Wisdom Of The Rooms - 2019

[bluidkiti]

December 30

Quote of the Week

"Serenity is paying attention to what I’m doing right now."

I have a mind that races ahead of where I am, plans outcomes, anticipates obstacles, and prepares for the worst. It’s a busy mind. If it’s not in the future, then it’s reviewing the past, coming up with wouldas, shouldas, and couldas. Drinking offered a respite from this obsessiveness, and for a few hours I was mostly concerned with what was happening in the present. But then my bottom forced me to get sober, and even in the program I found I still had a restless mind.

My endless thoughts wouldn’t let me alone during early sobriety. I woke up in fear, worried most of the day, and at night I’d lie awake imagining dark futures fueled by what ifs. Thank God for my sponsor and the fellowship. They had many suggestions, like when they told me to keep the Big Book at my bedside because reading a few pages would definitely put me to sleep. It worked! They also taught me about being of service, prayer, and building my spiritual tool kit. That all worked—when I worked it.

Many years have passed, and while I’m recovered from the obsession to drink, my mind still likes to get into the future and look for danger. This is the path to insanity for me. Thankfully, I’m much better at reining it back in and focusing it on what I’m doing, what I have, and how fortunate I am right now. I have more than I need to be happy, joyous, and free. And most of all, I have a God of my own understanding, and I have serenity in the here and now. How’s that for the future I used to worry about?