If You Want What We Have

[bluidkiti]

"If You Want What We Have"
Sponsorship Meditations
by Joan Larkin

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Happy for us if the grace of God enables us to live so that we retain innocency and freshness of character down to old age. --Mary Ann Wendell

Newcomer

I've always been down on myself---that's my problem. When I took the Steps and see "searching and fearless moral inventory," "the exact nature of our wrongs," and "defects of character," the language seems so judgmental. It depresses me to think of myself in such negative terms.

Sponsor

Like you, I found certain phrases in the Steps off-putting at first. I changed them in my mind: for "wrongs," I substituted "things I would have done differently"; for "defects," I substituted "old habits and ways of reacting that I'd like to be free of." I needed the gentlest possible approach; I'd been beating myself up for as long as I could remember.
The Steps aren't asking us to blame or punish ourselves. Many of us accept the idea that we inherited a predisposition for our addictions and that things that happened in our lives provided opportunities for addiction to take hold. Fortunately, recovery offers us the opportunity to see ourselves with clarity and compassion, to free ourselves to become the people we've always wanted to be. We can work the Twelve Steps with infinite gentleness and caring, for ourselves and for the truth.

Today, my compassion for myself opens me to the gentleness of the program.