More Recovery Readings - February

[bluidkiti]

February 16

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Shame-filled people feel that something is wrong at their very core. It is a sense of being bad . . .. --Susan Kwiecien
Nobody is rotten to the core. Whenever we start to believe we are bad all the way through, we can picture good things we have done, days when someone else was happy to be with us, and see for ourselves that we have many good points that outweigh the bad.
If we have done something wrong, we must apologize and make amends. Making a mistake is not the same as being worthless. Mistakes are a natural part of living, not something to be ashamed of. Our freedom to make mistakes is one of our greatest assets, for this is the way we learn humility, persistence, courage to take risks, and better ways of doing things. All of us are valuable and lovable. How could we be otherwise? Since mistakes are natural aspects of growth, we can salute them in others and ourselves as signs of life and celebrate our ability to learn and to forgive.
What mistakes have helped me grow?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Hatred is never anything but fear - if you feared no one, you would hate no one. --Hugh Downs
On those occasions when we find the bigger man within, we are more generous in spirit toward others. But sometimes we think too much about what is wrong with others and how they ought to change. That is a form of hate. If we are searching for what we have power to change in our families, in our friendships, in the world, we can learn to be big enough to set aside our fears.
Do we bear ill will toward someone today? When we are honest with ourselves, do we feel a sense of fear in relation to this person? What are we really afraid of? Perhaps the same person fears us. When we can do something about our fear, the hatred melts with no further effort. Then we are in touch with the bigger man within.
I have the inner, strength to face my fears today. I will not send them outward as hatred.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Detachment
The concept of letting go can be confusing to many of us. When are we doing too much or trying too hard to control people and outcomes? When are we doing too little? When is what we're doing an appropriate part of taking care of ourselves? What is our responsibility, and what isn't?
These issues can challenge us whether we've been in recovery ten days or ten years. Sometimes, we may let go so much that we neglect responsibility to others or ourselves. Other times, we may cross the line from taking care of ourselves to controlling others and outcomes.
There is no rulebook. But we don't have to make ourselves crazy; we don't have to be so afraid. We don't have to do recovery perfectly. If it feels like we need to do a particular action, we can do it. If no action feels timely or inspired, don't act on it.
Having and setting healthy limits - healthy boundaries - isn't a tidy process. We can give ourselves permission to experiment, to make mistakes, to learn, to grow.
We can talk to people, ask questions, and question ourselves. If there's something we need to do or learn, it will become apparent. Lessons don't go away. If we're not taking
care of ourselves enough, well see that. If we are being too controlling, we'll grow to understand that too. Things will work out. The way will become dear.
Today, I will take actions that appear appropriate. I will let go of the rest. I will strive for the balance between self-responsibility, responsibility to others, and letting go.


Peace and relaxation flow through me with every breath that I take. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

The Answer May Be Right in Front of You

It was late at night. I had just pulled into Chimayo, New Mexico. The streets were poorly lit, addresses and signs were difficult to see. I had been driving around for what seemed like hours, looking for an address. Finally, in desperation. I stopped the car, got out, and flagged someone down. A man stopped, but said he couldn’t help me. I was at my wits end. I turned around, staring frantically at the mailbox in front of me. To my surprise, I was right where I wanted to go.

How often we wave our hands in panic and despair, certain the answer, the insight, the piece of information we need will never come. Yet often the answer we’re seeking is right in front of us.

There’s a part of us, our heart, that knows where we’re going, knows what we need, knows what the next step is. Our heart will lead us on. Our soul will move us forward. Our instincts will take us home like a radar signal beaming us to safety.

Feel your panic. Feel your frustration. But keep your eyes and your heart open. The answer may be closer than you think– maybe it’s right in front of you.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Joy is your destiny

Adam fell that man might be, and men are that they might have joy.
–Book of Mormon

In the garden, original man was perfect, unchanging, never knowing sickness or the sorrow of separation. It was only after the fall that we could learn the contrast between joy and sorrow and truly learn what joy is. More than the absence of sorrow, it is the embrace of life in all its turmoil. To live joyously means living with full awareness of how impermanent each life on earth is– how precious each moment, each conversation, each sunrise is.

Each day is the beginning of another new adventure, another opportunity to take a chance and live life to its fullest.

Look around you. Find the joy in your world.

After all, that’s why you’re here.

God, help me find and create true joy and peace in my world.

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Surrender Box
A Place For Worries and Fears

There are times when our minds become too full. Our to-do lists, worries, plans, and dreams may be so crowded together in our heads that we don’t have room to think. We may believe that we are somehow taking care of our desires and concerns by keeping them at the forefront of our minds. In maintaining our mental hold on every detail, however, we may actually delay the realization of our dreams and the resolution of our worries because we won’t let them go. At times such as these, we may want to use a surrender box.

A surrender box allows us to let go of our worries and desires so the universe can take care of them for us. We write down what we want or need to happen and then place the note into a box. By writing and placing our thoughts in the box, we are taking action and letting the universe know we need help and are willing to surrender our feelings. We give ourselves permission to not concern ourselves with that problem any longer and trust that the universe is taking care of it. You may even want to decorate your box and place it in a special place. Your surrender box is a sacred container for your worries. Not only do you free up space in your mind by letting go of our worries and desires and dropping them into your surrender box, but you are giving your burden over to a higher power. Once we drop our worries and desires into the surrender box, we free our minds so we can be fully present in each moment.

Surrendering our worries and concerns and placing them in the hands of the universe doesn’t mean that we’ve given up or have been defeated. Instead, we are releasing the realization of our desires and the resolution of our worries and no longer concerning ourselves with their outcomes. It’s always fun to go back and pull the slips of paper out of the box once your requests have been granted. And it’s amazing how quickly problems go away and dreams come true when we finally let go and allow a higher power to help us. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

What about “justifiable anger?” If somebody cheats us or acts toward us in an outrageous manner, don’t we have the right to be furious? The hard-learned experiences of countless others in The Program tell us that adventures in rage are usually extremely dangerous. So, while we must recognize anger enough to say “I am angry,” we must not allow the build-up of rage, however justifiable. Can I accept the fact that if I am to live, I have to be free of anger?

Today I Pray

Even though I go out of the way to skirt them, may I be aware that there always will be certain situations or certain people who will make me angry. When my anger doesn’t seem justifiable — with arguable reason behind it — I may deny it, even to myself. May I recognize my anger, whether it is reasonable or not, before I bury it alive.

Today I Will Remember

It is alright to feel anger.

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One More Day

Every Soul is a melody which needs renewing.
– Stephne Mellarme

It may be difficult to admit how discordant our lives become at times — and even more difficult to restore a sense of peace. We may plunge into self-improvement programs with the idea that we, and we alone, can fix ourselves and ease our emotional pain. In doing this, we ignore the spiritual resources outside ourselves.

We better understand and accept our human flaws now and find it easier to ask God for help. Occasionally we may feel inadequate or angry or frightened. We question and doubt ourselves; we get lost in the maze of our own emotions. But we know these feelings are only temporary and that the calming spiritual tempo of our lives is briefly being drowned out by the emotions of the moment. It is comforting to know the melody is always there.

Today, I trust God to keep me in tune with the peace within.

[bluidkiti]

February 17

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
There is glory In a great mistake. --Nathalia Crane
Once there was a big girl who liked to play with little kids and their toys. One day she rode one of their small bikes and her foot slipped off the little pedal and her leg got caught and dragged along the sidewalk.
She went home, limping and howling. Her mother put ice on the terrible scrape. The next day, the girl's mother told her she was too big for the little kids' toys. The girl looked up defiantly and said, "I can TOO ride that baby bike."
The girl's mother didn't say anything else. She knew people must be free to make mistakes. We cannot protect another person from the experiences of the world. It would be harmful to both of us to try.
What mistakes have I made more than once before I learned my lesson?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more "manhood" to abide by thought out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind. --Alex Karras
In our culture, being a man often means being tough, having sexual prowess, and not showing feelings. We realize in this life of recovery that those are silly and immature myths, even though we see them repeatedly on TV, on billboards, and in newspapers.
When we are told these things repeatedly, it makes an impact on us. So we need to hear from each other that this is not the way we wish to live. We don't admire these attitudes, and we don't believe the stories. Truly courageous men know themselves. They have been around enough to have depth to their souls, to let themselves love, and to feel the pain of life.
Today, I am grateful to know and share my feelings and to have genuine relationships with those I love.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Acceptance
Our basic recovery concept that never loses its power to work miracles is the concept called acceptance.
We do not achieve acceptance in a moment. We often have to work through a mirage of feelings - sometimes anger, outrage, shame, self-pity, or sadness. But if acceptance is our goal, we will achieve it.
What is more freeing than to laugh at our weaknesses and to be grateful for our strengths? To know the entire package called "us" - with all our feelings, thoughts, tendencies, and history - is worthy of acceptance and brings healing feelings.
To accept our circumstances is another miraculous cure. For anything to change or anyone to change, we must first accept others, the circumstance, and ourselves exactly as they are. Then, we need to take it one step further. We need to become grateful for our circumstances or ourselves. We add a touch of faith by saying, "I know this is exactly the way it's supposed to be for the moment."
No matter how complicated we get, the basics never lose their power to restore us to sanity.
Today, God, help me practice the concept of acceptance in my life. Help me accept others, my circumstances, and myself. Take me one step further, and help me feel grateful.


Even in moments of doubt I know that my Higher Power is guiding me on my path today. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

Who Empowers You?

Most of us need people around us who empower and help us feel able, on track, in balance, hopeful. We need people who tell us we can. Even if they don’t use words, they believe in us and that belief comes shining through. We look at them and what we see reflected back is our own power.

But sometimes we run into those who, instead, try to convince us of their power, convince us that they have our answers, that we need them to be able to see clearly, that without them, we won’t be able to find the way. They don’t believe in us, they only believe in themselves. That’s not empowerment. That’s an approach destined to create dependency, often unhealthy dependency.

Cultivate relationships with people who make you feel like you can, who help you know that you’re on track, right where you need to be. Spend time with people who help you know that you can trust yourself.

Seek out people who empower you. Learn to empower those you love. And during those times when no one’s around, know that you can empower yourself.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Lighten up

“Mom, can I sleep over at Johnny’s house again tonight? Please?” Shane begged.

“Why?” I asked.

“For fun,” he said.

“You just slept over last night,” I said.

“Who said you can’t have fun two days in a row?” he asked.

While ideas such as discipline and focus are undeniably important, so is the idea of having fun.

With a small amount of effort, we can extract all the fun and joy out of most parts of our lives– our relationships, our work, even our leisure time. We can put so many restrictions and should’s on everything we do that our very lives become dull, overly ponderous and routine. Before long, we find ourselves living up to a set of rules– and we’re not certain where the rules came from or whose they are.

I relented, and let Shane have the sleepover he asked for. He had fun. He had a lot of fun that entire year. So did I.

Let yourself go. Have a little fun with life. Or, have a lot of fun with life. If you’ve spent years being extremely disciplined, reliable, and somber, maybe part of achieving balance is having a decade of fun.

Dig out your goal list, the one you placed at the back of this book. Add another value to your list, have as much fun and joy as possible in the days, months, and years to come.

It’s time to lighten up.

God, please show me how to put ideas like fun and joy back into my life. Show me how to have more fun in work, in love, and in play.

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Uniting in Thought and Action
The Power Of The Circle

There are many reasons for why a gathering of people in a circle is powerful. A circle is a shape that is found repeatedly throughout the natural world, and it is a symbol of perfection. We recreate this perfect shape when we join others to form a circle. Being in a circle allows us experience each other as equals. Each person is the same distance apart from the next participant, and no one is seated higher than or stands apart from others in a circle. From tribal circles to the mythical round table of King Arthur, the circle has been the shape adopted by gatherings throughout history.

The circle is acknowledged as an archetype of wholeness and integration, with the center of a circle universally understood to symbolize Spirit - the Source. When a group of people come together in a circle, they are united. This unity becomes even more powerful when each person reaches out to touch a neighbor and clasps hands. This physical connection unites thought and action, mind and body, and spirit and form in a circle. Because a circle has no beginning and no end, the agreement to connect in a circle allows energy to circulate from one person to the next, rather than being dissipated into the environment.

Like a candle used to light another candle, the connection with spirit that results when one person joins hands with another is greater than if each person were to stand alone. People who take part in a circle find that their power increases exponentially while with the group. Like a drop of water rippling on the surface of a pond, the waves of energy produced in a circle radiate outward in circular motion. While one person may act like a single beacon that emanates light, a circle of people is like a satellite dish that sends out energy. There is power in numbers, and when the commitment is made by many to face one another, clasp hands, and focus on one intention, their circle emanates ripples of energy that can change the world. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

If I become angry today, I’ll pause and think before I say anything, remembering that my anger can turn back upon me and worsen my difficulties,. I’ll try to remember, too, that well-timed silence can give me command of a stressful situation as angry reproaches never can. In such moments of stress, I’ll remember that my power over others ins nonexistent, and that only God is all-powerful. Have I learned that I alone can destroy my own peace of mind?

Today I Pray

May I learn that I can choose how to handle my anger — in silence or a tantrum, a rage, a fist fight , a pillow fight, a tirade, and elaborate plan to “get back at” whoever caused it, an icy glare, a cool pronouncement of hate — or a simple statement of fact, “I am angry at you because ______” (in 25 words or less). Or may I , if need be, turn my anger into energy and shovel the walk, bowl or play a game of tennis, or clean the house. I pray that God will show me appropriate ways to deal with my anger.

Today I Will Remember

“I am angry because..”

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One More Day

Grace is the absence of everything that indicates pain or difficulty, hesitation or incongruity. – William Hazlitt

It seems that, when we think of our lives are back on course, another obstacle appears and we stumble. In the case of physical illness, symptoms or pain may worsen or new problems may crop up. Other circumstances can make our stress level rise as well, until it feels as though we just can’t carry the burden anymore.

Adjustments can be very difficult. With new symptoms we may feel that illness is chipping away, one tiny piece at a time, at our independence. It’s difficult to be gracious with so many complications going on. Yet this is the time to be gracious — to ourselves and to those around us.

If I have ever needed to reach into my innermost being to find peace and contentment, it is now. I dislike what has happened to my body, but I can continue to be a gracious person.

[bluidkiti]

February 18

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
United souls are not satisfied with embraces, but desire to be truly each other. --Sir Thomas Browne
If hugs could melt, if kisses were made of nothing but pure air, if talkers always agreed, and if hearts all beat to the same drum, would we desire any longer to be truly each other? No two leaves on a tree turn the same way in the wind; no two fish in a school tread the same water; and no two people can live the same life. Therefore, when we hug let's leave some space; when we kiss let's allow each other to breathe; when we talk let's permit each other to disagree; when we love let's honor each other's rhythm and way.
Is it our similarities or differences that make us want to know each other better?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Love can be its own reward. --Arnold Label
The feeling of attachment, of being related, of caring about someone, is what life is all about. Before recovery, we may have feared we could not love anyone. When we feel love, we may also feel cheated because our affections aren't returned, as we want them to be. Or we may think relationships are just too complicated and painful. It's true that relationships are difficult at times. The only thing more difficult is having none.
In this quiet moment, let's reflect on our relationships. Close attachments to both men and women are essential to our progress. Without them, we would not be in recovery. We don't need to say to our friends, "What have you done for me?" We can feel an inner fullness and satisfaction, knowing we have relationships we truly care about and we are accepted as we are. That alone is a remarkable reward.
I appreciate the joys my relationships bring.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Being Right
Recovery is not about being right; it's about allowing ourselves to be who we are and accepting others as they are.
That concept can be difficult for many of us if we have lived in systems that functioned on the "right wrong" justice scale. The person who was right was okay; the person who was wrong was shamed. All value and worth may have depended on being right; to be wrong meant annihilation of self and self-esteem.
In recovery, we are learning how to strive for love in our relationships, not superiority. Yes, we may need to make decisions about people's behavior from time to time. If someone is hurting us, we need to stand up for ourselves. We have a responsibility to set boundaries and take care of ourselves. But we do not need to justify taking care of ourselves by condemning someone else. We can avoid the trap of focusing on others instead of ourselves.
In recovery, we are learning that what we do needs to be right only for us. What others do is their business and needs to be right only for them. It's tempting to rest in the superiority of being right and in analyzing other people's motives and actions, but it's more rewarding to look deeper.
Today, I will remember that I don't have to hide behind being right. I don't have to justify what I want and need with saying something is "right" or "wrong." I can let myself be who I am.


Today I am establishing rapport with myself. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

Your Body,Mind, and Soul Are One

The body, mind, spirit, and emotions are more than just connected. They are one. To nurture the body is to nurture the mind, spirit, and emotions.To nurture the spirit is to nurture the body, mind, and emotions. And so it goes, a continuous connection. A continuing whole.

Do you feel fragmented? Have you disowned a part of yourself? Invite it back. Maybe you’ve focused too heavily on one part and neglected others. You can be a world-class athlete and still not be in touch with your soul. You can be skilled at dealing with any emotion that comes along, and yet not see the delicate connection between that emotion and your conscious thoughts and beliefs. Or you may be so focused on tending to the needs of your spirit and mind that you neglect your body– resent it and think of it as a limitation.

Tend to each aspect of the whole. Do things that nurture your spirit, perhaps spend time in prayer and meditation or time with nature. Work on what you believe; clarify the thoughts that run through your head. Nurture yourself emotionally. Let yourself heal from the feelings of the past, and do what you need to stay current and clear. Listen to your body and give it what it needs– it’s not separate and apart, it’s not a nuisance. It’s the form your spirit created to experience the gift of life.

Find that place of balance in nurturing all parts of you. Then life will begin to be magical and you’ll see what you believe. Your feelings won’t be a bother. They’ll fuel your life; they’ll be the passion that adds color and zest to your life. Your body will lead you instinctively into what you want and away from what you dislike. And the longer you travel the journey to the heart, the more you’ll discover and trust your soul.

Start by becoming connected. If you love yourself and keep walking your path, soon you’ll see how connected you are.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Remember how to play

We don’t stop playing because we get old, we get old because we stop playing.
–Herbert Spencer

I was sitting in my back porch watching a group of children playing in the surf. As the waves came surging in, they would turn to face the shore on their body boards and paddle like heck to try to catch the wave. I watched the surf crash down on top of them, one by one. There would be nothing for a few moments but the torrent of water, and then a little while later a green foam board would pop up and a little while later, a laughing head and body. They’d shriek and laugh, then one by one turn around, go back out, and do it again.

Later toward sunset, I saw two gray-haired men in ocean kayaks paddling near the shore. They would wait for the perfect wave and then paddle as hard as they could, trying to catch it and ride it into shore. Again I watched as the waves reared up and crashed down on the little boats. A kayak would get pushed up on the beach, followed a few moments later by a laughing gray-haired man, who would then paddle back out and do it again.

I have a friend in his thirties who is determined to make it. He doesn’t know where he’s going; he just knows that he is going somewhere. And no, he doesn’t have time to go to a basketball game or Magic Mountain. He’s busy and doesn’t have time to play.

I have a friend in his fifties. He’s in excellent health. He sits in his house, feeds the dog, and complains about the pain and the shortness of life. He doesn’t play because his poor body just isn’t what it used to be.

We can play or we can not play. It doesn’t make any difference one way or another, except that at the end, you will have had a much more enjoyable time if you did.

God, help me start having some fun.

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Influencing the Tone of Your Life
Color

When we enter a room or see an object for the first time, our minds register its color before any other detail. The colors our eyes can perceive are like words that form a subtle language of mood, energy, and insight. Color can exert a gentle effect on the mind and the body, influencing our dispositions and our physical health. Color has the ability to trigger our emotions, affect the way we think and act, and influence our attitudes. You unconsciously respond to the color of the walls in your home, your car, your clothing, and the food you eat based on your body’s natural reactions to certain colors and the psychological associations you have formed around them. The consequences of the decision to paint a room or wear a specific article of clothing therefore goes beyond aesthetics.

The colors you encounter throughout your day can make you feel happy or sad, invigorate you or drain your vitality, and even affect your work habits. Throughout history, cultures spread over many different parts of the globe have attributed varying meanings to different colors. In China, blue is associated with immortality, while people in the Middle East view blue as a color of protection. There is also evidence that human beings respond to color in a very visceral way. Red excites us and inflames our passions. Too much red, however, can make us feel overstimulated and irritated. Pink tends to make people feel loved and protected but also can cause feelings of lethargy. Yellow represents joy or optimism and can energize you and help you think more clearly. Bright orange reduces depression and sadness. Blue and green are known to inspire peaceful feelings, and people are often able to concentrate better and work in rooms painted in soft blues and greens. The darker tones of! both colors can make you feel serious and introspective.

There are ways to integrate color into your life that go beyond picking the hues of your décor and your wardrobe. You can meditate with color by concentrating on the colors that make you feel peaceful or using a progression of colors to symbolize a descent into a relaxed state. Color breathing involves visualizing certain colors as you in inhale and exhale. Choose to surround yourself with the colors that you are attracted to and make you feel good, and you can create an environment that makes you feel nurtured, peaceful, and uplifted. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

We learn in The Program that we cannot punish anyone without punishing ourselves. The release of my tensions, even justified, in a punishing way leaves behind the dregs of bitterness and pain. This was the monotonous story of my life before I came to The Program. So in my new life,k I’d do well to consider the long-range benefits of simply owning my emotions, naming them and thus releasing them. Does the voice of God have a chance to be heard over my reproachful shouting.?

Today I Pray

May I avoid name-calling, ego-crushing exchanges. If I am angry, may I try to assign my anger to what someone did instead of what someone is. May I refrain from downgrading, lashing out at character flaws of mindless abuse. May I count on my Higher Power to show me the way.

Today I Will Remember

Tod deal with anger appropriately.

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One More Day

Self pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world. – Helen Keller

Pity, either from ourselves or others, harms us. yet, sometimes, we allow it to happen.

What we really need from others is empathy — for them to feel as if they were in our shoes. Pity can be a deep pit to fall into, and the climb back out is difficult. We can’t begin to make the ascent until we are fully aware of why we have allowed pity and self-pity to prevail. Maybe feeling sorry for ourselves has been easier than encountering the frustration that may come when we make an effort.

The actions I take today will be based on growth for myself and will help me avoid self-pity.

[bluidkiti]

February 19

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
I have often thought morality may perhaps consist solely in the courage of making a choice. --Leon Blum
Sometimes, trying to do the right thing isn't easy because it isn't what we want to do. For instance, we may want to sneak a cookie to take to bed with us, or we may want to stay out late. But is that the right thing to do?
One way to tell is to think how we'll feel after we've done it. Will we be happy, or will we feel guilty because we know in our hearts it is wrong? On the other hand, how would we feel if we resisted the temptation? Perhaps we'd feel great because we'd know in our hearts we'd done the right thing. And don't we deserve to feel good about ourselves? Of course we do!
How wonderful it is that our feelings can help us do the right thing when we're in doubt.
Will I have the courage to follow my true feelings today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how. --Friedrich Nietzsche
Our sense of purpose in life is not fixed in concrete. It changes from youth through all the stages of life. Often in the transitions to a new growth stage we are most confused. In the chaotic life created by our own addictive or codependent thinking, all meaning collapses around us. At these times we wonder, "What is the point?" "Does anything really matter?"
We receive a why for our existence by participating in the whole of this world. We are sons, or fathers, or husbands, or brothers, or friends to very specific people - and to the rest of our community, extending to all of creation. Our sense of purpose may change when life circumstances change. We get married, for instance, and then say, "Now what?" Or a child is born, or a parent dies, or we become disabled. Each time we may be confronted again with the questions. Being open to contact with our world, keeping our barriers down so we stay in touch, restores our awareness of purpose.
May I continue to respond to the changing phases in life - and be open to the renewal of purpose, which is here for me.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Our Path
I just spent several hours with someone from my group, and I feel like I'm losing my mind. This woman insisted that the only way I would make progress in my program was to go to her church and succumb to her religious rules. She pushed and insisted, and insisted and pushed. She's been in the program so much longer than I have. I kept thinking that she must know what she's talking about. But it didn't feel right. And now I feel crazy, afraid, guilty, and ashamed. --Anonymous
The spiritual path and growth promised to us by the Twelve Steps does not depend on any religious belief. They are not contingent upon any denomination or sect. They are not, as the traditions of Twelve Step programs state, affiliated with any religious denomination or organization.
We do not have to allow anyone to badger us about religion in recovery. We do not have to allow people to make us feel ashamed, afraid, or less than because we do not subscribe to their beliefs about religion.
We do not have to let them do it to us in the name of God, love, or recovery.
The spiritual experience we will find as a result of recovery and the Twelve Steps will be our own spiritual experience. It will be a relationship with God, a Higher Power, as we understand God.
Each of us must find our own spiritual path. Each of us must build our own relationship with God, as we understand God. Each of us needs a Power greater than ourselves. These concepts are critical to recovery.
So is the freedom to choose how to do that.
Higher Power, help me know that I don't have to allow anyone to shame or badger me into religious beliefs. If they confuse that with the spirituality available in recovery, help me give their issue back to them. Help me discover and develop my own spirituality, a path that works for me. Guide me, with Divine Wisdom, as I grow spiritually.


Today I will be aware not to judge myself when I feel less than perfect. I am beginning to love myself just as I am and that feels so nice. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

Be Gentle with Your Heart

On this road, this journey to the heart, you will see more, feel more, and be more than you’ve ever been before.

Your heart is open, your spirit is alive. You’re open to all that the universe, life, and God hold for you. Because you’re that open, you are more sensitive than ever to people, energies, places, things. You are more sensitive to any unresolved issues in yourself and in those around you. You are open, more open that you’ve ever been.

Comfort yourself. Wrap yourself up in a blanket of love and hope. Know that you will be feeling, seeing, and taking in a great deal. Know that you will be healing at a deeper level than ever before. Most of the time, this will bring joy. But an open heart is not one-dimensional, joy is not the only emotion it will embrace. Make room in your heart, room in your life, and time in your days to feel other feelings,too– anger, grief, fear, exuberance, tenderness, betrayal, and exhilaration– all the emotions an open heart feels.

You’re more open than you’ve ever been. Take gentle, loving care of yourself. Be tender with your heart.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Make your own fun

My house renovation project was way behind schedule. Spring was right around the corner. Stress was a pounding ache in the back of my head.

Then we went to the toy store. “Oh, these will be great,” he said, grabbing two Nerf guns off the shelf. “And how about a bow-and-arrow set,too?”

When we got home, we took some markers and drew a big target on the wall in the living room. We started shooting at it, but soon grew tired of that game and started shooting at each other instead.

A friend walked in the front door.

We shot him. Two in the belly and one to the forehead.

He threw me into the hot tub.

And I forgot that the ceiling wasn’t done, and that the walls weren’t painted, and that the carpet would have to be delayed. That night we had a barbecue, and our friends took out the markers and drew pictures of themselves, their experiences, and their hopes on the unpainted walls of the house that was behind schedule. And we laughed, and no one cared that the house was unlivable.

We can’t always control the timing of our plans, but we can have fun along the way. Friends don’t care if the project is finished; they just want to be a part of the magic of life.

Look at things from a new perspective. Laugh. Be grateful you’re where you are at this moment. Don’t worry about trying to hurry the future along. Look for the joy in life now.

Maybe a visit to the toy store would help you,too.

God, if I can’t see the joy in life, help me look again.

Activity: Go to the toy store today. But something that appeals to you, or buy something ridiculous– a twirl-o-paint, an Erector set, a game of Operation, a bead-o-matic. Break out of your mold; look at life from a new perspective. Learn how to play, again.

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A Sense of Closure
Cutting Cords

by Madisyn Taylor

Sometimes the emotions we are feeling belong to the person we are in a connection with and an energetic cord must be severed.

In every relationship, people are constantly exchanging energy that can become a cord connecting two people. This energetic cord forms just below the breastbone and can remain long after a relationship has ended. This unbroken cord may leave an open channel between you and another person, through which emotions and energy can continue to flow. If you are unaware that the cord exists, it is easy to feel the other person’s emotions and mistakenly think that they are yours. Besides the fact that this can limit the amount of closure you can experience in a relationship, letting this cord remain intact can leave you with a continued sense of sadness while creating feelings of lethargy as your own energy is sapped from you. Cutting the cord can help you separate yourself from old baggage, unnecessary attachments, and release you from connections that are no longer serving you.

Finding and cutting unwanted cords is a simple, gentle process that is best done alone and when you are relaxed. It is important that you are strong in your intention to release the chord between you and someone else. To begin, breathe deeply and perform a simple centering meditation. When you are ready, visualize or sense the chords that are connecting you to other people. Run your fingers through the cords to separate them until you find the cord you wish to sever. There is no need to worry, because the chord you need to sever will feel just right. When you have found it, determine where the cut should be made and then visualize the cord being cleanly cut. If you need assistance, Archangel Michael can be called upon to help you with his sword. Afterwards, if you feel that cutting the cord has left spaces in your energy field, then visualize those spaces being filled with healing sunlight.

There may be times where cutting a cord can help free a relative or loved one to reach new stages of growth. You’re not severing a relationship, but you are severing the chords that are no longer serving you both. At other times, a cord may simply refuse to be cut because it is still serving a higher purpose. It is also important to remember that cutting a cord with someone is not a replacement for doing your emotional work with people. It can, however, be an enactment of that work upon its completion. In any case, cutting a relationship cord should always be viewed as a positive and nurturing act. By cutting the cords that no longer need to be there, you are setting yourself and others free from the ties that bind. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

When a person says something rash or ugly, we sometimes say they are “forgetting themselves,” meaning they’re forgetting heir best selves in a sudden outburst of uncontrolled fury. If I remember the kind of person I want to be,m hopefully I won’t “forget myself” and yield to a fit of temper. I’ll believe that the positive always defeats the negative: courage over comes fear; patience overcomes anger and irritability; love overcomes hatred. Am I always striving for improvement?

Today I Pray

Today I ask that God, to Whom all things are possible, help me turn negatives into positives — anger into super-energy, fear into a chance to be courageous, hatred into love. May I take time out of remember examples of such positive-groom-negative transformations from the whole of my lifetime. Uppermost is God’s miracle; my freedom from the slavery of addiction.

Today I Will Remember

Turn negatives into positives.

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One More Day

Arriving at one goal is the starting point to another. – John Dewey

Accepting change is our lives is the basis of growth. To often, we’ve seen marks are razed, friends move away or die, we become ill.

Eventually, we come to see change in a different light. For good or bad, or weather we approve or don’t approve, change will happen. The only thing we can control is our reaction to it. Change that is progress or growth, such as old landmarks disappearing and new ones being built or friends becoming involved in self-help groups, can be welcomed. Other changes which can’t be greeted with enthusiasm — losing friends or becoming ill — can at least be seen as random, not personal, consequences of human life. With this frame of mind, we are able to accept the challenges demanded of us.

Changes in my life can encourage growth.

[bluidkiti]

February 20

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
I have often thought morality may perhaps consist solely in the courage of making a choice. --Leon Blum
Sometimes, trying to do the right thing isn't easy because it isn't what we want to do. For instance, we may want to sneak a cookie to take to bed with us, or we may want to stay out late. But is that the right thing to do?
One way to tell is to think how we'll feel after we've done it. Will we be happy, or will we feel guilty because we know in our hearts it is wrong? On the other hand, how would we feel if we resisted the temptation? Perhaps we'd feel great because we'd know in our hearts we'd done the right thing. And don't we deserve to feel good about ourselves? Of course we do!
How wonderful it is that our feelings can help us do the right thing when we're in doubt.
Will I have the courage to follow my true feelings today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how. --Friedrich Nietzsche
Our sense of purpose in life is not fixed in concrete. It changes from youth through all the stages of life. Often in the transitions to a new growth stage we are most confused. In the chaotic life created by our own addictive or codependent thinking, all meaning collapses around us. At these times we wonder, "What is the point?" "Does anything really matter?"
We receive a why for our existence by participating in the whole of this world. We are sons, or fathers, or husbands, or brothers, or friends to very specific people - and to the rest of our community, extending to all of creation. Our sense of purpose may change when life circumstances change. We get married, for instance, and then say, "Now what?" Or a child is born, or a parent dies, or we become disabled. Each time we may be confronted again with the questions. Being open to contact with our world, keeping our barriers down so we stay in touch, restores our awareness of purpose.
May I continue to respond to the changing phases in life - and be open to the renewal of purpose, which is here for me.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Our Path
I just spent several hours with someone from my group, and I feel like I'm losing my mind. This woman insisted that the only way I would make progress in my program was to go to her church and succumb to her religious rules. She pushed and insisted, and insisted and pushed. She's been in the program so much longer than I have. I kept thinking that she must know what she's talking about. But it didn't feel right. And now I feel crazy, afraid, guilty, and ashamed. --Anonymous
The spiritual path and growth promised to us by the Twelve Steps does not depend on any religious belief. They are not contingent upon any denomination or sect. They are not, as the traditions of Twelve Step programs state, affiliated with any religious denomination or organization.
We do not have to allow anyone to badger us about religion in recovery. We do not have to allow people to make us feel ashamed, afraid, or less than because we do not subscribe to their beliefs about religion.
We do not have to let them do it to us in the name of God, love, or recovery.
The spiritual experience we will find as a result of recovery and the Twelve Steps will be our own spiritual experience. It will be a relationship with God, a Higher Power, as we understand God.
Each of us must find our own spiritual path. Each of us must build our own relationship with God, as we understand God. Each of us needs a Power greater than ourselves. These concepts are critical to recovery.
So is the freedom to choose how to do that.
Higher Power, help me know that I don't have to allow anyone to shame or badger me into religious beliefs. If they confuse that with the spirituality available in recovery, help me give their issue back to them. Help me discover and develop my own spirituality, a path that works for me. Guide me, with Divine Wisdom, as I grow spiritually.


Today I will be aware not to judge myself when I feel less than perfect. I am beginning to love myself just as I am and that feels so nice. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

Spread Your Wings and Fly

I sat on the ground on a dirt road that wandered off a main highway in Idaho. I leaned against a tree and watched a mother eagle and her babies in a nest overhead. She fussed as she protected them, watching me closely, responding with her call to any noise she heard. She was very protective now, but someday it would be time to push them out of the nest. It would be time to teach them to fly.

Many of us have been pushed out of the nest. Something unexpected happened, and our world changed. We may have fought valiantly to get back in the nest, to return to the safety of life as we knew it. But life had pushed us out. We had no choice but to flap our wings and learn to fly the best we could.

See how magical this time has been? See how much you’ve learned? With all our fears and resistance, it has still been a grand and powerful time. You flailed around a bit, wondering who to trust. You tried to trust others, then found that didn’t work. Finally you understood. The very lesson you were learning was that of trusting yourself.

You were learning to listen to and trust your inner voice. You were learning to open your heart. Despite all your fears, you have done a grand job. Look how much you’ve changed.

See all the powers you’ve gained? You’ve opened up to your healing powers, your creative powers,too. You know and sense things in a way that used to seem beyond reach and now seems both magical and commonplace. Your instincts and intuition are finely tuned. Your inner voice is clear. And despite all your fears about being abandoned, you now see how much you are loved.

When life pokes and prods you, it’s not punishment or abuse. You’re being pushed out of the nest. Spread your wings and take flight. See how well you can fly.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Take a side road

Adventures don’t begin until you get into the forest. That first step in an act of faith.
–Micky Hart

We were driving along highway 166 in central California on another road trip. The trip had been a long one, started on the spur of the moment, as they usually are, and now we were anxious to get back home. Then we– Andy, Chip, and I– all saw it: a small road leading up into the mountains behind an open gate. It wasn’t on the atlas. The road turned to dirt. Cows lounged on the path and we had to wait for them to move out of the way. The GPS (Global Positioning System) got lost. The path degraded. We hit a patch of black mud and the truck struggled for a moment. Chipster gunned the motor and we leapt ahead.

“Think we should turn around?” he asked.

“No, this road must go somewhere,” said Andy.

“Aaaah,” I said.

We came to a small lake in the middle of the path.

“You can make it,” said Andy, rolling up his window.

“Aaaah,” I said.

Chip switched into four-wheel drive and gunned the motor. Muddy water poured in through the open sunroof.

Much later– after we moved rocks out of the way, splashed through more puddles, saw stunning views from a high ridgeline, and drove far too close to the edge of the cliff– we came across an old man pushing a bicycle up the road. We asked, “How much further is it to get out of here?”

“Well,” he replied, “how far in have you come?”

“We didn’t come in this way.”

A puzzled look crossed his face. “How did you get here then?”

“We drove over the ridge.”

He shook his head in disbelief and walked on.

Ten miles later we came to another gate. The cell phone started to work again.

The GPS decided that we were still on the planet after all.

Sometimes, we find the biggest adventures when we deviate from the map and drive through the gate into new territory just to see where it goes.

God, help me remember that I don’t have to follow the map all the time. Give me the spirit of adventure. Bring a little woohoo into my life.

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Learning from the Big Picture
Cycle of Life

by Madisyn Taylor

While we are on earth we are all human beings in different phases of our lives and soul development.


As we walk through the world, the people we encounter appear so different from one another. We see babies, old men, pregnant women, and teenaged boys. We know couples on the verge of marriage and lonely widows. We interact with toddlers and the terminally ill. As different as each person seems, they are all living the human experience. They are just at different places in the cycle that begins with birth and ends with death. Every phase of the cycle of life has its gifts and its challenges. Each stage is temporary and ultimately gives way to a new phase. This ephemeral quality makes each phase precious, because it will never last.

One of the wonderful qualities possessed by babies and young children is that they are unaware that a cycle of life even exists. They simply are present to wherever they happen to be right now, and they don’t give much thought to the past or future. Being around them reminds us of the joy that comes from living fully in the moment. On the opposite end of life’s cycle are our elderly role models. They are a reminder that each phase of life should be treasured. Time does pass, and we all change and grow older.

Being aware of the cycle of life and our place in it makes us wiser. As we develop a true appreciation for the phase we are in, we can savor it more. A new mother going through a difficult time with her infant can more easily embrace her challenges because she knows that her child will grow up, and she will long for this time again. Difficult and challenging periods are inevitable, but – like everything that is a part of the cycle of life – they are temporary. When we are fully engaged with life, we get to savor and grow from each phase, and we are ready for the next one when it arrives. Fully embracing wherever you are in the cycle of life is the very essence to happiness. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

We are often told in The Program that “more will be revealed.” As we are restored to health and become increasingly able to lve comfortably in the real world without using chemicals, we begin to see many things in a new light. Many of us have come to realize, for example, that our arch enemy, anger, comes disguised in many shapes and colors: intolerance, contempt, snobbishness, rigidity, tension, sarcasm, distrust, anxiety, envy, hatred, cynicism, discontent, self-pity, malice, suspicion, jealousy. Do I let my feelings get the best of me?

Today I Pray

May I recognize that my anger, like dancer at a masquerade, wears many forms of many faces. May I strip off it’s several masks and know it for what it is.

Today I Will Remember

Anger wears a thousand masks.

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One More Day

This is a delicious evening, when the whole body is one sense and imbibes delight through every pore.
– Henry David Thoreau

We carry the memory of a soft spring rain within us even in a dry season. We remember the pungent fragrance of new mow grass, the chirping of crickets, the singing of birds.

Such memories are important to us, but we’re increasingly determined to also create new ones. It takes some planning on our part to get out, but we know the experience is worth the effort. Our mobility maybe limited, or we might not be living in a place where we can commune with nature as easily as we did when we were younger. But we’re creative and find the joy of outdoors, on the stoop of our building or on a park bench. Zoos, nature preserves, and public parks give us a areas for today’s enjoyment and tomorrow’s memories.

My illness imposes real limitations upon me; I will not impose artificial ones upon myself.

[bluidkiti]

February 21

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
We cannot do all things. --Virgil
We are each limited in terms of time and energy. If we try to do too much, we do everything half-rate. How much better it is to clearly sort out what is really important to us, and then give ourselves to those things or people wholeheartedly.
Famous writers have written about the difficulty of having more than one or two really good friends. That number seems so unimpressive if we equate popularity with the number of friends we have. If we want quality, we must accept our limitations. In this way we avoid wasting energy on unimportant tasks, on friends who aren't true or close, on goals which aren't what we really want. We can only commit ourselves wholeheartedly to a limited number of tasks and a limited number of people.
Who are my truly good friends?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
The readiness is all. --William Shakespeare
Our concept of control was flawed. This program leads us into a New World. Here we meet the fact that we are powerless to change some aspects of ourselves. But we can become ready to be changed. That makes all the difference. When we accept this truth, we are already changed and we are more in line with nature and the universe.
We can't make ourselves less perfectionistic, but we can become ready to let go of our demand for perfection. We can't force family harmony into our lives, but we can become more ready to be harmonious. We can't make a lasting love appear for us on command - we can become ready for such a relationship when the opportunities appear. Do we yearn for some change? How might we ready ourselves to receive it?
Today, I will try to become ready for the help and change I most need in my life.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Living in the Present
The present moment is all we have. Yes, we have plans and goals, a vision for tomorrow. But now is the only time we possess. And it is enough.
We can dear our mind of the residue of yesterday. We can clear our mind of fears of tomorrow. We can be present, now. We can make ourselves available to this moment, this day. It is by being fully present now that we reach the fullness of tomorrow.
Have no fear, child, a voice whispers. Have no regrets. Relinquish your resentments. Let Me take your pain. All you have is the present moment. Be still. Be here. Trust. All you have is now. It is enough.
Today, I will affirm that all is well around me, when all is well within.


It is exciting to know that I have all the strength I need today to do what is good and right in my life. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

Let Love Be

You can’t control love. It’s impossible. It’s like screaming and screeching and begging a rose to unfold faster, better, or differently.

Love is an energy– an active, living force that runs its threads through all of life, through all of the universe. But we can’t control love. It is not its nature to be controlled. It’s futile to stand with our hands in our pockets and heels dug into the ground saying, I shall control the course of love, or I shall allow another to control me because I’m afraid love will go away.

We can open our hearts and let love run through us. We can open our hearts and receive love. We can open our eyes and see universal love all around us, in places we never saw it before. We can awaken our souls and see that all these experiences have been lessons of love. Learning courage, faith, patience. Learning to love ourselves, when it looked and felt as if no one else did. Learning to express our creativity, express our emotions, and experience joy. Each one has been a lesson of love.

We have learned to let love be and be open to what that is and the new direction it may lead us in. Love is a powerful living force that permeates the universe and funnels through us. We don’t lead it, it leads and guides us.

Honor the guidance of your heart, and you will be honoring the guidance of love.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Say woohoo wherever you are

I walked into the beach house after a day of work to find my friendly tormentors, Chip and Andy, standing by the window that drops down to the beach. Actually, Chip was standing next to the window; Andy was outside, hanging by a climbing harness. The rope led into the house and was tied off around one of the support beams.

I didn’t ask what they were doing. I just grabbed the climbing harness that was lying on the floor at Chip’s feet and asked if I could try,too.

Rappelling from the house down to the beach is not my ordinary activity. But sometimes, even the smallest, most ridiculous things can be a chance for a mini-woohoo. That night, I learned to rappel in the moonlight on the beach from the living room of my house.

Be open to new experience in your life. If it isn’t life-threatening, maybe it’s okay, even if it is a little odd. Don’t be afraid to be ridiculous, look a little uncool, and even let out an aaah now and then.

Have you had a woohoo lately? Have you got one on your list? Or maybe in your garage? Put on some Rollerblades, buy a surfboard, get out your sled. Order something new off the menu. Take a different road. Find the woohoo; then carry it with you into your ordinary world and let it lighten your spirit.

Woohoos are the moments we’ll remember all our lives.

God, help me lighten my spirit by putting a little woohoo into my daily life.

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Nourishing and Cleansing
Performing Daily Ceremony

by Madisyn Taylor

Having daily ritual or ceremony in our lives is very important to keep us connected to what really matters.


When we perform or participate in rituals and ceremonies, we enter into a state of mind that is different from mundane consciousness. Ranging in significance from bedtime stories to weddings, ceremonies and rituals are acknowledgments that an event or period of time has special meaning. As a result, they can have the effect of drawing us into the moment, inviting us to pay closer attention and tune into the subtle energies that are always present but that often go unrecognized. In addition, as we perform the same actions we have performed before and will perform again, we immerse ourselves in a river of continuity that extends back into the past and forward into the future.

Many of us have distanced ourselves from rituals that may have seemed too constricting or too attached to an organized religion we have chosen not to follow. However, we can reclaim the practices of ceremony and ritual to good effect, imbuing them with our new consciousness, and we do not have to wait for a big event to do it. We can engage in daily practices that include ritual and ceremony, reminding ourselves throughout the day of the sacredness of this life.
In fact, if we look closely, we will see that our days are already made up of rituals, from the time we wake up to the time we retire. So we do not need to change anything except our perspective to imbue our day with an air of ceremony.

Most of our daily rituals revolve around nourishing and cleansing, both of which have always been sacred acts. With this in mind, we may pause before each meal, close our eyes, and say a silent thank you to the universe that provides. If we want to get more elaborate, we can light candles or bless our food. Similarly, as we wash ourselves in the morning and evening, we can choose to see the grace in this act of cleansing and purification as we release what has past and prepare ourselves for the new. We can be as simple or as complex as we like, so long as our attitude is one of reverence for this sacred moment in this sacred life. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

Do I waste my time and energy wrestling with situations that aren’t actually worth a second thought? Like Don Quixote, the bemused hero of Spanish literature, do I imagine windmills as menacing giants, battling them until I am ready to drop from exhaustion? Today, I’ll not allow my imagination to build small troubles into big ones. I’ll try to see each situation clearly, giving it only the value and attention it deserves. Have I come to believe, as the seecond of the Twelve Steps suggest, that a Power greater than myself can restore me to sanity?

Today I Pray

God, keep my perspective sane. Help me to avoid aggrandizing petty problems, trying to much significance to casual conversations,making a Vesuvius out of an anthill. Keep my fears from swelling out of scale, like shadows on a wall. Restore my values, which became distorted during thee days of my chemical invollvement.

Today I Will Remember

Sanity is perspective.

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One More Day

I will not keep myself from taking positive action. – K. O’Brien

The inability to get going can sometimes plague us. Muscles that don’t work properly or joints that won’t bend can keep us from beginning the day as we once did, even if we have excellent intentions.

Excellent intentions only, however, get us nowhere unless we act upon them. What we need is that extra measure of strength, drawn from some inner resource that we hold in store only for days such as these. Often those sources spring from our intense belief that we will make it through these difficult times. Gradually we recognize that our actions and reactions are becoming more positive.

I try to reach a little bit further for the strength I need to fulfill my good intentions.

[bluidkiti]

February 22

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. --Anne Frank
In the face of being hunted for extermination, Anne Frank could write this from her hiding place in an attic. Was she naive? No. She deeply believed in the goodness of creation and the goodness of all creatures, including those who persecuted and murdered her people.
Somehow, young as she was, Anne Frank knew a truth we sometimes lose: that it is not what people do that makes them good or evil. It is who they are. And for Anne Frank, all people are made in the image of God--and therefore, deep down at their core, must be good. She was able to see through the brutality and hatred to that true creation of God.
We are left in awe at such faith and love. But we can draw from it too, and when our brother or sister or parent or child does something to hurt us, we can remember Anne Frank's ability to see what is good. We can look beneath the hurtful actions and forgive.
Can I forgive someone who has hurt me today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult. --Seneca
When we reach a stressful time in our lives, our vision gets narrow. We fail to see the options and possibilities we have. If we give ourselves over to our worries and fears, our sight closes down even further. Finally, we reach the point of blindness to reality and to all the support around us. In our fearful blindness we say with conviction, "This is too difficult! There is nothing I can do."
The spiritual man strives to keep one eye on the horizon, even in a worrisome situation. He breaths deeply so he does not tighten up or closes off his exchange with the world. He returns to the relationship he has with his Higher Power, trusting the process to carry him through, and he opens his eyes to quietly take in the possibilities before him.
Close to my Higher Power, I have a place of calm in the midst of difficulty and see the possibilities and dare to act upon them.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Solving Problems
I ask that You might help me work through all my problems, to Your Glory and Honor.' --Alcoholics Anonymous
Many of us lived in situations where it wasn't okay to identify, have, or talk about problems. Denial became a way of life our way of dealing with problems
In recovery, many of us still fear problems. We may spend more time reacting to a problem than we do to solving it. We miss the point; we miss the lesson; we miss the gift Problems are a part of life. So are solutions
A problem doesn't mean life is negative or horrible. Having a problem doesn't mean a person is deficient. All people have problems to work through.
In recovery, we learn to focus on solving our problems. First, we make certain the problem is our problem. If it isn't, our problem is establishing boundaries. Then we seek the best solution. This may mean setting a goal, asking for help, gathering more information, taking an action, or letting go.
Recovery does not mean immunity or exemption from problems; recovery means learning to face and solve problems, knowing they will appear regularly. We can trust our ability to solve problems, and know we're not doing it alone. Having problems does not mean our Higher Power is picking on us. Some problems are part of life; others are ours to solve, and we'll grow in necessary ways in the process.
Face and solve today's problems. Don't worry needlessly about tomorrow's problems, because when they appeal, well have the resources necessary to solve them.
Facing and solving problems working through problems with help from a Higher Power means we're living and growing and reaping benefits.
God, help me face and solve my problems today. Help me do my part and let the rest go. I can learn to be a problem solver.


God is guiding me on my path to self-sufficiency and independence today. As I become willing to let go of my feelings of inferiority and weakness, my Higher Power gives me all the strength that I need for all that comes up for me today. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

Magic Is in the Air

I left Washington’s Hob Rain Forest, pausing near the moss-covered trees. My walk through Moses Park had indeed been a trip to an enchanted forest.

Centuries-old trees, trees covered with mossy hair, shared their stories with me. Felled trees lying on their backs beckoned me to touch, to sit, to rest a while. Sunlight glistened through the entangled underbrush. The air smelled of nature’s sawdust. The ground was warm, moist. Nature sprites danced and played along the path. The birds serenaded me with calls, whistles, and songs, like sounds emanating from a flute. Magic was in the air.

We can visit places that are magical to us, enchanted forests that remind us of life’s wonders. We can visit them knowing that when we leave, we take their magic with us.

We’ll see more and more of life’s wonders in ourselves, in others, in the world we live in. People will appear in our lives at just the right time, saying the very words we need to hear. A book will speak to us. A new way to earn money will be revealed. A loved one may leave to follow his or her own path, and a new love will come into our lives. Old issues will be resolved. Healers will show up on our path. Ideas will come to us, seemingly out of the blue. They’re gifts from the universe. We can have them whenever we want and wherever we go.

Come with me to the enchanted forest. Trust the magic in the air; it is real. Take it with you wherever you go, for the magic you feel and want is yours if you simply believe.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Stop throwing that blame around

“There are two kinds of people in the world,” a friend explained to me one day. “There are the ones who blame other people for everything that happens. And there are the ones who blame themselves.”

Have you ever watched a movie where one of the actors used a flamethrower? In a movie I watched one day, they called this instead a “blame thrower.” It’s a lit torch of fiery rage that we throw at either others or ourselves when situations don’t work out the way we planned.

Blaming can be a healthy stage of grieving or letting go. But staying too long in this stage can be unproductive. It can keep us from taking constructive action. Blaming ourselves too long can turn into self-contempt; blaming others can keep us heavy and dark with resentments, and fuel the victim within.

If you’re going through a loss, or if life has twisted on you, pick up your blame thrower– in the privacy of your own journal. Give yourself ten or twenty minutes to blame without censorship. Get it out. Write out everything you want to say, whether you’re throwing blame at someone else or at yourself.

It may take longer if the loss is larger, but the point is to give yourself a limited amount of time for a blame-throwing session, then cease fire. Stop. Move on to the next stage in living, which is letting go, accepting, and taking responsibility for yourself.

God, help me search myself to see if I’m holding on to blame for myself or someone else. If I am, help me get it out in the open, then help me let it go.

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Healing with Movement
Rediscovering Dance

by Madisyn Taylor

Our bodies were made to move and flow and within our movement we find a deeper connection to our bodies and the earth.


As children, most of us were encouraged to dance on a regular basis, freely and openly, in whatever way felt best. A few of us may have retained or regained our ability to engage in dancing unselfconsciously, but by the time we reach adulthood, many of us have stopped dancing altogether. We may have hang-ups about our bodies, or we may fear being judged. Then again, we may simply have fallen out of the habit for so long that we don’t even realize we never dance anymore. Whatever the case, there’s no time like now to rediscover the healing pleasure of moving your body to music—alone, as part of a couple, or in a group. Opportunities to dance abound, once you start looking for them.

If you haven’t danced in a long time and feel too self-conscious to start in a public situation, find some time alone to reintroduce yourself to the joy of listening and responding to music with your body. Turn the lights down low and remember that it’s much more fun when you’re not thinking about what you look like. It won’t take long before your body remembers how much it loves to move. Feel the music in your soul, feel the vibrations healing your body. Treat the time like a meditation session in which you agree to allow yourself to fully inhabit your amazing body.

If you feel awkward, remember that every culture since time immemorial has celebrated life and the body with dance. All people carry the memory of dance in their blood and bones. In other words, you were born to do this, it is in you already; all you have to do is start moving. If you prefer more interaction, take a class one night a week. In most cities, you can find everything from modern dance to African dance to ballroom and salsa. Whatever you choose, you won’t regret choosing to rediscover your birthright—the healing, joyful thrill of dancing. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

When I came to The Program, I found people who knew exactly what I meant when I spoke finally of my fears. They had been where I had been; they understood. I’ve since learned that many of my fears have to do with projection. It’s normal, for example, to have a tiny “back-burner” fear that the person I love will leave me. But when the fear takes precedence over my present and very real relationship with the person I’m afraid of losing, then I’m in trouble. My responsibility to myself includes this: I must not fear things which do not exist. Am I changing from a fearful person into a fearless person?

Today I Pray

I ask God’s help in waving away my fears — those figments, fantasies, monstrous thoughts, projections of disaster which have no bearing on the present. May I narrow the focus of my imagination and concentrate on the here-and-now, for I tend to see the future through a magnifying glass.

Today I Will Remember

Projected fears, like shadows, are larger than life.

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One More Day

The soul would have no rainbow
Had the eyes no tears.
– John Vance Cheney

That familiar tightening in the throat, the welling of tears behind the eyes, and deep emotional pain are all signs of an intense need to cry. Why do we try so hard to be “brave little soldiers” and not cry when our bodies are screaming for release?

If we hide behind false smiles and continue to keep the well of emotion untapped, eventually that well will go dry. Deprived of this natural outlet, our minds and bodies exhaust themselves as they battle tension and stress. We lose our ability to express ourselves emotionally. There may be no more opportunity for tears. Tears cleanse and allow other emotions to move in and take over until we need to cry again.

Crying releases me and gives me the freedom to experience my full range of feelings.

[bluidkiti]

February 23

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
A person's best ally is someone who takes care of herself. --Susan Clarke
Once there was a little girl who was learning to walk. The trouble was, her mother wouldn't let her fall down. Every time she was about to fall, her mother would rush over and catch her.
It was hard to learn how to walk if she couldn't fall down, but the girl was too little to be able to tell her mother. Her mother thought she was taking care of her when in fact she was keeping her from learning to take care of herself. Letting her fall would have shown trust in the child, trust that she could get up. It would have taught her that she wasn't so fragile that she couldn't recover if she hurt herself.
We are all like this mother once in a while, protecting one another from important lessons in life. This doesn't mean we have to let someone get seriously hurt, but that we allow each other the freedom to learn and grow in individual ways.
What will I be able to learn from my little stumbles today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
A man who studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green. --Francis Bacon
Where do we direct our energy? Are we spending time and thought on how we have been wronged? On the unfairness of life? Those who consume their resources in this way have few left for growth and development. Their wounds stay open for years, and they block the healing.
What will we need to set aside our resentments and hateful attitudes? Perhaps we have been passively waiting for the other guy to make amends. That only puts our enemies in charge of us. It would be better if we could say; "I am going to move on. The change that is needed for me to heal will come from within me. I will not put my happiness in another's hands." More than revenge, we want a life worth living - for ourselves and the ones we love. We can give our energies to that.
Lift from me the desire for revenge. Replace it with the fullness of a healed life.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Strength
We don't always have to be strong to be strong. Sometimes, our strength is expressed in being vulnerable. Sometimes, we need to fall apart to regroup and stay on track.
We all have days when we cannot push any harder, cannot hold back self doubt, cannot stop focusing on fear, cannot be strong.
There are days when we cannot focus on being responsible. Occasionally we don't want to get out of our pajamas. Sometimes, we cry in front of people. We expose our tiredness, irritability, or anger.
Those days are okay. They are just okay.
Part of taking care of ourselves means we give ourselves permission to "fall apart" when we need to. We do not have to be perpetual towers of strength. We are strong. We have proven that. Our strength will continue if we allow ourselves the courage to feel scared, weak, and vulnerable when we need to experience those feelings.
Today, God, help me to know that it is okay to allow myself to be human. Help me not to feel guilty or punish myself when I need to "fall apart."


Today I have the courage to own my own unhappiness, daring to look within to discover its source. Today I treat myself as a friend, with gentleness and acceptance. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

Let Power Come Gently

Let your powers emerge gradually, gently.

Go gently on your path and look around. See what you have learned to define as power. See with the eyes of your heart.

You used to think you were powerful when you resisted your emotions, when you held back and didn’t express yourself. You thought power came from being who you thought you should be, instead of who you are. Now you have learned that only when you are who you really are, can true power emerge.

The powers you’ve discovered are many. Your power to be decent, loving, and kind. Your power to heal, to be gentle, to comfort others. Your power to see and know the truth, and at times to see more than you can see with your eyes. Your power to take your place in the dance of universal love, and let the universe dance for you.

These powers have been gifts. You’ve seen them. You understand them. You know they’re real. The choice to embrace and use them is yours.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Learn to fly

Take your life in your own hands and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame.
–Erica Jong

There is always someone else to take the fall if our plans don’t work out: “I would have been more successful, but the economy was slow this year.” “Well, that sounds nice, but my therapist says that I should avoid too much stress.” “I wanted to do that, but my husband didn’t like the idea.”

What a frightening prospect it is to take your life into your own hands, to decide whether or not you will accept full responsibility for all of your actions and choices.

What an amazing– and sometimes terrifying– freedom complete responsibility for your actions brings! Sometimes we make mistakes. Sometimes we stumble and fall. But oh, the feeling when you finally get it right, when you decide to take that step and it works! That’s when you discover that those fragile butterfly wings on your back are not there just for ornamentation. You can fly!

Take charge of your life. Take responsibility for your actions. Ultimately no one chooses what you will do but you, anyway. Enjoy the freedom. You’ve had it all along.

God, help me take complete responsibility for my own actions. Give me the guidance and power, to steer my own course according to the dictates of my heart and my conscience.

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Embracing the Disinherited
The Elderly Population

In tribal cultures, the elderly play an important role. They are the keepers of the tribe’s memories and the holders of wisdom. As such, the elderly are honored and respected members of tribes. In many modern cultures, however, this is often not the case. Many elderly people say that they feel ignored, left out, and disrespected. This is a sad commentary on modernization, but it doesn’t have to be this way. We can change this situation by taking the time to examine our attitudes about the elderly and taking action.

Modern societies tend to be obsessed with the ideas of newness, youth, and progress. Scientific studies tell us how to do everything – from the way we should raise our kids to what we need to eat for breakfast. As a result, the wisdom that is passed down from older generations is often disregarded. Of course, grandparents and retired persons have more than information to offer the world. Their maturity and experience allows for a larger perspective of life, and we can learn a lot from talking to elderly people. It’s a shame that society doesn’t do more to allow our older population to continue to feel productive for the rest of their lives, but you can help to make change. Perhaps you could help facilitate a mentorship program that would allow children to be tutored by the elderly in retirement homes. The elderly make wonderful storytellers, and creating programs where they could share their real life experiences with others is another way to educate and inspire other genera! tions.

Take stock of your relationships with the elderly population. Maybe you don’t really listen to them because you hold the belief that their time has passed and they are too old to understand what you are going through. You may even realize that you don’t have any relationships with older people. Try to understand why and how our cultural perception of the elderly influences the way you perceive them. Look around you and reach out to someone who is elderly – even if you are just saying hello and making small talk. Resolve to be more aware of the elderly. They are our mentors, wise folk, and the pioneers that came before us and paved the way for our future. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

The Twelve Steps teach us that as faith grows, so does security. The terrifying fear of nothingness begins to subside. As we work The Program, we find that the basic antidote for fear is a spiritual awakening. We lose the fear of making decisions, for we realize that if our choice proves wrong, we can learn from the experience. and should our decision be the right one, we can thank God for giving us the courage and the grace that caused us so to act. Am I grateful for the courage and grace I receive from my Higher Power?

Today I Pray

I ask that I be given the power to act knowing that I have at least a half-chance to make the right decision and that I can learn from a wrong one. for so long, decision-making seemed beyond my capabilities. Now, I can find joy in being able to make choices. Thank you, God, for courage.

Today I Will Remember

Freedom is choosing.

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One More Day

Who can separate his faith from his actions, or his belief from his occupations?
– Kahil Gibran

We may, at times, represent ourselves in an untrue fashion. This may happen when we are trying to impress someone who doesn’t know us well. We may unconsciously try to imitate another person. Yet in doing so we are not being faithful to the gift of our own uniqueness.

Our need to “prove ourselves” diminished only when self-esteem and self-awareness blossom. As we become more secure, we begin to honestly express ourselves and our faith. We no longer need heroes to worship; we can instead honor the gift of life.

I find comfort in the honest expression of my beliefs and feelings.

[bluidkiti]

February 24

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Thoughts--just mere thoughts--are as powerful as electric batteries--as good for one as sunlight is, or as bad for one as poison. --Frances Hodgson Burnett
The truck was in mud to its axles. Three lumberjacks sat in stony silence in the cab. There they were, stuck in the woods on their way to the cutting site. The first man slammed the steering wheel, cursed, and stormed out of the truck. The second thought the early morning woods inviting, and said he'd just crawl under a pine to nap until someone came along to pull them out. The third man, left alone, grabbed an axe and a saw and set about cutting wood to slide under the wheels. Within an hour he managed to pull the truck out of its muddy bath and they got on their way.
We can choose how we respond to an obstacle. As with the three men, our response may be to curse and give up, to sit back and wait for someone else to help us, or to set to work fearlessly to try to overcome it ourselves. The event itself isn't important; how we think about it is.
Is there an obstacle in my way today


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
It doesn't happen all at once.... You become. It takes a long time. --Margery Williams
Our spiritual awakening is partly a process of becoming real. We're moving from the external controls of image and others' opinions to the internal controls of honesty, listening to our inner voice, and having true relationships. We are shedding the games that maintained our old style of life - "macho" or "hero" or "poor me."
In place of the old phony surface, we are developing a real relationship with ourselves. We are becoming more aware - of emotions, of need for rest, of violations of our values. Sometimes change comes in a flash of insight or a moment of sudden, piercing awareness, but more often it comes a little bit at a time. As we work the Steps, as we are true to our inner voice, as we keep returning to conscious contact with our Higher Power, as we get closer to our friends, we become more real to ourselves.
As I grow, I see that I was always real. I was just looking at the outside.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Recognizing Feelings
Experiencing feelings can be a challenge if we've had no previous experience or permission to do that. Learning to identify what we're feeling is a challenge we can meet, but we will not become experts overnight. Nor do we have to deal with our feelings perfectly.
Here are some ideas that might be helpful as you learn to recognize and deal with feelings.
Take out a sheet of paper. On the top of it write, "If it was okay to feel whatever I'm feeling, and I wouldn't be judged as bad or wrong, what would I be feeling?" Then write whatever comes to mind. You can also use the favorite standby of many people in discovering their feelings: writing or journaling. You can keep a diary, write letters you don't intend to send, or just scribble thoughts onto a note pad.
Watch and listen to yourself as an objective third person might. Listen to your tone of voice and the words you use. What do you hear? Sadness, fear, anger, happiness?
What is your body telling you? Is it tense and rigid with anger? Running with fear? Heavy with sadness and grief? Dancing with joy?
Talking to people in recovery helps too. Going to meetings helps. Once we feel safe, many of us find that we open up naturally and with ease to our feelings.
We are on a continual treasure hunt in recovery. One of the treasures we're seeking is the emotional part of ourselves. We don't have to do it perfectly. We need only be honest, open, and willing to try. Our emotions are there, waiting to share themselves with us.
Today, I will watch myself and listen to myself as I go through my day. I will not fudge myself for what I'm feeling; I will accept myself.


I am growing in my ability to trust what feels good and right. Today I can look with and wait until I know with my heart. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

There Is Power in Stillness

Our miracles and life’s magic don’t appear when we’re restless and frantic. The miracles and magic happen when we’re still, quiet, calm, and trusting.

Each of us has favorite items and places that help to calm and quiet us. What stills our mind? A walk in the park, a special place in the city, a quiet room? An old chenille robe? A rock, a cross, a picture, a lit candle?

Use these places and things to find that place of stillness in yourself. Find the power in stillness. It’s a power that comes gently, like the morning sunrise or the evening stars.

Take time each day to seek out stillness, to find that sacred spot. Let your mind and soul be at ease. Don’t grasp and grab for the magic and miracles. When you reside in that place of stillness, the joy, miracles, and magic you’re seeking will find you.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Seek the adventure in your life

...adventure is not made up of distant lands and mountaintops, rather it lies in one's readiness to exchange the domestic hearth for an uncertain resting place.
--Reinhold Messner, Free Spirit

It isn't necessary for us to travel the world in search of the next high mountain or wild, desolate place to find an adventure. Adventure lies in our perspective and in our attitude. It is our approach to life, rather than the actual circumstances of it, that determines how much adventure we have. Adventure for one person may mean seeking out a dream that has been long neglected. Perhaps adventure for another means losing weight, changing an outgrown image, getting sober, learning to be in a love relationship, or simply experiencing joy.

It's good to make ourselves comfortable, but don't get so comfortable in front of that hearth that you never want to grow or change. Water that never moves become stagnant and poisoned; so it is with the human spirit. We are given life to live.

Look at your life and see if there is some area where you,too, can seek out an uncertain resting place. Maybe work, love, or an area of spiritual growth? Some new or long forgotten lesson is waiting to be discovered or rediscovered by you.

Say woohoo. Be uncomfortable for a while. It's never too late to learn and experience something new.

God, instill in me a spirit of adventure as I pursue my life.

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Inner Child Meditation
Treasures From Our Past

Deep within each of us lives the child we once were. For most of us, our inner child lies hidden beneath the layers that we’ve put on in order to become adults. In our rush to put on grown-up clothing and live adult lives, we may have forgotten the wisdom and innocence that we possessed when we were children. In meditation, we can connect with our inner child and reclaim what we have forgotten.

You can start by finding a photo of yourself as a child that you can look at for a few moments. School photos often work well to help you connect with this part of you. Sit in a relaxed position, close your eyes, and start taking deep breaths. Set the intention that you are going to connect with your inner child. Wait for an image of yourself as a child to appear in your mind’s eye. See your grown-up self hugging your inner child. Listen to what your inner child has to say. Perhaps your inner child wants to give you the answer to a question that you’ve been mulling over. After all, you never needed to look outside yourself when you were a child to know how you felt or what was true for you. You always knew the answers. There also may be an ache from a childhood wound that you can now heal by talking to your inner child and offering them the wisdom and perspective that comes with maturity. Or maybe you’ve merely forgotten how to see the world with childlike wonder and hope! , and your inner child would like you to remember how. Tell your inner child that you love them and will keep them safe. Embrace your inner child and tell them that you are always there for them. Allow your inner child to always be there for you.

Connecting to your inner child in with meditation is a very useful tool, but you can also connect with your inner child even when you aren’t in meditation. Treat yourself to a play date, ice cream, or a walk in the park. Let yourself laugh and play more. Give yourself permission to be as wise as your inner child so you can stop focusing on what isn’t important and start living as if every moment is precious. Your life will be filled with more laughter and fun. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

I can banish fear by realizing the truth. Am I afraid to be alone? This fear can be banished by the realization that I am never alone, that god is always with me wherever I am and whatever I do. Am I afraid that I won’t have enough money to meet my needs? this fear can be banished by the realization that god is my inexhaustible, unfailing resource, now and always. Today I have the power to change fear into faith. Can I say with confidence, “I will trust, and will not be afraid..”?

Today I Pray

That I may fear no evil, for God is with me. that I may learn to turn to my Higher Power when I am afraid. I pray diligently that my faith in god and trust in what He has in store for me is strong enough to banish the fears that undermine my courage.

Today I Will Remember

Turn fear into Faith.

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One More Day

The future is like heaven — everyone exalts it but no one wants to go there now.
– James Baldwin

There are people called futurist who specialize in studying trends and attitudes and who then form theories as to what the future will hold. Having a reasoned opinion about future needs is important for business, education, and industry. It’s probably not so important for us. We work harder to understand today and to discover what this day can hold for us.

We aren’t scientist or researchers; we are more like explorers who face uncharted territory. Each morning we’re unaware of all teh events and surprises that lie ahead, but we are the only ones who can choose the direction this day will take. We don’t want to and we don’t need to worry about the future because right now we have this gift of time to use for ourselves and for those who are close to us.

I will glory in this day and fill it with living.

[bluidkiti]

February 25

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
The most useless day of all is that in which we have not laughed. --Sebastian R. N. Champort
We are told that laughter is sunshine filling a room. And where there is laughter, there also is life. They say that people who laugh a lot live longer than do the sour-faced. When we laugh together, gratitude comes more easily, companionship thrives, and all praise is sincere. Laughter brings us joy that cannot be bought. Such joy is with us throughout each day. To hoard joy, to hide it away deep within us away from others, will make us lonely misers. We cannot buy or trade for joy, but we can give or receive it as a gift.
Laughter's joy celebrates the moment we are living right now. It is a gift we must share, or it will wither and die. Shared, it grows and thrives, and always returns to us when we need it most.
What can I find to laugh about right now?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Every time I dose the door on Reality, it comes in through the window. --Ashleigh Brilliant
In the past many of us closed the door on the reality of our abuse of others or ourselves. We gave explanations, but our words more often hid the truth than revealed it. The chaos in our lives was reality coming in the window. Many men have come into this program priding themselves on their honesty, but not aware of how dishonest they were with themselves.
Honesty is a pillar of spiritual awakening. There is no growth without it, and it begins with ourselves. We do not define the truth, we accept it, we surrender to it. The truth may not feel good; it can even be painful. This is the pain of birth - the rebirth of a real man. And the promise of this day is the reward of having our integrity and the peace of self-acceptance.
Today, I will surrender to the truth. I will accept the reality, which presses for attention in my life.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Accepting Imperfection
"Why do I do this to myself?" asked a woman who wanted to lose weight. "I went to my support group feeling so guilty and ashamed because I ate half a cookie that wasn't on the diet. I found out that everyone cheats a little, and some people cheat a lot. I felt so ashamed before I came to the group, as though I were the only one not doing my diet perfectly. Now I know that I'm dieting as well as most, and better than some."
Why do we do this to ourselves? I'm not talking strictly about dieting; I'm talking about life. Why do we punish ourselves by thinking that we're inferior while believing that others are perfect - whether in relationships, recovery, or a specific task?
Whether we're judging others, or ourselves it's two sides of the same coin: perfection. Neither expectation is valid.
It is far more accurate and beneficial to tell ourselves that who we are is okay and what we are doing is good enough. That doesn't mean we won't make mistakes that need correcting; doesn't mean we won't get off track from time to time; doesn't mean we can't improve. It means with all our mistakes and wandering, we're basically on course. Encouraging and approving of ourselves is how we help ourselves stay on track.
Today, I will love and encourage myself. I will tell myself that what I'm doing is good enough, and I'll let myself enjoy that feeling.


I will give myself the gift of time today and be quiet and hear with my heart. I will go to my special place inside where I really live in love and in joy and carry those feelings with me throughout the day. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

Learn to Help Heal Yourself

I feel a heaviness in my lungs, almost a pain; the next day, I find myself crying, discharging old grief and sadness. On another occasion, I feel sharp pangs in my stomach; within days, denied rage begins to surface and the pain subsides. My head aches, pounds, throbs; hours later, I feel the fear I’ve been running from. I feel the energy in my body shifting, moving, taking new shape; over the next months, I’m led into a new cycle, a new season in my life.

Some of the pains and illnesses we suffer from are indications of acute physical problems. They’re signs that our body has broken down and we need medical attention. But many of the aches and pains we experience are symptoms of a deeper process– a process of healing and cleansing our heart and soul.

As we go through our daily experiences, circumstances will trigger this healing. Someone says something that makes us feel angry or afraid, which triggers a feeling similar to one we repressed years ago. Or a conversation causes us to remember something that hurt us long ago, and our body begins to release the pain of that old emotion. Sometimes, our aches and pains are signals that some emotion is ready to surface. We need to acknowledge the feeling, feel the energy. Let it pass through us, then watch for the lesson to appear and the pain to dissipate.

If we are committed to a path of spiritual growth, our bodies will soon begin to use everything that happens as a vehicle for healing. Trust yourself and listen, and you’ll know what to do. You’ll find healers and help that will support you as you continue to discover and trust your soul.

Remember to trust the simple everyday wisdom of your body. It’s a barometer for you soul.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Let God and your intuition lead the way

I define synchronicity as an external event which triggers an internal knowing. It has to do with events that are significant coincidences, such as when you are trying to solve a problem and someone “just happens” to call. During the conversation the caller “just happens” to give a clue or answer to the difficulty.
–Nancy Rosanoff, Intuition Workout

I was talking to my friend Kyle one day. I was in the final stages of writing Playing It By Heart, but I didn’t know what the ending was. The book was an in-depth life review. I was astounded by the number of experiences I’ve had.

“I’ve been a pauper, a drug addict, a codepepndent, a mid-western housewife, a married woman, a single parent on welfare, a secretary, a journalist, a chemical dependency counselor, a book author, a bereaved parent, and a Californian. I’ve traveled to the Middle East, across the United States, ran a bookstore, and now, although I’ve taken the long hard road to get there, I live at the beach,” I said. “There’s nothing left for me to do.”

“I know one thing you want to do that you haven’t done yet,” Kyle said.

“What?” I asked. There was a long silence. I thought maybe he hung up.

“I know,” he said. “You’ve never jumped out of a plane.”

I forgot about the conversation. Within a few day, the phone rang. A man who had worked on my house about nine months before was on the line. He reintroduced himself. Then he explained why he called. He said he was a sky diver, and he asked if I’d like to go to the drop zone with him sometime, and maybe make a tandem jump.

A few months later, I went with him to Skydive Elsinore. I learned that day that jumping out of airplanes was something I very much wanted to do. And the skydiving experience was exactly the ending I needed for my book.

Trust your inner guidance. Our Higher Power works in mysterious ways. Listen to people, and watch for signs that trigger your inner knowing.

God, help me be open to all the ways you speak to me to help guide me along my path.

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Hard Learned Lessons
Bad Days

We all have days from time to time when it feels like the world is against us or that the chaos we are experiencing will never end. One negative circumstance seems to lead to another. You may wonder, on a bad day, whether anything in your life will ever go right again. But a bad day, like any other day, can be a gift. Having a bad day can show you that it is time to slow down, change course, or lighten up. A bad day can help you glean wisdom you might otherwise have overlooked or discounted. Bad days can certainly cause you to experience uncomfortable feelings you would prefer to avoid, yet a bad day may also give you a potent means to learn about yourself.

You may consider a bad day to be one where you’ve missing an important meeting because your car stalled, the dryer broke, and you received a piece of very bad news earlier in the morning. Multiple misfortunes that take place one after the other can leave us feeling vulnerable and intensely cognizant of our fragility. But bad days can only have a long-term negative effect on us if we let them. It is better to ask yourself what you can learn from these kinds of days. The state of your bad day may be an indicator that you need to stay in and hibernate or let go of your growing negativity.

Bad days contribute to the people we become. Though we may feel discouraged and distressed on our bad days, a bad day can teach us patience and perseverance. It is important to remember that your attitude drives your destiny and that one negative experience does not have to be the beginning of an ongoing stroke of bad luck. A bad day is memorable because it is one day among many good days – otherwise, we wouldn’t even bother to acknowledge it as a bad day. Know too, that everybody has bad days, you are not alone, the world is not against you. Tomorrow is guaranteed to be a brighter day. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

Before we came to The Program, fear ruled our lives. Tyrannized by our addictions and obsessions, we feared everything and everybody. We feared ourselves and, perhaps most of all, feared fear itself. these days, when I am able to accept the help of my Higher Power, it makes me feel capable of doing anything I am called to do. I am overcoming my fears and acquiring a comfortable new confidence. Can I believe that “courage is fear that has said its prayers…”?

Today I Pray

God grant that through faith in Him I may overcome my obsessive fears. I have been running scared for so long it has become a habit. God help me to see that I may be purposely clinging to my fears to avoid making decisions, perhaps even to shirk the responsibility of success.

Today I Will Remember

Fear keeps me safe from risk-taking.

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One More Day

He who attempts to resist the wave is swept away, but he who bends before it abides.
– Leviticus

Just as water transforms the definition of the shoreline, so can our changing health patterns alter the boundaries of our days. What looked and felt normal before may be entirely alien now.

In various stages of life, we’ve repeatedly demonstrated our ability to adapt to new situations. Marriage, children, new jobs all call for personal change. Add to these everyday occurrences a chronic medical condition (physical or emotional) and we may feel we are drowning. Perhaps at these times, we can disengage ourselves from the moment, reassess the past, and recall how well we’ve handled the changes life has demanded. We have been adaptable, and we can continue to be.

Creating a new pattern of living is definitely within my reach.

[bluidkiti]

February 26

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
From harmony, from heavenly harmony,
This universal frame began . . .
--John Dryden
Our family is like a small orchestra. Each of us has an important part to play. To achieve harmony we tune in to how others are sounding. We recognize that every orchestra needs a conductor, a center for direction. We rely on our Higher Power for this support and guidance, and we realize that our family's music exists in time. It changes, it passes, and we begin a new song. Our music comes and goes. It is not carved in marble. It is a free expression of family love.
No one of us has to play alone, because we are an ensemble. The time for soloing comes later. Today we rejoice that we can play together.
How can my music add to the family's symphony today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
I have never for one instant seen clearly within myself. How then would you nave me judge the deeds of others?
--Maurice Maeterlinck
We have been given the job of getting to know ourselves and dealing with our own craziness. We aren't so good at it that we have spare time and energy left to make judgments about those around us. We are tempted to become absorbed in their behavior and choices, and it does feel like a welcome distraction from anxieties about ourselves. So we must learn to detach from the family members and friends that we are tempted to fix, or monitor, or judge.
Although we are very close, we are on separate paths in life. We were not born together, and we will not die together. We will make our family or our friendships and the world a little bit better by staying centered on our own sanity.
I pray for a clear separation between what is on my path in this program and what is on someone else's path. Then we can make good bridges between us.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Twelve Step Programs
I was furious when I found myself at my first Al Anon meeting. It seemed so unfair that he had the problem and I had to go to a meeting. But by that time, I had nowhere left in the world to go with my pain. Now, I'm grateful for Al Anon and my codependency recovery. Al Anon keeps me on track; recovery has given me a life. --Anonymous
There are many Twelve Step programs for codependents: Al Anon, Adult Children of Alcoholics, CoDa, Families Anonymous, Nar-Anon, and more. We have many choices about which kind of group is right for us and which particular group in that category meets our needs. Twelve Step groups for codependents are free, anonymous, and available in most communities. If there is not one that is right for us, we can start one.
Twelve Step groups for codependents are not about how we can help the other person; they're about how we can help ourselves grow and change. They can help us accept and deal with the ways codependency has affected us. They can help us get on track and stay there.
There is magic in Twelve Step programs. There is healing power in connecting with other recovering people. We access this healing power by working the Steps and by allowing them to work on us. The Twelve Steps are a formula for healing.
How long do we have to go to meetings? We go until we "get the program." We go until the program "gets us." Then we keep on going and growing.
Selecting a group and then attending regularly are important ways we can begin and continue to take care of ourselves. Actively participating in our recovery program by working the Steps is another.
I will be open to the healing power available to me from the Twelve Steps and a recovery program.

It is safe to know there is a special place within me where I can feel peace. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

Embrace the Lessons of Night

I reached Wyoming’s Yellowstone Park late, much later than I had planned. The park was sprawling. I wasn’t certain how to find the lodge. I couldn’t find anyone to ask for help or directions. Tired and exhausted, I couldn’t make sense of the map. I found myself driving around and around, becoming almost frantic.

Suddenly, beyond the treetops, I spotted a bright light. Good, I thought, it must be the lodge. I drove a little further, then stopped the car and stared in awe. What I saw stilled my heart, and calmed my frantic pace.

Above Yellowstone Lake, nestled between two mountain peaks, glowed a huge, white, full moon, the largest I’d ever seen it. The pines stood guard, quiet and still. A light layer of snow and ice frosted the lake’s surface. I pulled to the side of the road and watched the moon set. It was the single most beautiful, breathtaking scene of the journey.

I would never have seen this scene in the daytime. I would never have seen this moon, had I not gotten lost. I would never have seen it, had it not been this particular time of night. So maybe I’m not lost, I thought. And maybe I’m not late. Maybe what I’m really doing is taking a beautiful evening drive.

When we’re lost, when the way gets dark, sometimes we see things we never would have seen in the daylight. Sometimes, the lessons we learn in the darkness are breathtakingly beautiful.

Enjoy the sunshine, but trust the darkness,too. It is more than to be endured. It is to be experienced, and later cherished.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Open the door to fun experiences

You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.
–Colette

It was nighttime. A light breeze ruffled through my hair as I sat on the bench looking out over the lights of Las Vegas. How did I get here agaiin? I thought. Then I remembered. It had been another of Chip’s wrong turns that had led us from southern California into the unknown.

The man wrapped a thick cloth around my ankles and then attached the cord to it. Another backup cord ran to the harness around my waist.

I was on a tower 150 feet above the ground getting ready to bungee jump. By my feet. At night. In vegas. Again.

Sometimes the first step is the hardest. Sometimes it’s the second step that gets you. The thing about a new experience is that you have no expectations, there is no frame of reference. But the second time. … I remembered the feeling of looking down off the platform to the ground below, the unnatural, terrifying step into nothingness, then my stomach jumping up into my chest, the long second when time seemed to freeze, the plunge toward the ground, and the tug of the cord slowing me. I remembered the rebound, the hanging there, waiting to be pulled back up. I remembered it all, and it grew in my mind. And besides, this time it was night, and I was going to be hanging by my feet.

I walked to the edge of the platform. I wasn’t holding on. But I was shaking.

“5-4-3-2-1- go!” came the count. I closed my eyes and let myself fall.

And I laughed and I screamed, and I laughed at myself for screaming. It was fun.

Later, as we headed farther down the road, farther away from home on another intuitive road trip, I was still smiling.

Growth is self-perpetuating. Each new experience opens the door for further experiences. Today, remember something that you may have done only once, something you liked; then do it again. Allow your mind to fill you with uncertainty as you remember all of the experiences of the first time. It doesn’t have to be work-related. Maybe you went to a play instead of watching TV. Camped in the woods. Or wrote a poem. Find something that was fun, and do it again. Then, bring that feeling back to your ordinary world. Bring the woohoo of the second time into the third, forth, and fifth times that you do a thing.

Keep the life in your life.

God, please remind me of some fun, interesting things that I like to do. Then help me get out of my chair and do them.

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Dark Night of the Soul
Surrendering the Ego

by Madisyn Taylor

While we are in a dark night of the soul experience, hold steady knowing the light will appear once again.


Whenever a word is overused, it is most likely being misused, and over time, it begins to lose its meaningfulness. For example, we often refer to a fleeting feeling of depression or a period of confusion, as a dark night of the soul, but neither of these things qualifies as such. A dark night of the soul is a very specific experience that some people encounter on their spiritual journeys. There are people who never encounter a dark night of the soul, but others must endure this as part of the process of breaking through to the dawn of higher consciousness.

The dark night of the soul invites us to fully recognize the confines of our egos’ identity. We may feel as if we are trapped in a prison that affords us no access to light or the outside. We are coming from a place of higher knowing, and we may have spent a lot of time and energy reaching toward the light of higher consciousness. This is why the dark night has such a quality of despair: We are suddenly shut off from what we thought we had realized and the emotional pain is very real. We may even begin to feel that it was all an illusion and that we are lost forever in this darkness. The more we struggle, the darker things get, until finally we surrender to our not knowing what to do, how to think, where to turn. It is from this place of losing our sense of ourselves as in control that the ego begins to crack or soften and the possibility of light entering becomes real.

Some of us will have to endure this process only once in our lives, while others may have to go through it many times. The great revelation of the dark night is the releasing of our old, false identity. We finally give up believing in this false self and thus become capable of owning and embracing the light. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

“What if…” How often we hear these words from newcomers to The Program. How often, in fat,we tend to say them ourselves. “What if I lose my job?” “What if my car breaks down?” What if I get sick and can’t work?” “What if my child gets hooked on drugs?” What if — anything our desperate imaginings can project. Only two small words, yet how heavy-laden they are with dread, fear and anxiety. The answer to “What if…” is, plainly and simply, “Don’t project.” We can only live with our problems as they arise, living one day at a time. Am I keeping my thoughts positive?

Today I Pray

May I grow spiritually, without being held back by anxieties. May projected fears not hobble my pursuits or keep me from making the most of today. May I turn out fear by faith. If I will only make a place for God within me, He will remove my fears.

Today I Will Remember

I can only borrow trouble at high interest rates.

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One More Day

I shall not pass this way again;
Then let me now relieve some pain,
Remove some barrier from the road,
Or brighten someone’s heavy load.
– Eva Rose York

Sometimes we help other through – neighborhood clean-up committees, recycling stations, and paint-a-tons. Maybe we’ve volunteered through school or church or community organizations.

Illness has helped us better understand the relationship between those who help and those who need help. Loving help is not prompted by pity or superiority, but by empathy and shared humanness. Also, we’ve learned that no one is always the helper or always the one needing help. We are both. We are bonded to others through what we give — and what we receive.

I will show my love by helping and being willing to be helped.

[bluidkiti]

February 27

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. --Walter Babehot
Everyone knew Jacob was a bitter old hermit who hated people. He lived by himself in a cabin in the woods. He never came to town, never talked to anyone, and never put up a mailbox or put in a phone. But he had one thing the townsfolk wanted--the very first Bible brought by a preacher when the town was first settled. They wanted it for their centennial celebration.
Little Tom listened as the townsfolk complained daily about how much they wanted the old book to put on display. One day, he walked on out to the little cabin and just asked the old man if he could borrow the book, just for a week. Imagine the surprise on the faces of the people when the boy wandered back to town with the old dusty book in hand.
Are we like the townspeople sometimes? Do we assume things won't work out without even trying? Sometimes help is there, just waiting to be asked. What have we got to lose?
What can I request today that I have been afraid to ask for?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Self-interest is but the survival of the animal in us. Humanity only begins for man with self-surrender. --Henri Amiel
When we were lost in our addictive ways, we were driven by self-interest. We didn't necessarily like ourselves or want to be so self centered. But we had no inner resources to help us escape the trap of our egos. When we were there, we could not see outside ourselves well enough to ask for help. Surrender, we thought, brought only defeat and humiliation.
The inspiration of this program brings us possibilities that cannot originate from within. When we surrender, we are no longer captives within our skins. We are actually restored to a more natural state as men in community with others, who literally cannot survive as isolated individuals. We must be a part of the give and take within the group, just as it has been for human beings since the beginning of time.
Today, I surrender my self-interest again, knowing I must do it over and over.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
People Pleasers
Have you ever been around people pleasers? They tend to be displeasing. Being around someone who is turned inside out to please another is often irritating and anxiety producing.
People-pleasing is a behavior we may have adapted to survive in our family. We may not have been able to get the love and attention we deserved. We may not have been given permission to please ourselves, to trust ourselves, and to choose a course of action that demonstrated self-trust.
People pleasing can be overt or covert. We may run around fussing over others, chattering a mile a minute when what we are really saying is, "I hope I'm pleasing you." Or, we may be more covert, quietly going through life making important decisions based on pleasing others.
Taking other people's wants and needs into consideration is an important part of our relationships. We have responsibilities to friends and family and employers. We have a strong inner responsibility to be loving and caring. But, people pleasing backfires. Not only do others get annoyed with us, we often get annoyed when our efforts to please do not work as we planned. The most comfortable people to be around are those who are considerate of others but ultimately please themselves.
Help me, God, work through my fears and begin to please myself.


Today I will trust myself when something does not feel smooth and flowing. I will begin to look around for alternatives for anything that feels rough and irritating. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

Open to Life’s Magic

“I will never forget my mother’s words to me the first time she took me to the Hob rain forest,” a woman told me, when she learned I was going there. “We were at the edge of the forest, about to enter. My mother stopped walking and turned to me. “There’s magic here,” she said. It wasn’t her words that impressed me. What struck me was the absolute certainty and matter-of-fact way she said it. It was like she had just told me, ‘Dinner’s ready,’”

There’s magic in the air. It’s the next place on the journey. It’s inevitable. We have been clearing the path so we could do more than merely trudge down the road. The road leads to magic– a magical way of living. A magical way of being here. The magic in the air isn’t an illusion, isn’t a trick. You have done your work. You have stuck with the journey. Now is the time for fun,the time to see and know more of life’s magical ways.

Walk lightly. Enter the enchanted forest. Look around. Keep your eyes and ears open. Tell others what you see. The journey to the heart is a journey of wonder and awe.

“The ancient ones, the trees, are waiting for you,” the woman said. “When you get there, tell them I said hi.” Open to life’s magic. It’s been waiting for your call.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Live your life

A painting of a rice cake does not satisfy hunger.
–Ancient saying

An old man was telling his grandson about how poor he was when he was younger. “Why when I was a kid, we couldn’t even afford cheese for the mousetraps,” he said. “We had to cut out pictures of cheese and use that.”

“Wow, did you catch anything gramps?”

“Yes. We caught pictures of mice.”

I have a picture in my house of a Buddhist ceremony in Tibet. The picture was taken by a photographer who lives close to the Blue Sky Lodge. She told me all about the picture when I bought it from her– told me about the smells in the air, the temperature, the crush of the people around her, the tastes, smells, and sights of that place. When I close my eyes and remember her words, I can almost go there. Almost, but not quite. I hope to travel there sometime, to see those things and to feel my soul filled with the spirituality of a monastery high on a hill. The picture is like a menu. It sits on the counter, tempting me with all that is offered in it. But it doesn’t satisfy my hunger.

We can share our experience, strength, and hope with each other. But I can’t learn your lessons and you can’t learn mine.

I’m planning my trip to Tibet, as I write this book. Will it all work out like the trip in the picture? I don’t know. I do know that I won’t get the experience– the sights, sounds, tastes, smells, and the impact on my soul– from looking at the picture on my wall.

Have you been trying to gain sustenance from looking at a picture of an experience– reading books, taking classes, going to seminars, listening to mentors– instead of going out and living life for yourself? Take another look at your menu, the list you wrote at the beginning of the year. Order something from it.

Stop looking at the picture and go live for yourself.

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Short Getaways
Taking a Day Trip

by Madisyn Taylor

We need not go on an expensive vacation to feel we have had time off as your local park or beach can offer a blissful refuge.


We tend to think of a vacation as something that requires an enormous amount of preparation, but small daylong excursions can be just as refreshing and fulfilling as their lengthier counterparts. A short drive can be the channel that transports you into a world of novel experiences and blissful relaxation. Solo day trips can be a wonderful way to unwind from the stresses of routine existence while simultaneously feeding the soul. And when you choose to share your day trip with someone you care about, a leisurely drive becomes a chance to talk about childhood, recall favorite songs, or simply spend time enjoying one another's presence.

You may be surprised to see how many day-trip possibilities exist within a mere hour's time from your home. Forests, beaches, lakes, mountains, rivers, and deserts can serve as the perfect spot for a mini-vacation. The physical and mental rejuvenation you experience in an unfamiliar and engaging setting are enhanced by meditation, journaling, deep breathing, or just being still with nature. Though the cost of gasoline can make taking a day trip seem frivolous, and our commitment to environmental well-being may cause us to hesitate before utilizing our cars in this manner, there are numerous ways we can effectively offset our carbon signature while still seeing to the needs of ourselves on a soul level.

Since day trips tend to require much smaller investments of time and money than traditional outings, you can enjoy a diverse range of experiences day by day. On one weekend, you may be motivated by a need to connect with your natural heritage to explore a vast state park or nature preserve. On another, your curiosity can inspire you to visit a historical site that has long piqued your interest. In the end, where you go will often be less important than your willingness to broaden your horizons by removing yourself from the environment already so familiar to you. Each mini-getaway you take will imbue your existence with a sensation of renewal that prepares you for whatever lies ahead. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

If I live just one day at a time, I won’t so quickly entertain fears of what might happen tomorrow. As long as I’m concentrating on today’s activities, there won’t be room in my mind for worrying. I’ll try to fill every minute of this day with something. Then, when the day is ended, I’ll be able to look back on it with satisfaction, serenity and gratitude. Do I sometimes cherish bad feeling so that I can feel sorry for myself?

Today I Pray

That I will get out of the self-pity act and live for today. May I notice the good things from dawn to nightfall, learn to talk about them and thank God for them. May I catch myself if I seem to be relishing my moans and complaints more often than appreciating the goodness of my life.

Today I Will Remember

Today is good.

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One More Day

I shall not pass this way again;
Then let me now relieve some pain,
Remove some barrier from the road,
Or brighten someone’s heavy load.
– Eva Rose York

Sometimes we help other through – neighborhood clean-up committees, recycling stations, and paint-a-tons. Maybe we’ve volunteered through school or church or community organizations.

Illness has helped us better understand the relationship between those who help and those who need help. Loving help is not prompted by pity or superiority, but by empathy and shared humanness. Also, we’ve learned that no one is always the helper or always the one needing help. We are both. We are bonded to others through what we give — and what we receive.

I will show my love by helping and being willing to be helped.

[bluidkiti]

February 28

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Nothing that is worth doing can be done alone, but has to be done with others. --Dr. Reinhold Niebuhr
We who are blessed with a closely-knit family life, where thoughts and actions can be discussed and developed, are aware that what is given is not as important as what is shared. As we help one another, we learn that sharing can never exist unless we care first. This is the major ingredient of love.
Albert Schweitzer described human service toward a common goal as the greatest of deeds. Charles Dickens assured us that when we lighten the burdens of another; we can never consider ourselves useless. Those of us who are led today may show the way tomorrow. In giving, we receive, and in getting we cannot avoid being givers.
What do I receive by giving today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
All of my life I been like a doubled up fist... poundin', smashin', drivin' - now I'm going to loosen these doubled up hands and touch things easy with them. --Tennessee Williams
Every man has many sides. Some sides are highly developed and other sides aren't at all. We need not fear turning to a new side and exploring it. This recovery program has enabled us to pursue sides of ourselves that were closed before. When we were lost in our narrow world of codependency and addiction, we had fewer options. Now we have far greater access to our strength and our self-esteem, and we find new parts of ourselves.
Many of us have found relationships, which were never possible before, job choices we would never have had, and the pleasure of greater involvement in life. It is reassuring to see that we don't always have to give up one side of ourselves to add new ones.
Thanks to God for the many options opening up to me in this renewed life.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Letting Go of Denial
We are slow to believe that which if believed would hurt our feelings. --Ovid
Most of us in recovery have engaged in denial from time to time. Some of us relied on this tool.
We may have denied events or feelings from our past. We may have denied other people's problems; we may have denied our own problems/ feelings, thoughts, wants, or needs. We denied the truth.
Denial means we didn't let ourselves face reality, usually because facing that particular reality would hurt. It would be a loss of something: trust, love, family, perhaps a marriage, a friendship, or a dream. And it hurts to lose something or someone. '
Denial is a protective device, a shock absorber for the soul It prevents us from acknowledging reality until we feel prepared to cope with that particular reality People can shout and scream the truth at us, but we will not see or hear it until we are ready.
We are sturdy yet fragile beings. Sometimes, we need time to get prepared, time to ready ourselves to cope. We do not let go of our need to deny by beating ourselves into acceptance; we let go of our need to deny by allowing ourselves to become safe and strong enough to cope with the truth
We will do this, when the time is right. We do not need to punish ourselves for having denied reality; we need only love ourselves into safety and strength so that each day we are better equipped to face and deal with the truth. We will face and deal with reality - on our own time schedule, when we are ready, and in our Higher Power's timing. We do not have to accept chastisement from anyone, including ourselves, for this schedule.
We will know what we need to know, when it's time to know it.
Today, I will concentrate on making myself feel safe and confident. I will let myself have my awarenesses on my own time schedule.


I am at choice today. I accept the responsibility of my life with a new sense of maturity, confidence, and even excitement.
--Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

Let Life’s Rhythm Find You

I sat in my room, a small cabin in Chimayo, New mexico. The clock whizzed through the hours, but I didn’t whiz through my morning. I felt overwhelmed. Lost. I had more to do than I could handle. I didn’t know where to begin. So there I sat. Stuck.

Genera, who ran the hostel, knocked on my door about noon. “Are you okay?” she asked. “Come have coffee and fruit with us.” Her quiet kindness, her gentle concern, and the simple act of having coffee and fruit with a friend brought me back to balance.

There’s a life force, a movement, a momentum that transcends our fears and hopes, our limitations, our overwhelmed feelings, and even our confusion. There’s a heartbeat, a rhythm to life and the universe. It’s gentle, easy, natural. It’s in us; it’s around us. It comes gently, naturally, like a friend knocking quietly on the door, asking if we are okay, if we have lost our way.

There is purpose, meaning, and rhythm to each step, each beat of your life. Each step, each feeling, each beat of your life is another mile traveled on your journey, your journey to your heart.

If you’ve lost your way and can’t find life’s rhythm, don’t worry. Keep your heart open and it will find you.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Experience life for yourself

We learn to do something by doing it. There is no other way.
–John Holt

“I’m an armchair adventurer,” I’ve heard more than one person say. This means that they never actually go out and do anything. They let others take all the risk. Through books, they’ve climbed Mount Everest, sailed around the world, hiked the Pacific Crest Trail, and snowshoed to the South Pole. They were even able to tell me all about how to fly a plane before my first lesson.

It’s one thing to spend our time reading books or listening to lectures about how to do this or that– how to have a successful relationship, how to build a business, how to live life more fully, whatever comes after how to. The trick is to finally put the books down, walk away from the lecture, and do it. Getting information, support, and encouragement is helpful. Necessary,too. But life was meant to be lived, not studied. The only way that you’ll have a successful career, relationship, or hobby is to go out and get one for yourself.

God, help me take the risk of actually doing something I want to learn to do.

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Dealing with Difficult People
Opening the Channels of Communication

by Madisyn Taylor

We all have the experience of difficult people in our lives at one point or another and honest but clear communication is the answer.


We encounter a wide variety of people throughout our lives. Many of them touch us in some positive way. Occasionally, however, we encounter those individuals who, for whatever reason, can be difficult to deal with. Perhaps this person is a colleague or close friend that you feel is deliberately being obtuse, inviting in trouble, or doing foolish things that you find annoying. Sometimes, it may be possible to appease or avoid those people short term. Dealing with them in the long term, however, can be exhausting. The behavior of difficult people can even make you feel like losing your temper, but keep your cool. Staying calm is the first step, especially when you are ready to confront them.

Avoiding a difficult person can improve impossible and not in your best interest, especially if you live or work together. Likewise, attempts to steer clear of them can become a source of stress and anxiety when they are a part of your social circle. When this is the case, it is best to kindly address the problem. Try not to let their actions or mood affect you. You also may want to try expressing your feelings directly. Tell to the person how their actions make you feel and encourage them toward a more positive course of action. Speak assertively, but respectfully, and don’t portray yourself as a victim. Another approach for dealing with a difficult individual is to gain a deeper understanding of who that person is. Ask them why they do or say certain things. If you disagree with their motives, question them further so you can try and discover the root of their behaviors. In doing so, you may be able to gently shift their perceptions, or at least help them understand your ! point of view.

You may want to think about what you want to say to a difficult person before you actually talk to them. If you can, avoid being judgmental or defensive, and try to approach the conversation objectively. If the person is open to the idea, try coming to an agreement. If approaching them fails, let it go and move on. There is no reason to let difficult person or situation have power over your state of being. Remember that a lot can be accomplished when you take the time to listen and offer up alternative perspectives. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

We’re taught in The Program and the Twelve Steps that the chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear — mainly fear that we would lose something we already possessed or that we would fail to get something we demanded. Living on the basis of unsatisfied demands, we obviously were in a state of continuable disturbance and frustration. Therefore, we are taught, no peace will be ours unless we find a means of reducing these demands. Have I become entirely ready to have God remove all my defects of character?

Today I Pray

May I make no unrealistic demands on life, which, because of their grandiosity, can be met. May I place no excessive demands on others, which, when they are not fulfilled, leave me disappointed and let down.

Today I Will Remember

The set-up for a let-down.

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One More Day

We all like to forgive, and we all love best not those who offend us least, not those who have done the most for us, but those who make it most easy for us to forgive them.
– Samuel Butler

None of us likes to harbor angry or bitter feelings toward another person. We know that friends may drift apart because of disagreements in which either of us will bend or compromise.

More and more, we know what our values are and the importance of how we reflect those values. When a friendship is threatened by anger or misunderstanding, we’re able to let our values guide us. We’ve been less willing o sacrifice our values to save a weak relationship. We’ve let go of some friends. If we’ve been stubborn or selfish, we’re better able now to preserve the friendship by making amends.

I will nurture my friendships and myself by letting my principles guide my life.

[bluidkiti]

February 29

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Belief consists in accepting the affirmations of the soul; unbelief, in denying them. --Ralph Waldo Emerson
What do we believe? Do we believe in ourselves? Do we believe we have enough time and energy to do what we
need? Or do we believe that things will turn out badly for us? Someone said that fear is faith in the negative. We can
choose to believe the worst will happen, or we can choose to believe we deserve good things. We can believe the
right things will happen at the right time. What we believe becomes true for us because we behave as though it were
true. For this reason, it is wise to choose our beliefs carefully. The more we choose the positive, the more aware we
become that our choices are many.
This means telling ourselves that we're all right just as we are, and acting as though it were true without question.
How can I make my world better today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Power is strength and the ability to see yourself through your own eyes and not through the eyes of another. It is being
able to place a circle of power at your own feet and not take power from someone else's circle. --Agnes Whistling Elk
Emancipation as adult men, seeing ourselves through our own eyes, is difficult. As children, we could have our
separateness only in small measure. As men, we first bring some boyhood ideas to what we experience. We may be
arrogant, thinking we already know the answers to life's dilemmas; or defiant, thinking we don't want anyone to tell us
what to do; or self-indulgent, grabbing for the greatest pleasure. Those ideas delay seeing ourselves through our own
eyes.
Personal power comes when we listen to ourselves and to others. To be independent of everyone may have been our
youthful idea of power. In manhood, power comes in being open and honest about our dependency, yet knowing we
have no claim on anyone else to make us happy.
I will place a circle of power at my own feet and stand with dignity inside the circle.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
. . . I was taught that the way of progress is neither swift nor easy. --Marie Curie
We are looking for progress, not perfection; however, we sometimes get lost or confused between the two. Expecting
ourselves to be perfect at something we are only now learning is a familiar affliction. As we accept our humanness,
we'll allow the mistakes that are a normal part of the process of living and learning--a process we call progress.
Our need to be perfect will lessen with time. And we can help ourselves break the old habits. Perfection and self-worth
are not symbiotic, except in our minds. And it's a symbiosis that has done us a grave injustice. Breaking the old
thought patterns takes a commitment. We must first decide and believe that we are worthwhile, simply because we
are. There is only one of us; we have a particular gift to offer this world. And our being is perfect as is. Affirming this,
repeatedly, is our beginning. But with this, too, progress will be slow; perfection need only be worked for, not achieved.
The patterns I am weaving with my life are complex, full of intricate detail and knots. I need to go slow, taking only one
stitch at a time. With hindsight I will see that whatever the progress, it was the perfect fit to the overall design.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
You Are Lovable
We go back and back and back...through the layers of fear, shame, rage, hurt, and negative incantations until we
discover the exuberant, unencumbered, delightful, and lovable child that was, and still is, in us. --Beyond

Codependency
You are lovable. Yes, you.
Just because people haven't been there for you, just because certain people haven't been able to show love for you in
ways that worked, just because relationships have failed or gone sour does not mean that you're unlovable.
You've had lessons to learn. Sometimes, those lessons have hurt.
Let go of the pain. Open your heart to love.
You are lovable.
You are loved.
Today, I will tell myself I'm lovable. I will do this until I believe it.


Positive energy attracts positive energy. Today my Higher Power continues to guide my growth so that I am more and
more open. I am becoming free and unblocked and am attracting all that is good and right in my life. --Ruth Fishel

God help me to stay sober and clean today!

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Journey To The Heart

See All the Landscape
Climb to the top of a mountain. What do you see? Valleys as well as mountains.
When you're on top of a mountain, you don't think, This is all there is. Or when you're driving through a hot, dusty
valley, you don't think, This is all there is. You know there is more. You know the truth. Both exist, and more besides.
Life isn't an either/or situation. Don't work so hard forcing everything to be only good, delightful, joyous, or pleasant, for
when you reach the valley, you'll become as miserably certain that life is only pain, sadness, and tragedy. You're
wasting energy when you try to convince yourself that life is only one or the other.
Look around. See all the landscapes-- valleys, oceans, plains, and yes, mountaintops. That's what life is; all of it.

Enjoy the view.

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more language of letting go

Let go of timidity

Live big!
--Brady Michaels

Sometimes, that's the best advice we can hear. Win or lose, succeed or fail, go for it, and go all the way. As my flight
instructor told me on the first day of flying lessons, "Keep one hand on the throttle and one hand on the yoke."
"Aahhhhh!" I would say during my early lessons as the plane lifted into the air, but I kept the throttle pushed all the way
in.

There are times when it's wise to be cautious. And there are times when the best thing we can do-- the only thing we
can do-- is go for it by living big. Ask her out. Request the raise. Say no-- and mean it. Learn to drive a race car or
climb a tall hill. Learn to snorkel or surf. Dreams remain dreams until you act upon them. Then they become real life.
Will you throw a few coins into the beggar's cup, or will you bring him a hamburger and fries from the local fast-food
place? Will you do an average job at work, or will you look for ways to go big-- really give it your best-- in the everyday
areas of your job? Will you put your all-- your heart and emotions-- into the relationship with the people you love? Will
you wait for another more convenient time to pray, or will you start genuinely trusting God?
You don't have to get a life. You've already got one. Live it, and live big.

God, help me let go of my fear and timidity, and learn to live big.

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Layers of Feeling
Coping with Passive Aggression
Passive aggression is most often wielded by those who feel powerless and want to avoid their own true feelings.
Many people are taught from a young age to suppress feelings commonly regarded as negative, such as anger,
resentment, fear, and sorrow. Those who cannot or will not express these emotions tend to engage in passive-
aggressive behaviors that provide them with a means of redirecting their feelings. Passive aggression can take many
forms: People who feel guilty saying “no” may continually break their promises because they couldn’t say no when
they meant it. Others will substitute snide praise for a slur to distance themselves from the intense emotions they feel.
More often than not, such behavior is a cry for help uttered by those in need of compassion and gentle guidance.
When we recognize passive-aggressive patterns in the behavior of others, we should never allow ourselves to be
drawn into a struggle for power. Passive aggression is most often wielded by those who feel powerless in the face of
what they perceive as negative emotions because they hope to avoid confronting their true feelings. They feel they are
in control because they do not display overt emotion and often cannot understand how they have alienated their peers.
If someone close to us shows signs of frustration or annoyance but claims nothing is amiss, we can point out that
their tone of voice or gestures are communicating a different message and invite them to confide in us. When we feel
slighted by a backhanded compliment, it is important that we calmly explain how the jibe made us feel and why. And
when an individual continually breaks their promises, we can help them understand that they are free to say no if they
are unwilling to be of service.
As you learn to detect passive aggression, you may be surprised to see a hint of it in yourself. Coping with the natural
human tendency to veil intense emotions can be as simple as reminding yourself that expressing your true feelings is
healthy. The emotions typically regarded as negative will frequently be those that inspire you to change yourself and
your life for the better, whereas passive-aggressive behavior is a means of avoiding change. When you deal
constructively with your feelings, you can put them behind you and move forward unencumbered by unexplored
emotion. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

Just for today, I'll not be afraid of anything. If my mind is clouded with nameless fears, I'll track them down and expose
their unreality. I'll remind myself that God is in charge of me and my life, and that all I have to do is accept His
protection and guidance. What happened yesterday need not trouble me today. Do I accept the fact that it's in my
power to make today a good one just by the way I think about it and what I do about it?

Today I Pray

May I make today a good day. May I know that it is up to me to assign to it qualities of goodness, through a positive
attitude toward what the present is providing. May I be untroubled by vestiges of yesterday. Please, God, remain
close to me all through this day.

Today I Will Remember
To make it good.

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One More Day

Once you have experienced the seriousness of your loss you will be able to experience the wonder of being alive. --
Robert Veninga

Age and illness force us to come to terms with the sometimes harsh reality of being human. When someone close to
us dies, we may be overwhelmed with sadness. We might grieve over and over until it seems we can grieve no more.

And then we begin to heal. Granted, it takes time and a good bit of faith, but we do recover. Slowly. One day at a
time.
Many of us have experienced sorrow over changes in our health. With time and faith, however, we're learning that the
anger and sadness also heal. And eventually we recognize that our experience has made us more sensitive, more
caring, and more receptive to the gift of life.

I will grieve my losses and then move, once again, into a fulfilling, joyful life.