Addicted to cocaine

[PatriciaHerr]

My only son is addicted to cocaine. We have tried our best to help him out of it, but hasn't been quite successful yet. His college counselor suggested taking him to a drug treatment center in Toronto. My son is not very keen on going. How will I talk him into this? Will it be worth it if he goes, because we want him to? How can we help him?

[SteveD]

Hi Patricia,

I understand your situation both as a parent and from your sons standpoint as well.

I understand you wanting to help your son. I understand how a thing like this effects the entire family. I realy really do.

Your son has a very powerful addiction that is so powerful it is telling him he does not have an addiction. His addiction is so powerful it has effected his ability to be honest with anyone who confronts him about his cocaine addiction. It is also such a powerful addiction it has effected his abilty for him to be honest with himself about his addiction.

You asked, How will I talk him into this? Will it be worth it if he goes, because we want him to? How can we help him?

You can talk to him about how his cocaine use has effected you AFTER getting an intervention set up. Make sure to wait until the intervention. But don't try to set up an intervention on your own because it most likely will not work if you try to do it on your own. You are dealing with a disease that is cunning, baffling and powerful and even at the intervention level it has to be handled by someone trained and experienced in these types of interventions. I have seen first time interventions get totally blown by inexperienced but well meaning people and that has blown any future intervention opportunities.

Your son can not know anything about this intervention before hand or it will blow everything. Make sure the plans for an intervention are kept quiet.

You will need to contact someone who handles interventions. Perhaps the treatment center you are talking about may be able to help you do an intervention. It will take someone experienced in these types of interventions to handle this correctly.

They will tell you how it will be handled properly. They can do it or they can refer someone who does interventions. If it is handled properly it can work to get him into treatment and he should be able to see the way his cocaine use is effecting himself, you and the rest of your family and as many others in his life that show up for the intervention. He needs to see his going into treatment as HIS idea or it will most likely not work and you'll be out allot of money, especially if he bails out of treatment early. But if he see's it as his idea then he will probably stay through the treatment program. It is so important to get someone who handles interventions all the time.

You asked if it will be worth it if he goes. Opinions vary, but if he stays with the treatment program and the longer he stays clean and he lives the 12 Steps and has a good experienced sponsor to talk to every day when he gets out of treatment then I would likely think it is worth it but that is just my opinion. Our life in AA/NA is just a one day at a time way of staying clean and sober and for living the 12 Steps.

He will have to have a good experienced sponsor who stands by him as your son learns to apply the 12 Steps to his every day life. This will be a life changing experience for your son if he stays with it.

The main thing I believe is best for you and your family right now is "Alanon". The Alanon Family Groups have meetings for parents, spouses, children, youger brothers and sisters and so on.

I can not emphasize enough on just how much Alanon has helped my wife and I.

I also cannot emphasize just how much AA and NA have saved my life.

AA and NA can save your sons life if he dedicates himself to it.

Alanon can save your life and your family life if the rest of you dedicate yourselves to it.

Please keep in touch and let me know how things are going for you and your family. You can also email me or send me a private message. I am serious about this as we in AA/NA understand what your family is going through. Addiction is a real disease and people really do die from it. We are here for you Patricia and above all so is God. Ask God for His help and don't be surprised if you get a miracle. Not a miracle that is just semantics, but a real honest to God Miracle.

Peace

Originally Posted by PatriciaHerr

My only son is addicted to cocaine. We have tried our best to help him out of it, but hasn't been quite successful yet. His college counselor suggested taking him to a drug treatment center in Toronto called Edgewood Health Network. My son is not very keen on going. How will I talk him into this? Will it be worth it if he goes, because we want him to? How can we help him?

[MajestyJo]

They have to want to recover or the program won't work for them. They need to get honest, have an open mind to change and the issue of addiction itself. I often have to pray for the willingness to be willing.

My son is in active addiction. He has stopped for short periods of time, but he has no desire to quit. He stops cocaine and crack, but continues to use other things, which have taken him back many times. It is a one day at a time program. Just for today, I choose not to use. Substitution doesn't work. I wanted to quit my drinking and ended up substituting with pills and food. In the end, I was one of the really sick ones and was lucky to be alive to walk through the doors of AA. I went to AA for my denial. I went to NA for identification, I always knew I was a drug addict, my drug of choice was always more. I go to Al-Anon because of my son's addiction and they also helped me to find myself. My parents were addicts too. My father died as a result of his alcoholism. My mother died at the age of 40 because she used food to deal with life's issues, plus she was a fantastic cook. She would make a double layer chocolate cake and the 5 of us ate it for dinner. She made it from scratch, if she made it from a box, it wouldn't turn out. Got to love the real thing. I had to change my thinking to healthy thoughts.

Prayers for you and him. All I can do is love my son and in Al-Anon, I learned to set boundaries and detach by letting go and letting my God. I had to realize that I was not HIS God and He had to find his own Higher Power, so all I could do was pray.