What Early A.A. Was Like

[MajestyJo]

They did have their own Steps, I will have to see if I can find them. I think there were 6 or 8 of them.

Other groups started from AA, as AA started from the Oxford Group. The reason AA was changed, was to include people who were not of the Christian faith, he didn't want to leave anyone outside of the circle.

As other groups came along, they changed things according to their philosophy. CA uses AA's Big Book while NA has their Basic Text. What is the difference, if it aids recovery. One person use to say to me all the time, "We do it the NA way." She didn't like me using the word sobriety when referring to drugs. For me, sobriety means soundness of mind. Having soundness of mind while high on pot or any other substance isn't quite the same thing in my books. A guy said to me that he knew someone who felt closer to their Higher Power when they used pot. This same guy fell of a 6th floor balcony, became paraplegic and later died.

We only get out of the program what we put into it. Some are content to sit on a chair and get a sponsor and a home group, often going through the motions, and wonder why they relapse. It isn't about others, it isn't about Bill or Dr. Bob, it was about me, who could not use no matter what, who was really sick, and needed recovery. What do I need to do for me? At first all I could do was go to meetings. I wasn't capable of doing more than that. The thing was, I stayed away from speaker meetings, except when there was an anniversary. I went to open discussion, step and Big Book meetings. You can get lost in big open meetings. I compared instead of learning to identify, so I went to discussion groups because I couldn't shut everyone out and I got my message for the day.

All I know is the program worked for me. I had tried to quit my way for 8 years and I ended up with alcohol and pill addiction. I later became aware of my other issues and I went for outside counseling for that. I gave each counselor a copy of the 12 Steps. They didn't know where I was coming from. A lot of the program I got sent to, I found the people there were in the place I was before recovery, so I left. I got what I needed from AA, not just the literature, but from the people in the rooms of AA and other fellowships. I have one reason to go to AA and one reason to go to NA, but I have 3-33 reasons to go to Al-Anon. I am codependent, an adult child of an alcoholic, I was married to a man I labeled an alcoholic, I think the other one qualified for SA. I have a son who is in active addiction, plus I have had many sponsees relapse and two who went back out and didn't make it back in because they were not willing to do Step work, and they died. They would call me after the fact, if they managed to survive. I am grateful for them, people like them did my research for me. It isn't any better out there, in fact it is much worse than when I came into recovery in 1991.

You can do the 1st Step on your knees if you want to, I can't get down there. All that matters is that you take Step One 100% or there is a good chance you will relapse. Many forget that Step One comes in two parts, the second half for me, means my life is unmanageable when managed by me.

I was in the church for the first 20 years of my life. It didn't stop me from being an alcoholic or an addict. I had my first taste of alcohol at the age of 10. I didn't drink alcohol again until my late teens and early twenties. I was put on Valium by my doctor at 16. I remember the Ahhhhhh feeling when the communion wine hit bottom. I wanted to know what I was missing out on. When I was baptized at 14, and took part in communion I can remember trying to take a gulp and make it look like a sip. They had real wine for communion in my church, the Gospel Hall. My grandfather who built the church was a traveling minister. I went back to the church in recovery, and I could talk to the people, but they had no understanding of me, and i found what I needed in the rooms of recovery.

What I got was, yes dear, I sinned too. It doesn't work that way, at least not for me. SIN means "Soul in need" always looking for something outside of myself to make me happy. That is where the insanity of the disease comes in. I have to turn my dis-ease over to the God of my understanding on a daily basis.

Thanks for letting me share. I will look for the OXford Steps, I'm sorry, I got off topic.