Sharing and Caring

[MajestyJo]

Heard a girl share, "How many times did I drink to someone else's health?"

How little I was aware of what it was doing to my own. My father fell asleep with a cigarette in his hand and a glass or bottle in the other, I lived in fear with him for ten years. My husband became loud, abusive and violent when he drank. I compared myself to them. If you didn't see me drink it, unless you knew me really well, you wouldn't have known I drank.

The reality was, I could out drink them both and I had the resentment when the booze was gone, they were passed out, and there was nothing left for me.

I had the thinking problem, not a drinking problem like they did!

I had to learn to give myself permission to do certain things, AFTER I examined my motive and intent behind what was happening. My friend says nothing is good or bad, it is the intent and motive behind the thought and action which makes it good or bad for you.

I used my bed for years. Whenever I couldn't deal with life, reality and the situation at hand, I would crawl into my bed and hide, or I would run away from home with the attitude of "make me an offer I can't refuse" so I don't have to stay here and face me!

The same happened with food, work, computer, and meetings.

"Happiness, love and peace are where the heart are!" We have put our heart in some very unhealthy places and situations, and we wondered why we weren't happy; but worse still, blaming it on the other people instead of being responsible for our own choices.

Always looking outside of ourselves to make 'me' feel better. I can still do it in recovery, although not in so many unhealthy ways. It is certain a pattern I have needed to change in my life.