Wisdom Of The Rooms - 2024

[bluidkiti]

February 19

Quote of the Week

"You can’t save your face and your ass at the same time."

After a meeting the other day, a newcomer with seventy-one days asked me to sign his court card. “How’s it going?” I asked him. He told me it was tough: his wife and kids and job were demanding, and all his friends were still drinking and using. He said he was just trying to hang on. I asked him how sobriety was going, and he said he felt awkward in meetings—he didn’t really know what to share and was afraid of looking uncool or stupid, so he just didn’t say much. That’s when I told him that he couldn’t save his face and his ass at the same time.

When he asked me what that meant exactly, I told him my experience when I was new. When I got to the rooms I was quietly dying inside, but I was desperate for people to like me. I wanted to fit in, to say the right things, and to be a part of. I was sure that if I told you how I really felt—scared, ashamed, angry—you wouldn’t want me there. So instead I smiled and just said I was fine. I was saving my face, but my ass was on fire and falling off.

When my sponsor directed me to start being honest, to share what was really going on, things immediately changed. First, others didn’t reject me; instead they opened up to me and let me know that they felt the same way, too. After being honest, I also felt great relief and my days started going better. Most of all, though, I learned that it was okay to have feelings and that my feelings weren’t going to kill me, and they weren’t going to drive people away either. Suddenly I saw the wisdom in saving my ass first. By doing that, I was able to discover my real face and found that it would be accepted for who I truly was.