QUESTION???

[MajestyJo]

T..... Is it Thoughtful
H..... Is it Honest?
I ..... Is it Intelligent?
N..... Is it Necessary?
K..... Is it Kind?

Reminder: ENGAGE BRAIN BEFORE SPEAKING

This slogan and "Hesitate and Meditate" have helped me over the years. For me it was act and then react with no thought in between. Sometimes I thought and did it anyway, but that is okay in today. Live and learn and hopefully learn to live without hurting others.

Posted on another site in 2008

A good reminder, think before you speak. Each day is a new beginning. When I bring the past into the present, it is no longer a gift. The gift I can give myself is to stay in today and let go of the past and allow myself to heal.

Do I remember to hesitate and meditate before I think and/or take action?

[MajestyJo]

Journey home

"Everything seeks its source."

-- a universal principle

Our spiritual journey unfolds through 2 stages.

1. THE PATH OF PERSONALITY - We arise from the one source of all, to be born as individuals in a world of form. In this physical world, we experience separation and limitation. This is a time of immersion in a world of effects, form, ego, distortion, illusion and pain.

2. THE PATH OF SOUL - When we have experienced enough pain, we find our way back home to our spiritual source. We let go of the illusion of separation to embrace unity and wholeness. We work with cause instead of effects. Paradoxically, it's only with a strong and healthy personality that we become capable of expressing soul.

WHERE ARE YOU ON YOUR PATH? Are you struggling to do more and have more? Are you aware of your soul challenging you to open to the bigger picture of life?

"Two people have been living in you all your life. One is the ego, garrulous, demanding, hysterical, calculating; the other is the hidden spiritual being, whose still voice of wisdom you have only rarely heard or attended to - you have uncovered in yourself your own wise guide."

-- Sogyal Rinpoche

Received from Higher Awareness - used with permission from management

here is a book written by Melody Beattie called "Finding Your Way Home" and is totally awesome.

For the first month I had the book I never got past the first two chapters and the Preface. I kept reading it over and over again, it was so freeing, that it didn't matter if I read the rest of the book because it seemed it would be anti-climatical.

I have always said, "I am a spiritual being having problems dealing with the real world!"

Her book helped me to come back to myself, to stay grounded in today, to become whole. That journey has been very painful, at times very lonely, but well worth it. It is difficult to let go of denial, find your person truth and find self-honesty.

aven't been able to find this book, must remember to put in a request at the library to see if they will order it.

This little guy is so sad, hurt and lost. How often I felt like that. I didn't know that I wasn't alone. Have you ever felt lost and unable to find your way home?

[MajestyJo]

it is so nice to be relieved of that feeling of dread when I hear a phone, a siren, or see somone stoned which made me think "That could be my son!"

The last few years those calls had been few and far between and were generally only when he wanted something.

I was happy for him, the guys at the house were given free tickets to a Raptors game. He was probably happy for himself, they won!

I can see God working in my life. It is important for me to notice those little gifts and say thank you. When a big thing happens, there are not enough words to express my thanks!

Do you remember to give thanks?

[MajestyJo]

Checklist For Hidden Anger

If we have any natural fault, it is hiding our own anger from ourselves. Here is a checklist to help you determine if you are hiding your anger from yourself. Any of these is usually a sign of hidden unexpressed anger.

1. Procrastination in the completion of imposed tasks.

2. Perpetual habitual lateness.

3. A liking for sadistic or ironic humor.

4. Sarcasm, cynicism or flippancy in conversation.

5. Over-politeness, constant cheerfulness, attitude of "grin and bear it".

6. Frequent sighing.

7. Smiling while hurting.

8. Frequent disturbing or frightening dreams.

9. Over-controlled monotones speaking voice.

10. Difficulty in getting to sleep or sleep through the night.

11. Boredom, apathy, loss of interest in things you are usually enthusiastic about.

12. Slowing down of movements.

13. Getting tired more easily than usual.

14. Excessive irritability over trifles.

15. Getting drowsy at inappropriate times.

16. Sleeping more than usual - maybe 12 to 14 hours a day.

17. Waking up tired rather than rested and refreshed.

18. Clenched jaws- especially while sleeping.

19. Facial tics, spasmodic foot movements, habitual fist clenching and similar repeated physical acts done unintentionally or unaware.

20. Grinding of the teeth- especially while sleeping.

21. Chronically stiff or sore neck.

22. chronic depression-extended periods of feeling down for no reason.

23. Stomach ulcers.

This is not about rage. Rage is anger out of control and taking over your whole being. This is about the feelings we call, irritation, annoyance, getting mad, etc. All these negative feelings share one thing in common: they are considered undesirable at best, sinful or destructive at worst. We are taught to avoid then-to avoid having them if possible (it isn't) but certainly to avoid expressing then. Unfortunately, many people go overboard in controlling negative feelings; they control not only their expression, but their awareness of them, too. Because you are unaware of being angry does not mean that you are not angry. It is the anger you are unaware of which can do most damage to you and to your relationships with other people, since it does get expressed, but in inappropriate ways, Freud once likened anger to the smoke in an old-fashioned wood-burning stove. The normal avenue for discharge of the smoke if up the chimney; if the normal avenue is blocked the smoke will leak out of the stove in unintended ways-around the door, through the grates, etc. checking everyone in the room. If all avenues of escape are blocked, the fire goes out and the stove ceases to function. Likewise, the normal (human) expression of anger is gross physical movement and/or loud vocalization; watch a red-faced hungry infant sometime. By age five or so we are taught that such expressions are unacceptable to others and lead to undesirable consequences such as being beaten or having affection withheld.

[MajestyJo]

We learn to "be nice", which means (among other things) hiding bad feelings. By adulthood even verbal expression is curtailed, since a civilized person is expected to be "civil". Thus, expression is stifled and to protect ourselves from the unbearable burden of continually unexpressed "bad" feelings, we go to the next step and convince ourselves that we are not angry, even when we are. Such self-deception is seldom completely successful, however, and the blocked anger "leaks out" in inappropriate ways, some of which are previously listed.

The items in the list are all danger signals that negative feelings are being bottled up inside. It is true that each of them can have causes other than anger (procrastination, for example, can be due to an unreasonable fear of failure), but the presence of any of them is reason enough for you to look within yourself for buried resentments. If you are human, you will find some. If you are fortunate, you will find few, since you will have learned effective ways of discharging them. If you are like most of us, you will need to unlearn some old habits before you can learn new ways of handling "bad" feelings, ways which are constructive rather than destructive.

Getting rid of a lifetime accumulation of buried resentments is a major task which is one of the goals of psychotherapy. Whether such a process is necessary for you should be decided in consultation with a qualified professional person. Our immediate concern in the paper is to provide you with some techniques which will help you stop adding to the pile what ever its existing depth.

The process of dealing with negative feelings can be divided into three parts for purposes of discussion, although the living of it is all of a piece. The parts are:

1: Recognition of the feelings.

2: Owning it-acknowledging that it is yours.

3: Discharging it-acting on it in some way.

Recognition

Everybody has his own bodily signals indicating current on-the-spot anger. Look for yours: Friends and relatives might be helpful, since they may be aware of your irritation before you are, and may be able to tell you how they can tell, when you are upset. Some common signals are: Clamming up; Blushing; Shortening of breath; Drumming with fingers; Foot tapping; Shaking or twisting; Laughing when nothing amusing is happening; Patting or stroking the back of the head; Clenching jaws or fists; Tucking a thumb inside a fist; Yawning or getting drowsy; Suddenly refusing eye contact with another person; Fidgeting; Apologizing when none is asked for; A pain in the neck, gut or back; Headaches; A rise in voice pitch. The list is interminable. Try to find out what your signals are.

If you find yourself depressed or blue and don't know why - think back over the past twenty-four hours and try to figure out who did something to anger you. (Depression is usually the result of repressed anger.) Forget you are a nice guy and imagine yourself to be the toughest, most unreasonable, childish person on the earth; review your day and look for an incident wherein this imaginary person might have gotten angry. When you find the incident, ask yourself why you didn't get angry. Chances are you did and didn't know it. Remember what you actually did and said in that situation; try to "relieve it" you may learn some of your own internal anger signals.

Owning It

The anger is yours. The other person may have said or done something that punched your anger button, but the anger is yours, and - so are the feelings it triggers. You cannot make someone else responsible for your own feelings. Blaming does not help. Nothing the other person does will help, unless it is in response to something you do. Accepting anger as your own is easier if you discard the idea that feelings need to be justified. They don't, and frequently cannot be - "should" and "feel" are two words which do not belong together. It is senseless to say that someone "should feel" some way. Feelings are just there in the same way your skin, muscles, and vital organs are just there. In fact, it is downright harmful to worry about what your feelings "should be". Such worry will get in the way of finding out what your feelings are - which is the best start to deciding on the best thing to do.

Discharging It

First, foremost, and always. Don't hide it. You'll probably not be successful anyway - anger demands expression. If you have recognized it and owned it, then you will have a choice of when, where and how you may express it. Society (and your own safety) forbids violence. Friendship or other interpersonal relationships (such as husband/wife, employer/employee ) make explosive verbal expression ultimately self-defeating. Just saying, "That makes me angry", or "I do not like it when..." may not be as satisfying as bashing someone, but it is far more satisfying than saying and doing nothing. There are in reality a few situations in which it is to your best interest to delay expression, but none in which you can afford to delay recognition or owning.

Original Source Unknown

I split this up because I was too long of a post to read.

When I read the checklist, my response was "All of the above!" This happened in early recovery, but I can still go there in today, and I need a healthy way of dealing with it.

When I quit smoking, a lot of anger issues were buried and stuffed and took a long time to uncover and heal.

[MajestyJo]

“Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons.
Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything
is possible.” -- Cherie Carter-Scott

“I discovered I always have choices and sometimes
it's only a choice of attitude.” - - unknown

Today's Reminder from Courage to Change:

It can be very empowering to take responsibility for my own choices. I will act in my own best interest today.

"I would do well to accept the challenge to look to my own recovery before I spent any more of my precious life wishing the alcoholic would change..." Living with Sobriety

Are you happy with your choices in today?

Made the following post in 2009 after choosing to stay home instead of going to a friend's dysfunctional home with three teenagers.

I am happy with my choice today. Had a very laid back day. I got my book finished. My supper turned out better than I thought it would. I surprised myself.

I took ground pork, added bread crumbs, a beaten egg, minced garlic, onion, ginger, parsley, sage, thyme, pepper and salt and baked it in the oven in a glass dish. The last half hour I spread on honey mustard on the top. I had sweet potatoes glazed with maple syrup and brussel sprouts with it. Totally yummy!

I wish I had the motivation to cook and eat like that in today. Today was going to be a chicken sandwich and ended up to be two chicken wings with a slice of bread.

I guess it is better than eating like I was sitting at a trough and shovelling the food it.

[MajestyJo]

Hugs not drugs. That means the liquid, solid, powdered, and the flesh and blood variety.

[MajestyJo]

QUALITIES ... IN A RELATIONSHIP AND IN OURSELVES

Someone who is comfortable with themselves.
Someonw who allows mutual respect.
Somone who is able and/or open to communication -
a) Listens to what I say and not what he/she wants to hear,
b) Does not twist what I say around.
Mature attitudes.
Takes responsibility for his/her own happiness.
Sense of humour
Healthy respect of moderation, for example, reasonable temper, moderate drinker.
Financially responsible - puts finances in a reasonable perspective.
Spontaneity, romance.
Gentleness.
Allows me to have friends.
Allows himself/herself to have his/her own friends.
Realistic Optimist.
The ability to be intimate, with and without physical ses - hugs, holds hands.
Gives of himself/herself freely and unconditionally - NO MANIPULATION OR STRINGS TO PULL.
Respects my values.
Expresses concern for me, but does not become overbearing or try to dominate.
Sharing common interests and respecting individual interests.
Someone who can give and take.
Can show affection in front of others.
Supportive of my goals and activities, careers and interest.
Encourages independence.
Respects my personal space.
Someone who can take time out for himself/herself and has an awareness of his/her personsal space.
Balances his/her priorities (including relatives).
Can say 'No.'
Not afraid to have fun in life - can be childish, can laugh
Someone who has flexibility.
Someone who can grow.
Does not have addiction problems with substances such as alcohol, and/or drugs, and/or work, and/or food, etc.
Remember, not every man/woman is going to possess all of these qualities, but what he does not have, he/she will probably be willing to work on those areas. There are things which you should expect for yourself to find in a relationship, because you owe it to yourself.

I deserve recovery! I do deserve a happy, joyous and prosperous blessings along a spiritual journey toward Serenity and Sobriety (soundness of mind).

Have you asked yourself the question "What is a healthy relationship?"

When you get two needy people together, it makes for a very unhealthy one!

[MajestyJo]

There are many excuses why I can't do something, but all I need to do is find a good reason to give me motivaiton.

For so many years, I used my "A" to not do because I put my own life on hold. My own personal health and well being is reason enough to make healthy decision to better my own life.

I excused my own behavior with "Well if you had a husband like I have, you would...." If your son acted the way mine did, you would...." If your partner treated you like mine does, you would...."

I grateful addict with never have a reason to pick up. I am that addict when I use others to make me feel better or I use them to not look at me and be responsible for my own actions.

I can sometimes limit myself, thinking "I can't do" forgetting that I have a Higher Power who can empower me, lead and direct me into a new way of life.

The program is applicable to all areas of my life and I need to apply it not only to the physical, but to the mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of my life.

Have you worked the Steps on an emotional and spiritual level?

[MajestyJo]

God's Will

God's will most often happens in spite of us, not because of us.

We may try to second guess what God has in mind for us, looking, searching, hyper vigilant to seek God's will as though it were a buried treasure, hidden beyond our reach. If we find it, we win the prize. But if we're not careful, we miss out.

Love this quote, sorry the link no longer works.

One of my favorite sayings is, "I have to get out of the way so my God can work through me, not around me." When I think I am in the 'know' especially for someone else, I know I am not in the right space. I look for good orderly guidance each day, and try to go with the flow; but as the saying goes, "Plan, but don't plan the outcome."

I try to pray that someone gets what the need. So many times our needs are met, we just don't reach out because we have trouble receiving or asking for help. We cross our arms and legs and say, not me and we close ourself off from God and isolate our Spirit, because we don't have an open mind and not willing to change.

Love the saying, 'God is or He isn't!' Do you have a part time God? A God that is convenient when you need him and the rest of the time, you put Him on that Shelf? Open up your heart.

[MajestyJo]

Have you had a spiritual awakening?

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

In Al-Anon, we strive for an ever-deeper understanding of these Steps, and pray for the wisdom to apply them to our lives.

Have had many spiritual experiences. The first was before coming into the rooms of recovery when I walked down the hall at the YWCA and knew the girl was talking about me when she said, "I don't want to be liker HER down the hall." I asked myself, "Am I really that bad? The answer was, "Yes, I am, and picked up the phone and asked for help from the Social Worker at the Y.

Many more have followed but that was the one that got me on the road to recovery. I have felt the Hand of my God touch me many times. There has been so much healing and so much awareness, that I never cease to thank Him for His Grace and the many miracles He has chosen to give me. I can only express my gratitude by sharing with others what has been so freely given to me.

written in 2009

[MajestyJo]

One of the big spiritual awakening for me was sitting at a meeting and sharing on Step Two. When I came into recovery, I was sure I knew who God was, I had been raised with Him all my life, after all I taught Sunday School (I was 16). I came into recovery at the age of 49 and here I am at the age of 74. I realized that I didn't know who God was and proceeded on a Spiritual Quest, which I still do today. I also realized that I had been totally insane, and one day at a time, God and I are still working on that one.

[MajestyJo]

Keep It Simple
September 9

One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears—by listening to them.
—Dean Rusk

We hate being told what to think. We like to make up our own minds. It helps to talk things out with another person who, listens to us. Someone who care what we think.

We can give this respect to others. We can listen their point of view. We can try to understand them and care about what they think.

When we do this, others start to care what we think too. We share ideas. The ideas get a little more clear. They change a little. We get a little closer to agreement. We both feel good.

Prayer for the Day: Higher Power, help me know when to listen and when to talk today. Work for me and though me. Thanks.

Action for the Day: Today, I’ll look for chances to listen to others when I really want to talk. I’ll say, “Tell me more about that.” And I’ll listen.

Some may not think so, but there has been an odd occasion when I have gone to a meeting and said, "I will pass today, I am hear to listen." Not many times, because I feel that my primary purpose is to carry the message of recovery. It is important for me to share what worked for me. When I share, the words take order and as I vocalize them, I can see where I am at, or if I am off the wall. I appear to find myself there more often then I like, so I am grateful that I only have to deal with one days feelings, situations, experiences, challenges, and perceptions.

Do you listen when others are sharing or are you busy in your own head trying to figure out what you are going to say when it is your turn, instead of being in the moment and sharing what your God wants you to hear?

[MajestyJo]

[MajestyJo]

DAILY OM

Stronger For It
Mending A Broken Heart

Heartbreak happens to all of us and can wash over us like a heavy rain. When experiencing a broken heart, our ethereal selves are saturated with grief, and the overflow is channeled into the physical body. Loss becomes a physical emptiness, and longing is transmuted into a feeling that often cannot be put into words. Mending a broken heart can seem a task so monumental that we dare not attempt it for fear of damaging ourselves further. But heartbreak, like all emotions, falls under the spell of our conscious influence.

Often the pain that wounds us most deeply also leaves the most enduring mark upon us. The shock that becomes the tender, throbbing ache of the heart eventually leads us down the path of enlightenment, blessing our lives with a new depth and richness.

Acknowledging heartbreak's impermanence by no means dulls its sting for it is the sting itself that stimulates healing. The pain is letting us know that we need to pay attention to our emotional selves, to sit with our feelings and be in them fully before we can begin to heal. It is said that time heals all wounds. Time may dull the pain of a broken heart, but it is fully feeling your pain and acknowledging it that will truly help you heal. Dealing with your heartache in a healthy way rather than putting it off for tomorrow is the key to repair. Gentleness more than anything else is called for. Most important, open yourself to the possibility of loving, trusting, and believing again. When, someday soon, you emerge from the cushion of your grief, you will see that the universe did not cease to be as you nursed your broken heart. You emerge on the other side of the mending, stronger for all you have experienced.

What do you think?

Trust was a big issue for me. I had been hurt so many times by so many people, it was hard to open up and share with others. I had shut down and shut off for so long that it was difficult to recognize my feelings for what they were and identify them correctly. Break ups in today triggered those in the past that I had never grieved over.

The 12 Steps are applicable to all areas of my life. Relationships are just as much of an addiction as alcoholism. When you feel like you can't do without one, you go looking for more! We get into another relationship without properly grieving the last one. We take the sins of the first one into the second one, and heaven help the guy/gal who is #3.