Sharing and Caring

[MajestyJo]

What makes you happy? When I was asked in treatment, I did not know.

I had lived my life through others and did not know that I had a right to my own happiness.

I had been self-medicated for so many years, that I didn't have much of a sense of self or what I was feeling, and didn't know what to call it if I was aware of a one. I certainly had no awareness of happiness, I became Ms. Doom and Gloom. Fear and anger, maybe if I allowed myself the luxury.

What makes me happy in today? Being with friends and sharing with others. Listening to music. Playing bridge when I was able, haven't been able to play the last few years. A good book, especially a J. D. Robb, a Fern Michaels, a Catherine Coulter, a Lee Child, a James Patterson, and so many more, every changing as I change. Being out in nature. Meditation and prayer and connecting to my Higher Power. The inner peace that I find as a result of this program. The freedom from active addiction.

The gift of having family and friends, even though they can test my Serenity, and I have to practice my program when I am with them, they are a blessing.

The greatest gift of all is the gift of myself. The freedom to be me. Not only the freedom from addiction, one day at a time (always have to work on that emotional sobriety), but the freedom of choice. As a long-timer put it so nicely so many years ago, "I choose not to let bad moments in my day, spoil a whole day."

Just for today, I choose not to use. Just for today, I choose not to abuse myself or others. Anything that I pick up and put between me and my God, becomes my drug of choice in today. It is up to me to choose sobriety (soundness of mind) or allow myself to slip back into old patterns, behaviours, and habits.

Just for today, I choose to live clean. I choose to be a clean clear channel. Some days I pick up thinks, like over the holidays (chocolates, pies, etc.) that have left my body toxic, and I have had to do a cleanse to clear my body of the toxins, not only because of my diabetes, but because of my spiritual sobriety. Knowing and doing anyway, isn't right!

Food can be a happy occasion as long as I choose healthy and what is good for me. If I don't, I end up with guilt and resentment that I can't eat the way I use to.

A lot is my attitude. I know there are alternatives. I can eat dark chocolate.

In a way, it reads like a gratitude list. As long as I remember to be grateful, I will find lots of things that will grant me happiness.

Happiness is a feeling and isn't always there but is something we can cultivate. It is a choice.

What makes you happy today?