Using Others to Stop Our Pain

[MajestyJo]

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.

Using Others to Stop Our Pain

Our happiness is not a present someone else holds in his or her hands. Our well being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim. If we reach out and try to force someone to give us what we believe he or she holds, we will be disappointed. We will discover that it is an illusion. The person didn't hold it. He or she never shall. That beautifully wrapped box with the ribbon on it that we believed contained our happiness that someone was holding - its an illusion!

In those moments when we are trying to reach out and force someone to stop our pain and create our joy, if we can find the courage to stop flailing about and instead stand still and deal with our issues, we will find our happiness.

Yes, it is true that if someone steps on our foot, he or she is hurting us and therefore holds the power to stop our pain by removing his or her foot. But the pain is still ours. And so is the responsibility to tell someone to stop stepping on our feet.

Healing will come when were aware of how we attempt to use others to stop our pain and create our happiness. We will heal from the past. We will receive insights that can change the course of our relationships.

We will see that, all along, our happiness and our well being have been in our hands. We have held that box. The contents are ours for the opening.

God, help me remember that I hold the key to my own happiness. Give me the courage to stand still and deal with my own feelings. Give me the insights I need to improve my relationships. Help me stop doing the codependent dance and start doing the dance of recovery.

I am attracted to positive people and I attract positive people to me. Today I continue to seek and find people who are positive, healthy and nurturing. --Ruth Fishel

It was in Al-Anon that I first heard the words "I am responsible or my own happiness. Happiness comes from within. I didn't like it, I got a resentment, but that is another story. I expected my ex-husband to supply it and he wasn't doing his job." Then someone had the nerve to tell me that it wasn't his job, I had to do it for myself."

[MajestyJo]

When I went to treatment I was asked, "What makes you happy? I didn't know. I didn't have a clue. I had lived my live through other people and had no identity left of my own. I gave away 36 cassettes of country music because I found the too negative and really not my thing in the moment. I found a new interest in Jazz and explored other kinds of music, mostly Easy Listening. No in today, I like music without the words, but once in a while if I don't like the noise, I listen to country classics. People with Fibromyalgia are susceptible to noise. It is something I just have to accept. I haven't been able to listen to very much TV at all.

In the past I let others make my decisions. I used them to make my decision and used them to take away my pain. I couldn't love myself, so I looked in all the wrong places for it. I didn't find it in the bottle, in the pills, in food, and/or in relationships. It had to come from within. Let it begin with me.