came to the program, we will definitely feel excitement. Since we are clean, we know we can change. Just not using is a big change. Recovery is a fact, not a theory.

We need to think of all the times that we threw ourselves into our addiction with no idea what would happen. We throw ourselves into recovery the same way with a major difference. Improvement seems as scary to us now as getting worse did in our active addiction. Actually, any change that risks pain is scary to addicts. We must jump this gap in our thinking. Many of us believe that the Seventh Step is the drug addict’s dream since it allows us all the freedom we need to become the people we want to be. Our defects have killed our dreams and denied us the relations with other people we long to enjoy. The Seventh Step is our chance to renew visions of bright, happy and enjoyable lives. This Step allows us to see that our pain has more association with our past than our present. Because of working the Seventh Step, we find specific dreams from our past that just didn’t happen. These dreams died when we started using. Furthermore, we come to believe that these dreams may return to us now. We can use these dreams to help motivate ourselves to make a lasting break with the past. We demonstrate the Seventh Step by stepping completely into the future. We do this by asking God, the God that has loved and taken care of us at our worst, to remove the obstacles to our happiness.

In addition to our willingness, we have the power of the God of our understanding to provide the strength and guidance we need to leave off the things we do not care about and move on to those we do. It may help us remember that God works the Seventh Step only when we are willing enough to ask for help. While we know that recovery is real, we are often held back by our fantasies of what will happen. In fact, we don't have any idea what our lives will be like after we work this Step. How could we? That is why it takes real courage to go forward here. Life goes on and has for a long time. Our addiction set us apart from life and continues to try to cut us off from feelings that are part of what God gives to all people. Addiction forces us to move in small circles. Recovery opens these circles up to ever-widening spheres of growth in all directions. If we were to work this Step earlier in the recovery process, we would probably flip out. The energy we are capable of using in our daily lives is enormous compared with what we have been wasting. For this energy to move through us we have to work the Seventh Step to remove obstacles that would block the flow of energy. When this debris is out of the way, we can feel the chains of the past slip away and we will experience an awesome wonder. This is nothing to be embarrassed about. We should feel embarrassment if we don't feel something like this. We deserve to have a sense of wonderment at the freedom from life-long slavery to the disease of addiction.

We only need a little power to help us concentrate and keep our part of the bargain with life. We can earn our way with comparative ease. Other forms of hunger make us think it will take a lot to satisfy our needs. Spiritual hunger sometimes makes us forget the great resources we have to work with at practically any point in recovery. Addictive disease wants us to forget our joy and miracles. Being grateful today - consciously thankful - is part of what readies us for the good things tomorrow. Shear force of habit make us focus more often on what we lack rather than be thankful of what we have to be grateful for right now. Some of us can remember when we first started pulling back from life. We knew on some level that if we were to continue, we would seriously hurt someone or permanently injure ourselves. We have all sustained permanent injury on some level therefore we may believe that our limitations help keep us within safe bounds. Clean, we can expand our lives to find new and larger boundaries of what we feel is our 'safe zone’. Many of our former limitations no longer apply to us. They served a purpose at some point in time but have become a hindrance. It’s just like someone who has broken a bone and has had to wear a cast to allow the bone to reset itself. Now after healing, we can take-off the cast because to do otherwise is impractical. The cast becomes a block to our healing. It may feel funny at first so we have to take it easy during the big changes. Soon though we will have our balance and look back on our confinement with a sense of saddness mixed with incredible joy now that we are free.

Expressing our willingness relaxes our willpower and prevents conflicts between wanting to be free of defects and wanting to hang on to them. Character may be our capacity to deal with life on life's terms. If so, it is only a logical conclusion that as our character improves; the rest of our life improves. Flawed, scarred, broken, misshapen, and damaged all describe the parts of us that do not work. Defects are defective. They aren’t fun, interesting, enjoyable or effective. They don't help us make money, get along with the opposite sex or cope with the world effectively. If they did, they wouldn't be defective. With God’s help we begin to remove the defects to free the energy we have been forcing into them that will be available to us as we heal. The light within each of our hearts was so dim that only a little light could come through. We didn't want to do too well too quickly.

We didn't want to change what other people would expect and then demand from us until we were sure we could live up to our new capacities. As the blockage clears, we give ourselves permission for a good idea to occur to us. We gain the ability to communicate that idea to others around us. Perhaps the most amazing thing is having a percentage of these ideas become realities with little or no increase in negativity. These emanations may come from deep within us and be in fact the will of our Higher Power coming out through us. Much of our pain results when these deep dreams cannot manifest themselves in reality. Working the Seventh Step is a leap of faith because we don't know exactly what will happen when we take it. It is opening ourselves to the possibilities of what will happen when God removes our defects. It does more than allow us to move beyond our former boundaries of competence and ability. It allows us to set our sights on things that we really care about and stick to it until we reach our goals. It also lets us be happy where we are. If happiness and attainment is perpetually in the future, how will we ever attain happiness in the present? The leap of faith of the Seventh Step may first be stepping into the here and now.