Not Knowing

[roverl0616]

Not knowing what's coming next for me, and me having to have to know, has caused me a lot of pain. When I began recovery I just had to know exactly what was going to happen to me next before I'd have any interest in even participating in that. I had absolutely no faith in anything or could trust anyone, and I had to be in control of everything and for me having to know was the way I did this. If I didn't know, then I wanted no part of it in my life. It took a long time before I could get comfortable with not having to know and having to be in control before I would do anything. In that time I learned how to have faith and trust that things were going to be alright just as they are. This began to happen when I started doing the next right thing whatever that might be, and as long as I keep doing the next right thing for me to do, then all will be well for me no matter what's coming next and that much I do know now. Also I know what's the next right thing to do it's just that I don't always want to do that, and when I don't is when I'm right back to where I started, having to know once again, and not going anywhere because I do.