If You Want What We Have

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Falling in love…is as much a drug as any that people swallow, snort, smoke, or shoot.
ANDREW WEIL

Newcomer
I’m attracted to another newcomer who goes to some of the meetings I go to. I can’t help it; I just can’t get this person out of my mind. My heart pounds when we’re in the same room, and I can barely concentrate.

Sponsor
More than once in early recovery, I became intensely preoccupied with thoughts of another person. In each case it was someone I didn’t know well, but felt attracted to. Like you, I could hardly think about anything else. Though I was certainly distracted, I stayed sober. I went to lots of meetings—not always for the best reasons! These intense romantic preoccupations were something I have since learned to call obsession. Obsession doesn’t have much in common with the process of getting to know others and letting them get to know me.

We can learn something about ourselves by paying attention when an obsession starts taking over our mental space. Is some feeling—anger, fear, or sadness, for example—making us uncomfortable? Obsession can function to keep us “safe” from the present reality. Our addictions served the same function when we were active.

Today, I practice staying in the moment. I reach out to other newcomer in the spirit of friendship.