Walk Our Own Truth

[MajestyJo]

My sponsor and I were sharing and I found myself thinking how much I have grown in this area. I always doubted myself because I was always told I was stupid and a lot of other things. I was told, "Who are you to know?" What made you think your opinion counted?" "Who asked for your two cents?"

Just because my sponsor says it is gospel, doesn't necessarily mean it is my truth. All she can do is share her own experience, strength and hope. From that, I examine, accept, reject, and take into account what will work for me. It was a learning process. In early recovery, I called my sponsor many times a day. In today, I speak to her about once a week, more if needed of course. The difference today is that she will pick up the phone and call me.

My sponsor in early recovery told me that if you doubt yourself, you were doubting God. It was hard for me to understand. Yet it has become a truth of mine, when I turn my day over to the God of my understanding, then I have to believe what comes to mind, my actions, my thoughts, my choices are God given. I have to have faith in my HP and know that He is working through me. The truth is my own understanding. It may not be someone else's, but it is how I perceive things in the moment. This is a disease of perception, and I have to believe that mine has healed and that I am being shown the way of good. It is a continuing process. I pray and ask for my own truth and my own knowing daily.

That doesn't mean it won't change, but it is what I believe in the moment. I walk my talk to the best of my ability daily. I do have to admit to lack of tolerance of others who don't do this. I really have a problem with people who speak one way and act out in another, especially if that person is my sponsor.