Sharing and Caring

[MajestyJo]

This Step was the beginning of a new life and a new awareness for me. I often think they put the '-' into this Step because there isn't enough space to list all the things that I am powerless over, and all the things that I used to search for that something outside of myself to make me happy, content, and regain 'control' of my life.

I had no concept of the word 'powerless' until I substituted it for the word control. When I looked back on my life I realized that it was all an illusion. No matter how much I tried to control my drinking, there was always more. I could stop, but I couldn't stay stopped. When I picked up, I wasn't sure how much picking I would end up doing or where it would take me or what would happen.

Everytime I picked up, I gave away a piece of me. My self-will, my self-esteem, my self-respect, etc. I lost my values, my principles and my determination, everything went out the window, my life was always centered around the alcohol or the alcoholic. The person (son, father, mother, husbands, boyfriends, neighbors, sponsees, friends and family memembers), place (my bed, the bar, the Legion, the kitchen, the stores, the work place, the church, the gym, etc.), and things (drugs (prescription and street), alcohol (a drug too), computer, cards, food, and more.... took over my life and my thinking, and governed my thoughts.

I become obsessive compulsive, and when I have a taste be it thought, physical and emotionally, I always want more, unless I surrender the situation over to the God of my understanding. When I came in, I didn't have much concept of letting go, let alone a belife in God which was to follow as a result of working the Steps.

The first five Stpes of change for me are:

Awareness of my problem (challenge)
Admittance of that problem
Acceptance of the problem
Action to change the problem
Attitude adjustment that I am "powerless" and my life is unmanageable or I need to change my attitude so I can take action to bring about change.

My sponsor told me that the word problem is negative and that if I use the word challenge, it could be overcome. The substance isn't the problem, I am. It is about changing me and my attitude to bring about change.

P. 569 (Third Edition) Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous