Sharing and Caring

[MajestyJo]

PULLING THINGS THE WAY WE WANT THEM TO GO DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK!

NO MATTER HOW LIFE LOOKS BACK AT YOU, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE OVER-WHELMING. REMEMBER THAT IN TODAY YOU ARE WALKING IN GOD'S CARE, IF YOU INVITE THE GOD OF YOUR UNDERSTANDING INTO YOUR DAY TO WALK WITH YOU.

[MajestyJo]

Do you want to be really happy? You can begin by being appreciative of who you are and what you've got. Do you want to be miserable? You can begin by being disconnected. As Lao~tse wrote: "A tree as big around as you can reach starts with a small seed; a thousand~mile journey starts with one step."

Wisdom, Happiness and Courage are not waiting somewhere out beyond sight at the end of a straight line; they're part of a continuous cycle that begins right here.

More wisdom from Benjamin Hoff's odd book, The Tao of Pooh.

- The Yearbook of Love and Wisdom by Celia Haddon

Something I posted on another site in 2009

Ironically, got a call from my friend S. and this is one of the topics we discussed, having acceptance of yourself and affirming yourself that you are loved and lovable. No matter whether you are having a bad hair day, put on a few pounds, suffering from bloating and swelling, and any other ailment we may have.

Don't let things take you away from who you are. Words can be hurtful, especially when said by you and directed at you.

Told her about going to a meeting last Friday and planning to go to another one tomorrow. She says, "I go to take my drugs and I think of you, and take them any way."

I told her about meeting my friend yesterday and him asking my age and telling me, "You are still looking good!" That was what started our conversation on self acceptance and if we are comfortable with who we are, or do we still have to put on the mask and dress the part you want to portray, hiding the real you from others. Don't do it too much any more, what you see is what you get.

[MajestyJo]

Was wondering if everyone else had a raise in their pain levels. I think it is the grieving that I am doing with the move of my son and the talk now of going to B. C.

Grief naturally brings depression and sadness. Emotions so often make themselves known physically. Mine are screaming and shouting and saying, "Hey you, do something!"

Part of that is sharing the emotions and bringing them to the surface. It has been difficult emotionally, also physically because he was doing the heavy cleaning and running my errands for me.

I filled out an application almost a month ago to Helping Hands but haven't heard back from them.

My doctor has put me on new medication for the neuropathy in my feet. I walked downtown this morning about 9:30 a.m. and walked two thirds of the mall, headed back, and then had to return to my bank to get a money order for my son's birthday. I had spent all my money that I had taken out and used the debit twice and had to get more money. Heading back to the exit for my bus, I spent more of that. Spending money is also a good way of softening those feelings. It sounds like a good thing, but it too can become an addiction. If I had the money, I am sure I would be a shopping addict. I didn't think I liked shopping, then I realized, I didn't like shopping without money.

I came home with all my 'stuff' put it into my refrigerator and added my books to the pile I already had, took the medication for the neuropathy (Gabapentin 100 mg.) and set out again to go to Food Basics.

When I was going to the bus to go to the store, my feet hurt so bad and they felt like they were bleeding. I even took off my orthonic sandles to see if there was blood on them. There is so much nerve damage done to my feet. Probably goes back to when I jumped off the grainery which was a small housing unit for the grain on the second floor of our barn amongst the hay. I jumped off the roof onto the barn floor. I felt paralyzed, couldn't move. Didn't feel pain, just couldn't move for what seemed minutes but was probably seconds. I go tup and was fine and
never mentioned it to my mother. In later years wondered why I had weak
ankles and feet that were so sore.

When I get honest, it was to take myself out to lunch and trying to decide between greasy friend fish and chips or Kentucky Fried chicken and chips. Ichose the chicken because of the coleslaw which if they had a label on it, it would have way too much sugar. Lunch was about 3 p.m. and then I went to the health food store for my oil of oregano and my Bio K1 plus (stomach medicine) which I got in mango instead of strawberry this time. then I went into the grocery story to get what I didn't need because my freezer and fridge was already full.

Didn't get home until 4:30 p.m. and have been on my computer for most of the night. Have taken a few breaks here and there to watch TV, have my dessert a bowl of fresh Ontario strawberries, a sliced banana and a little butterscotch ice cream. Vanilla is a very big trigger for me. I don't want to drink but it brings back memories to me that I prefer to leave in the past so I try not to go there.

A long and a busy day and I thank you for letting me share.

Posted in 2011

This could be a repeat, but my son is talking about going to B.C. again.

[MajestyJo]

Just when I think I have gone through the last of my gieving with my son, he does something and it seems to start a new level. Going to have to talk to my sponsor about this. Should grief be an ongoing thing? At first, when he left Hamilton to go to Guelph. Then he went to Hamilton. Then he was on the streets homeless, then he got a place and a job, then he lost the job. The he got a job and quit it to come home. Now he has a job and has it for 3 weeks and gets into the crack. His words "I was lucky it was only a little bit, your son's pretty messed up mom." Needless to say, it makes me sad.

I am not on the medication mentioned here. The neurologist wanted to put me on it when I went to see him and I said "No!" I do have to go grocery shopping when he gets home if it doesn't rain too much. I just know I am tired. Which is not a good sign.

More of my post from that time. It is mostly beer and weed and when they stop working it is crack. There is no desire that I can see to stop using.

He want to go out west but no money to go because he is using it to buy drugs.

Acceptance is the key. I can't work through the grief until I reach it. Just because you find it once, doesn't mean you don't have to go back and find it again, about the same issue. This is a one day at a time, my disease progresses one day at a time too, just waiting for me to lose my acceptance.

[MajestyJo]

Styles of Distorted Thinking
Filtering: You take the negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of the situation.

Polarized Thinking: Things are black or white, good or bad. You have to be perfect or you are a failure. There is no middle ground.

Over Generalization: You come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or other piece of evidence. If something bad happens once, you expect it to happen over and over again.

Mind Reading: Without their saying so, you know what people are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, you are able to tell how people are feeling about you.

Catastrophizing: You expect a disaster. You notice or hear about a problem and start, "What if's?" What if a tragedy strikes? What if it happens to you?

Personalization: You think everything people do or say is some kind of a reaction to you. You also compare yourself to others, trying to determine who's smarter, better looking, etc.

Control Fallacies: You feel externally controlled, you see yourself as helpless, a victim of fate. The fallacy of internal control makes you feel responsible for the pain or happiness of everyone around you.

Fallacy of Fairness: You feel resentful because you think you know what's fair but are sure that other people won't agree with you.

Blaming: You hold others responsible for your pain, or else you blame yourself for every problem or reversal.

Shoulds: You have a list of ironclad rules about how you and other people should act or feel. People who break these rules anger you and you feel guilty if you violate them yourself.

Emotional Reasoning: You believe that what you feel must be true automatically. If you feel stupid or boring, then you must be stupid or boring.

Fallacy of Change: You expect that others will change to suit you if you just pressure or cajole them enough. You need to change people because your hopes and happiness seems to depend on them.

Global Labeling: You generalize one or two qualities into a negative judgment. When you make a mistake, instead of describing your error, you say: "I'm a loser." If someone irritates you, you label them, "He's a louse."

Being Right: You are continually on trial to prove your opinions and actions are correct.

Heaven's Reward: You expect all of your sacrifices and self-denial to pay off, as if there were someone keeping score.

by Adult Children Anonymous

Have had similiar thoughts about my fibromyalgia. People who don't have it just don't understand how it affects you. I look perfectly healthy and look like there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. How can you explain to someone, that you just don't have the energy to sit up in a chair and that you have to go and lie down.

My doctor told me to throw away my high heels and to quit driving ten years ago. It took a long time to find acceptance. Any time something like this happens, it is a great grieving process for me until I can find the acceptance. I too had to detach from family and friends.

I still find myself trying to justify my existance and looking for approval because I often feel less than as a result of my dis-ease. It is not as bad as it was, but God and I are still working on it.

"Recovery is not about being right; it's about allowing ourselves to be who we are and accepting others as they are. Today, I will remember that I don't have to hide behind being right. I don't have to justify what I want and need with saying something is "right" or "wrong." I can let myself be who I am.

Excerpts Language of Letting Go, February 18."

Posted in 2009.

This is a one day at a time program. It is about my connection to my God, working my program, and how willing I am to practice it in all areas of my life. It just isn't about drinking and drugging, it is about my thinking that can take me out of myself, instead of going within, to connect with the Spirit within.

[MajestyJo]

Spiritual Service

When we believe in something and we do it out of love, and we bring our whole selves to it.

When we support a cause or event for the honour and the glory, we bring an empty shell, because our motive and intent behind the action isn't good.

Today I share because I care. I don't share because I am people pleasing and looking for credit, I am hoping that we can build unity and a family together and work as one, no matter what Twelve Step fellowship we belong to. They all originated with Bill and Dr. Bob. The news was spread to their wives and to others, and to many people around the world.

I think they would be very overwhelmed by the growth that has happened as a result of some divinely inspired words written seventy years ago, which has allowed so many people to grow mentally, emotional, spiritual and physically, into new people and given the chance for a new way of life.

Their spirit lives on, and as they said, AA will die from within not from without. The without is growing, but I am seeing sad things in recovery today. I see a lot of people not bringing themselves to the original cause of AA, to carrying the message, but to get what they need out of it and not willing to think of those who come behind them.

Someone took time for me, I hope I never get to a stage in my recovery where I think that my debt has been paid in full. Personally, I know that I will never live that long. The gifts alone which I have received, let alone the chance at a new way of life is beyond price.

My favourite service position has always been being greeter, putting out my hand and saying, "Hi, my name is JoAnne...." My sponsor told me, "Remember you are only half a hand shake."

Something I wrote on another site 10 years ago.

[MajestyJo]

Was thinking tonight how often we take things at face value, or we say, "that is the other fellowship," or "I didn't do that" or "I'm not as bad as they are."

We tend to forget that we have a disease. It isn't the substance, the problem is me, myself and I. It isn't about the other person. It isn't about what they did, it is about taking responsibility for ourselves and our own decisions.

It is about the decisions we made to get us to where we are in today. I made the decision to stay in a seven year abusive marriage. I made the decision to take my husband back when I found he had been with other women. I made the decision to go back to my job even though my employer bounced my pay check 3 times.

I couldn't be an alcoholic because I didn't like beer. I didn't drink red wine because it gave me a head ache, I only drank white. I think I thought it made me a lady, even though I was raised as one and spent most of my life trying to prove I wasn't one, and resented the lady when she came out.

I wouldn't look at something, for example eating disorder (I am not an anorexic or bulimic), but the reality is, I do have an eating disorder, it is about the way I think about food. I am a codependent and an adult children of an alcoholic. I am an adult child of an addict. I am an alcoholic and I was addicted to prescription drugs, but I have 3-333 reasons to go to Al-Anon since I have come online.

I had to pray and ask my God to help me with my addiction to my computer, to building my web sites, to my addiction to playing Bejewelled, Bejewelled2, and Bejewelled3.

In order to find sobriety, I had to stay clean. For me, that meant quitting smoking, because I wanted to be a clean clear channel to carry the message of recovery. It took me 7 years in recovery to reach this decision. I did not want to quit and had to pray for the willingness to be willing to quit and went to NA meetings while I was quitting and picked up key tags. I quit the spiritual way, and instead of gaining 20-30 lbs., I lost 3 lbs.

Instead of skimming the surface, like here at the site. I forget to click on the heading to see what is posted, instead of just looking the last post made. There is so much unseen under the surface. Every once in a while, I go back to old posts and I am blessed. It is always good to remember that the message of recovery never grows old, it was good 70 years ago, and still works today.

The program works if you work for it. Don't take what you want and leave the rest. Embrace it all, and even if you don't feel you need it all, you may find someone who does, and you can pay it forward.

Don't use no matter what. With one hand in the hand of a newcomer and the other hand in the hand of your Higher Power, you don't have any hands left to pick up.

May you choose to STAY, do not play Russian Roulette with your life.

[MajestyJo]

Found this on another site, it could aready posted on another site or even on this post, but in too much pain and too tired to go looking. Just know it spoke to me when I read it.

You are reading from the book Food for Thought
Sharing

In our fellowship, we share our troubles and we share our joys - our faults as well as our assets. We will be accepted and understood, because we are with people who are like us. We may seem very different on the surface, but underneath we are all amazingly alike.

Someone has said, "I can only know that much of myself which I have had the courage to confide to you." As we reveal ourselves to others, they act as mirrors so that we may see and understand who we are.

All of us have hidden fears and buried guilts. Before we joined OA, we had no place to go with these negative emotions, and so we turned to unnecessary food. Instead of rationally facing our worries and our hurts, we ate. Even when we were happy, we found it easier to eat than to express our joy to someone else.

Sharing our thoughts, feelings, and experiences with other people shows us who we are and helps us to accept ourselves. Those with whom we share also benefit.

Grant me courage and trust so that I may share.

Really like this, and it made me think, it doesn't matter what we use in our life, food, alcohol, drugs, men, work, friends, etc. it is all rooted from the same source, ME!

Really hurting tonight, but know I would be more stressed if I didn't finish the postings for the day.

[MajestyJo]

Sep 21, 2014
WOMEN'S WISDOM
Wake up all the desire and pleasure that your body is capable of experiencing, let your past go, and follow your bliss just for the health of it.

Think of your social network as your immune system safety net. At some level, every human illness is connected with a lack of social support. Look at your life and ask yourself how many different types of people are in your safety net. Remember, no man or woman is an island. We are a herd species.

Dr. Christiane Northrup

Haven't had a lot of social networking lately, and it has been showing itself up in my life. I notice that I am not seeing so many people when I go down to the mall and my pain has increased, even though my doctor has brought in specialist, one who added another pill to the package and my doctor has not been open to dropping one I haven't wanted to take. Time to look at my life and do an inventory.

Time for prayer and meditation and some down time with my God. Have known for some time that I need another sponsor, I do have a spiritual adviser, and I have called my old sponsor, but she hasn't been well. I need someone who is new to me. Hopefully, when all is said and done, we can get me more mobile.

[MajestyJo]

The Al-Anon program will work for anyone who approaches it with an open mind. We cannot expect miracles overnight; it took years to create the situation in which we find ourselves today.

I will keep myself receptive and listen. I will not be quick to judge and say: "Yes, but my case is so different." The details may differ, but basically my story is the same as that of all those who live with the problem of alcoholism.

I must cling to this one thought: Al-Anon can change my life-if I give it a chance.

Today's Reminder
If I take to myself each day even one small new idea, heard at a meeting or read in Al-Anon literature, I will make progress. Things may not work out as I want them to, but as my point of view changes, what I thought I wanted changes, too. My ultimate contentment does not depend on having things work out my way.

"We may think we can change the things around us according to our desires, but when a solution does come, we find it was our desires that had changed."

One Day At A Time

This reminds me that I didn't get this way overnight and that recovery is not a quick fix, it is an ongoing process.

The person that came into recovery is no more, the person who was, before recovery is no more, the person who is today, hopefully will progress to someone who is no more and goes on to be a new 'light' being, a Child of God, walking in His Light.

This was posted in 2005, and here it is 9 years later. and God and I are still keeping company. The thought of parting ways with Him is scary, it is Him who has brought me along this recovery road for the last 23 years. Many change, and many changes that were change, were changed again. Things that were good, no longer served me in today. Each day praying for guidance, direction, clarity, knowing, my truth, as my good would have me see it, awareness, acceptance, patience, etc. the list at times seems endless.

Steps 10, 11, and 12 are the maintenance Steps of our Sobriety.

[MajestyJo]

Saw the post about my son going to Vancouver, now I am grieving he is still here!

Love is a force. It is not a result; it is a cause. It is not a product; it produces. It is a power, like money, or steam or electricity. It is valueless unless you can give something else by means of it.

—Anne Morrow Lindbergh

[IMG]www.animated-gifs.eu/mammals-elephants-love/0012.gif[/IMG]

My thought since I got up today was "Connect with someone."

When I read Just For Today this morning, it talked about isolation and I realize that the only person who I talked with for three days was my sponsor last night.

The 17th of August: http://www.bluidkiti.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4366

The last line of this quote gave me pause for thought. Not sure I understand the whole concept of what they meant yet because I haven't been awake long.

Yet it talks about giving, exchange of energy between one person and another. Giving from a place of love is a thing of power. It is a force being exchanged with others that we all may grow in body, mind and spirit. When we isolate, we are cut off from the spirit of love and isolate our soul.

Written in 2010, 4 days before my 19 year anniversary.

[MajestyJo]

Saw the post about my son going to Vancouver, now I am grieving he is still here!

Love is a force. It is not a result; it is a cause. It is not a product; it produces. It is a power, like money, or steam or electricity. It is valueless unless you can give something else by means of it.

—Anne Morrow Lindbergh



My thought since I got up today was "Connect with someone."

When I read Just For Today this morning, it talked about isolation and I realize that the only person who I talked with for three days was my sponsor last night.

The last line of this quote gave me pause for thought. Not sure I understand the whole concept of what they meant yet because I haven't been awake long.

Yet it talks about giving, exchange of energy between one person and another. Giving from a place of love is a thing of power. It is a force being exchanged with others that we all may grow in body, mind and spirit. When we isolate, we are cut off from the spirit of love and isolate our soul.

Written in 2010, 4 days before my 19 year anniversary.

The 17th of August: http://www.bluidkiti.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4366

[MajestyJo]

Posting tonight, because I am not sure I am thinking. I don't know if you are noticing a difference in my shares, but I am having troubles with lack of concentration, headaches, high blood pressures, and today, I have pressure points in my head, along my jaw which makes me think TMJ and along my sinuses. It is really strange.

Each time I sit down at my computer I pray for the words needed and the clarity of mind to do what I need each time I post.

Hopefully, what is coming across is the message of recovery. My experience, strength, and hope living clean and sober without the use of mind altering substances, one day at a time.

There are many things going on in my life, and I am feeling very overwhelmed with not much space to live in like I am living in a very small space.

I posting this a long time ago in 2010 and it seems to be appropriate in today:

I am finding that 'mother' wants to be in the know. It is none of my business. He needs to run his own life and his own recovery or lack thereof, which is his choice.

I need to let go of the worry of not sleeping when i am suppose to and sleeping when I should be awake. I think my body has been at battle with itself and doesn't know what to do, so it doesn't do anything. Often when you try, or try too hard, it doesn't happen. Again it is let go, just be in the moment and let go and let God.

I am glad none of you were here to hear the internal dialogue that went on this morning. I hopped from my chair and my book to my computer either posting or playing Bejewelled2 but not going into my bed. Because there was no 'yawn' apparent, I was not tired. No thought of the body being tired, let alone the mind and just going to bed to rest to see if perhaps you do fall asleep. I am my worst task master.

You will note that I didn't mention anything about doing housework as a filler and a task that I could do to make me tired enough to sleep.

When life appears, I must always remember to let go and turn things over to my Higher Power, the God of my understanding. It is in the surrendering that I win. I can not let go if I don't first take my hands off of it.

So glad it is one day at a time, progress not perfection.

It may have been four years ago, but the dialogue is the same along with issues about housing and my health.

Thanks for letting me share.

[MajestyJo]

Sometimes, life just happens.

I just got a call from my sister to inform me that my youngest niece just got married. I knew that she was planning to get married and that she had her house up for sale and that her and her boyfriend had bought a house together and were waiting for the closure.

I vaguely remember her saying she was going to elope, but not sure exactly what was said, but didn't expect the result. My sister said her daughter came by her place on Thursday afternoon about 1 p.m. and asked her if she was free at 11 a.m. on Friday and did she want to attend her wedding. Done deal!

I thought, gee there would have thought, how come I wasn't invited? I am her aunt! Humph! The reality was that I hadn't been around for most of her life.

I really like the concept, instead of putting yourself into debt at the beginning of a marriage. It is hard enough that they have a new house to decorate, and a new life together, both have excellent jobs, and they will have a firm foundation on which to build there relationship on.

We so often think we have to have more to impress. That is why we have the slogan, "Keep it Simple.

Don't complicate things, don't do to please others, you can't please everyone, how about pleasing yourself.

[MajestyJo]

Too sore and tired to check to see if this has already been shared, so going to share it any way. Originally posted on Recovery Inn

You have heard me say many times about the twelve-step programs and dealing with addiction. Some people think that they don't have an addiction to a substance. Does it matter? Do I still need to complete a 12-step program?

The 12 Steps are a way of life. They were a healing process that help me to deal with all areas of my life. The drug is but a symptom of my disease. The problem was always me and my perception and my feelings about life.

Even if you have never used street or prescriptions drugs (my doctor was my dealer for year), or never drank alcohol or only had a few glasses of wine. Did you ever think of stopping those glasses of wine, and when you made the decision to quit, you couldn't or you got angry and resentful, telling yourself why should I? A friend of mine only smoked 3 cigarettes a day. To me that was nothing, when I was using, I smoked close to 3 packs a day. Yet she won't give up those 3 cigarettes, and the same happened with me, be it 3 or 3 packs, you are not willing to let go.

I had no desire to quit. I had to pray for the willingness to be willing to quit. You can't scare an alcoholic or an addict. I had to come to a spiritual decision. I can't do this any more, I can't do it on my own, I need help.

Even if you don't believe in God, religion, or yourself, the program will help you. I thought I knew who God was, by working the 12 Steps, I learned what my God meant to me, I had to make it a part of my spiritual journey in order to recover.

It no longer is about take, take, and what is in it for me. It is about sharing, caring, and giving to others, what has been given to me along my journey. A journey is another 24 hours, just for today, I choose not to use, no matter what.

Because I doubted my God, the group members where my Higher Power. A group of alcoholic and drug addicts, showing me a new way of life. It wasn't just what they said, it was more about what they didn't do. They didn't have to use in today.

I went to meetings for the Divine Orderly Good that I needed each day and as I listened and heard others share, I got the Good Orderly Direction I needed, to stay clean and sober, just for today.

I am a recovering alcoholic and addict. I qualify for just about any room in recovery you put me. When I learned to identify instead of compare, I could go to any meeting, whether I used that substance or not. I have never seen cocaine, crack, or meth, yet I went to a CA meeting and heard a girl share my story and she had one year clean.

The Serenity Prayer was a great gift in recovery.

God grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

I read yesterday, "We need that Serenity, first and fore most, and I could only find that through my God.

Thanks for letting me share.