Sharing and Caring

[MajestyJo]

Addictions rule a persons life, but it's always someone
else's fault....

Playing the blame game

Did that for so many years. Blamed my father for my alcoholism because he was an alcoholic and my isms came from my mother who used food and had her own addiction because she couldn't deal with his. It killed her at the age of 40. I also thought she was lazy and accused her of a lot of things like not caring, especially not taking care of herself. Not knowing that he was running around on her and never home, and leaving her with no money and transportation on a farm a mile away from the nearest neighbor with three girls. I also believe in today that she had fibromyalgia. I later became his drinking buddy and blamed him for keeping me awake and losing time from work because of his drinking and not looking at my own. Blamed my husband because I felt that I didn't have a problem until I met him and then I had to drink to be able to stand to be around him. No thought of taking responsibility for my son and myself and leaving. I was told it was my responsibility as the oldest daughter to take care of my dad. He kicked us out because of 'our' drinking and died six weeks later as a result of his own. A major guilt trip for not being there. He had no desire to quit or let go of his grief for the loss of his long time girlfriend.

That old adage, if you had a husband like I had, if you had a boss like I had, if you had parents like I had, you would drink too. Always about the big "I" and aren't I just wonderful. A perfect example of a self-righteous sinner.

Posted in 2009

Choosing to learn, rather than wallow in pain is always the best option.....

My son still blames me in today, for his addiction. He was 25 years old when I came into recovery. Here I am 23 years later, still in recovery and it is still my fault.

I am a firm believe that we are products of our environment. It is often how we respond to what is around us, and how we react to it; and for me, it was, "If you can't beat them, join them." Where with my sisters, they wanted no part and stayed away and I chose the path of rebellion. I was the daughter of a preacher's son who married the village drunk's son. It was quite a combo if you wanted to compare and point fingers. I had to learn to identify my part, look at me, and take ownership for my part. Not just my addiction to prescription pills and alcohol, but my codependency, my dis-ease as an adult child of an alcoholic and the daughter of a mother of a food addict, and the wife of an alcoholic and the mother of a self-admitted alcoholic/addict.

A lot of labels and a lot of ifs and and buts, but it all boiled down to, "I am sick and I need help." The solution were the 12 Steps that came from AA, and were applicable to my life and allowed me to heal too.