More Recovery Readings - January

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January 31

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Thou shalt not should thyself. --Anonymous
When someone tells us we should do something, do we want to do it, or do we feel mad that someone else is telling us what we want to do? Sometimes we forget that these messages are not our own, but are the desires of others. It's important to listen to what we tell ourselves, to be aware of which messages we're giving ourselves and which come from others. We can make a list of all our shoulds and identify where they came from: parent, boss, friend, self. Then we can decide which shoulds are want to's, and throw out the rest. Doing what we want to is very different from doing what we should, and we can usually do a better job of it.
Have I freed myself of shoulds today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
The body is the soul's house. Shouldn't we therefore take care of our house so that it doesn't fall into ruin? --Philo Judaeus
Some men think it is a mark of a strong man to abuse his body and pay no heed to his health. Have we done this through drug use or abuse of food? Have we misused our bodies by our sexual behavior? Have we neglected our physical condition or health because of addictions or obsessions with other people?
To end abusive cycles, we need to act in self-respecting ways - sometimes before we feel self respecting. Recovery and spiritual awakening involve the body, mind, and spirit. We need nutrition, exercise, sleep, and health care. Treating ourselves as worthwhile men helps us feel worthwhile. Tuning in to how we feel physically may give us some direction. As we sense how we feel, do we get some physical messages to guide our recovery?
I will yield to the messages I get from myself so I can enjoy the physical pleasures of recovery and give my soul a better home.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Woman must not accept; she must challenge. She must not be awed by that which has been built up around her; she must reverence that woman in her which struggles for expression. --Margaret Sanger
Our desire to grow, to make a place for ourselves in the world of our friends, to know that we have counted in the lives of others, is healthy and necessary to our existence as whole women. The inner urging to move ahead, to try a new approach to an old problem, to go after a new job, to learn a new skill, is evidence of God's eternal Spirit within.
Our meaning in this life is found through following the guidance that beckons us toward these new horizons, perhaps new friends, even new locations. We can trust the urge. We can reverence the urge. It will not lead us astray, provided we do not try to lead it. We each have a special gift to express in this life among those to whom we've been led.
For years, many of us quelled the inner urge out of fear; but, fortunately, it didn't desert us. To be human is to have a constant desire to be more than we are. The fears still come, but as we move through them, with the support of other women, other friends, the program gives us the thrill of achievement. We know there is meaning in our existence.
The need to grow, to change, to affect the world around us is part of God's plan for each of us. I will trust the urge; I will let it guide my steps.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Asking for What We Need
One evening, I was alone, weary, and exhausted. I was in the midst of extensive traveling, disconnected from friends and family. I had flown home for the evening, but it seemed like nobody noticed. People were used to me being gone.
It was late at night, and I began arguing with God.
'I'm out there working hard. I'm lonely. I need to know someone cares. You've told me to tell you what I need, and tonight. God, I particularly need the presence of male energy. I need a friend, someone I can trust to care about me in a nonsexual, nonexploitive way. I need to be held. Now, where are you?"
I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes. I was too tired to do anything but let go.
The telephone rang minutes later. It was a former colleague who had since become my friend. "Hey, kid," he said. "You sound really tired and needy. Stay right where you are. I'm going to drive out and give you a foot rub. It sounds exactly like what you need."
Half an hour later, he knocked on my door. He brought a small bottle of oil with him, and gently massaged my feet, gave me a hug, told me how much he cared about me, then left.
I smiled. I had received exactly what I asked for.
It is safe to trust God.
Today, I will remember God cares about what I need, especially if I do.


I will take the time I need for me today to be quiet and listen to my Higher Power as I gently make new discoveries and gain new wisdom. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Value Your Connection to Truth

Trust what you know. Not what you think you know, but what you know in your heart.

We often know the truth long before we let ourselves see and believe it, long before we’re ready to acknowledge it. For many reasons– fear, timing, and a myriad of issues too long to list– we ignore and discount what we know in our heart. But the truth doesn’t go away. What’s true, what we know to be true, will nag us and haunt us. And even if we try to run from that truth, our experiences will ultimately lead us back to it.

Life may bring us many issues we want to run from, issues that are a challenge. But the real challenge we face is learning to trust ourselves and trust what we know to be true. Maybe someone once told us we couldn’t be trusted. That’s too bad. But what’s worse is that we began to believe it and started to tell ourselves that,too.

Your heart can be trusted. Don’t doubt it. It will inevitably connect you to what’s true. Love yourself enough to trust what you know. Then stay connected to truth.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Speak the language of letting go

Sometimes in our lives, we can let go in an instant. We recognize that we’re dwelling on or obsessing about a particular situation, and we just let go. We drop it. Or we run into someone who has a problem, and we instinctively adapt a hands-off posture, knowing that it’s not our responsibility to take care of other people. We say what we need to say, and we almost automatically let go and focus on taking care of ourselves.

Other times, it’s not so easy. We may be entangled in a situation that feels utterly impossible to let go of. We get enmeshed with a problem, or a person, that seems to compel us to hang on more tightly when letting go is the key.

We know we shoudn’t be obsessing, but we can’t seem to stop.

One day, many years ago, back in Stillwater, Minnesota, my son was hugging me tightly. He didn’t want to let go. I started tipping over. I lost my balance.

“Shane,” Nichole scolded, “there comes a time to let go.”

Sometimes letting go happens in stages. Sometimes it means becoming more aware. Sometimes it involves going deeply into the feelings hidden underneath our behavior. Learning to let go may involve gaining more confidence and self-esteem. Sometimes it means simply practicing gratitude for the way things are.

Be gentle with yourself and others as you learn to practice the language of letting go.

Sometimes, no matter how much we know, letting go takes time.

God, help me remember that letting go is a powerful behavior, one that can change my life and impact the lives of others. Help me be patient with others and myself as letting go becomes a way of life.

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Tearing Down to Rebuild
Rethinking Complaining

by Madisyn Taylor

When we spend all of our time complaining, we are in essence in constant destroy mode rather than building mode.


We all know someone who has elevated the process of complaining to a high art. Sometimes funny, sometimes exhausting, these people have the ability to find a problem just about anywhere. In its more evolved form, complaining is simply the ability to see what’s not working, in one’s own life or in the external world, and it can be quite useful if followed to its natural conclusion—finding a solution and applying it. However, many of us don’t get that far, and we find that complaining has become an end in itself. In small doses, this is not a big problem, but if complaining has become a huge part of our identities, it may be time to take a good look at how we are spending our energy.

Complaining is a person’s way of acknowledging that they are not happy with the way things are. In a metaphorical way, when we complain or criticize, we are tearing down an undesirable structure in order to make room for something new. But if all we do is tear down, never bothering to summon the creative energy required to create something new, we are not fulfilling the process. In fact, we are at risk for becoming a stagnant and destructive force in our own lives and in the lives of the people we love. Another issue with complaining is that we sometimes tend to focus on other people, whom we can’t change, as a way of deflecting attention from the one person we can change—ourselves. So transforming complaining into something useful is a twofold process that begins with turning our critical eye to look at things we can actually do something about, and then taking positive action.

When we find ourselves complaining, the last thing we need to do is get down on ourselves. Instead, we can begin by noticing that we are in the mode of wanting to make some changes. But rather than lashing out at somebody or an organization, we can look for an appropriate place to channel this energy—not our neighbor’s house, but possibly parts of our own. Finally, we can ask ourselves the positive question of what we would like to create in the place of whatever it is we want to tear down. When we do this, we channel a negative habit into a creative process, thus using our energy to change the world around us in a positive way. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

One of the most constructive things I can do is to learn to listen to myself and get in touch with my true feelings. For years, I tuned myself out, going along, instead, with what others felt and said. Even today, it sometimes seem that they have it all together, while I’m still stumbling about. Thankfully, I’m beginning to understand that people-leasing takes many forms. Slowly but steadily, I’ve also begun to realize that it’s possible for me to change my old patterns. Will I encourage myself to tune in to the real me? Will I listen carefully to my own inner voice with the expectation that I’ll hear some wonderful things?

Today I Pray

I pray that I may respect myself enough to listen to my real feelings, those emotions which for so long I refused to hear or name or own, which festered in me like a poison. May I know that I need to stop often, look at my feelings, listen to the inner me.

Today I Will Remember

I will own my feelings.

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One More Day

I recommend you to take care of the minutes, for the hours will take care of themselves.
– Lord Chesterfield

When a lifelong job is over, when a health problem occurs or mobility becomes impaired, when family moves away, the days may become long and lonely. Then, more than ever, it’s important that we take care of our own needs. Some needs may be immediate, for we have far more time than we know how to fill. We may look toward the future, afraid of all the time that must be filled.

This is a perfect time to reach out into the community, to begin volunteer work. There are always people who need us, and by offering our help we will be helping ourselves as well. Each day is new and has new possibilities.

I refuse to worry about the future or the past. Instead, I’ll try to make a difference today.