Inside The Big Book

[bluidkiti]

Changes…..

“In the first few chapters a number of sudden revolutionary changes are described. Though it was not our intention to create such an impression, many alcoholics have nevertheless concluded that in order to recover they must acquire an immediate and overwhelming "God-consciousness" followed at once by a vast change in feeling and outlook”. “Alcoholics Anonymous” Fourth Edition “Spiritual Experience” pg. 569.

Recent discussion on this very topic has spurred me on to write about it. It seems to me that there might just be a sense that the change that we are talking about has something to do with the way we once acted. These “sudden revolutionary changes” are just brought on by the want to change something in our life. It has been my experience that this can’t be further from the truth.

Sure we have to want to change, but just wanting to change does absolutely nothing in changing what is going on. For years previous to me actually stopping the drink, I wanted to stop very badly at certain points in my life. It just didn’t happen. I was hopelessly addicted to what I was thinking and doing. Even though it seemed like I had a choice to not take a drink, or do a drug, the insane idea that I had to do it won out.

It wasn’t until I became willing to try something absolutely different that change became possible. Up until the time of that change it seems to me that I had lost control over pretty much every aspect of managing my life. I certainly did not want to be thrown in jail every couple of weeks, I didn’t want to come home bloodied and bruised from fighting, and under no circumstances did I wish to shun all of the people who loved me, but I did! I kept on doing the same thing over and over again and expected something different to result from that. It didn’t!

So I had to become willing to change! I had to be pointed in the direction of the truth and be willing to follow it. So the key to this change became willingness. Once I became willing to change it happened rapidly! I believe that if this immediate and overwhelming acquisition of “God Consciousness” did not happen for me that change would not have happened.

Believe me there were plenty of people who tried showing me the way, but I didn’t want to listen. I guess what it took was a real sense of desperation before it became evident that change had to happen. Sure there had been plenty of opportunities for me to see with clarity, but it wasn’t until the day that I really hurt someone the thought of me having a real problem came to light. It was while kneeling down in the jail cell, asking a God in whom I had abandoned to help me stop the insanity, that I finally saw clearly what I had to do.

So it took a moment of clarity to come to my senses. It was in that clarity that all the years of people trying to point me in the direction of the truth finally started to make sense. What was needed now was guidance. I prayed to God with regularity in trying to find the guidance I needed to make sense of all the information that started to pour into my mind.

Luckily all it took was listening to others on what to do and finding someone in whom I could trust. All I can say is God provided me with the sense of trust that I needed in picking out the people to listen to. When I walked through the doors of A.A. and asked for a sponsor there was no hesitation on who it was going to be. A man stood up and told me to meet him after the meeting. I was lucky enough that this man in whom I immediately felt that I could trust, would hand me a copy of Alcoholics Anonymous. He knew that it contained to exact thing I needed in the sense of direction I needed to become and stay sober. It was!

I don’t know of any other way to explain it other than as soon as I started reading the pages of the book, I knew that I was one of the people in whom the first one hundred were talking about. The book talked about willingness being the key to making the necessary psychic that was needed to start on the road to recovery. As soon as I started making the moves in working the steps, there was an immediate and overwhelming change in the way I was thinking. So as soon as I became willing to change the way I was thinking, the rest of the stuff followed. I did not have to change my actions, I had to change my mind!

What did I have to change my mind about? The book suggested that I come to understand a God. In that understanding I had to give all of myself to Him and be willing to not try to outthink Him. Instead of believing that I had all of the answers I had to come to an understanding that I had a lot to learn. So in essence the idea was I had to stop with all of the material thinking and start to believe in the spiritual aspects of life. It was at that exact time that I not only saw, but felt a sudden revolutionary change in my life. What caused this change? GOD!!! (I now had Good Orderly Direction)
Ed C.