Today's Thought - May

[bluidkiti]

May 16

Recognizing Choices

We have choices, more choices than we let ourselves see. We may feel trapped in our relationships, our jobs, our life. We may feel locked into behaviors—such as caretaking or controlling.

Feeling trapped is a symptom of codependency. When we hear ourselves say, “I have to take care of this person.” “I have to say yes…” “I have to try to control that person.” “I have to behave this way, think this way, feel this way…” we can know we are choosing not to see choices.

That sense of being trapped is an illusion. We are not controlled by circumstances, our past, the expectations of others, or our unhealthy expectations for ourselves. We can choose what feels right for us, without guilt. We have options.

Recovery is not about behaving perfectly or according to anyone else’s rules. More than anything else, recovery is about knowing we have choices and giving ourselves the freedom to choose.

Today, I will open my thinking and myself to the choices available to me. I will make choices that are good for me.

Today's reading is from the book The Language of Letting Go, Daily Meditations on Codependency

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May 17

Genuine self-love is the greatest protection against dependent relationships.

~Robert Coleman

Adult children meetings can help people who are struggling for emotional independence. As one woman shared, “I’ve taken any kind of treatment just to ‘have a man.’ To save my self-esteem, I’ve just ended a bad relationship. But it’s still hard. Sometimes I feel so terrified I just want to run to him—but I haven’t. Each day I stay put I count as a success.”

Like many before her, this woman is learning the difference between love and dependency. She is thinking new thoughts and coming up with better options. In working her program, she is focusing on her own needs rather than someone else’s. By acknowledging that she has always been accepted by her Higher Power, she is seeing her baby steps turn into a giant leap toward the independence of genuine self-worth.

I will learn to take care of myself, understanding that as I do so my vulnerability to dependent relationships lessens.

Today's reading is from the book Days of Healing, Days of Joy, Daily Meditations for Adult Children

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May 18

Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds.

~George Eliot

Who are we, really? It seems like we are one person on the inside, and yet we often act like someone else. Can a good person do bad things? Can a bad person do good things? It’s pretty confusing, isn’t it?

Our recovery program teaches us that we can change who we are by changing the things we do. We can become the kind of person we want to be by acting as if we are already that person. For example, if we want to be sober, we can act as if we are a sober person; that is, don’t drink, and don’t hang out in places where people go to drink. If we want to be a caring person, we can do caring actions for others.

We are the person we feel like on the inside. We are also the person we act like on the outside. In recovery, we change how we think, feel, and act. We practice making changes in each of these areas, and every time we do well in one area, we help in the others, too.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me become the person I want to be by changing how I act, how I feel, and how I think. I am sick and tired of acting, feeling, and thinking like an addict.
Today's Action

Today I will watch how I think, feel, and act. I will remind myself to think, feel, and act like the person I want to be.

Today's reading is from the book God Grant Me, More Daily Meditations from the Authors of Keep It Simple

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May 19

Sorrow you can hold, however desolating, if nobody speaks to you. If they speak, you break down.

~Bede Jarrett

Who among us has not known the loneliness of this addiction: the shame, the despair, the feeling of utter abandonment by other people, and the terror of being out of control? When calling an old lover or finding ourselves in the wrong part of town, we feel fearful, separate. We think, “I’m not like other people; they don’t do these things.” This is the message of our addiction. It says to us, “You are an outcast. You need me because you’re nothing without me. You’re worthless.”

As we recover, we discover that our addiction is a liar. We are not worthless, and we are not alone. We are a group of people recovering together, helping each other along.

And so, when you are in pain and unable to speak, I will be your voice. You will be my voice. I will be your heart. You will be my heart. We will hold each other up, and we, with the help of a Higher Power, will quite literally love each other into recovery.

God, I thank you for bringing me into recovery. Let me show you my gratitude by growing in my recovery.

Today's reading is from the book Answers in the Heart, Daily Meditations for Men and Women Recovering from Sex Addiction

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May 20

F.E.A.R. = Frustration, Ego, Anxiety, and Resentment

~Anonymous

We don’t want to return to the life we led before recovery, but fear should never be the reason why we don’t. Fear keeps us from being open to the program. If we’re only in the program because we’re afraid of the old way of life, we’ll never pay attention and open our souls to learn about the new. We’ll be too busy looking back over our shoulders to make sure the old life isn’t creeping up on us.

We have to want the program out of a desire for a new life, not out of a fear of the old. Positive thinking and behavior will be in charge if we are to make any character growth. Every fear encourages negative thinking that can destroy us. Guilt and shame come from the past, just like fear. If those feelings are what drive us, we will never grow.

I will make it a practice to take note of my fears. I will take an inventory of each fear until I understand what caused it. Then I will be able to find a way to work through them.

Today's reading is from the book Easy Does It, A Book of Daily Twelve Step Meditations

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May 21

My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between I occupy myself as best I can.

~Cary Grant

We need balance in our life. Both quiet times for introspection and meaningful activities that take us outside of ourselves enhance our emotional and spiritual wellbeing.

Too much self-absorption and too little attention to other people can impoverish us emotionally. Likewise, always seeking distractions and having to constantly be in the thick of things can cut us off from our deeper spiritual resources.

The least stressful and most productive plan for our daily recovery is to strive for moderation in all our activities and simplicity in our self-analysis. Our inner wisdom will guide us when we acknowledge the direction from our Higher Power that emerges in the quiet places of our mind. Then we can give our attention to other people and better acknowledge, praise, and love them.

I will find time for both quiet meditation and involvement with others today.

Today's reading is from the book In God's Care, Daily Meditations on Spirituality in Recovery

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May 22

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.

~Anne Frank

We must take responsibility for ourselves, for who we become, for how we live each day. The temptation to blame others may be ever present. And much of our past adds up to wasted days or years perhaps, because we did blame someone else for the unhappiness in our lives.

We may have blamed our own parents for not loving us enough. We may have labeled our husbands the villains. Other people did affect us. That's true. However, we chose, you and I, to let them control us, overwhelm us, shame us. We always had other options, but we didn't choose them.

Today is a new day. Recovery has opened up our options. We are learning who we are and how we want to live our lives. How exhilarating to know that you and l can take today and put our own special flavor in it. We can meet our personal needs. We can, with anticipation, change our course. The days of passivity are over, if we choose to move ahead with this day.

l will look to this day. Every day is a new beginning.

Today's reading is from the book Each Day a New Beginning, Daily meditations for Women

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May 23

Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day.

~Sally Koch

From its earliest days, the Twelve Step program began with the Twelfth Step. When a certain recovering man in Ohio was tentatively making his way into sobriety, day by day, he quickly realized that his progress depended on telling his story to other suffering alcoholics. He realized that by helping others, he was helping himself stay sober.

A fundamental rule of good mental health is to be helpful to others. We can do that by telling our story: where we were and how far we have come. But helpfulness is an attitude. We can cultivate this attitude, looking for ways to be helpful while not taking on a caretaking role. Generosity of spirit in all our dealings with others, without looking for anything in return, creates a feeling of connection with others. Helping others can also dispel depression and self-pity.

Today, I will look for ways to be helpful and generous to others.

Today's reading is from the book Stepping Stones, More Daily Meditations for Men

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May 24

AA Thought for the Day

Over a period of drinking years, we’ve proved to ourselves and to everybody else that we can’t stop drinking by our own willpower. We have been proved helpless before the power of alcohol. So the only way we could stop drinking was by turning to a Power greater than ourselves. We call that Power God. The time that you really get this program is when you get down on your knees and surrender yourself to God, as you understand Him. Surrender means putting your life into God’s hands. Have I made a promise to God that I will try to live the way He wants me to live?
Meditation for the Day

Spirit-power comes from communication with God in prayer and times of quiet meditation. I must constantly seek spirit-communication with God. This is a matter directly between me and God. Those who seek it through the medium of the church do not always get the joy and the wonder of spirit-communication with God. From this communication comes life, joy, peace, and healing. Many people do not realize the power that can come to them from direct spirit-communication.
Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may feel that God’s power is mine. I pray that I may be able to face anything through that power.

Today's reading is from the book Twenty-Four Hours a Day, A Spiritual Resource with Practical Applications for Daily Life

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May 25

Life deals more rigorously with some than others.

~Lewis F. Presnall

How often we think about a friend, He sure is lucky! And probably just as often we say to ourselves, why did that happen to me? It's not fair! The truth is, life isn't always fair. We don't all get the same experiences, the same lessons. But we each learn what we need to learn in order to fulfill our destiny.

We have to learn to trust. Maybe a bike gets stolen or a friend moves away. It's not easy to accept such things as these, but we must all learn to understand and accept losses in our lives.

Perhaps we fail a test. The lesson we learn from this may be to study harder or to consider a different course of study in school. There are always reasons for why things happen, but we don't have to know them.

Can I trust in the lessons of my failures today?

Today's reading is from the book Today's Gift, Daily Meditations for Families

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May 26

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.

~Oscar Wilde

We all change. We learn, and change, and grow. We once made alcohol or other drugs our Higher Power. Perhaps we had other Higher Powers too—like money, gambling, food, or sex. But it’s never too late to be in touch with a true Higher Power. Each day we do this, we deepen our recovery. Each day we follow a false higher power, we feed our disease.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me put my life and will in Your hands today. Help me be a saint, just for today.
Action for the Day

How have my ideas about saints and sinners changed since I got into a Twelve Step program? I’ll talk with my sponsor about it today.

Today's reading is from the book Keep it Simple, Daily Meditations for Twelve Step Beginnings and Renewal

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May 27

No sooner do we think we have assembled a comfortable life than we find a piece of ourselves that has no place to fit in.

~Gail Sheehy

We usually think of children going through stages. If we talk about a man going through a stage, there is usually a tone of a put-down in it. But adults go through stages in their lives too. We have different drives and needs at 22 than we had at 16. Age 40 brings a different experience than 30. It would be sad to reach age 60 or 70 and have no more wisdom than we had twenty years earlier. An adult life crisis can come anytime. We may have grown out of a formerly comfortable job. Perhaps we feel new urgings for a more satisfactory relationship than we have settled for. From our recovery experience, we know that crisis can bring growth.

Courage is required of us from the cradle to the grave. Change continues throughout life. With courage, we can face our crises and the changes that come, and eventually we find the gift of new growth.

Help me find courage enough to live this day and meet the challenges it brings.

Today's reading is from the book Touchstones, A Book of Daily Meditations for Men

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May 28

Being sick and tired

We get sick and tired of blaming others for our faults. We get sick and tired of running the show. We get sick and tired of trying to impress people. We are sick and tired of being sick and tired.

We need only remember that when anything gets to be too much, when we get sick and tired of anything, our Higher Power is always ready to help to take it from us.

Am I feeling sick and tired about anything now?

Higher Power, help me turn things over to you before I get that sick and tired feeling.

Today I will ask my Higher Power to take over two problems. They are…

Today's reading is from the book Day by Day, Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts

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May 29

Reflection for the Day

What wonderful things could happen in my life if I could get rid of my natural impulse to justify my actions. Is honesty so deeply repressed under layers of guilt that I can’t release it to understand my motives? Being honest with ourselves isn’t easy. It’s difficult to search out why I had this or that impulse and, more importantly, why I acted upon it. Nothing makes us feel so vulnerable as to give up the crutch of “the alibi,” yet my willingness to be vulnerable will go a long way toward helping me grow in the program. Am I becoming more aware that self- deception multiplies my problems?
Today I Pray

May my Higher Power remove my urge to make excuses. Help me to face up to the realities that surface when I am honest with myself. Help me to know, as certainly as day follows sunrise, that my difficulties will be lessened if I can only trust my Higher Power’s will.
Today I Will Remember

I will be willing to do my Higher Power’s will.

Today's reading is from the book A Day at a Time, Daily Reflections for Recovering People

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May 30

Living the Twelve Step way is a twenty-four-hour-a-day opportunity.

Twelve Step programs expose us to ideas that seem foreign. It takes time to embrace a new value system we can live by every day. Absorbing and using these principles for every decision and action removes the worry from our lives.

Changing how we’ve thought and acted doesn’t happen overnight. Changing one thing at a time is enough at first. Perhaps we’ll give up our feeling of hopelessness. The Second Step tells us that God can free us from our insanity, our hopelessness. All we need do is ask for help, and hope will come. Maybe we decide the urge to take over someone else’s life must end. Doing the First Step numerous times a day will help us remember that we are powerless over everyone else. If discomfort from an old relationship keeps haunting us, maybe it’s time to make amends and get on with life.

Our value system shapes every part of our lives. Twelve Step philosophy simplifies our lives, particularly when the baggage of the past has been cleared away.

This isn’t a part-time program for me. I want to live by these principles every minute. My life will reflect how successfully I do it.

Today's reading is from the book A Life of My Own, Meditations on Hope and Acceptance